₦airaland Forum

Only if your utterances were as cute and innocent as your face.I don't even know where to start dissecting your post because everything about it is wrong

5minsmadness:
It is obvious from the many female posters above me that marriage was made for the comfort of the woman and not the man. Imagine Eketem even boasting that now her husband spends time with only her and she has to now remind him that he has friends outside. And you really believe in your heart that he is happy with that arrngement.

Instead of making yourself more interesting you look for ways to force him to stay at home and call it being "matured".

Women sha.

5minsmadness aka cupcake I know if the woman was forming career woman. I'm a boss at work. I have to leave home 6.30am and get home 9pm.NO time or attention for the husband. Work target has enveloped her so much that she doesn't have time .NO be una go bash am say she's not giving her husband attention and if she's not another woman will now you have the effontery to talk about "my space","my time ".I just taya for you

SAMBARRY:
5minsmadness aka cupcake I know if the woman was forming career woman. I'm a boss at work. I have to leave home 6.30am and get home 9pm.NO time or attention for the husband. Work target has enveloped her so much that she doesn't have time .NO be una go bash am say she's not giving her husband attention and if she's not another woman will now you have the effontery to talk about "my space","my time ".I just taya for you

Sorry dear.
Good morning.

SAMBARRY:
Only if your utterances were as cute and innocent as your face.I don't even know where to start dissecting your post because everything about it is wrong

Everything about it is wrong?
OK enlighten me then.

I feel instead of her trying to change her husband and completely separate him from his friends she should become a little social herself. Like Mindfulness would say you cannot rely on someone else totally for your happiness( or something like that.)

There's nothing wrong with how you feel Op.Your needs are in order.
Many men need to realise that when they marry,certain things should change or better still give.You can't (emphasis) have all that free time you used to have hanging with friends anymore.When you decide to marry,it demands certain changes or else why marry?
Try to engage yourself more as others have said.Engage yourself with books and look for programs on Tv you can enjoy.You said your friends are a bit far off so that is your best shot.

I hate to say this but it doesn't seem your hubby is so into you.You guys were probably not buddies before you married.I also believe you should have seen this trait of him being an 'out out' person before you decided to marry him.
Be patient.He,hopefully will come around with time as your marriage is just taking off.Don't nag him but be affirmative and keep letting him know it hurts you and he should compromise.

5minsmadness:
I feel instead of her trying to change her husband and completely separate him from his friends she should become a little social herself. Like Mindfulness would say you cannot rely on someone else totally for your happiness( or something like that.)

Exactly! Some people here have already given her the best advice ever which points to what I was saying in a different context.

If she continues to feel miserable, rightly or not, she will keep on pushing him further away as a result of it.
If she, however, decides that she will spend her precious time on this earth in a better way, he will automatically feel more drawn to her instead of pulling away. She can't force him even though they are married but she can attract him. Her utmost priority for now should be her own well-being and her own well-being is her job and not his, even though they are married. If she begins to feel better by making herself feel better and as a result she will radiate joy, he will desire to be around her and not feel like it is an undesirable responsibility.

Thanks for the mention.

5minsmadness:
Everything about it is wrong?
OK enlighten me then.

I feel instead of her trying to change her husband and completely separate him from his friends she should become a little social herself. Like Mindfulness would say you cannot rely on someone else totally for your happiness( or something like that.)

yes I agree she should get a life outside her husband but the way you're passing your message across is very rude and derogatory. Because I know IF the tables were turned,or it was the other way round, I know what you'll say

5minsmadness:
Sorry dear.
Good morning.

good afternoon to you too

Stillfire:
I know as women, we just want the guy to be there... whether there's a reason, whether there is no reason... Nothing to be ashamed of. I'm like that too. . Men crave for sex more than women and women crave for attention more than men. And that attention he MUST fulfill.

I disagree. I have never craved for attention. My biggest problem with men in the past was that they were too possessive. And I wouldn't say that I like s.ex less than my spouse does.

You need to create an itinerary and call it 'your time', a daily scheduled time and obligation he must fulfill.
He can frolic with friends at a certain times only, but not on that scheduled time of the day he must dedicate to you.

Seriously? Spending time with one's wife is now an obligation, not pleasure?

Mindfulness:
I disagree. I have never craved for attention. My biggest problem with men in the past was that they were too possessive. And I wouldn't say that I like s.ex less than my spouse does.

