₦airaland Forum

I dnt agree with 1-4, but number 5 for me is VERY important, any man going into marriage without adequate "consultations and counselling " from genuine sources is just playing nairabet with his marital future amongst other things.

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amokeme:
Me: mummy, ezekiel is asking me out o, and I think I like him... what do you think?

Mummy: do you think he likes you or you are just bored

Me: hanhan, no naw, I like him. He is nice, makes me laugh bla bla bla

Mummy : ok o, if you say so.. (We start gisting about something else )
******few days later,

Mummy: ehn how is Ezekiel?

Me: he is fine, we are now dating..

Mummy : ehn ehn. . (With a sarcastic smile on her face)

Me : ehn (rolling my eyes )

Mummy : I will sha be praying, if it is not the will of God, it will scatter..

***** during devotions (morning and night )

Mummy : Lord I commit my daughter's relationship into your hands, if it is not your will let it scatter And let them go their separate ways peacefully in Jesus name

Me:

Mummy : *noticed I didn't say Amen, will repeat the prayer and hit my laps to say Amen *

Me: reluctantly says Amen (then says God for bid in my mind )



My parents don't really care about these things. So long as you both feel the same way about each other, then they are fine.
They can only assist you both in prayers

Lol!better mama +better pikin

Dexema:
I dnt agree with 1-4, but number 5 for me is VERY important, any man going into marriage without adequate "consultations and counselling " from genuine sources is just playing nairabet with his marital future amongst other things.

lol..abeg which source is genuine? Baba,Alfa or Pastor?

ClassCaptain:
I quite agree with everything stated here except number one.

An adage says what an elder sees while sitting down, the young ones might not see even if they mount on something..

What will seem to forget is that..when u marry someone, u dont marry only he or she.. You marry her beliefs, you marry her customs, rituals and every thing associated with her including the inlaws.

You may say you and your spouse love eachother regardless of tribe or customs but what about the inlaws. What of when they come and say ... This is the way its done in our tribe and we will do it as such.

You and the wife may understand each other but the family members nko.

This is what happens when one of the couple dies, and the other is made to go through inhumane treatment..what happens if your spouse tribe insists that every first son must get an incision or die according to their customs.

It is paramount to be careful concerning not the tribe of the spouse but the customs and secret traditions of the spouse as u are not only safeguarding your marriage but that of your life and future generation.

Remember a man can be converted from a religion but it is rare if not impossible for one to relinquish his tradition beliefs, etnics and custom.

A love affair is primarily about the couple fist before any other and that is why we call the person we love BAE(Before any other).

Yes i agree that what the elders se while siting bla bla bla but whatever they see is to give them insights which serve as template for their advice and not to force their decisions on us.

BTW Lalasticlala have you seen this?

That awkward moment when you bring home a woman you want to marry (from the same village/town) and your parents tell you can't marry her.
You ask why, and they say its beacause your great great great great great grandmother and her great great great great great great grandmother were cousins.
And you're like, "whaaa?"

Toks2008:
lol..abeg which source is genuine? Baba,Alfa or Pastor?

let your inner witness dictate.

Toks2008:
In many families especially those of African descend,parents tend to believe that they have absolute monopoly over their children and you will see them express such autocratic disposition with words like "I am your mother,I am your father,we are your parents and we know what is good for you""

Yes i agree that most times if not all the time,they tend to believe they have our interest at heart but the unfortunate fact is that in most cases,they are only forcing down our throat what they belove is actually good from their self centered perspective.

The most bizarre twist to this is when they cross the line by wanting to dictate the tide of our emotions and will always want to lay down a module for our heart to follow thereby practically complicating the lives of their children with their autocratic,self centered and archaic mindset.

Here are 6 ways many parents complicate the marital future of their own children.

1.They tell us not to marry from a particular tribe::Like seriously! What has tribe got to do with matters of the heart? What if all the people i meet from my tribe are not what i want?i guess i must marry one of them just to boost my parents ego...Nah!

2.They want us to marry from a particular religion::This will make sense to some religion fanatics but i guess if my dad obeyed his parent i will not be in existence today. Religion as important as it is must never create a divide when it comes to matters of the heart and in-fact my growing up was fun as my dad calls me Lukman(My Muslim name) and i will gladly answer while my mum calls me by my regular name.Each of my siblings were christened the Muslim way in the morning and the Christian way in the afternoon During Christmas we enjoyed the chicken and during Muslim festivals we enjoyed the ram .

In-fact my dad loved my mum deeply till he passed on at 73 so in my own world i see nothing wrong in the wife and husband practicing different religion as long as there is religion tolerance..

3.They use their children as battle pawns::This one is indeed a very crazy one.Have you seen a situation where a parent realizes their son or daughter is in love with another person from a family they have discord with?

