₦airaland Forum

Gaborone:
I have a younger sister, and I can't imagine adding to her stress if she came to stay with me for the purpose of getting a job. I cannot even conceive the thought.

One would have even thought that it is part of her responsibilities as elder sister to show her the way in the new town/environment. But hey, that's my opinion.

The sister is busy working to put roof over their head, with her work schedule she probably does not have extra time to run around go looking for a job for her,
I just gave her an option look for work online, when they call you for an interview, knock sisters bedroom, be like I need a ride to this location for an interview.

bukatyne:
Na was for you o!

You just added Maggi to the soup after it is ready

How does job search work there? Does she have her own cash or is her sister going to raise her everytime she wants to pursue her interests?

What are you saying?
How will she get cash when they wont let her pursue her independence

Miami11:
The sister is busy working to put roof over their head, with her work schedule she probably does not have extra time to run around go looking for a job for her,
I just gave her an option look for work online, when they call you for an interview, knock sisters bedroom, be like I need a ride to this location for an interview.

Just so you know, she has her car. she doesnt need the sister money for gas. Her sister uses her car sometimes and send her around to drop older kids with her my friends car o

And where does she intend to make friends in this US?

People here don't even know their immediate neighbor let alone help a stranger or make friends, tell her to take a chill pill, be patient with older sister and they can both forge a plan to find work.

bukatyne:
People don't look for jobs on the street na.

She has to apply online first or tell her sister & husband to tell their friends.

The Church she is going to is even sweet sef.

Ha Sis A, you are the younger Sis of Sis B. What do you do?

I am looking for a job o in ABC field. Even have CVs handy.

If it is by roaming about, a lot of people looking for Jobs would have gotten.

WHERE DO YOU LIVE? I said she is independent, she has her own car and little savings but no job

Lizypumping:
Just so you know, she has her car. she doesnt need the sister money for gas. Her sister uses her car sometimes and send her around to drop older kids with her my friends car o

If she can drive, she should wait for sister or hubby to get home, grab the car and go job hunting.

Miami11:
I agree with you, you will be surprised the older sister payed for her ticket and visa fees to U.S and now this person with the entitled mentality is eager to leave even without helping the sister.
Those of us in US know you need a car and gas money to be able to go to work.
You need someone to drive you around, it is not easy,( a lot of preparation is needed to help a new person) so poster should be patient with the sister.

SHE is not new in America, she just new in that state. She has her own car and savings. But she needs a job. Her sister needs to put in place a baby sitter and let her sister get her self. she doesnt need ride from her sister or anything.

Read my post thoroughly she has her car, even her sister use her car for dropping off the other kid to school

Lizypumping:
SHE is not new in America, she just new in that state. She has her own car and savings. But she needs a job. Her sister needs to put in place a baby sitter and let her sister get her self. she doesnt need ride from her sister or anything.

Read my post thoroughly she has her car, even her sister use her car for dropping off the other kid to school

Has she spoken to the siste, what did the sister say?

Miami11:
If she can drive, she should wait for sister or hubby to get home, grab the car and go job hunting.

Now you feel me! They return from work around 6 when offices are closed! I want her sister to be realistic, get her kids baby sitter and not use her sister.

What will you do if you are the sister or my friend??

Miami11:
Has she spoken to the siste, what did the sister say?

You don't want to hear/KNOW? She found a CNA job owned by their church member, but her sister said she should not take the job because people will look down on her and my sister in the church.

Lizypumping:
Now you feel me! They return from work around 6 when offices are closed! I want her sister to be realistic, get her kids baby sitter and not use her sister.

What will you do if you are the sister or my friend??

She just needs to sit down with sister and have a conversation, let her sister know she is glad to help but would like to have employment and will continue to help sister when she is working,
She can ask the sister to try get some days off which she can dedicate to looking for work ,
After that she can bring in a need for going back to school or something so sister can make plans for childcare or something.