Seriously? Spending time with one's wife is now an obligation, not pleasure?

Well said! I'm of the same experience. I need ample breathing space - time for myself, time to be out and about with others in my life, time to do my own thing, else I'd go nuts.

I strongly believe couples should keep and nurture their individual identities outside their relationship (life, career, friends, hobbies, pursuits, "me" time, etc). At the same time, you ought to be able to sense (or at least communicate) whether or not the length and quality of the time you're spending with each other is within reasonable reach of mutual fulfillment.

EnlightenedSoul:
Well said! I'm of the same experience. I need ample breathing space - time for myself, time to be out and about with others in my life, time to do my own thing, else I'd go nuts.

My family knows that their lives are in danger if they don't allow me to be on my own for some time on a regular basis.

I strongly believe couples should keep and nurture their individual identities outside their relationship (life, career, friends, hobbies, pursuits, "me" time, etc). At the same time, you ought to be able to sense (or at least communicate) whether or not the length and quality of the time you're spending with each other is within reasonable reach of mutual fulfillment.

I share this.

We should also note that with the modern means of communication, people can be very annoying. Some people overdo it. They will contact you every day like 5 times and wonder why you are annoyed.

The Op is boring like someone here said..Its obvious you are an Introvert...This situation mostly happen to ladies that are boring and empty, these very ladies that are never interesting, that believe what they have in between their leg is the only thing a man is after..when they eventually marry the man and the man gets tired of their only bargaining chip...these situation the OP finds herself is what manifests.

You have to be your hubbys wife and friend...Chai!! I pity your husband...two couples inside a room and that silence that is deafening...choi!

Its easy to paint the dude as if he is at fault or you as a victim...While reasonable people will tell you you need to leave your comfort zone and make yourself interesting(which is even good for you)...there are many things out there to help out...

Your husband will change and be staying more at home at one point....but if you dont make yourself interesting his presence at home will be equal to him being away or worse..

My friend has an introvert wife kinda like you...he will always say ''wetin i wan dey talk/do with her for house by this time'' Its just 6pm.

Sometimes to start playing to your terms might get them riled up...Same feeling one gets when an ex you have gotten over(before they wrote the calender) is still pestering on you...

you can still use reverse pschology on him..

Mindfulness:
My family knows that their lives are in danger if they don't allow me to be on my own for some time on a regular basis.

Haha. My family def knows what's up. The strange thing is, I'm actually something of an extrovert most of the time so its always been hard, at first, to convince others in my life - relationships particularly - that I do in fact require space and respite, and that it's nothing personal.

I share this.

We should also note that with the modern means of communication, people can be very annoying. Some people overdo it. They will contact you every day like 5 times and wonder why you are annoyed.

Ugh, lack of etiquette. It's annoying but at least its easy to ignore.

P.S I like your username.

EnlightenedSoul:
Haha. My family def knows what's up. The strange thing is, I'm actually something of an extrovert most of the time so its always been hard, at first, to convince others in my life - relationships particularly - that I do in fact require space and respite, and that it's nothing personal.



Ugh, lack of etiquette. It's annoying but at least its easy to ignore.

P.S I like your username.

We are very similar in this respect.

I also like my username and I love Mindfulness, the person, the process and the state of mind.

Arisha:
My husband and I have been married one year this coming December and it’s been great! We rarely fight about the things most couples fight about (money, sex) and we don’t have children to fight over (yet)…but we do fight about his friends. We live two hours from any of my friends or family, and, since I am not the most social butterfly, meeting new people slightly terrifies me. On the other hand, my husband is a social butterfly and can make friends with anyone.


What seems to be our issue is how much time he wants to spend with them. he’d spend his time with them during the weekdays after getting back from work , and if I don't say anything... He spends the weekend with them too so we barely see each other — and then he wants to have friends over almost every chance he gets. He doesn’t seem to understand that he’s not a bachelor anymore.


I’ve tried to find a compromise but it just isn’t happening. Conveniently, he happens to forget that we live two hours from any of my friends or family and that none of his friends have girlfriends, so it’s like I am stuck in “poker night” hell every time they are over. It doesn’t help we live in a small city and we don’t have a car right now and everything I would like to go do by myself is too far to walk to.


Perhaps it’s me. Am I wrong to want to have my evenings alone with my husband? I have tried to discuss this with him several times, but, every time I make a suggestion about what would work for both of us in regards to his friends he accuses me of “being angry and sensitive at small issues!!" and "getting mad at him for no reason " and then he refuses to talk about it and hours go by with us ignoring each other.