Please if you want to continue your fight just leave your children out of the issue,you have your life to live and your children hav theirs..please live and lets live.

4.They tell us not to marry from a poor background::This is the most pathetic of all and this usually happens among the rich and the poor. The rich parents believe every other person from a humble background is out to milk them dry so they tell their children to look for a fellow rich partner from a rich home and even when this becomes a Herculean task,they will resort to arrangee wedding thereby destroying the matrimonial lives of their children as the marriage usually breaks down even before it starts.

For the hopelessly poor parents,they will tell their children especially the females to shine their eyes and not bring home a poor guy thereby forcing their daughters to sell themselves to highest bidders who will see them as nothing more than a bought object and discard them when they are done with them. That is why many struggling guys shy away from visiting some parents of their partners because by the time they drill you and they find out you are still a hustler,your case is a sorry case .

5.They tell us that our stars do not match ::Chai! this one is beyond me. You will see a situation where some parents will take the name of any man or lady that comes into the life of their children straight to one baba,pastor or alfa to check if your stars match(Whatever that means) and most times these spiritualists will just tell them trash and they will come back to their child to say "Ehm,you see we went somewhere and they said.." Taarh! Rubbish and nonsense. Are they GOD?

6.They make insane demands from the suitors of their daughters ::This is seen in some tribes in Nigeria where they will give you funny list with items amounting to hundreds of thousands and even over a million not minding how you get the money and this has turned many ladies from such tribe to be objects used and dumped by guys who are not ready to go through that greedy and extortive process not because they don't love the lady but they just can't afford it.

Many children have eloped for life and some committed suicide out of frustration and many have killed one of their parent just to have their way so i will advice parents to respect their children's decisions and let them make their choices.Yes give them advice as parents but let them make their choice.

Hope this make sense.

so what is the solution dnt tell me "bami ni jamb question

Vikky014:
so what is the solution dnt tell me "bami ni jamb question

follow your heart

ChizzyMaris:
That awkward moment when you bring home a woman you want to marry (from the same village/town) and your parents tell you can't marry her.
You ask why, and they say its beacause your great great great great great grandmother and her great great great great great great grandmother were cousins.
And you're like, "whaaa?"

lobatAn

Toks2008:
follow your heart

alright

Toks2008:
lol..abeg which source is genuine? Baba,Alfa or Pastor?

don't confuse the man more

missingrib:
don't confuse the man more

Just want him to set the records straight.

Welmme:
...

lol

Very true especially number 6

Toks2008:
In many families especially those of African descend,parents tend to believe that they have absolute monopoly over their children and you will see them express such autocratic disposition with words like "I am your mother,I am your father,we are your parents and we know what is good for you""

Yes i agree that most times if not all the time,they tend to believe they have our interest at heart but the unfortunate fact is that in most cases,they are only forcing down our throat what they belove is actually good from their self centered perspective.

The most bizarre twist to this is when they cross the line by wanting to dictate the tide of our emotions and will always want to lay down a module for our heart to follow thereby practically complicating the lives of their children with their autocratic,self centered and archaic mindset.

Here are 6 ways many parents complicate the marital future of their own children.

1.They tell us not to marry from a particular tribe::Like seriously! What has tribe got to do with matters of the heart? What if all the people i meet from my tribe are not what i want?i guess i must marry one of them just to boost my parents ego...Nah!

2.They want us to marry from a particular religion::This will make sense to some religion fanatics but i guess if my dad obeyed his parent i will not be in existence today. Religion as important as it is must never create a divide when it comes to matters of the heart and in-fact my growing up was fun as my dad calls me Lukman(My Muslim name) and i will gladly answer while my mum calls me by my regular name.Each of my siblings were christened the Muslim way in the morning and the Christian way in the afternoon During Christmas we enjoyed the chicken and during Muslim festivals we enjoyed the ram .

In-fact my dad loved my mum deeply till he passed on at 73 so in my own world i see nothing wrong in the wife and husband practicing different religion as long as there is religion tolerance..

3.They use their children as battle pawns::This one is indeed a very crazy one.Have you seen a situation where a parent realizes their son or daughter is in love with another person from a family they have discord with?

Please if you want to continue your fight just leave your children out of the issue,you have your life to live and your children hav theirs..please live and lets live.

4.They tell us not to marry from a poor background::This is the most pathetic of all and this usually happens among the rich and the poor. The rich parents believe every other person from a humble background is out to milk them dry so they tell their children to look for a fellow rich partner from a rich home and even when this becomes a Herculean task,they will resort to arrangee wedding thereby destroying the matrimonial lives of their children as the marriage usually breaks down even before it starts.

