₦airaland Forum

They said they'll only own my body.... Yet I don't know why my soul gets sold.... Each day they dress me precisely gaudy.... Behind my smile are some mysteries unfold.... Whole day they see my beauty as beast.... Their touch is so cursed and is so mean..... I am a lavish item and a wild man's feast..... Yet standing around me is a matter to demean..... My life was burnt and sold for penny..... Long before my smile was gone..... Accepted by none yet used by many..... No man would even come near my stone..... ~Olaxtra

Is that all? If yes, that's not a "perfect" way to end a poem don't you think?

opeaceo:
Is that all? If yes, that's not a "perfect" way to end a poem don't you think?

Its a poem not a prose. Study it gently and you will understand better.

Olaxtra, well done. Creativity at work however, I feel there is need for one more line, the end doesn't look like it's the end actually.

Consider putting finishing touches so it can have that tick of excellence.

Once again, you have done well!

Olaxtra:
Its a poem not a prose. Study it gently and you will understand better.

The arrangements, the language, the use of "big" words doesn't suggest prose to moi, that's a poem you have up there, and as the person above me rightly states, that's not a good way to end.

amicable09:
Olaxtra, well done. Creativity at work however, I feel there is need for one more line, the end doesn't look like it's the end actually.

Consider putting finishing touches so it can have that tick of excellence.

Once again, you have done well!

Owk ma

opeaceo:
The arrangements, the language, the use of "big" words doesn't suggest prose to moi, that's a poem you have up there, and as the person above me rightly states, that's not a good way to end.

Aiit ma

OP,You have indeed done the needful! Keep at it, you will be amazed at how polished you will be... perhaps after the similitude of a palace

One more thing, I think the arrangement changed, don't know if it's my device deceiving me or it is actually that way after the touch. Try putting it in lines again, rather than the story telling form it has taken.

Olaxtra:
Owk ma

Will input that on my next post. #tanks