Pls advise,my wife of 6yrs in marriage still secretly communicate with her ex-boyfriend.She and i are from different tribe and when we married,during the first year of the marriage,i later discovered that the guy he normally speak with on phone,even at mid night call then is her ex-boyfriend,two of them speak the same language and i dont understand their language.I sat her down and advised her to cut off any communication with the man as i have done so with my own ex-girl,knowing quite well that it will cause more harm than good.Two of them still keep on secretly communicating,until i have to change her sim card.Though that may not deter them from communicating as i dont understand their language.Recently,she travelled and the time she came back,the chat i saw in her whatsapp chat log(not what i can mention here) shocked me-with that same ex-boyfriend which she saved his name with another thing,but i got to know that it is he tru their shocking chat even though the man just got married few months ago.When i confronted her,she first denied,until when i show her the evidence.Again,i cautioned her and delete the man number from her phone,suprisingly,she still calls this man,and the man calls her as well-she will quickly delete the call from call log,few days ago,i took her phone for repair,behold that same man was calling her when i was with the phone but i did not pick it.Two days ago,i noticed she called the man and that made me got annoyed when i confronted her with evidence,she said atimes d man may need advice from her since she got married before him.I told her so you are now a marriage counsellor and that i am sure that she cannot boldly call the man's wife and introduce herself as her hubby ex-girlfriend if truly her conscience is clear,and that this is getting out of hand,I was really annoyed.Pls advise,because i m getting fed up of everything.Thanks

not again

Hmm... Eleyi gidi gan

marriage wahala

You are still a bachelor

..And in case you don't know, a cheating woman can kill you. Just be very careful

What da Bleep,like seriosly i blv u pampered her into the marriage,else a married woman shoudnt be talkin in the nite if nt with her parents.any other relation shud wait til when its day.

Its time to renogotiate the marriage ooo.

Another phobia fr inter tribal marrige jst crept into me nw,cos it may sound weird telin her to stop speakin her language.if u ar sure its her ex,then u gat to tel her straight to her face she is to cut off every link with her ex.

take ur child or children and send d oloshi to her father's house

she is a bad luck to u

Why is it that bad girls marry good guys and good girls marry bad guys?

Bros you don try. I don't usually prescribe ultimatums but may be needed in this case. Just tell her that the next time you see her chat with the guy, you wiill not take it lightly!

And if she does chat with him again, expose her cheating ways to her parents, call family meeting and you both should decide whether or not you want to remain married

I can imagine what you have passed through as a result of this.Its high time you be the man that you are and tell her straight up to chose between you and her ex.

Mista, if you dont know what to do, go and follow Oshiomhole's advise. How can you allow your wife be the boss and come to NL crying. Its a simple matter, man up or shut up already!

Nothing you can do to stop her with all you've just said here, anyway for my own side I dunt knw wht to say

I don't like commenting on marital issues like this cos my advice may seem wicked.

Dump her if she will not listen

Hia! OP your wife obviously still has feelings for the ex, it's either she wants to stay faithfully married to you or she doesn't, you just have to be firm while telling her you won't accommodate such nonsense anymore, cos you don't sound like she respects you or the marriage.

Seriously, I don't have anything to say but... You are a patient man and may God bless you for that.

But why will a married woman persist in something that her husband kicked against. Even going to the extent of chatting unmentionable things with ur ex... If dem divorce her now, she go dey cry foul.
Man, I feel for you.


It's stuff like dis dat mk some pple nt to consider marriage in life.

Sorry
Permit my laughter as its not funny
Seriously speaking from experience
Your wife still loving her ex and still panachuking
Its tough dealing with exes ooo
Except she don't love him again
Choice is yours sha

There's something going on between them.
Give her ultimatum to choose between him or you.

NashvilleTN:
Why is it that bad girls marry good guys and good girls marry bad guys?

Bros you don try. I don't usually prescribe ultimatums but may be needed in this case. Just tell her that the next time you see her chat with the guy, you wiill not take it lightly!

