Married As A Second Wife For Child-Bearing - Family (8)

Married As A Second Wife For Child-Bearing - Family (8) - Nairaland

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Re: Married As A Second Wife For Child-Bearing by Princess4eva(f): 6:35am On Dec 22, 2015

You went into the marriage with your two eyes widely opened. I am not going to excuse your silliness because of age or anything. Once you decide on eating the food of the elderly, then you should act like the elderly.

Now to business, you should never have married him if you were serious with your Christian faith but the deed is done so no campaign after election. You were in dire need, fine! but if he hadn't helped you another person would have.

From your submissions I can deduce that the man is considerably nice and his wife too. Never disappoint that woman by doing anything rash because it takes a whole lot of I don't know for a woman to accept to share her man, forget about religion. According to Islamic tenets, you can marry as many wives once you can deal fairly equal with them. Your man is trying in that aspect so all that rant about personal belongings or receiving visitors is bull crap. You should even be happy that you're able to keep or save your head without many intruders in your home. If you don't know, it means less cooking, less chores, less gossip.
Lastly about your friends, you will live with it. You have something they don't have - Financial stability, they have something you don't have - A man to yourself. So, it's 1-1. The earlier you do this the better for you.

Warm up to your senior mate, give her reasons to accept you without inhibitions, relate like sisters, in fact confide in her. If your husband does any substantial thing for you, check with him whether she knows before you tell her. Yes! you can tell her and ask her to thank your husband. In all just apply wisdom. My people will say: ibukun ni fun omo odo ti o fogbon se. Don't leave the marriage, rather make the best of it.

2 Likes

Re: Married As A Second Wife For Child-Bearing by PANDEYKALPANA: 6:36am On Dec 22, 2015

OP, I understood ur predicament. Don't take any decision to leave ur marriage. People must talk about u so long as you are alive. You are not the first but what you need is guidance. Many out there are looking for a husband to just call his name. I have a very close friend in same situation like u. She has curbed and move forward with her life having 4 kids now. I'll link you to her; it is better direct from her mouth. So that u will be safe from the heart ache.pandeykalpana21@Yahoo.com drop u number
God bless you

1 Like

Re: Married As A Second Wife For Child-Bearing by medoyin(m): 6:46am On Dec 22, 2015

Alwaystruth:
My take on this issue is that you were too womanish and childish the way you handled the
relationship. Agreed you needed a helper after your sister and hubby abandoned you but marrying already married and
family man was a great mistake you made that you may not be able to correct in your lifetime . I don't think you 're a serious and committed Christian,sorry not trying to judge you but no good Christian girl will sleep and date a married man. Spiritually you are still single my dear and committing fornication!. If you loves your children unborn you wouldn't have done this. Going to produce children of the bondwoman. Sorry!,your kids are going to be Muslims.

Are you a man or a lady?

To be sincere, what you put up there is not what the young lady needs. You have never been in her shoes neither do I pray you be.

Do you think its easy to have a shelter over one's head when your family has rejected you? Leave religion and advice her on what she should do in this situation.

Young woman, my advice for you is to look for an older and experienced woman who is also in a polygamy to share her experience. As someone said, our parents managed it very well in their days. There is no marriage without its hiccups and as the yoruba adage says, ibi ori dani sini la ngbe.

Divorce is not an option dear. #look inwards.

2 Likes

Re: Married As A Second Wife For Child-Bearing by menxer: 6:47am On Dec 22, 2015*

@OP, what has it profit you now that you have gained the world of "comfort" at the expense of your peace of mind?

It's sad that after all these things you said he has done for you and being accepted by his other wife, you are yet to bear him a child and are here tinkering with ideas...

1 Like

Re: Married As A Second Wife For Child-Bearing by Obynolee(f): 6:51am On Dec 22, 2015

janvier27:
Sit him down. Discuss your fears & your decision, and seek a mutual understanding and agreement. He is not likely to force you to hang on if you don't wish to. And make up your mind quickly before another pregnancy comes. Be more careful and diligent about the choices you make.

He will use jaz to keep you once he is aware of your intention,you are lucky that you are still thinking aright.I believe that you are now a muslim by virtue of your marriage and it is allowed to have four wives in Islam so,expect more two.Deal with it because this is what you get when sell your birth right to a plate of pourage.