I try my best to make him happy the one day I have him to myself after all that ignoring thing. none of us apologizes and I am not expecting him to but I try showing it to him how much I still love him by preparing his favorite dishes and even watch football with him, keep the house extra tidy and dress nicely just so he notices me and starts to want to spend his time with me but apparently none of this is working.

At evenings we could sit in a room for hours without talking with his head buried to the screen and as soon as his friends or relatives call he seems like he has alot to talk about and could be on the phone for hours until I go to sleep.

I am not trying to cut him off from his friends, but I would like him to grow up a little and realize I am his first priority, not his friends. I am at my wits end. PLEASE HELP!

men of now adays will not kill us..... Honestly am thinking of barking off presently from my fiancee now because he possesses most of these characters .....he hardly spent time with me when am off duty and decided to visit him. Always having excuses to go and see this and see that, i believe your husband was/must have been doing this as well when you guys were dating..... If they didn't change when dating, please don't expect them to do after marriage..... Thanks for sharing this and i thank God I still have the chance now before its too late

Mindfulness:


Exactly! Some people here have already given her the best advice ever which points to what I was saying in a different context.

If she continues to feel miserable, rightly or not, she will keep on pushing him further away as a result of it.
If she, however, decides that she will spend her precious time on this earth in a better way, he will automatically feel more drawn to her instead of pulling away. She can't force him even though they are married but she can attract him. Her utmost priority for now should be her own well-being and her own well-being is her job and not his, even though they are married. If she begins to feel better by making herself feel better and as a result she will radiate joy, he will desire to be around her and not feel like it is an undesirable responsibility.
Thanks for the mention.

Hi...do forgive me if I am wrong, but I see your posts (read them, get them, etc) and I believe you know about the law of attraction and related discourse?
The only niggling thing for me (if you do know about it) is how you do not share what you know, sources, etc...and make it seem like it is all you? . I noticed your posts in that boys' night out thread, and elsewhere....but especially there, where you could have shared your knowledge)
Or maybe it is a secret, what you know? .

I am climbing all over you by making this submission. Pardon me for it. Then, if for any reason you have no clue what I am talking about...then that sound you hear is me, making a huuuge facepalm
Cheers

milychocs:
Hi...do forgive me if I am wrong, but I see your posts (read them, get them, etc) and I believe you know about the law of attraction and related discourse?
The only niggling thing for me (if you do know about it) is how you do not share what you know, sources, etc...and make it seem like it is all you? . I noticed your posts in that boys' night out thread, and elsewhere....but especially there, where you could have shared your knowledge)
Or maybe it is a secret, what you know? .

I am climbing all over you by making this submission. Pardon me for it. Then, if for any reason you have no clue what I am talking about...then that sound you hear is me, making a huuuge facepalm
Cheers

I am cherry picking from different sources. I have repeatedly said it.

Mindfulness:
I am cherry picking from different sources. I have repeatedly said it.

Does the name Elizabeth Gilbert mean anything to you? She is a cherry picker too...I have had eat, pray and love for more than a year...reading it now
Lovely-ness

Okay, ciao

milychocs:
Does the name Elizabeth Gilbert mean anything to you? She is a cherry picker too...I have had eat, pray and love for more than a year...reading it now
Lovely-ness

Okay, ciao

No, I have never heard of her though I have heard of Eat, Pray and Love but I haven't read the book neither watched the movie.

milychocs:
Does the name Elizabeth Gilbert mean anything to you? She is a cherry picker too...I have had eat, pray and love for more than a year...reading it now
Lovely-ness

Okay, ciao

Eat, pray, love?

Crackhaus, come and see.

Timbuktou:
Eat, pray, love?

Crackhaus, come and see.

Tell me Mr Tickles, what is funny about eating, praying and loving?
By the way...it is a book about a woman's search for God...it is the kind of book I would mock/ scoff at (previously)...but, please do not be in a hurry to knock it...there is something beautiful and true about its simplicity
Cheers

Hey babes that's a beautiful book , I read it before my awakening searching for it to read again

milychocs:
Tell me Mr Tickles, what is funny about eating, praying and loving?
By the way...it is a book about a woman's search for God...it is the kind of book I would mock/ scoff at (previously)...but, please do not be in a hurry to knock it...there is something beautiful and true about its simplicity
Cheers