And if she does chat with him again, expose her cheating ways to her parents, call family meeting and you both should decide whether or not you want to remain married

100% agree with you

@ryut:

I will say don't wait till next time

6yrs is enough time.

NashvilleTN:
Why is it that bad girls marry good guys and good girls marry bad guys?

Bros you don try. I don't usually prescribe ultimatums but may be needed in this case. Just tell her that the next time you see her chat with the guy, you wiill not take it lightly!

And if she does chat with him again, expose her cheating ways to her parents, call family meeting and you both should decide whether or not you want to remain married

Na to balance equation na.

Bros u dey try self,u be nice and good guy to be tolerating this rubb.ish from a flirt.She is unfaithful.I hope she is not from one particular side I m suspecting wey their women both married n unmarried dey use mess like food,even under d noise of they hubby,they can cheat.Its a pity,send her packing or u place "Magun" on her so that weda na her ex or anyman wey cross her ........,both she n d man go ........,u know d rest!

midolian:
You are still a bachelor

..And in case you don't know, a cheating woman can kill you. Just be very careful

I agree with you 100%.

I'm still suffering because of that now.


@OP, i ignored them just like you are doing now. Act fast and make your decisions now while you still have the chance

That is serious.

Guy, they wont stop, do you know if they have convenant?

The woman can kill o, just be careful.

@OP; I really feel sorry for you and the pain you’re passing through. You really have to sit-up and deal with this problem head on. Maybe by the time you smash her phone (I am not saying you should do that) then she’ll realise the tenacity of you action. REMIND YOUR WIFE THAT IT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE FOR HER TO KEEP IN CONSTANT COMMUNICATION WITH HER EX.

I can’t understand when men/women can’t let go of their ex’s especially when they’re now married to different people. Don’t men/women realise that if they were that good then they’ll have been married to their ex's and not someone else?

Your wife is killing you slowly without you even knowing by this her stubborn refusal to stop communicating with her ex. She seems to have forgotten that she’s no longer a girlfriend to her ex but rather a wife to someone else and that someone else is you and maybe she needs to be reminded of that fact.

You have to assert your authority as the head of your home and tell her that the next time she calls or receive a call from her ex is the day she’ll decide if she wants to stay in this marriage with you or she wants to go back to her ex. BE SURE TO BE FIRM WHEN YOU MAKE THAT ASSERTION AND AVOID PLAYING THE NEGOTIATING GAME.

As you’ve tried all manner of approach to stop her from remaining in constant communication with her ex and it hasn’t yielded any positive result, then you need to take the bull by the horn and GIVE HER YOUR ULTIMATUM .

Just to digress, I wonder how your wife would feel if you were the one still communicating with your ex? I can guarantee that she would raise the house down; fight you, quarrel with you, nag you etc. But in her case, she concludes that she’s just helping her ex who now happens to be a married man as well. The saying; DO ON TO OTHERS WHAT YOU WANT DONE TO YOU comes to mind.

It won’t be a pretty sight if the wife of her ex finds out that she’s communicating with her husband. I tell you, the roof would come down. As this communication with the ex has been happening for a long time now; maybe this would be the right time to let his wife be aware of what is going on; but then again, maybe not.

I would have probably said you call your wife’s ex and warn him not to call your wife again. But then again, I won’t say that because the person you have the business with is your wife who thinks that it’s okay for her to still be close to her ex. If she wants to be with you; then you make it as a rule for her to CUT-OFF ALL COMMUNICATION WITH HER EX and if she’s not ready to do that then she’s free to go be with her ex and let you be. LET HER CHOOSE WHICH OPTION SHE PREFERS.