1 Like

Re: Married As A Second Wife For Child-Bearing by rhames(m): 6:56am On Dec 22, 2015*

mavaakiti:
oh yes, u weren't the only1 he married for children. Funny thing is that, I was once in ur shoes. I got hooked up with a kanuri/arab muslim guy some months ago. We're both from the north but I'm a christian.Very young aged 26 and I'm 22 about to serve. All he wanted was marriage and I was so inlove too. He isn't married tho. When I told my parents about the marriage proposal, they saw it like I was under a spell. Like it's a taboo to marry a muslim because of their polygamy ish. My father begged me never to mention him again and he enlightened me on how I will never ever be accepted by his people because of my faith and it's true. See babe, they see u as ARNA, if u know what that means! I just mellowed down and rejected the marriage offer. It's kinda painful but I've been saved from polygamy. A pastor was invited over the issue and he bluntly told me that he's not my husband and he sees me in a polygamous home. Even if my fiancee wouldn't want to marry again, he'll be forced by his friends and family to marry as many wives as he wants. So my dear, it isn't too late to back out. U've had no kids yet which will be easier, just save up and move on! He's never ur husband and he'll never be! Except u'll accept polygamy.

Re: Married As A Second Wife For Child-Bearing by BrBakreez(m): 7:00am On Dec 22, 2015

veave:
Honey... you were an aristo choper. any lady that goes out with a man knowing he is still married to his wife is a runs girl. God gave you an opportunity to leave when he said he reconciled with his wife. But no, you did not. You still stayed. Change your ways honey... and the third wife? i see her at your door step already...

Op BEWARE of this person, she would have chosen to be more than an aristo if she had been in your shoes! Do not take her serious because I do not think she deserves to be taken serious. She must have been one of those ladies who would prefer to sleep with another man's wife for money but not ready to be a second wife. Do the plus and minus to properly place her where she is.

FYI. There is no way the life of a second wife will be better than the life of a single happy woman... don't deceive yourself with the material things at your disposal. If you were a bit patient, you wouldn't have been in this mess. We are SINGLE but we are HAPPY.

A single lady seriously searching for a husband cannot be as happy as a second wife who is very comfortable in her home. You will never know until this lady accept being a third wife to your hubby.

Now my candid advise madam, there is nothing wrong in being a second wife. I know many so called monogamists with concubines and children outside wedlock, the sad part of the story is that most of the parties involved are christians with few muslims. Your husband is a good man from what I can decipher from your write-up all you need do is adjust yourself to meet up with his standard. Covering of hair? That is very small thing if you read the old testament you will see that the bible also encourage same, the mary we see in video how many time does she open her head. Please note ma, stay in your marriage and do not care about what people say because you may never be that lucky again. God has his reason for making you go through all that you had gone through to meet this good man. If you had told us that he maltreats you and also engage in domestic violence I would have say sue his damn ass so that he learns properly. Go girl, you are one of the few happy woman we have and I can bet my whole life that many of the single ladies out here are very jealous. You have no problem as far as am concerned until you create one for yourself.

Conclusively when life gives you a lemon make out a lemonade therein. A king is that person who builds an empire from same stone thrown at him with the intention to ridicule him.

3 Likes

Re: Married As A Second Wife For Child-Bearing by Nobody: 7:00am On Dec 22, 2015

coogar:
you want a divorce after telling us this much?

sherina10 or fückever name you call yourself, you must be an extremely foolish woman!

It really irks me when you advise someone with malice. Can't you at least rebuke or correct in love-even when it's obvious the person you are advising is in error... That to me is maturity my friend.

1 Like

Re: Married As A Second Wife For Child-Bearing by AnanseK(m): 7:02am On Dec 22, 2015*

sherina10:
What I meant by comfort was that he helped me a lot when I moved out from my sister's house. Because he was practically the family I never had then.

And now you want to betray him, treacherous woman what's wrong with marrying because of children?
After all you married him for comfort didn't you?
In my view you are a selfish brat , I wonder why your sister and her husband Had to throw you out into the harsh world of life on the street - you never told us.
Now you are complaining about the man who cleaned you up and repackaged you thinking that you are a wife material - begin de go now mtcheeeew!!