Miami11:
I agree with you, you will be surprised the older sister payed for her ticket and visa fees to U.S and now this person with the entitled mentality is eager to leave even without helping the sister.
Those of us in US know you need a car and gas money to be able to go to work.
You need someone to drive you around, it is not easy,( a lot of preparation is needed to help a new person) so poster should be patient with the sister.

Neither of these is applicable to my friend. She has been in US FOR 8 years she just needed to start over at her sister. She has her car and even sometimes her sister uses her car for dropping off kids

Miami11:
She just needs to sit down with sister and have a conversation, let her sister know she is glad to help but would like to have employment and will continue to help sister when she is working,
She can ask the sister to try get some days off which she can dedicate to looking for work ,
After that she can bring in a need for going back to school or something so sister can make plans for childcare or something.

Exactly! The baby sitting job needs to be lifted off her shoulders.

Lizypumping:
Neither of these is applicable to my friend. She has been in US FOR 8 years she just needed to start over at her sister. She has her car and even sometimes her sister uses her car for dropping off kids

Being in the US that long, the one thing you learn is pay your way if you want independence. Let her get her own place with her savings and find her way from there. This I know, there are two sides to a story. Heard too many of these kind of stories and when you hear the other side it does not match.

Lizypumping:
Now you feel me! They return from work around 6 when offices are closed! I want her sister to be realistic, get her kids baby sitter and not use her sister.

What will you do if you are the sister or my friend??

Can you talk to the sister on her behalf?

Lizypumping:
You don't want to hear/KNOW? She found a CNA job owned by their church member, but her sister said she should not take the job because people will look down on her and my sister in the church.

Look down on her?
That's just funny.
So what kind of training does your friend have and in what area is she looking for a job?

Is it working as a waitress or store sales person that the sister won't mind her doing?
Just asking because it seems she doesn't have professional training hence her finding the CNA job to start with.
But she must start somewhere.
The sister isn't being helpful at all.
Some people start from CNA and work their way up the ladder.
If she doesn't want her doing CNA job, maybe she should help get higher training to get a better job.

bukatyne:
Whose responsibility is it then?

Would I wait for my elder sister and hubby to cook before eating? Must I be told to babysit when they are going out? Must I be told to do their laundry before doing it if we put our used clothes in the same laundry basket? Must I be told to clean before I do?

When you stay with people, you don't do chores when you like but when they like especially if you are not engaged (work/school/sick) etc.

Expect her elder sister is an enemy of progress, she will not stop her from attending a geninue job interview.

I beg to disagree, ma'am. That she isn't engaged with work, school or whatever doesn't mean she should become a babysitter. She's no nanny and the parents of the baby are solely responsible for looking after their kids. And house chores isn't same as babysitting and even so house chores doesn't mean the person should become their dish washer, chef and laundry personnel.

That one is accommodating someone doesn't espouse the responsibility of a maid. If they can't afford a nanny or neither of them can't give up work or take an employment that dovetails with the nursing of the baby then they shouldn't have had one in the first place.

What would have been the fate of the baby had she not moved in with them? The action of her sister evince one who reticently doesn't even want her get a job so she can continue her role of a babysitter. If she doesn't want to help the poor lady, let her say so.

This is just wrong and same anomalous praxis we have adopted over the years which should be frowned on. We think that once you're accommodating a relative/friend they should assume the role of a maid, cleaner and same time think we're helping the person in need.

A young man moves to an uncle's house he ceases from going to the car wash coz there's a new car washer in his abode. A young lady moves into his Aunt's home they jettison their culinary obligation coz a new cook has arrived. Madness. Individualism and selfhood can still be conserve even when accommodating someone and feeding them.

The younger sister though, anytime am helping my sisters and brothers I don't even count it as maidhood( but that's just me)

Trust me tables will turn tomorrow the younger sister will be the one with young kids and lo and behold she

Will wish for any immediate family's help, because apparently most people do not trust childcare raising babies abroad is hard,


I only see the main problem here is taking care of kids, otherwise for a person with a car, bundle up those babies in the car go look for work.

