₦airaland Forum

Goodmorning Laila, I have a problem and want to share so as to get peoples opinions and see if I will get a better idea on how to cope cos i cant continue like this. My marriage was once sweet and beautiful but i mismanaged it. i have been married for 13 years now. it was all good initially until my husbands business crashed. He was a paint manufacturer but the business died because of adulteration that has crept into the business generally. He bought some rental equipment and started hiring them out for weddings and burials just to make ends meet but the business is not moving well and barely provides enough for us and our 5 kids. I started working in an insurance company 2 years ago when we could no longer pay our kids school fees, i had to get a job so as to support. i always bring home my salary and hand it over to my husband every month end but things has never been the same. My husband changed, he started accusing me of cheating when ever my boss, a customer or a colleague from the office call me to make an inquiry. he started hitting me at the slightest provocation. i remember the first day he hit me around November 2014, We had some extra work to handle at the office so I came home a bit later than I use to. The traffic gridlock did not help matter, I got home around 8pm and got the beating of my life.
I was shocked because I have never been beaten before. He was calling me ashewo in-front of the kids. Although he later apologized, things were never the same. he continued until sometime around May this year when he gave me a black eye and my colleagues found out. I lied I had an okada accident but I knew they didnt buy my story. somehow my boss got to know and asked me if my husband did that to me. my boss always had a soft spot for me although he didn't say but deep down, i know he liked me. I couldnt lie to him so i told him that it was a mistake and that he has apologised. he was very livid and threatened to lock him up but i asked him to please let sleeping dogs lie cos i dont want to lose my home. When school resumed around September, We did not have enough money to settle the school fees for 2 out of our 5 kids. They started harassing and flogging my babies in school because of their fees, I cried my self to sleep daily. My boss noticed my unhappiness at work and asked me what was eating me up. I burst into tears uncontrollably and that was when he touched me for the first time, He took me into his office and shut the door, he wiped my tears and offerd me cold water before asking me to tell him what my problems are specifically if my husband hit me again. I explained everything to him and he told me not to worry, He wrote me a cheque of N120k and told me that its his way of assisting and that I should never cry again because of money. I knelt down to thank him but he pulled me up and instead kissed my forehead. honestly, it felt good but i stopped him politely when his hands started groping my breasts. he apologised and kissed me on the lips. I kissed him back and that was the farthest we went and please for the records, I did not sleep with him and I have never cheated on my husband. I paid my kids school fees and kept the remaining money in my account. my husband saw the alert in my phone when my 2nd son was playng candy crush with it and demanded to know where I got the money from, I told him I got the money from a micro finance company that i was doing daily contribution with but he didnt believe me and accused me of sleeping around. before i could speak up, he descended on me again and beat me and wounded me. he emptied the plate of yam porridge i was eating on my head. I have had enough. i tried to fight back but he was much more stronger than me and even beat me more.

That was when i made the greatest mistake of my life, I picked up my phone in his face and called my boss explaining to him what is happening, That was the evidence my husband needed, he went straight to the room and started throwing my things down stairs from the veranda. Even the pots and kettle was not spared. He was shouting on top of his voice like a mad dog. Our whole neighborhood gathered, he was screaming and throwing my stuffs out telling the people that I was sleeping around and that our last two kids do not resemble him that I have been sleeping around. The humiliation I received that day killed me. Even my eldest daughter who is just 12 years old sided with him and was calling me a prostitute. I moved in to one of my neighbours house that night because my husband said its over. The next morning, some army men drove into our compound and descended on my husband. They beat him up so bad and humiliated him too before taking him away. My boss sent them. he spent close to a week there and was made to sign an undertaking never to hit me again. I had to beg my boss over and over again before he was released. he came home a different person. Ever since then, He has not spoken a word to me. the kids except the 2 youngest ones who are just toddlers seems to side with him. its almost 4 months now. he dosnt eat my food or come to our bedroom anymore, i serve his food daily but he dosnt touch it or provide anything in the house. He sometimes use his ow money to cook and the kids would rather eat his own because he spends more time with them at home because his rental business is at home. he has poisoned their mind against me. He sleeps with the children in their room. I regret everything that happened but i cant quit my job else those kids will be out of school and without a roof over their heads cos i pay the rent. I have gone on my knees countless times to beg him to forgive what happened and let us start afresh but all he would do is look me in the eye with so much hate and just walk away from the scene.
I even offered to pay for a new house so we can pack out of the compound since we have disgraced ourselves there but he wouldnt say a word to me. I know the marriage is over. we are just living together. Christmas is around the corner and we travel always, I dont know how we would cope in the village because his people knew only his side of the story. they may send the womens group to harm me or something. the kids are really gearing up and looking forward to traveling home. I dont know how to tell them that we are not going to travel. I dont know how my husband will respond but i know for sure that traveling will be a very bad idea. I regret everything that happened. I feel as if I have used my own hand to destroy my marriage. If I didnt open up to my boss or collect that money from him, maybe, my marriage will still be standing. I dont know what to do. I feel lost and lonely. please what do I do? Do i allow them to travel alone and just provide their money for feeding and other stuff. What if they seize my babies in that village and insist that they wont come back home? what am i going to do? please I need my husband back. I even miss the beating he gives me. yes i said that. I was happier back then even with the beating than i am now. I have lost everything. Even my boss is no longer as friendly as he used to be because i didnt allow him to go further than kissing me. Please I need help
Hmm you miss the beatings, it is well, both of you need God in your life, because both of you have offended him, Also madam a man should not hit you for any reason, and you should not have flirted with your boss, and your husband is suffering get from low self esteem, I pray you guys work things