1 Like

Re: Married As A Second Wife For Child-Bearing by Nobody: 7:06am On Dec 22, 2015

zeezzy:
@sherina10,what has d man done to u?Nothing;his wife nkò?Nothing. know that some pple will also be seeing d man as a betrayer for marrying you and his first wife for a fool for accepting you & treating u nicely.
The grieviances u stated is nothing.Its like looking for trouble where there is none.What do u want to do wit his personal belongings?For d fact that he's not putting them in your house does not mean he wil neva put them there.Just continue being good&patient.
As for his friends not visiting him in your house,remember he has a place they are used to.They barely know u.
Take it easy on yourself,i can't see any problem here.Love them as they have love u and watch how things will continue improving.
As per pple looking at u somehow,what concerns u wit their looks &opinion.If u had married a rich single man & u are frm a poor background,thats how u wil b percieved,so let dem continue looking @ u somehow while u continue enjoying your family.
You must be contented,just as d first wife accepted u & treat u nicely;Respect her & treat her wit kindness too.Never wish that she's out of d picture so u can be d only one.May God continue to grant u mercy & guidance.

Spot on!!!

Re: Married As A Second Wife For Child-Bearing by rhames(m): 7:07am On Dec 22, 2015

mavaakiti:
oh yes, u weren't the only1 he married for children. Funny thing is that, I was once in ur shoes. I got hooked up with a kanuri/arab muslim guy some months ago. We're both from the north but I'm a christian.Very young aged 26 and I'm 22 about to serve. All he wanted was marriage and I was so inlove too. He isn't married tho. When I told my parents about the marriage proposal, they saw it like I was under a spell. Like it's a taboo to marry a muslim because of their polygamy ish. My father begged me never to mention him again and he enlightened me on how I will never ever be accepted by his people because of my faith and it's true. See babe, they see u as ARNA, if u know what that means! I just mellowed down and rejected the marriage offer. It's kinda painful but I've been saved from polygamy. A pastor was invited over the issue and he bluntly told me that he's not my husband and he sees me in a polygamous home. Even if my fiancee wouldn't want to marry again, he'll be forced by his friends and family to marry as many wives as he wants. So my dear, it isn't too late to back out. U've had no kids yet which will be easier, just save up and move on! He's never ur husband and he'll never be! Except u'll accept polygamy.

The Northern Muslims major problem with such marriage is that they always insist on conversion for the wife to be, which is against the tenets of the religion. The Holy Quran states that there should be no compulsion in religion. Even the great Prophet Married a Christian ,Mary the Copt. Most of those northern Muslims turn the religion and its preaching upside down.

Re: Married As A Second Wife For Child-Bearing by elannie: 7:11am On Dec 22, 2015

As a christian u shud knw dat b4 God ur nt his wife, God only recognizes his 1st wife, ur jus his mistress, I wonder y sm ppl tink dey can't make it in ds life xcept sm1 helps dem. Wen ur sis hubby threw u out wia wer u stayn n hw did u feed b4 u met ds man, Can't u work n take care of urself? Do u need any man 4 dat? u wer extremely foolish 4 makn such decision, dnt giv any man d satifaction of sayn he made u! anyways ur still young so leave n make good use of ur life. Cos ur ntn bt his mistress rit nw n also blockn ur chances of getn d right partner 4 u. Gud luck.

1 Like

Re: Married As A Second Wife For Child-Bearing by sambisa5: 7:13am On Dec 22, 2015

sherina10:
What I meant by comfort was that he helped me a lot when I moved out from my sister's house. Because he was practically the family I never had then.

.
You made a very big mistake my sister,,,,,,,,,in the race of destiny either God or the devil will try your faith,,,,,and you fell immediately,,,,,,,if i was in ur shoe then,,,,i will use the help he was helping me judiciously,,,,,but when it comes to marriage i won't accept,,,,,i can be decieving him till i graduate,,,,and when i do i put him aside,,,,but u didn't think that long,,,,,u quickly jumped into marriage with an unbeliever,,,,,,,,thank God you are a christian and the bible said ,do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers,,,,,what has darkness got to do with light?,,,,
.
He is a muslim for God's sake,,,,he doesn't believe what you believe,,
(1) you believe christ died for you,,,,but he doesn't beileve so,,,
(2) you believe christ is the son of God,,,but he doesn't believe so.
(3) you believe you can't get to the Father except through christ,,,but he doesn't believe so,,,etc
.
MY ADVICE
when you find urself in darkness,,,,locate the light,,,,,,i mean divorce him,,,,,,let him go for a fellow muslim second wife like himself,,,,,,,,,,,LET ME SHOCK YOU,,,,
he is going to marry another woman after you,,,,,,then ur eyes will be clearer,,,,,,
.
U are now serving ,,,and work will come,,,,, at 23,,,,you are still very young,,,,,,,i can assure you that you will find another man,,,,,,all you need do is divorce him and relocate to another state or city where less people know much about you,,,,start a new life,,,,,,before you know it guys will start coming,,,,
.
Meanwhile go back to God and ask for forgiveness,,,,,,HE WILL STILL FORGIVE,no matter how far you went doing wrong,,,,,,,,that same God will forgive and reconnect you to a person of your faith,,,,,

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Re: Married As A Second Wife For Child-Bearing by chccho(m): 7:17am On Dec 22, 2015

sherina10:
Hello
I'm 23 years old, a graduate and currently serving.