Lizypumping:
My friend has been living with her sister and her husband for six months now. Her sister is using her for some help especially asking her to take care of her little baby/child. My friend on the other hand needs a job and sometimes will want to go out to meet friends to help her apply for jobs; but her sister feels angry whenever this my friend is not available to help her babysit.

My friend can't leave her sister's house until she gets a job!

What can you tell my friend, should she continue helping her sister and not help her self? Should her sister not take the child to day care so she can have her own freedom, not just make my friend by default watch the baby when they all (with husband) go to work?

simple. why can't she come and start living with YOU since you are so concerned for her. except..........your friend is..... YOU.

Loool

I have a friend who was/is in a similar situation. The part where the sister said they will look down on them if she takes the job is so familiar, I ve heared such before.

Some elder siblings can be selfish, using you to live their lives while yours is placed on hold, there should be a balance, help your sis at home and you should still be able to live your life.

My friend is 27plus and could not really go out on dates because shes babysitting and when they would talk they said shebi she has a 38yr old sister that is not yet married why is she in a hurry , so because she has an unmarried sibling that means she should meet potential spouses abi. That is an example of selfishness.

This same friend just finished msc and she does makeup too. She travels to osun state for a wedding make up and they say how much are they even paying you for the makeup sef that you are travelling to Ife. Its Lagos to Ife ooo not Yola to Ife.(You know she would have gone a day before in order to attend to the bride early since shes not in the same town with her so I guess she couldn't baby sit for that day)

She also got a small day job where she would be paid 40k, they said its like a sales girl job that she ll get a better one infact the sis said to her face that its because she doesn't want to help her baby sit that's why she wants to take the job (They actually called a family meeting on her head).

I asked her that since 40k is small will they give her that as pocket money every month? So she cant manage a small job till the big break comes abi.
She had to drop the opportunity.

This is an example of a selfish sibling and trust me they are so much in naija. I am all for doing chores and all that but some siblings will virtually want to live their life through you and place yours on hold and before you know it years have passed.

We talk about people maltreating maids if only we know what some siblings also pass through.

A lot of people are not nice at all.

Miami11:
If she can drive, she should wait for sister or hubby to get home, grab the car and go job hunting.

She should wait till evening before going for job hunt? Did they not have an arrangement working for them before this 'nanny' qua sister came along?

Is she a third parent to those children that she has to bear the brunt of taking care of them at the expense of her own goals?

Why do people have this mentality that because you are staying with them, your plans and schedule must come last all the time?

Or am I getting something wrong here?

Miami11:
The younger sister though, anytime am helping my sisters and brothers I don't even count it as maidhood( but that's just me)

Trust me tables will turn tomorrow the younger sister will be the one with young kids and lo and behold she

Will wish for any immediate family's help, because apparently most people do not trust childcare raising babies abroad is hard,


I only see the main problem here is taking care of kids, otherwise for a person with a car, bundle up those babies in the car go look for work.

Their help shouldn't come at the expense of their own lives.

I know of someone who just had to break free and run from a relative's house. That was because all she was allowed to do with her life the 17 years or so she spent with them were chores! She had little or no time to do anything else. Fine, they were ready to school her, but that was never to be because she didn't even have the time to read for WASSCE, hence that blighted her chances of passing the exam. Herself and her family as a whole woke up when she clocked 26 or so, with no education to show for it. Scratch that... with no life to show for it.

She took the bold step to move out about 3years ago. It was after she left that she was able to pass her WASSCE and go for her ND programme at least. I don't know her plans with respect to furthering for now, but I do know she is currently working, and has become a balanced individual.

And with respect to your last statement: do you mean she should take the children along with her in the car when going in search of a job? How workable is that? And why does she have to take up more responsibility than the parents of the children?