For the hopelessly poor parents,they will tell their children especially the females to shine their eyes and not bring home a poor guy thereby forcing their daughters to sell themselves to highest bidders who will see them as nothing more than a bought object and discard them when they are done with them. That is why many struggling guys shy away from visiting some parents of their partners because by the time they drill you and they find out you are still a hustler,your case is a sorry case .

5.They tell us that our stars do not match ::Chai! this one is beyond me. You will see a situation where some parents will take the name of any man or lady that comes into the life of their children straight to one baba,pastor or alfa to check if your stars match(Whatever that means) and most times these spiritualists will just tell them trash and they will come back to their child to say "Ehm,you see we went somewhere and they said.." Taarh! Rubbish and nonsense. Are they GOD?

6.They make insane demands from the suitors of their daughters ::This is seen in some tribes in Nigeria where they will give you funny list with items amounting to hundreds of thousands and even over a million not minding how you get the money and this has turned many ladies from such tribe to be objects used and dumped by guys who are not ready to go through that greedy and extortive process not because they don't love the lady but they just can't afford it.

Many children have eloped for life and some committed suicide out of frustration and many have killed one of their parent just to have their way so i will advice parents to respect their children's decisions and let them make their choices.Yes give them advice as parents but let them make their choice.

Hope this make sense.

aminat508 hope you read this

[quote author=Toks2008 post=43746835]Good.[/WELLDONE]

Waoo, nyc one, you just made nyc point, buh that's not all tho, lemme just add this

6) Average african parent will always remind you that you are short and dark, so you must bring a tall and fair lady home, or remind the girl that she is short, please don't think of marrying that short guy I saw you with as though they created themselves.. #Smh4 9ja Parent#

nedu2000:
I'm in the middle of that very issue now

me too

Toks2008:
In many families especially those of African descend,parents tend to believe that they have absolute monopoly over their children and you will see them express such autocratic disposition with words like "I am your mother,I am your father,we are your parents and we know what is good for you""

Yes i agree that most times if not all the time,they tend to believe they have our interest at heart but the unfortunate fact is that in most cases,they are only forcing down our throat what they belove is actually good from their self centered perspective.

The most bizarre twist to this is when they cross the line by wanting to dictate the tide of our emotions and will always want to lay down a module for our heart to follow thereby practically complicating the lives of their children with their autocratic,self centered and archaic mindset.

Here are 6 ways many parents complicate the marital future of their own children.

1.They tell us not to marry from a particular tribe::Like seriously! What has tribe got to do with matters of the heart? What if all the people i meet from my tribe are not what i want?i guess i must marry one of them just to boost my parents ego...Nah!

2.They want us to marry from a particular religion::This will make sense to some religion fanatics but i guess if my dad obeyed his parent i will not be in existence today. Religion as important as it is must never create a divide when it comes to matters of the heart and in-fact my growing up was fun as my dad calls me Lukman(My Muslim name) and i will gladly answer while my mum calls me by my regular name.Each of my siblings were christened the Muslim way in the morning and the Christian way in the afternoon During Christmas we enjoyed the chicken and during Muslim festivals we enjoyed the ram .

In-fact my dad loved my mum deeply till he passed on at 73 so in my own world i see nothing wrong in the wife and husband practicing different religion as long as there is religion tolerance..

3.They use their children as battle pawns::This one is indeed a very crazy one.Have you seen a situation where a parent realizes their son or daughter is in love with another person from a family they have discord with?

Please if you want to continue your fight just leave your children out of the issue,you have your life to live and your children hav theirs..please live and lets live.

4.They tell us not to marry from a poor background::This is the most pathetic of all and this usually happens among the rich and the poor. The rich parents believe every other person from a humble background is out to milk them dry so they tell their children to look for a fellow rich partner from a rich home and even when this becomes a Herculean task,they will resort to arrangee wedding thereby destroying the matrimonial lives of their children as the marriage usually breaks down even before it starts.

For the hopelessly poor parents,they will tell their children especially the females to shine their eyes and not bring home a poor guy thereby forcing their daughters to sell themselves to highest bidders who will see them as nothing more than a bought object and discard them when they are done with them. That is why many struggling guys shy away from visiting some parents of their partners because by the time they drill you and they find out you are still a hustler,your case is a sorry case .

5.They tell us that our stars do not match ::Chai! this one is beyond me. You will see a situation where some parents will take the name of any man or lady that comes into the life of their children straight to one baba,pastor or alfa to check if your stars match(Whatever that means) and most times these spiritualists will just tell them trash and they will come back to their child to say "Ehm,you see we went somewhere and they said.." Taarh! Rubbish and nonsense. Are they GOD?