I met a guy sometimes in 2012 and we got into into a relationship along the line he told me he was married but had issue with his wife and they are separated but he didn't tell me what d issue was.

I couldn't care less then because I had issue with my elders sister's husband whom I was staying with and he sent me packing. They were the one sponsoring my education. I was broke, confused and frustrated with no money. I called my in law to apologize he wouldn't pick up, send sms in fact I did everything I could to make him forgive me but it seems its heart was made up then, I was left with no choice but to move on then I just finished the semester for 300 level going to 400 level with no savings in my account and my heart was full of anger and hatred.

Above is the reason why I couldn't care less, then i was totally broke with no love from anyone expect this guy, in fact to me he was God sent then because really he saved me from a lot of sufferings.

He helped me move on with no stress, again I was comfortable and I don't need my sister's money for anything but he told me that he wanted to get married to me which I accepted because I cant afford to loose him.

Along the line he reconciled with his wife and he told me that he had reconciled with his wife and he told her about me and his intention to marry me and she accepted.
Note: they are muslim n i'm a Christian
When he told me about this I wasn't comfortable with it because I wasn't interested in polygamy in fact at the beginning I lost interest in everything when he told me he was married but I couldn't let go because of the comfort. He is not very rich but he is comfortable.

We kept on seeing each other, he is very okay in person, very religious, very caring, he had it all and I love him very much.
All he wanted was marriage, I got to know his wife who happen to be very nice too and sometimes I wonder why a woman will become that nice to her husband's
Everything was going fine and I got deep into promise of I will marry him too to the point of no return again I was left with no choice than to get married to him.

FAST FORWARD..........
We are currently married(polygamy)
Separate apartment (the two houses are close by) no transport needed.
24hours with each wife
No fighting
Provide's everything equally
JEALOUS? Deal with it whatever way you can but you have no right to confront your mate over anything because she isn't married to you.

The marriage is going on fine if you can deal with the above.

My GRIEVIANCE
1. I just find out that he married me (if not me then another) for child bearing
His wife had health issues and he wants a particular number of children.
How did I know this? He told me himself. When I stressed on it he told me that if he married me for child rearing how come we are still together because i lost a pregnancy
not long after we got married.

2. He doesn't keep any of his personal belongings in the apartment the both of us is sharing. But he brings some office document and somethings when he needs them and take it back when he is done

3. He doesn't receive visitors in our apartment. Reasons: I don't cover my head and his friends isn't comfortable looking at me because it's as if i'm naked to them.

4. Sometimes I feel ashamed of being a second wife, I cant tell my friends, sometimes when we discuss marital issue they always complain about money but I don't while they are I like I wish i'm comfortable like u, In my mind I will be like I wish I can get a husband to myself like u . Pathetic? Yes.

All in all the marriage has not been bad but my senses just can't accept it that i'm a 2nd fiddle, maybe because of the way I was raised or because it is a taboo to my Christian faith.

I want a divorce because he has bridged his marriage contract, he told me initially that wife is wife in islam, there is no difference between 1st, 2nd to infinto wives but I cant cope with the above because I feel he lied to me.
I can't be in a marriage because of children.

CRITICISM is allowed but please advise while you do so or after you have done that.

It is worthy to NOTE that we never committed fornication/adultery before the marriage because he said its against its religion.
If you want any kpekus (whether extra, supplementary or whatever) then get married first, lol.

my dear to be sincere u knew very well before now what u got yourself into,and the guy has not bridged done anything contrary to what you both agreed/promised. All I see here is regret from your very immature decision which u made some yes back..As for me I for see more regrets for u because u married that man out of lack,frustration,no guidance and immaturity and now u are beginning to see clearly..if u arent pregnant for him at the moment first I would advice u put that on hold for now gather some money and find somewhere u can go to for a vacation of about a month or 2,cos u need some time alone to think deeply about your life and your present marriage after this u will be able to come up with the best choice on what to do next

1 Like

Re: Married As A Second Wife For Child-Bearing by daviesmania(m): 7:22am On Dec 22, 2015

woman, how many kids does this man wants? Is it up to 15? If yes, pls keep ur gbedu ready. Because the forum magistrate has decided that the marriage should continue. All de comfort (then) must be converted into kids.