----------------------------
Please people, when someone comes to stay with you, it is not an opportunity to trade their lives for your benefit. Don't make them lose plans for their own lives as a payback for the roof you're putting over their heads, afterall it is God who gave that roof to you. Fine, every guest has to earn their keep by helping around the house and compromising every now and then, but please, taking that too far is against God. I remember clearly that several times in the bible, God instructed the Israelites not to maltreat strangers living with them, moreso, as they have been strangers in a foreign land at some point themselves. You aren't even allowed to mistreat a house-maid, for the sheer reason that they were made in the image and likeness of God, talk more of your relatives. You can accommodate others without draining the life and dreams out of them. And no, you don't have to physically or verbally abuse them for it to be termed 'mistreatment'. Simply seeing them, and treating them as a means to an end (your end) can be aptly described as 'mistreatment'. You use things, not people, and the fact that they are living with you doesn't change that.

Thank you.

I thank everyone that has shared one or two things here. But before I go on, even if it is me I don't think there is a problem with that right so please those that wants to kill themselves over who is who....
To even make things worse this young lady (my friend) has her car, her job and everything you can imagine. The idea is that she needs a job to get back on her feet. But since people have a mentality that if you stay with me I must also benefit from you. Her sister told her that if she takes the cna job,; a low paying job, how can she get the good one. That it is not good to take a job and within two weeks you tell them you leaving based on a good bigger one that you had secured. My friend has her degree, like I said she's a big girl she just relocated to her sister's state so she doesn't have a job. Could she had took her job with her you mean?
I think her sister kept discouraging her not to get the CNA job for her own selfish interest.

Askseek:
Being in the US that long, the one thing you learn is pay your way if you want independence. Let her get her own place with her savings and find her way from there. This I know, there are two sides to a story. Heard too many of these kind of stories and when you hear the other side it does not match.

Her saving was depleted in staying with her, she pays off all other bills asides rent. No job... if u don't work on your savings it will vanish

cococandy:
Can you talk to the sister on her behalf?

I can but what for? Not in the same state as I am.

cococandy:
Look down on her?
That's just funny.
So what kind of training does your friend have and in what area is she looking for a job?

Is it working as a waitress or store sales person that the sister won't mind her doing?
Just asking because it seems she doesn't have professional training hence her finding the CNA job to start with.
But she must start somewhere.
The sister isn't being helpful at all.
Some people start from CNA and work their way up the ladder.
If she doesn't want her doing CNA job, maybe she should help get higher training to get a better job.

She had a degree that's why and her sister too has her Phd.. so they are big in church. My friend don't mind doing a CNA low paying job.
So you assumed wrongly that she doesn't have a higher training. She does that is why baby sitting at all she has achieve is a bad thing. It is not that you can't help your sister but the sister is returning her to stage zero.

ronald4lif:
I beg to disagree, ma'am. That she isn't engaged with work, school or whatever doesn't mean she should become a babysitter. She's no nanny and the parents of the baby are solely responsible for looking after their kids. And house chores isn't same as babysitting and even so house chores doesn't mean the person should become their dish washer, chef and laundry personnel.

That one is accommodating someone doesn't espouse the responsibility of a maid. If they can't afford a nanny or neither of them can't give up work or take an employment that dovetails with the nursing of the baby then they shouldn't have had one in the first place.

What would have been the fate of the baby had she not moved in with them? The action of her sister evince one who reticently doesn't even want her get a job so she can continue her role of a babysitter. If she doesn't want to help the poor lady, let her say so.

This is just wrong and same anomalous praxis we have adopted over the years which should be frowned on. We think that once you're accommodating a relative/friend they should assume the role of a maid, cleaner and same time think we're helping the person in need.

A young man moves to an uncle's house he ceases from going to the car wash coz there's a new car washer in his abode. A young lady moves into his Aunt's home they jettison their culinary obligation coz a new cook has arrived. Madness. Individualism and selfhood can still be conserve even when accommodating someone and feeding them.

I love your grammar. .. giving her accommodation don espouse slavery self. I'm on your side. I love all your point dear .
ThankS for contributing

Miami11:
The younger sister though, anytime am helping my sisters and brothers I don't even count it as maidhood( but that's just me)

Trust me tables will turn tomorrow the younger sister will be the one with young kids and lo and behold she

Will wish for any immediate family's help, because apparently most people do not trust childcare raising babies abroad is hard,

I only see the main problem here is taking care of kids, otherwise for a person with a car, bundle up those babies in the car go look for work.

