₦airaland Forum

Jamean:
I was speaking with someone yesterday and she questioned when I was gonna get married...followed by..''isn't the guy ready''

My response...''So once a guy is ready to marry the lady too by defaults becomes ready? Doesn't the woman have a calendar plan and timing for her life, a time to marry and achieve other things Will you just marry and halt your life while the man continues with his old syllabus

He is ready doesn't mean I am, its either he waits till I am or we reach a compromise.

Also, oftentimes ladies subjects themselves to alot of trash in relationship just to be seen as wife material. I totally disagree that I have to do your laundry and cooking as an obligation just to make you see me as fit for marriage. Then the guy is just aloof feeling like Prince Akeem in Coming to America.

When a marriage is built on foundations like this, oftentimes it is difficult to obtain otherwise after wedding, afterall you have been up and doing...why do you suddenly need my input in home management et al.

Marriage is a means, not an end...as long as you and your partner are alive.

Women should endeavour to develop themselves and get a life so they won't become a douchbag when married.

Jamean:
Not every dating relationship will lead to marriage..you may note that, even when some had marriage from the outset.

Talking about development, have you considered character development, adding professional certifications? or having a job and degree is the apogee of development, I beg to differ, it is just the bedrock.

Emasel:
Feminist.....

lilmax:
i don't know the difference between what you have said and "after school "


Oya answer my second question

Emasel:
Feminist.....

Jamean:
When the woman cleans up your mess and depends on your for every survival, you call her a LovePeddler, gold digger and lay about. When she tries to make a living she becomes a feminist.

.. and you clicked the follow button of a feminist. How ridiculous that you want to keep tabs of what a feminist has to say.

Another discounted opinion.

Thanks for being a fan.

Jamean:
Lol. If you don't understand the first answer how will you understand the second

Jamean:
When the woman cleans up your mess and depends on your for every survival, you call her a LovePeddler, gold digger and lay about. When she tries to make a living she becomes a feminist.

.. and you clicked the follow button of a feminist. How ridiculous that you want to keep tabs of what a feminist has to say.

Another discounted opinion.

Thanks for being a fan.

Emasel:
I will/can only follow a cute feminist

panachuku:
The average Nigerian babe cant wait to get married due to family, societal and peer pressures ( my friends are getting married). Even on thier wedding day the the joy is so evident on thier faces. But many women are unhappy and being used in the so called marriages. they take care of the House,kids while combining it with thier work/business. while the husband enjoys the whole service, in some cases still chasing fresh babes outside, some drop money for thier wife upkeep while some dont even drop expecting d wife to use her money. due to societal and parental pressures too some guys jst con a girl to marry to be seen as responsible while still living thier normal single lives but the lady gives up her life lol. there are lots of them like dat in my office, u see dem tired, worn out and depressed. but if this fair

cococandy:
Well for example, put up a picture of Genevieve or Rita Dominic and see how many comments that will revolve around them not being married.
If that's not pressure, I don't know what is.

Should they get married and the marriage isn't working. Regardless of who's at fault, they will be blamed for not being the perfect wives. They didn't protect their homes and let themselves go after childbirth thereby pushing the husband outside.

Whatever goes wrong, it's their fault.

Don't play the ostrich.
It's very real.

The pressure to get married and the pressure to make the marriage work is always concentrated on the women.

Onegai:
See, take it from someone who truly, honestly did NOT want to get married, I don't envy most Nigerian marriages. I've never seen such a large group of lonely and unhappy individuals connected by children, finances and social pressure in my life.

Most people don't know WHY they are getting married. Most people get married because "it's time, I want to settle down, I want children, my own place, money, etc". All idiotic reasons. You can do most of that while single.

Marriage is for companionship. Anyone can get pregnant for you, cook, put a ring on your finger, anyone can pay rent on an apartment you live in. But not everyone can make you feel alive, safe, warm, secure. That's why you should get married: because that person makes the world a little less painful and scary.