Re: Married As A Second Wife For Child-Bearing by ODUBEZE: 7:22am On Dec 22, 2015

sherina10:
Hello
I'm 23 years old, a graduate and currently serving.

I met a guy sometimes in 2012 and we got into into a relationship along the line he told me he was married but had issue with his wife and they are separated but he didn't tell me what d issue was.

I couldn't care less then because I had issue with my elders sister's husband whom I was staying with and he sent me packing. They were the one sponsoring my education. I was broke, confused and frustrated with no money. I called my in law to apologize he wouldn't pick up, send sms in fact I did everything I could to make him forgive me but it seems its heart was made up then, I was left with no choice but to move on then I just finished the semester for 300 level going to 400 level with no savings in my account and my heart was full of anger and hatred.

Above is the reason why I couldn't care less, then i was totally broke with no love from anyone expect this guy, in fact to me he was God sent then because really he saved me from a lot of sufferings.

He helped me move on with no stress, again I was comfortable and I don't need my sister's money for anything but he told me that he wanted to get married to me which I accepted because I cant afford to loose him.

Along the line he reconciled with his wife and he told me that he had reconciled with his wife and he told her about me and his intention to marry me and she accepted.
Note: they are muslim n i'm a Christian
When he told me about this I wasn't comfortable with it because I wasn't interested in polygamy in fact at the beginning I lost interest in everything when he told me he was married but I couldn't let go because of the comfort. He is not very rich but he is comfortable.

We kept on seeing each other, he is very okay in person, very religious, very caring, he had it all and I love him very much.
All he wanted was marriage, I got to know his wife who happen to be very nice too and sometimes I wonder why a woman will become that nice to her husband's
Everything was going fine and I got deep into promise of I will marry him too to the point of no return again I was left with no choice than to get married to him.

FAST FORWARD..........
We are currently married(polygamy)
Separate apartment (the two houses are close by) no transport needed.
24hours with each wife
No fighting
Provide's everything equally
JEALOUS? Deal with it whatever way you can but you have no right to confront your mate over anything because she isn't married to you.

The marriage is going on fine if you can deal with the above.

My GRIEVIANCE
1. I just find out that he married me (if not me then another) for child bearing
His wife had health issues and he wants a particular number of children.
How did I know this? He told me himself. When I stressed on it he told me that if he married me for child rearing how come we are still together because i lost a pregnancy
not long after we got married.

2. He doesn't keep any of his personal belongings in the apartment the both of us is sharing. But he brings some office document and somethings when he needs them and take it back when he is done

3. He doesn't receive visitors in our apartment. Reasons: I don't cover my head and his friends isn't comfortable looking at me because it's as if i'm naked to them.

4. Sometimes I feel ashamed of being a second wife, I cant tell my friends, sometimes when we discuss marital issue they always complain about money but I don't while they are I like I wish i'm comfortable like u, In my mind I will be like I wish I can get a husband to myself like u . Pathetic? Yes.

All in all the marriage has not been bad but my senses just can't accept it that i'm a 2nd fiddle, maybe because of the way I was raised or because it is a taboo to my Christian faith.

I want a divorce because he has bridged his marriage contract, he told me initially that wife is wife in islam, there is no difference between 1st, 2nd to infinto wives but I cant cope with the above because I feel he lied to me.
I can't be in a marriage because of children.

CRITICISM is allowed but please advise while you do so or after you have done that.

It is worthy to NOTE that we never committed fornication/adultery before the marriage because he said its against its religion.
If you want any kpekus (whether extra, supplementary or whatever) then get married first, lol.

You are still laughing! U are d one that needs to deal with it!
You married a man for his money and he turned you to a child factory! why complain?
U are both masters in d game!
It is well!

1 Like

Re: Married As A Second Wife For Child-Bearing by October1960: 7:28am On Dec 22, 2015

The man was frank and truthful. You want to enjoy his means but not the "looks" of being a 2nd wife?

What is wrong being a second or third wife ? Would you rather be a second or third girlfriend?

Some women sha !!

Btw, do you have a child yet?

and please, stop trying to make this gentleman look bad with all these married me for kids talk . You're the bad one here, not the man.

