₦airaland Forum

Does anyone here loves the Nigerian police? I am yet to meet anyone who loves the average Nigeria policeman, in some rare cases, they mention how few of them are good but they would rather keep them at arms length. Why? I will never know

Now to the business of the day, how to make a Nigerian policeman lick your feet. Permit me to use this distasteful analogy, I can’t think of a better one right now, you may have heard of olosho at one point or every point in your life, ashawo needs no introduction, they are already an household name

The difference between an olosho/runs girl and a prostitute is not much, yet distinct. An ashawo has a fixed price, while you have to negotiate with an olosho. I will explain better

If you are very conversant with the regular prostitute mode of work, you will notice the prices are fixed – To go down, you will have to pay N500, if you are not satisfied and you feel the need to touch boobs and lurk lips a little then you will need to add an additional N200 or buy her a cold beer after the intercourse

Now to the runs girls, their prices are not fixed, they weigh you before charging you, if you come to them by foot, you are likely to pay N3,000, if you are a little bit unfortunate to meet one of them while driving, you may end up paying as much as N10,000

The question you probably want to ask right now is what has this got to do with a policeman saluting you anytime you drive by, well, I will like to tell you this is how the average Nigerian policeman see you

The danfo drivers prices are fixed while yours is negotiable, and if you are not careful, you may be treated as an international olosho, one with a degree at the Italian university of liberation

How do you change this damning orientation?

1. Forget your grammar at Home

When you meet a policeman on the road, his whole system is tailored to ask you to “drop something for the boys” you may end up showing him your swimming license but in the long run, all he wants is the money. Don’t make him feel intimidated by speaking big patrick obahiagbon grammar, it will take you nowhere and can even make him delay you out of confusion, just smile and give him his N100, always tell them, you will give them more when you are boxed up

2. Take your pride with you

While it is entirely okay to leave your grammar at home, I beg you, always take your pride with you, the moment a policeman feels he is better than you, you are in deep trouble, even if you are caught driving a beetle, just say officer ” I didn’t see you at this checkpoint when I drove out in my range rover this morning”, it is indeed a life saver, the one you will always thank me for, even if you are just hitching around the town, tell him you are on your way to pick Dangote’s cousin and you will see him later. Police is your friend, he deserves to know who you are picking

3. Car Stickers

This one works faster than Ijebu charm, get a lawyer sticker, journalist sticker or any sticker from the Nigerian army and place it in the front of your car. All you have to do is horn and wave, in the event, you are flagged down, be the first to ask the question, ask about his welfare and tell him “That’s the Job” with a little sense of urgency

4. Be friends with the “Oga At The Top”

This is the simplest and the easiest of all, you can run a policeman down with your car, warn him never to flag you down again, if he tries to argue, tell him you are about to call the assistant general of police, he will beg you to ram him with your car again instead

5.Costume

Always dress in a herbalist costume, endow your fingers with fetish ring or make one for yourself, even the spirikoko police officer will have no option but to leave you, the trash for lawma

6. Be An Albino

This is the only exception, if there’s a way you can be an albino, please be. If you know where to get the cream, please get it. I have never seen an albino arrested before and I don’t think you are about to be the first

This article is in no way written to mock the Nigerian police or what they stand for, we appreciate them, but at the end of the day it is always what it is



http://www.naijanewsrave.com/hilarious-6-ways-to-make-the-nigerian-policemen-respect-you-at-checkpoint/[right][/right]

. Love the references. Cool

k

LOL at your olosho analogy tho. This guy don tey for the business

baseless n senseless....
promoting bribery. and going against what a good nation shud stand for....

Funny!

hehehehhehehe this really got me laughing. especially the native doctor part.

Lalasticlala come and see o

Guy park well, does it look like we are in a good nation right now?

hummerwise:
baseless n senseless....
promoting bribery. and going against what a good nation shud stand for....