MRBrownJ:
WRONG WRONG WRONG and more WRONG in this story, kai!

ERROR #1 if you have extra work and need to stay late, advise your partner of your whereabouts, and give them a number where they can reach you at all times.

ERROR #2 not saying/doing anything when your husband started abusing/beating you due to HIS low self esteem AND failure to provide a decent paycheck for the household

ERROR #3 covering up to friends and family for the animal that you call a husband

ERROR #4 knowing that your boss had a soft spot for you but continually getting closer to him.

ERROR #5 lying to the whole world about the beating but the only person you deem fit to tell the truth was your boss

ERROR #6 asking your boss to:"let sleeping dogs lie" while you should have told him that this was a private matter and as much as his ADVICES will be accepted, he has no business doing anything to the husband.

ERROR #7 if you really think that you didnt want to lose your home then why bother telling the story to anyone?! you should have kept quiet and be happily miserable

ERROR #8 going back to confide in boss AGAIN, knowing fully well that he likes you and wants to "deal" with your hubby

ERROR #9 when he touched you, you should have stopped it RIGHT THERE and walk away, instead of going to his office

ERROR #10 accepting his money after you've let him kiss you and f0ndle you like a hoe... and enjoying kissing him back

ERROR #11 thinking that letting a man kiss and f0ndle you is NOT cheating..... NEWSFLASH: thats cheating! your lips/breast are your husband's only and no man has the right to get closer to them, let alone touch them!

ERROR #12 hiding the money from your husband thinking he wont know, and lying about the source of the money when he found out.

ERROR #13 calling your boss during private matter at home, thats the ultimate line stepper!!!!!

FINAL ERROR staying in that house when your hubby came back after a week of beating, if it was me i would have killed you with my own hands!!!!

MRBrownJ:
WRONG WRONG WRONG and more WRONG in this story, kai!

ERROR #1 ... ERROR #13 nicely highlighted.

Sir, what is the way forward?

funkyjms:
Sir, what is the way forward?

MRBrownJ:
she is deceitful, unfaithful, evil (how can she let her man be abused like that?), selfish... i think she needs to come clean and tell her husband EVERY single detail of what really happened, then go on her knees and ask this man for forgiveness (for as long as it takes), and if hubby says NO, then there is no other option than to go their separate ways.

if i was that man, she would be damaged good in my eyes and nothing could ever get me back with such woman... the husband is lucky he is still alive, and he should count his blessings

TooNoisy:
Madam sorry to say but the marriage is really over and I am glad you know it.

What exactly are you begging him for? You were cheating with your boss and you still work for him. The man publicly humilated your husband and you still work for him. He is still making advances at you and kissing you and you are begging your husband for forgiveness.

Tell me what you want from your husband? To condone your cheating ways? You are soo stupid. Your husband is beating you and the first person to call is a man you claim has only kissed and fondled your breast. You didn't call his famity or your own family but you called him.

Some of us are not kids, we can see through your lies and deception; you love your husband so much but still work for the same man that only wants to sleep with you and has destroyed your marriage. I know your boss already slept with you and has moved on to another chic, that is why you are bad mouthing him.

I will advice you to continue sleeping with your boss for the money but trust me, your husband is gone!

I hate wife beaters and your husband was wrong to beat you. But I see some people saying the husband has low self esteem. Well a man doesn't wake up after 13 years of marriage and start calling his wife a prostitute for no reason. The man clearly saw some things OP isn't mentioning. And if nothing else, your relationship with your boss proves him right. You cheated and are still cheating. Sorry your husband wasn't so wrong in calling you a prostitute because you were cheating for financial reward.

TooNoisy:
Madam sorry to say but the marriage is really over and I am glad you know it.

What exactly are you begging him for? You were cheating with your boss and you still work for him. The man publicly humilated your husband and you still work for him. He is still making advances at you and kissing you and you are begging your husband for forgiveness.