A lot of wives are sad in their marriages and are underappreciated and overwhelmed. A lot of husbands are lonely in their marriages (why else are they constantly jumping from side chick to side chick and beer parlour).

You're not supposed to be entering marriage, demanding from your spouse. If you're male and agreeing constantly to all these lists of "how to make your husband happy" you've failed even before you've met your future wife. If you're female and all you have in your mind is how you will flaunt your ring and your husband, whilst driving the jeep he bought you, you've failed even before you've met your future husband.

MARRIAGE AIN'T FOR SELFISH PEOPLE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

You're supposed to get married and put your spouse before you, male or female. I laugh when I see people quote the Bible to explain marriage (women are supposed to adore their husbands and respect him and men are supposed to die for their wives and put her needs before theirs. I'm yet to see that happen, I keep seeing falsely submissive angry women and insecure childish men).

If you're getting married because you want to benefit from being married, if you're getting married and all you're bringing to the table is a ring, a house, finances for her family, a baby for him, a typical naija wife (who apparently most NLers think is nothing more than a cook and a housekeeper who also sleeps with the man), in fact if you're bringing nothing tangible to the marriage except for being Mr and Mrs, abeg do us all a favour: stay single.

Don't let society pressure you into a life sentence or misery, boredom and loneliness. They're not happy, that's why they don't want you to be single and happy

Jamean:
When the woman cleans up your mess and depends on your for every survival, you call her a LovePeddler, gold digger and lay about. When she tries to make a living she becomes a feminist.
.. and you clicked the follow button of a feminist. How ridiculous that you want to keep tabs of what a feminist has to say.
Another discounted opinion.
Thanks for being a fan.

Onegai:
See, take it from someone who truly, honestly did NOT want to get married, I don't envy most Nigerian marriages. I've never seen such a large group of lonely and unhappy individuals connected by children, finances and social pressure in my life.

Most people don't know WHY they are getting married. Most people get married because "it's time, I want to settle down, I want children, my own place, money, etc". All idiotic reasons. You can do most of that while single.

Marriage is for companionship. Anyone can get pregnant for you, cook, put a ring on your finger, anyone can pay rent on an apartment you live in. But not everyone can make you feel alive, safe, warm, secure. That's why you should get married: because that person makes the world a little less painful and scary.

A lot of wives are sad in their marriages and are underappreciated and overwhelmed. A lot of husbands are lonely in their marriages (why else are they constantly jumping from side chick to side chick and beer parlour).

You're not supposed to be entering marriage, demanding from your spouse. If you're male and agreeing constantly to all these lists of "how to make your husband happy" you've failed even before you've met your future wife. If you're female and all you have in your mind is how you will flaunt your ring and your husband, whilst driving the jeep he bought you, you've failed even before you've met your future husband.

MARRIAGE AIN'T FOR SELFISH PEOPLE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

You're supposed to get married and put your spouse before you, male or female. I laugh when I see people quote the Bible to explain marriage (women are supposed to adore their husbands and respect him and men are supposed to die for their wives and put her needs before theirs. I'm yet to see that happen, I keep seeing falsely submissive angry women and insecure childish men).

If you're getting married because you want to benefit from being married, if you're getting married and all you're bringing to the table is a ring, a house, finances for her family, a baby for him, a typical naija wife (who apparently most NLers think is nothing more than a cook and a housekeeper who also sleeps with the man), in fact if you're bringing nothing tangible to the marriage except for being Mr and Mrs, abeg do us all a favour: stay single.

Don't let society pressure you into a life sentence or misery, boredom and loneliness. They're not happy, that's why they don't want you to be single and happy

Onegai:
See, take it from someone who truly, honestly did NOT want to get married, I don't envy most Nigerian marriages. I've never seen such a large group of lonely and unhappy individuals connected by children, finances and social pressure in my life.

Most people don't know WHY they are getting married. Most people get married because "it's time, I want to settle down, I want children, my own place, money, etc". All idiotic reasons. You can do most of that while single.