I rest my case

PS: If you have kids, I'll strongly advise you to do a DNA test on them (just a thought) to be sure that they're yours and not for your wife's ex.

op. you are too weak for my liking. your wife does not regard you atall. you need to use some force( not violence o). put your foot down on this issue by reporting her to her parents, threaten to divorce her if she doesnt stop. you can even fake a call as if you are calling your lawyer to prepare the divorce papers. believe me since the ex is already married she knows she will lose at both ends if you divorce her. she will definitely end it. but it depends on how you make it look convincing that you re serious about the separation. nobody go teach am. some women just need a bit of iron hand.

I have asked her after the marriage and on many other occasions when i started observing such communications if she and the man made any 'covenant'. she said no.What actually annoyed me most since two days ago till now was first,i can recall vividly after the marriage i started noticing such to the extent that i have to call the man on phone then and explain to him the need to stop these communications since she is now married,the man was sounding harsh and said that 'i will still see',till today i don't know what he mean by that statement,when i then changed her sim card.I sat my wife down severally times that ex boy or girl communication in marriage destroys marriage,that there is no gain on it and that the very time we got married,i and my ex cut off permanently that till date neither she nor i didnt call each other and dont even know where any of us are,not that if she or i want to trace the contact of each other that we wont find it,but it does more harm than good in marriage.Recently when i saw their whatspp chat and what they are chatting there and phone communication,i cautioned her that i have been warning her about this her ex and she still keep on communicating him,that i dont want to see such again unless she will pack her things and go and stay with the man,or go back to his family house.The irony of it is that she is even the one that initiates communications-both on chat and phone call.I deleted the man number from her phone.But,I was shocked still seeing her calling the man few days ago and the man also calls her.That means they have still been communicating since then in my absence only that i happen by chance see this one.
Secondly,last time,there is one man still from their side as well,(pls i dont want to mention what happened),but i have to pick her phone and told her in my presence to send an sms to this man and told him"that she is cutting off the communication between them and whatever whatever",she text it and sent and i deleted the man number.Surprisingly,after like two weeks,i noticed that she called the man.She has to go the extent of sourcing for the man number again and give him a call.That day,not knowing that i knew that she called him,i asked her,since that time i told you to cut off the communication with that man,have you ever for one day called him again,She said "NOOOO,how can she do that,somebody she stopped communicating since then even the number was deleted that day and she doesnt have his number again".She lied and lied.I was so upset and nearly ran mad,when i then brought her phone and asked her who has this number and this call-the number was not saved with any name,she kept quiet and say,eeehmm,it was the man that called her,i told her that she is a liar and i opened the call log and showed her the outgoing call log she first made to the man,before the man later called her back.i was so annoyed,yet i let it go.
So the two above made me to even as i am typing this text,i am still very angry since day before yesterday,that after all my caution and warning to her having caught her by chance,she still ignore my warning and secretly communicating and thats what pained me most and i cant bear this again.

ryut:
Pls advise,my wife of 6yrs in marriage still secretly communicate with her ex-boyfriend.She and i are from different tribe and when we married,during the first year of the marriage,i later discovered that the guy he normally speak with on phone,even at mid night call then is her ex-boyfriend,two of them speak the same language and i dont understand their language.I sat her down and advised her to cut off any communication with the man as i have done so with my own ex-girl,knowing quite well that it will cause more harm than good.Two of them still keep on secretly communicating,until i have to change her sim card.Though that may not deter them from communicating as i dont understand their language.Recently,she travelled and the time she came back,the chat i saw in her whatsapp chat log(not what i can mention here) shocked me-with that same ex-boyfriend which she saved his name with another thing,but i got to know that it is he tru their shocking chat even though the man just got married few months ago.When i confronted her,she first denied,until when i show her the evidence.Again,i cautioned her and delete the man number from her phone,suprisingly,she still calls this man,and the man calls her as well-she will quickly delete the call from call log,few days ago,i took her phone for repair,behold that same man was calling her when i was with the phone but i did not pick it.Two days ago,i noticed she called the man and that made me got annoyed when i confronted her with evidence,she said atimes d man may need advice from her since she got married before him.I told her so you are now a marriage counsellor and that i am sure that she cannot boldly call the man's wife and introduce herself as her hubby ex-girlfriend if truly her conscience is clear,and that this is getting out of hand,I was really annoyed.Pls advise,because i m getting fed up of everything.Thanks

OP if you like delete the number from now till Jesus come. If you like change her number every week. She's the one seeking him out. Send her back to her fathers house till she is ready for marriage. Chikena!

