PiperAlpha:

Indeed. Mr. Mindfulness is not a realist. He's taking optimism too far.

Relationships are work; and they require considerable amount of effort to make them work. There will be moments where each party will struggle to love each other - Law of diminishing return, and both need to make a concerted effort to love each other during those moments.

I don't think he has ever been in a long distance relationship perhaps, he would appreciate the fact that sacrifices must be made to keep the fire burning. LDR is another complex relationship that requires a lot of efforts from both parties to make the relationship work. Constant communication, traveling to see each other, to mention but a few are essential of they're going to make the relationship work.

Anyway, we're all wired differently, and we perceive things differently. We agree to disagree.

Between?

DollyParton1:

You realise nagging is a form of abuse. Both words and emotional abuse.

DollyParton1:

You realise nagging is a form of abuse. Both words and emotional abuse.

Mindfulness:


It wasn't me who said they were sacrifices.

PresVA:
As in eehh... I was just reading her posts and SMH... Take me for who I am is one nonsense I don't believe in...

She knows she nags a lot and she isn't making any efforts to change rather she believes anyone that loves her will love her for who she is(absolute bull$hit).. she isn't even concerned about the emotional trauma she maybe be causing her partner. .

Just like someone telling you she's a womaniser, abuser , cheat or liar; then telling you to love him the way he is.. Mtcheeeew..... Nobody was born to endure and endurance isn't an evidence of love!..if what you do hurts people especially your partner, then you need to change...

DollyParton1:

My bad.
Sorry.

PresVA:
As in eehh... I was just reading her posts and SMH... Take me for who I am is one nonsense I don't believe in...

She knows she nags a lot and she isn't making any efforts to change rather she believes anyone that loves her will love her for who she is(absolute bull$hit).. she isn't even concerned about the emotional trauma she maybe be causing her partner. .

Just like someone telling you she's a womaniser, abuser , cheat or liar; then telling you to love him the way he is.. Mtcheeeew..... Nobody was born to endure and endurance isn't an evidence of love!..if what you do hurts people especially your partner, then you need to change...

PiperAlpha:


Indeed. Mr. Mindfulness is not a realist. He's taking optimism too far.

Relationships are work; and they require considerable amount of effort to make them work. There will be moments where each party will struggle to love each other - Law of diminishing return, and both need to make a concerted effort to love each other during those moments.

I don't think he has ever been in a long distance relationship perhaps, he would appreciate the fact that sacrifices must be made to keep the fire burning. LDR is another complex relationship that requires a lot of efforts from both parties to make the relationship work. Constant communication, traveling to see each other, to mention but a few are essential of they're going to make the relationship work.

Anyway, we're all wired differently, and we perceive things differently. We agree to disagree.

Between,


Where is my coat of many colors?

DollyParton1:


I used to think like him. Then reality started hitting me squarely.
He would come to terms with it sooner or later.


Now long distance relationship. Shït!!! Being there, done that. No way will I ever walk that path again. Because not everyone knows what it entails and the sacrifices involved.

Lol.... my mama's still making the coat.

DollyParton1:


I used to think like him. Then reality started hitting me squarely.
He would come to terms with it sooner or later.


Now long distance relationship. Shït!!! Being there, done that. No way will I ever walk that path again. Because not everyone knows what it entails and the sacrifices involved.

Lol.... my mama's still making the coat.

Dyt:


Lmao
I don't have a problem with me then what's yours?

Pls also watch your head
Do not let it fall

Dyt:


Well I think Mr mindfulness has not only seen reality
He has tasted it
Muchechecheche

PresVA:
My head will fall because I gave my opinion?

Mindfulness:


If you tell people that you have a relationship that resembles paradise on earth they will try to convince you that it is not possible, how screwed is this?

Dyt:


Really?

So many things I dunno
I must be a witch then

You should also know a lady don't nag without a reason
Or I don't have rights to be jealous?
I don't have rights to wanna get his attention?
Lack of these makes a woman nag
I don't think there are women that nags unnecessary
Women ain't mad to just pick on anything
If I nag then I am nagging cos there's something

OK reminds me when I was in a LDR with this guy
Called no response
Chat no
Hmmmmmm
Not like no trust but few times that devil will come on you and then he picked I started
Where were you
Hope you used a condom
She's finer and hotter than me
Those crazy childish act
And dude just hung up
Then I sent series of msgs


Now was it my fault that I nagged?
Have I also abused him in any form?