1 Like

Re: Married As A Second Wife For Child-Bearing by glossy6(f): 7:30am On Dec 22, 2015

veave:
My colleague doesn't have the same opinion as you do.
He is an Alfa and has called all non muslims 'to our face' infidels.
Not just him. His friends too.
Our superior who is also a Muslim did not caution him neither did he ask him to apologize to us.
So what are you trying to tell me again?

Yeah. When they beg for alms, they don't see infidels but washes the money with water thereafter. Stewpid fellows

1 Like

Re: Married As A Second Wife For Child-Bearing by dyn1800: 7:32am On Dec 22, 2015

Balance the odd ..... If advantages is more than the disadvantages then ...... Need not to complain

Re: Married As A Second Wife For Child-Bearing by AnanseK(m): 7:44am On Dec 22, 2015

Nairalanders again pretending that only Muslims practice polygamy in Nigeria when the majority of them ( Christians and Muslims alike) are from polygamous homes with 2, 3, 4 upto ten wives in some cases . Even big politicians and big business men in Nigeria are generally polygamists including Pastors and Church elders and these hypocrites are coming here to spew hate all based on polygamy.

2 Likes

Re: Married As A Second Wife For Child-Bearing by MsGlobalwonder(f): 7:46am On Dec 22, 2015

Toks2008:
Get a reorientation lady..polygamy though not advisable but not a bad thing neither is it a sin...you made that choice so live with it.

she is a christian and it is called Adultery.

Re: Married As A Second Wife For Child-Bearing by otukpo(f): 7:48am On Dec 22, 2015

Sherina,

You have made some mistakes in your life decisions and thank God you are coming to your senses.

You dont have a child yet in that marriage and even if you do.,nothing should make you think you must remain in your mistake.
In the first place, the man was never your hisband. As a christian, you intruded in that home and you should find your way out

You are still very young too and you can still have your own husband to yourself and also have a happy and fullfilled married life.

My two cents

1 Like

Re: Married As A Second Wife For Child-Bearing by ojjp: 7:48am On Dec 22, 2015

If u r a true christian, then u should v known dat u r nt actually married but dating. Who joined u both? D first woman is d rightful wife, u r a concubine and seriously need restitution to b forgiven.
D best decision u ll make nw is to leave quickly wt apology to d first wife, embrace God, serve God and wait upon Him for ur husband. It's nt late.
U can change ur location after nw.
Repent!

1 Like

Re: Married As A Second Wife For Child-Bearing by Nobody: 7:49am On Dec 22, 2015

coogar:
you want a divorce after telling us this much?

sherina10 or fückever name you call yourself, you must be an extremely foolish woman!

not just foolish but also greedy

1 Like

Re: Married As A Second Wife For Child-Bearing by luvtoyota(m): 7:50am On Dec 22, 2015

What so ever a man thinketh in his mind so shall it be, therefore Guide your mind for out of it comes the issues of life . You become what you think. You were created in God's image. You have dominion over the earth. When your sister and her husband threw you out. You had other options than dating a married man. Let us even say you dated him to survive. Was marrying him your best option? You had finished school, why didn’t you look for something to do? Just because you made a mistake doesn’t mean you must cling to it for ever. You didn't marry for love, you were forced to act out of your circumstances, that is called worry. Plan an informed transition from that adulterous affair you call marriage. You will never be happy there. It will come to you. Pray for guidance from God.

1 Like

Re: Married As A Second Wife For Child-Bearing by ogawisdom(m): 7:50am On Dec 22, 2015

sherina10:
Hello
I'm 23 years old, a graduate and currently serving.

I met a guy sometimes in 2012 and we got into into a relationship along the line he told me he was married but had issue with his wife and they are separated but he didn't tell me what d issue was.

I couldn't care less then because I had issue with my elders sister's husband whom I was staying with and he sent me packing. They were the one sponsoring my education. I was broke, confused and frustrated with no money. I called my in law to apologize he wouldn't pick up, send sms in fact I did everything I could to make him forgive me but it seems its heart was made up then, I was left with no choice but to move on then I just finished the semester for 300 level going to 400 level with no savings in my account and my heart was full of anger and hatred.

Above is the reason why I couldn't care less, then i was totally broke with no love from anyone expect this guy, in fact to me he was God sent then because really he saved me from a lot of sufferings.

He helped me move on with no stress, again I was comfortable and I don't need my sister's money for anything but he told me that he wanted to get married to me which I accepted because I cant afford to loose him.

Along the line he reconciled with his wife and he told me that he had reconciled with his wife and he told her about me and his intention to marry me and she accepted.
Note: they are muslim n i'm a Christian
When he told me about this I wasn't comfortable with it because I wasn't interested in polygamy in fact at the beginning I lost interest in everything when he told me he was married but I couldn't let go because of the comfort. He is not very rich but he is comfortable.