Tell me what you want from your husband? To condone your cheating ways? You are soo stupid. Your husband is beating you and the first person to call is a man you claim has only kissed and fondled your breast. You didn't call his famity or your own family but you called him.

Some of us are not kids, we can see through your lies and deception; you love your husband so much but still work for the same man that only wants to sleep with you and has destroyed your marriage. I know your boss already slept with you and has moved on to another chic, that is why you are bad mouthing him.

I will advice you to continue sleeping with your boss for the money but trust me, your husband is gone!

I hate wife beaters and your husband was wrong to beat you. But I see some people saying the husband has low self esteem. Well a man doesn't wake up after 13 years of marriage and start calling his wife a prostitute for no reason. The man clearly saw some things OP isn't mentioning. And if nothing else, your relationship with your boss proves him right. You cheated and are still cheating. Sorry your husband wasn't so wrong in calling you a prostitute because you were cheating for financial reward.

TooNoisy:
Thank you and I like the fact that you mentioned "every single detail". So when the man was in prison for a week, what was her relationship with her boss like? She will go into the office, smile at the man and it will be business and usual? Like seriously? And then she will go into that office the next day smiling at the boss knowing fully well the boss sent soldiers to beat her husband and put him in jail?

To make matters worse, she claims the boss is now acting cold because "she didn't allow him to go beyond kissing". So the kissing continued even when the husband was still in prison and after he came out, because the boss continued to give her money - she offered to pay for a new house. And in her own words, kissing and smooching is not cheating? I wonder what is cheating then.

This woman is a very poor liar, even her own side of the story has so many holes in it. I wonder what we will say if we hear the husband's side of the story. It is very easy for a women to turn a man into the devil - just say that he beat me and the man's reputation is finished. It is even worse in developed countries. But I can tell you, this woman is certainly evil and if I knew the man, I will tell him to run for his life.

Simplymeah:
.
I hp u r married,cos ur comments r so full of condemnation 4 dis woman. U seem 2 b so much in d knw of her actions dan she does! .

Simplymeah:
.
For all I kia her marriage has issues n it is only normal 4 women who want to mak peace 2 accept responsiblity 4 all d 'misdeeds' in d home, hweva,it is obvious dat THEY both av dia faults.

Simplymeah:
.
Ordinarily, if it were a man we'd say d woman pushed him out but now cos it's d woman den she is 'evil' 'wicked' etc.plsssssss,lets b more objective wen commenting,

Simplymeah:
.
if he wasn't cheating on his wife wen he was buoyant why will he suddenly bliev buoyancy will mak d woman cheat? both of dem av falling short n it's now up 2 THEM 2 pick up d pieces n start all ova( dats if dey r willing).

Simplymeah:
.
D woman shud not force things,its enuf dat he is abusive n she doesn't av 2 bliev dat she must mak sum1 happy @ d expense of her own happiness. It's gud 2 stay married but not 2 die while trying 2 stay married

MRBrownJ:
WRONG WRONG WRONG and more WRONG in this story, kai!

ERROR #1 if you have extra work and need to stay late, advise your partner of your whereabouts, and give them a number where they can reach you at all times.

ERROR #2 not saying/doing anything when your husband started abusing/beating you due to HIS low self esteem AND failure to provide a decent paycheck for the household

ERROR #3 covering up to friends and family for the animal that you call a husband

ERROR #4 knowing that your boss had a soft spot for you but continually getting closer to him.

ERROR #5 lying to the whole world about the beating but the only person you deem fit to tell the truth was your boss

ERROR #6 asking your boss to:"let sleeping dogs lie" while you should have told him that this was a private matter and as much as his ADVICES will be accepted, he has no business doing anything to the husband.

ERROR #7 if you really think that you didnt want to lose your home then why bother telling the story to anyone?! you should have kept quiet and be happily miserable

ERROR #8 going back to confide in boss AGAIN, knowing fully well that he likes you and wants to "deal" with your hubby

ERROR #9 when he touched you, you should have stopped it RIGHT THERE and walk away, instead of going to his office

ERROR #10 accepting his money after you've let him kiss you and f0ndle you like a hoe... and enjoying kissing him back

ERROR #11 thinking that letting a man kiss and f0ndle you is NOT cheating..... NEWSFLASH: thats cheating! your lips/breast are your husband's only and no man has the right to get closer to them, let alone touch them!

ERROR #12 hiding the money from your husband thinking he wont know, and lying about the source of the money when he found out.

ERROR #13 calling your boss during private matter at home, thats the ultimate line stepper!!!!!

FINAL ERROR staying in that house when your hubby came back after a week of beating, if it was me i would have killed you with my own hands!!!!