@bold, no kidding?
What nerve!

I don't want to blame you here but seriously it's the way you're going about that makes her she can keep on doing it. Even the man talking to you that way shows he has no regard for you as her husband.

ryut:
I have asked her after the marriage and on many other occasions when i started observing such communications if she and the man made any 'covenant'. she said no.What actually annoyed me most since two days ago till now was first,i can recall vividly after the marriage i started noticing such to the extent that i have to call the man on phone then and explain to him the need to stop these communications since she is now married,the man was sounding harsh and said that 'i will still see',till today i don't know what he mean by that statement, when i then changed her sim card.I sat my wife down severally times that ex boy or girl communication in marriage destroys marriage,that there is no gain on it and that the very time we got married,i and my ex cut off permanently that till date neither she nor i didnt call each other and dont even know where any of us are,not that if she or i want to trace the contact of each other that we wont find it,but it does more harm than good in marriage.Recently when i saw their whatspp chat and what they are chatting there and phone communication,i cautioned her that i have been warning her about this her ex and she still keep on communicating him,that i dont want to see such again unless she will pack her things and go and stay with the man,or go back to his family house.The irony of it is that she is even the one that initiates communications-both on chat and phone call.I deleted the man number from her phone.But,I was shocked still seeing her calling the man few days ago and the man also calls her.That means they have still been communicating since then in my absence only that i happen by chance see this one.
Secondly,last time,there is one man still from their side as well,(pls i dont want to mention what happened),but i have to pick her phone and told her in my presence to send an sms to this man and told him"that she is cutting off the communication between them and whatever whatever",she text it and sent and i deleted the man number.Surprisingly,after like two weeks,i noticed that she called the man.She has to go the extent of sourcing for the man number again and give him a call.That day,not knowing that i knew that she called him,i asked her,since that time i told you to cut off the communication with that man,have you ever for one day called him again,She said "NOOOO,how can she do that,somebody she stopped communicating since then even the number was deleted that day and she doesnt have his number again".She lied and lied.I was so upset and nearly ran mad,when i then brought her phone and asked her who has this number and this call-the number was not saved with any name,she kept quiet and say,eeehmm,it was the man that called her,i told her that she is a liar and i opened the call log and showed her the outgoing call log she first made to the man,before the man later called her back.i was so annoyed,yet i let it go.
So the two above made me to even as i am typing this text,i am still very angry since day before yesterday,that after all my caution and warning to her having caught her by chance,she still ignore my warning and secretly communicating and thats what pained me most and i cant bear this again.

@ OP, I said d solution na to send her back to d father house n have ur peace.They no born my wife to be acting like n still with me.Alternatively u can take her for deliverance,I guess she may be possessed....,to break familiar spirits n spirits of unstable marriage,that causes looking outside n chasing men arround.She is materialistic and a di.ck lover.The worst thing that can happen to any man is to marry a Liar, unfaithful or possessed wife,and in case u don't know,such woman brings badluck to d husband.U can hardly leave this kind woman and travel for long without her messing up with men,quote me anywhere.Nothing can be compaired to marrying a decent and responsible lady from a responsible family.Sorry bros!

Tell her parents.Naturally,she is more like unfaithful wife.A well groomed lady from a good family background can never dream of interacting with EX once married,knowing full well d harm it causes in marriage n it looks irresponsible despite even d warnings from his husband.Not every woman is a wife material........more of "nak n dump"lady.mtcheeww

Op, this is a not an issue. It's time to kick her off and move on with your life. You're married to her but her heart is with the other guy.