Marriage is for companionship. Anyone can get pregnant for you, cook, put a ring on your finger, anyone can pay rent on an apartment you live in. But not everyone can make you feel alive, safe, warm, secure. That's why you should get married: because that person makes the world a little less painful and scary.

A lot of wives are sad in their marriages and are underappreciated and overwhelmed. A lot of husbands are lonely in their marriages (why else are they constantly jumping from side chick to side chick and beer parlour).

You're not supposed to be entering marriage, demanding from your spouse. If you're male and agreeing constantly to all these lists of "how to make your husband happy" you've failed even before you've met your future wife. If you're female and all you have in your mind is how you will flaunt your ring and your husband, whilst driving the jeep he bought you, you've failed even before you've met your future husband.

MARRIAGE AIN'T FOR SELFISH PEOPLE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

You're supposed to get married and put your spouse before you, male or female. I laugh when I see people quote the Bible to explain marriage (women are supposed to adore their husbands and respect him and men are supposed to die for their wives and put her needs before theirs. I'm yet to see that happen, I keep seeing falsely submissive angry women and insecure childish men).

If you're getting married because you want to benefit from being married, if you're getting married and all you're bringing to the table is a ring, a house, finances for her family, a baby for him, a typical naija wife (who apparently most NLers think is nothing more than a cook and a housekeeper who also sleeps with the man), in fact if you're bringing nothing tangible to the marriage except for being Mr and Mrs, abeg do us all a favour: stay single.

Don't let society pressure you into a life sentence or misery, boredom and loneliness. They're not happy, that's why they don't want you to be single and happy

bukatyne:
@OP:

I disagree with you.... most of those ladies know who they are married to so there was no conning there. A number of the ladies packaged themselves as wife materials who can take any poo and want to establish themselves as the 'madam' of the house after marriage.

Again, marriage is seen as a school of hard knocks hence the 'Ile oko, ile eko ni' proverb in Yoruba. Also marriage is seen as a training in endurance so people especially ladies want to 'enjoy' themselves (not necessarily negatively) before being tied down in marriage aka bondage which is a necessary evil... They would rather cry in a Toyota married than smile in a Lexus single.

Now you have the pressure from the society and family on both parties to get married aka settle down.

It is such a crazy cycle.

Nialler:
I'm officially in love with you.

panachuku:
The average Nigerian babe cant wait to get married due to family, societal and peer pressures ( my friends are getting married). Even on thier wedding day the the joy is so evident on thier faces. But many women are unhappy and being used in the so called marriages. they take care of the House,kids while combining it with thier work/business. while the husband enjoys the whole service, in some cases still chasing fresh babes outside, some drop money for thier wife upkeep while some dont even drop expecting d wife to use her money. due to societal and parental pressures too some guys jst con a girl to marry to be seen as responsible while still living thier normal single lives but the lady gives up her life lol. there are lots of them like dat in my office, u see dem tired, worn out and depressed. but if this fair

Vikky014:
So Mr English is dead tnx for the info

panachuku:
mumu

Mindfulness:
In Nigeria, YES! Many women marry because they are expected to and because they are afraid of what people will say when they don't on time.
It is either poverty, greed or fear why many women marry, for example, absent husbands they barely know.

panachuku:
The average Nigerian babe cant wait to get married due to family, societal and peer pressures ( my friends are getting married). Even on thier wedding day the the joy is so evident on thier faces. But many women are unhappy and being used in the so called marriages. they take care of the House,kids while combining it with thier work/business. while the husband enjoys the whole service, in some cases still chasing fresh babes outside, some drop money for thier wife upkeep while some dont even drop expecting d wife to use her money. due to societal and parental pressures too some guys jst con a girl to marry to be seen as responsible while still living thier normal single lives but the lady gives up her life lol. there are lots of them like dat in my office, u see dem tired, worn out and depressed. but if this fair

crackhaus:
A woman in any of these situations can't be conned into a marriage that will obviously make her life better, she'll willingly jump into it with eyes and yansh wide open.

I don't get how society became the problem.

Mindfulness:
Her life will improve in one way but be terrible in another.