6.They make insane demands from the suitors of their daughters ::This is seen in some tribes in Nigeria where they will give you funny list with items amounting to hundreds of thousands and even over a million not minding how you get the money and this has turned many ladies from such tribe to be objects used and dumped by guys who are not ready to go through that greedy and extortive process not because they don't love the lady but they just can't afford it.

Many children have eloped for life and some committed suicide out of frustration and many have killed one of their parent just to have their way so i will advice parents to respect their children's decisions and let them make their choices.Yes give them advice as parents but let them make their choice.

Hope this make sense.

wtf are you saying man?

Mr lukman
What a name



Erm erm...
Yes, I agree
But like I said
I will marry where I find love, chikena!

How I wish

As I stubborn reach, I don't think anybody can decide for me. But your point is very valid in Nigeria

Toks2008:
A love affair is primarily about the couple fist before any other and that is why we call the person we love BAE(Before any other).

Yes i agree that what the elders se while siting bla bla bla but whatever they see is to give them insights which serve as template for their advice and not to force their decisions on us.

BTW Lalasticlala have you seen this?

after doing bla bla bla go and marry from another tribe and have your children suffer from identity crisis for the rest of their lives. This is how you guys marry wrong genotype and live ur entire lives in regret because u're pursuing love that is not founded on reason.

RUBBISH! this is 2016 not 1980s or 60s

ClassCaptain:
I quite agree with everything stated here except number one.

An adage says what an elder sees while sitting down, the young ones might not see even if they mount on something..

What will seem to forget is that..when u marry someone, u dont marry only he or she.. You marry her beliefs, you marry her customs, rituals and every thing associated with her including the inlaws.

You may say you and your spouse love eachother regardless of tribe or customs but what about the inlaws. What of when they come and say ... This is the way its done in our tribe and we will do it as such.

You and the wife may understand each other but the family members nko.

This is what happens when one of the couple dies, and the other is made to go through inhumane treatment..what happens if your spouse tribe insists that every first son must get an incision or die according to their customs.

It is paramount to be careful concerning not the tribe of the spouse but the customs and secret traditions of the spouse as u are not only safeguarding your marriage but that of your life and future generation.

Remember a man can be converted from a religion but it is rare if not impossible for one to relinquish his tradition beliefs, etnics and custom.

The tribe thing isn't too far fetched... the only reason I'll marry outside my tribe is if I know that he's genuinely a good person, is not traditional and loves God... let's not kid ourselves, our different tribes don't view marriage the same way.

The religion one? Eeeeehhhhmmmm no can't do. No Muslim or traditionalist for me and I'm pretty sure they don't want me too...

No3 is not seen anymore, nollywood stuff.

For poor background, you mean no "family/old money" abi? Not that the dude is poor shey? Coz I know there's a saying that goes "cut your coat according to..." well, you know the rest. Because Nigerian men don't do well when their wives are breadwinners... they develop this weird silly attitude and start acting up. Life ain't nollywood.

Ehhm... stars don't align? Lol... just lol...

As for those demands... I'm just highly ashamed to be igbo when that pops up...

I guess what I'm saying is... well, I'm not sure what I'm saying but marriage is more than "matters of the heart".

But then again, what do I know?

Rich igbo parents are number one culprit. A friend of mine told me that her parents are particular about them marrying an engineeer working for shell, total, chevron or Exxon. Or at least a medical doctor from d igbo areas. Because they spent money giving them d best education (whatever that means). Also since both parents are managers in d oil n gas industry working for multinational firms. This mentality or strange doctrine is held like a dogma in their choice of relationships. But d children seem confused becos life reveals everyday to dem dat they are in long long thing. I pity them.

notouradmin:
aminat508 hope you read this

amokeme:
Me: mummy, ezekiel is asking me out o, and I think I like him... what do you think?

Mummy: do you think he likes you or you are just bored

Me: hanhan, no naw, I like him. He is nice, makes me laugh bla bla bla

Mummy : ok o, if you say so.. (We start gisting about something else )
******few days later,

Mummy: ehn how is Ezekiel?

Me: he is fine, we are now dating..

Mummy : ehn ehn. . (With a sarcastic smile on her face)

Me : ehn (rolling my eyes )

Mummy : I will sha be praying, if it is not the will of God, it will scatter..

***** during devotions (morning and night )

Mummy : Lord I commit my daughter's relationship into your hands, if it is not your will let it scatter And let them go their separate ways peacefully in Jesus name

Me:

Mummy : *noticed I didn't say Amen, will repeat the prayer and hit my laps to say Amen *

Me: reluctantly says Amen (then says God for bid in my mind )



My parents don't really care about these things. So long as you both feel the same way about each other, then they are fine.
They can only assist you both in prayers

wow. u got grt parents. in fact I would love to have them as my in laws. #seriously . how about that?

Spots on! Thumbs up @ op!