₦airaland Forum

I am 25yrs of Age, with 5 younger ones, Am currently doing my n.c.e at Adeyemi college of Education....The second born is out of school getting ready for service, while the 3rd born should be at part 3,while the 4th born just gained admission.... I am the oldest of all doing my nce(my education is somehow slow due to some circumstances).

I noticed that my dad doesn't love me as a first born, my younger ones are valuable than I, everything mistakes I do counts, while my younger ones mistakes are overlooked... He even called me one day that he's not proud of me, that am not presentable.

In short, home is like Hell fire... He told me that he's through with me after my NCE program.

Though I am an huzzler, I try not to call them much for much.. I work here and there to survive in school... so as from December I left home till now (March) I haven't called home for money, not even going home at all, to avoid being a burden to them...my father once told me I have no future...he compares my progress to my younger ones...(sobing)
He dare not see me bringing a lady as friend home let alone gf.. ..but my younger ones do bring friends ladies or male....My younger ones enjoy opportunities than I.. .i am just neglected .

So I decided that before they see me, it will be long may be May or when I finish my program by August...

The question is, hope am not wrong by not going home, (bcoz my dad is just so strict)... I don't know maybe I would have been disowned already for not coming home.... Home is just like Hell(and besides am 25, I need to learn to be independent) ....

Am I wrong by not going home for a long time even though he's still sponsoring me.... plz help me out.... thanks

Oh my God. They say misery loves company.İ just posted a similar story on the family thread called "İ am angry". How are you? Please don't hurt yourself. The situation might look hopeless and you might feel worthless and not worthy of being alive but İ promise you that you are important to somebody and if no body,you are important to me.
İ am in the exact same situation as you are and İ get so angry. İ am angry right now. Why some parents choose to demean their own flesh and blood knowing fully well the power they have over their children.
My friend,İ am sorry you are going through this. My heart goes out to you.
My(long) post might not mean anything but please just hang in there. Take it one day at a time. This is just a passing phase. All these things will pass. You are important.Say it to yourself 5x. say it right now.

Oh my God. They say misery loves company.İ just posted a similar story on the family thread called "İ am angry". How are you? Please don't hurt yourself. The situation might look hopeless and you might feel worthless and not worthy of being alive but İ promise you that you are important to somebody and if no body,you are important to me.
İ am in the exact same situation as you are and İ get so angry. İ am angry right now. Why some parents choose to demean their own flesh and blood knowing fully well the power they have over their children.
My friend,İ am sorry you are going through this. My heart goes out to you.
My(long) post might not mean anything but please just hang in there. Take it one day at a time. This is just a passing phase. All these things will pass. You are important.Say it to yourself 5x. say it right now.
As

All this time you have been away,has your father called to ask you why you have not come home? İf the answer is yes,maybe you should go home. İf no,stay back where you are.
To ease your conscience,you can call them once in a while to check up on them. Your emotional health and self esteem is important. İf you miss your younger ones,you can call them and have them come visit you.
Please hang in there. You are not alone. God bless you.

Hmmn..... ... I understand how you feel. Firstly let me make this clear to you.. . That you are running an NCE prog when your siblings are running a degree program isn't a measure of what the future holds. NCE appears like a program that waste time and for the less privileged but that is not true.Immediately you are through with this program don't hesitate to proceed for your degree. You will get there someday.
For your family... It is normal for ppl to look down on us, this is the more reason why you musnt relent but strive to make them celebrate you. Do you know some parents show preference to their kids based on Academics, Age, success, Attitude, Character, Financial assistance .. .... However it is normal for parents to show love to a child than others. You are the eldest so you just have to absorb everything this will make you appear matured. Go home once in a while but pls behave well.

no they didn't call me.... am Just inspired by your advice... God bless you @redwriter

Swissheart:
Hmmn..... ... I understand how you feel. Firstly let me make this clear to you.. . That you are running an NCE prog when your siblings are running a degree program isn't a measure of what the future holds. NCE appears likes a program that waste time and for the less privileged but that is not true.Immediately you are through with this program don't hesitate to proceed for your degree. You will get there someday.
For your family... It is normal for ppl to look down on us, this is the more reason why you musnt relent but strive to make them celebrate you. Do you know some parents show preference to their kids based on Academics, Age, success, Attitude, Character, Financial assistance .. .... However it is normal for parents to show love to a child than others. You are the eldest so you just have to absorb everything this will make you appear matured. Go home once in a while but pls behave well.

God bless you, am inspired

Oga,go out and find out where all these stuffs is happening to you,you've gotten a brighter future. Trust me

Bro that one no be problem na, Your dad indirectly wants you to be on your own "stay your lane". My own sincere assertions,is for you to place high value on your self, love yourself more than anything, create that self worth. Hustle hard,relate with friends, see those that respect you as part of your family.

When you finally makes it "Your papa go dey use you boast in front of his friends"

Such is life Bro.

Pls stay where u are. In my own case then, I don't go home at all. I even did my Xmas in school. In a year, they don't see me. They had to start begging me to come home. But I had peace where I was.
My dear, the only thing u owe ur folks is to SUCCEED. They will end up loving u more later in life. Just prove them wrong by not being a disgrace to ursef.
U will be fine. Stop thinking about them, so u don't feel depressed.

You mean your own father treats you this way and you haven't laid any report to anyone about it?

Is he a god? Please report him to anyone he respects and let them serve him due actions.

If he is a deacon in his church, report to the pastor and let him be dethroned. Take the matter to the village and ask your grandparents and uncles while your own father hates you.

Meanwhile, focus on how you could become a blessing to yourself. Don't let his actions get to you and please safe guard your esteem. NCE or no NCE, do not limit yourself to a small or limited dream. It's time to prove YOU'RE A MAN.

BTW, Where is your mom and what is her contribution in all this?

On whose side is your Mum? Yours, or your father's? That not withstanding, see yourself as a lion, you cannot eat grass. Keep your head straight, study hard, maintain your lane, and by God's grace, you must make it. Embrace God like never before. One day, everything will fall in place; he(your father) will come looking for you. You can stay where you are for now.

I dnt knw work 2say but i wish u Gudluck

OP, its a firstborn thing...can take many forms.


I used to have this neighbour growing up, his dad was so mean to him and treated his younger brothers like eggs.
His dad threw him out at 22 after he brought a girl home amid tears and pleas.
He later got a job in a bank and became GM of another by that time his dad was looking 4 him.
When he got married he simply sent his parents an invite and they definitely showed.

If can manage without your dad, then don't go back face your education and upgrade your qualifications just do whatever you do well and one day your parents and siblings will come looking for you like groupies look for rockstars.

Dont go home. Start learning to be independent.