DollyParton1:



From your earlier posts, u made it sound like you love nagging randomly. You said it causally like someone would say I love drinking tea, and if my my partner cant accept my tea addiction, he should leave me alone kinda ish.
Yes there are people who nag alot for no apparent reason. Because it is their character. They are just abusive like that.

And there are ways of getting a man's attention. I can categorically tell you that nagging won't do the trick most of the times. Most people (male or female) hate nagging with passion. They just shut down as soon as the nagging starts. Nagging doesn't gain men's attention in most cases, it drives them away instead.

My opinion is that when you are in a relationship, long distance or not, and you have to start running after your partner with texts, calls and chats without them replying, then it is a sign to take a break or break it off.
No need to stay and continue tormenting oneself's and the other person with nags.

Mindfulness:


It is funny how you know that I need reality to develop the view that relationships need hard work and sacrifice when you know nothing about me.
I have known my spouse for almost seven years. For how long have you been married?
Our relationship is getting better and we enjoy it instead of working hard, how is yours? Hard work? Sacrifice?
We have passed a phase of being in a long distance relationship living in two different countries. I see you have not made it through long distance.

You don't even know that I am female, less how old I am so be easy.

DollyParton1:


Not changing for your partner. Change for yourself. Change because you want to stop hurting someone. Change because you feel you truly need to.
If you feel your character is not affecting anyone negatively, you don't have to change.

Example, I can't stand someone that lies, total turn off. Now if I discover my partner is a liar, am gonna try to understand why they lie, analyse it critically. Talk to them about their lies, let them see how bad it is affecting the people around them negatively. Let them come to the conclusion that they have to change. Not for me but because it is a bad character. If they are not ready to change, I take a walk because I can't live the rest of my life like that.


Don't hide yourself. Changing is not synonymous to pretence. Pretence is when someone from the example above tries to make their partner falsely perceive that they do not lie anymore. All their efforts will be directed at changing the way their partner sees them.
But when someone is changing, the way they view things change, they are concerned about how everyone around them feels due to their actions. Their focus shifts from how they are seen to how they affect people. They acknowledge that they hurt people with their lies and they sincerely wanna stop that.

There are some imperfection you love someone with, that is if you know you can stand that for the rest of your life. Accepting people's imperfections does not extend to their selfish traits. No one is perfect yes. But there is always a perfect one for everyone.

You can't keep nagging my head off everytime and expect me to stick with you for the rest of my life. Same way I don't expect you to stick with me if something I do hurts you most times, and I refuse to let it go.

My opinion is that if your partner complains about a character of yours to you. Sit down on your own and analyze it first.
How did they tell me? Is he being manipulative about it? Or going commandos on me?
Is that my particular character really hurtful? How would I feel if the tables were turned?
Will me letting go of that character make me loose my self or my identity in the process?
So many things to ponder on. After this is when you can sit with them and talk to them about it and if u wanna change, ask them for help.

Compromise is when I hate rice and he hates beans, but we decided to eat rice and beans mixture. Or eat those food on alternate days.
Compromise is not me coming home to a nagging husband after a hard day work everyday.
Or when my husband refuses to help me financially because he is stingy and not because he is financially incapable. Thats suicidal.

DollyParton1:

Well.. good for you.
I pray your relationship keeps getting better without hardwork and sacrifice.
Just keep it "flowing"

Fkforyou:

I like your analysis,she is just rambling and contradicting her self.

Mindfulness:


Why do you think we need your prayers?

DollyParton1:

Lol.. u read that and thought I was actually praying for you?
Toh.
It is well.

Mindfulness:

No but I hoped you would figure out that it is you who needs to ask God for a heavenly relationship.

DollyParton1:
I have to add this, hardwork and sacrifice doesn't means the relationship aint blissful. It just means you are mindful of the other person and are looking for ways to make your relationship more blissful than it is.
Truth be told, when two people of different backgrounds come together, there has to be somethings/character that they need to let go of for each other. For some this is hard . While some find easy.
I believe it is erroneous to go into relationship thinking everything will be a flow kinda thing.

cococandy:
When the right one loves you right

alwelldinho:
then you have a paradise on earth

cococandy:
exactly

Dyt:


Is it my fault you don't understand what I wrote
Not like its of any use to you
Leave it and pass

alwelldinho:
treat a woman right, and you see the best of her