Two points here
1. Child care is expensive and people don't trust anyone with thier child. But hey so just becos of that my firms now has to suffer for it?
2. It is only one baby.. 6 months old.. it is freezing my cold she can't do that and babies cry every where they are distractions. Her sister will Halla if she tries that I am sure

Miami11:
The younger sister though, anytime am helping my sisters and brothers I don't even count it as maidhood( but that's just me)

Trust me tables will turn tomorrow the younger sister will be the one with young kids and lo and behold she

Will wish for any immediate family's help, because apparently most people do not trust childcare raising babies abroad is hard,


I only see the main problem here is taking care of kids, otherwise for a person with a car, bundle up those babies in the car go look for work.

Two points here
1. Child care is expensive and people don't trust anyone with thier child. But hey so just becos of that my friend now has to suffer for it?
2. It is only one baby.. 6 months old.. it is freezing cold she can't do that and babies cry every where there are distractions with them. Her sister will Halla if she tries that I am sure of that too

nnamdiosu:
simple. why can't she come and start living with YOU since you are so concerned for her. except..........your friend is..... YOU.

You name has defined you. Since she has decided to live with her sister. Don't mix up the argument here my dear. Even if it is me, can you put a face to the stroy oga? Who cares who the person is.
We are only learning here bro

yetseyi:
Loool

I have a friend who was/is in a similar situation. The part where the sister said they will look down on them if she takes the job is so familiar, I ve heared such before.

Some elder siblings can be selfish, using you to live their lives while yours is placed on hold, there should be a balance, help your sis at home and you should still be able to live your life.

My friend is 27plus and could not really go out on dates because shes babysitting and when they would talk they said shebi she has a 38yr old sister that is not yet married why is she in a hurry , so because she has an unmarried sibling that means she should meet potential spouses abi. That is an example of selfishness.

This same friend just finished msc and she does makeup too. She travels to osun state for a wedding make up and they say how much are they even paying you for the makeup sef that you are travelling to Ife. Its Lagos to Ife ooo not Yola to Ife.(You know she would have gone a day before in order to attend to the bride early since shes not in the same town with her so I guess she couldn't baby sit for that day)

She also got a small day job where she would be paid 40k, they said its like a sales girl job that she ll get a better one infact the sis said to her face that its because she doesn't want to help her baby sit that's why she wants to take the job (They actually called a family meeting on her head).

I asked her that since 40k is small will they give her that as pocket money every month? So she cant manage a small job till the big break comes abi.
She had to drop the opportunity.

This is an example of a selfish sibling and trust me they are so much in naija. I am all for doing chores and all that but some siblings will virtually want to live their life through you and place yours on hold and before you know it years have passed.

We talk about people maltreating maids if only we know what some siblings also pass through.

A lot of people are not nice at all.

Imagine that. This is a very similar case. She can take the 40k. One of my friend tho a male said to me that (the head of a child brings a child, so the head of a job will bring a better job) meaning we can start from any job. The more you go out every day you meet new people and you tell them and from there you are a step away from you dream job something like that. 40k is not bad in nigeria for a start.

Secondly, just becos her sister is 38 and not married is non of her buisness. What if God has destined her sister as a mother in Christ that would not marry ever?

The baseline is that we all should play our parts in life fairly and in accordance to God's teaching.

Gaborone:
She should wait till evening before going for job hunt? Did they not have an arrangement working for them before this 'nanny' qua sister came along?

Is she a third parent to those children that she has to bear the brunt of taking care of them at the expense of her own goals?

Why do people have this mentality that because you are staying with them, your plans and schedule must come last all the time?

Or am I getting something wrong here?

If I say this y'all will be shocked. Her husband cousin is coming from Nigeria next week; guess wht will happen She said the guy will assist with baby sitting and that my friend can take days for job searching..