We kept on seeing each other, he is very okay in person, very religious, very caring, he had it all and I love him very much.
All he wanted was marriage, I got to know his wife who happen to be very nice too and sometimes I wonder why a woman will become that nice to her husband's
Everything was going fine and I got deep into promise of I will marry him too to the point of no return again I was left with no choice than to get married to him.

FAST FORWARD..........
We are currently married(polygamy)
Separate apartment (the two houses are close by) no transport needed.
24hours with each wife
No fighting
Provide's everything equally
JEALOUS? Deal with it whatever way you can but you have no right to confront your mate over anything because she isn't married to you.

The marriage is going on fine if you can deal with the above.

My GRIEVIANCE
1. I just find out that he married me (if not me then another) for child bearing
His wife had health issues and he wants a particular number of children.
How did I know this? He told me himself. When I stressed on it he told me that if he married me for child rearing how come we are still together because i lost a pregnancy
not long after we got married.

2. He doesn't keep any of his personal belongings in the apartment the both of us is sharing. But he brings some office document and somethings when he needs them and take it back when he is done

3. He doesn't receive visitors in our apartment. Reasons: I don't cover my head and his friends isn't comfortable looking at me because it's as if i'm naked to them.

4. Sometimes I feel ashamed of being a second wife, I cant tell my friends, sometimes when we discuss marital issue they always complain about money but I don't while they are I like I wish i'm comfortable like u, In my mind I will be like I wish I can get a husband to myself like u . Pathetic? Yes.

All in all the marriage has not been bad but my senses just can't accept it that i'm a 2nd fiddle, maybe because of the way I was raised or because it is a taboo to my Christian faith.

I want a divorce because he has bridged his marriage contract, he told me initially that wife is wife in islam, there is no difference between 1st, 2nd to infinto wives but I cant cope with the above because I feel he lied to me.
I can't be in a marriage because of children.

CRITICISM is allowed but please advise while you do so or after you have done that.

It is worthy to NOTE that we never committed fornication/adultery before the marriage because he said its against its religion.
If you want any kpekus (whether extra, supplementary or whatever) then get married first, lol.

Yawns

OK go n look ur self in d mirror n call urself olodo angry

Y did ur sisters husband send u out of d house, y did u hide dt part better tell us BC dts d root of ur predicaments. It seems it is connected to this ur rship shocked

Hw come u have no one else in this world after u were sent out except this man u call comfort, ur long throat have killed u

1 Like

Re: Married As A Second Wife For Child-Bearing by Toks2008(m): 7:50am On Dec 22, 2015

MsGlobalwonder:
she is a christian and it is called Adultery.

Did your pastor ell you that marrying another wife is adultery?

I taught the bible said it is sex between a married man or woman with another who is not one's spouse.

You better wake up and understand that polygamy though not advisable as i will always reiterate but not a sin in anyway.

1 Like

Re: Married As A Second Wife For Child-Bearing by Nobody: 7:52am On Dec 22, 2015

sherina10:
Hello
I'm 23 years old, a graduate and currently serving.

I met a guy sometimes in 2012 and we got into into a relationship along the line he told me he was married but had issue with his wife and they are separated but he didn't tell me what d issue was.

I couldn't care less then because I had issue with my elders sister's husband whom I was staying with and he sent me packing. They were the one sponsoring my education. I was broke, confused and frustrated with no money. I called my in law to apologize he wouldn't pick up, send sms in fact I did everything I could to make him forgive me but it seems its heart was made up then, I was left with no choice but to move on then I just finished the semester for 300 level going to 400 level with no savings in my account and my heart was full of anger and hatred.

Above is the reason why I couldn't care less, then i was totally broke with no love from anyone expect this guy, in fact to me he was God sent then because really he saved me from a lot of sufferings.

He helped me move on with no stress, again I was comfortable and I don't need my sister's money for anything but he told me that he wanted to get married to me which I accepted because I cant afford to loose him.

Along the line he reconciled with his wife and he told me that he had reconciled with his wife and he told her about me and his intention to marry me and she accepted.
Note: they are muslim n i'm a Christian
When he told me about this I wasn't comfortable with it because I wasn't interested in polygamy in fact at the beginning I lost interest in everything when he told me he was married but I couldn't let go because of the comfort. He is not very rich but he is comfortable.

We kept on seeing each other, he is very okay in person, very religious, very caring, he had it all and I love him very much.
All he wanted was marriage, I got to know his wife who happen to be very nice too and sometimes I wonder why a woman will become that nice to her husband's
Everything was going fine and I got deep into promise of I will marry him too to the point of no return again I was left with no choice than to get married to him.

FAST FORWARD..........
We are currently married(polygamy)
Separate apartment (the two houses are close by) no transport needed.
24hours with each wife
No fighting
Provide's everything equally
JEALOUS? Deal with it whatever way you can but you have no right to confront your mate over anything because she isn't married to you.

The marriage is going on fine if you can deal with the above.

My GRIEVIANCE
1. I just find out that he married me (if not me then another) for child bearing
His wife had health issues and he wants a particular number of children.
How did I know this? He told me himself. When I stressed on it he told me that if he married me for child rearing how come we are still together because i lost a pregnancy
not long after we got married.

2. He doesn't keep any of his personal belongings in the apartment the both of us is sharing. But he brings some office document and somethings when he needs them and take it back when he is done

3. He doesn't receive visitors in our apartment. Reasons: I don't cover my head and his friends isn't comfortable looking at me because it's as if i'm naked to them.

4. Sometimes I feel ashamed of being a second wife, I cant tell my friends, sometimes when we discuss marital issue they always complain about money but I don't while they are I like I wish i'm comfortable like u, In my mind I will be like I wish I can get a husband to myself like u . Pathetic? Yes.

All in all the marriage has not been bad but my senses just can't accept it that i'm a 2nd fiddle, maybe because of the way I was raised or because it is a taboo to my Christian faith.

I want a divorce because he has bridged his marriage contract, he told me initially that wife is wife in islam, there is no difference between 1st, 2nd to infinto wives but I cant cope with the above because I feel he lied to me.
I can't be in a marriage because of children.

CRITICISM is allowed but please advise while you do so or after you have done that.

It is worthy to NOTE that we never committed fornication/adultery before the marriage because he said its against its religion.
If you want any kpekus (whether extra, supplementary or whatever) then get married first, lol.

. first of all...... how many kids do you have, do you have a job ? or any other means of livelihood ? .......let's start from here

Re: Married As A Second Wife For Child-Bearing by omaigala(m): 7:53am On Dec 22, 2015

Let's start this way; what did you do that even your own sister and the husband who took it upon themselves to cater for you won't even pick your calls let alone to forgive you?

If we can deal with that, only then we will find a way out of this mess.

1 Like

Re: Married As A Second Wife For Child-Bearing by MsGlobalwonder(f): 7:58am On Dec 22, 2015

Toks2008:
Did your pastor ell you that marrying another wife is adultery?

I taught the bible said it is sex between a married man or woman with another who is not one's spouse.

You better wake up and understand that polygamy though not advisable as i will always reiterate but not a sin in anyway.

so says the sexist. Lol.I hope it won't be a sin too when the woman marries more than one husband . grin

1 Like

Re: Married As A Second Wife For Child-Bearing by Nobody: 8:16am On Dec 22, 2015

You know your brain is working anticlockwise right now? let me tell you why:
1) Have you also considered what people will say when you become a divorcee and not just a divorcee but that of a polygamous Muslim man?

2)Do you by any chance realise how hard it is for a divorcee to remarry in Nigeria and Africa at large, especially when the divorce is a polygamous one, have been pregnant and have had miscarriage?

3) Do you know how lucky you currently are to be in a non- troubled polygamous marriage and being accepted by your senior? You know if you were in her shoes, you would not, even if you have no womb at all.

My advise

Accept what was, what is, and what may be because those are the realities of life and not the fantasy of my my personal darling husband/one man one wife that is currently installing in your head.

One more thing, there is also a possibility of you being a senior to someone as time goes on. Accept that too and be at peace with your self, concentrate on being a good wife. You cant have it all in life and your friends don't define you, neither do gossips do.

Re: Married As A Second Wife For Child-Bearing by Makapounse(m): 8:18am On Dec 22, 2015

Some times you don't know the value of what you have at hands until you loose it, i believe ladies in your surround will pray you divorce so they can fill the vacuum, if you don't marry for child-bearing , what else do you intend to had married him for ?, you married a responsible and caring guy who allow you to practice you religion, made you financially buoyant amongst your colleagues , and you are stil complain, as responsible and caring as I'm, i won't allow any of my wives to practice any religion aside Islam, but due to the Love he had for you , he allow you to practice your choice,

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