₦airaland Forum

Toks2008:
I once had a friend who went to bribe the spiritualist when the younger brother of the lady leaked the move to him that the sister and their parents are planning to consult one spiritualist to know if their stars match.LOL!

SURElee:
Guy! Talk true. Walai! So hilarious.

amokeme:
Me: mummy, ezekiel is asking me out o, and I think I like him... what do you think?

Mummy: do you think he likes you or you are just bored

Me: hanhan, no naw, I like him. He is nice, makes me laugh bla bla bla

Mummy : ok o, if you say so.. (We start gisting about something else )
******few days later,

Mummy: ehn how is Ezekiel?

Me: he is fine, we are now dating..

Mummy : ehn ehn. . (With a sarcastic smile on her face)

Me : ehn (rolling my eyes )

Mummy : I will sha be praying, if it is not the will of God, it will scatter..

***** during devotions (morning and night )

Mummy : Lord I commit my daughter's relationship into your hands, if it is not your will let it scatter And let them go their separate ways peacefully in Jesus name

Me:

Mummy : *noticed I didn't say Amen, will repeat the prayer and hit my laps to say Amen *

Me: reluctantly says Amen (then says God for bid in my mind )



My parents don't really care about these things. So long as you both feel the same way about each other, then they are fine.
They can only assist you both in prayers

amokeme:
Me: mummy, ezekiel is asking me out o, and I think I like him... what do you think?

Mummy: do you think he likes you or you are just bored

Me: hanhan, no naw, I like him. He is nice, makes me laugh bla bla bla

Mummy : ok o, if you say so.. (We start gisting about something else )
******few days later,

Mummy: ehn how is Ezekiel?

Me: he is fine, we are now dating..

Mummy : ehn ehn. . (With a sarcastic smile on her face)

Me : ehn (rolling my eyes )

Mummy : I will sha be praying, if it is not the will of God, it will scatter..

***** during devotions (morning and night )

Mummy : Lord I commit my daughter's relationship into your hands, if it is not your will let it scatter And let them go their separate ways peacefully in Jesus name

Me:

Mummy : *noticed I didn't say Amen, will repeat the prayer and hit my laps to say Amen *

Me: reluctantly says Amen (then says God for bid in my mind )



My parents don't really care about these things. So long as you both feel the same way about each other, then they are fine.
They can only assist you both in prayers

Ooni:
after doing bla bla bla go and marry from another tribe and have your children suffer from identity crisis for the rest of their lives. This is how you guys marry wrong genotype and live ur entire lives in regret because u're pursuing love that is not founded on reason.

Toks2008:
In many families especially those of African descend,parents tend to believe that they have absolute monopoly over their children and you will see them express such autocratic disposition with words like "I am your mother,I am your father,we are your parents and we know what is good for you""

Yes i agree that most times if not all the time,they tend to believe they have our interest at heart but the unfortunate fact is that in most cases,they are only forcing down our throat what they belove is actually good from their self centered perspective.

The most bizarre twist to this is when they cross the line by wanting to dictate the tide of our emotions and will always want to lay down a module for our heart to follow thereby practically complicating the lives of their children with their autocratic,self centered and archaic mindset.

Here are 6 ways many parents complicate the marital future of their own children.

1.They tell us not to marry from a particular tribe::Like seriously! What has tribe got to do with matters of the heart? What if all the people i meet from my tribe are not what i want?i guess i must marry one of them just to boost my parents ego...Nah!

2.They want us to marry from a particular religion::This will make sense to some religion fanatics but i guess if my dad obeyed his parent i will not be in existence today. Religion as important as it is must never create a divide when it comes to matters of the heart and in-fact my growing up was fun as my dad calls me Lukman(My Muslim name) and i will gladly answer while my mum calls me by my regular name.Each of my siblings were christened the Muslim way in the morning and the Christian way in the afternoon During Christmas we enjoyed the chicken and during Muslim festivals we enjoyed the ram .

In-fact my dad loved my mum deeply till he passed on at 73 so in my own world i see nothing wrong in the wife and husband practicing different religion as long as there is religion tolerance..

3.They use their children as battle pawns::This one is indeed a very crazy one.Have you seen a situation where a parent realizes their son or daughter is in love with another person from a family they have discord with?

Please if you want to continue your fight just leave your children out of the issue,you have your life to live and your children hav theirs..please live and lets live.

4.They tell us not to marry from a poor background::This is the most pathetic of all and this usually happens among the rich and the poor. The rich parents believe every other person from a humble background is out to milk them dry so they tell their children to look for a fellow rich partner from a rich home and even when this becomes a Herculean task,they will resort to arrangee wedding thereby destroying the matrimonial lives of their children as the marriage usually breaks down even before it starts.

For the hopelessly poor parents,they will tell their children especially the females to shine their eyes and not bring home a poor guy thereby forcing their daughters to sell themselves to highest bidders who will see them as nothing more than a bought object and discard them when they are done with them. That is why many struggling guys shy away from visiting some parents of their partners because by the time they drill you and they find out you are still a hustler,your case is a sorry case .

5.They tell us that our stars do not match ::Chai! this one is beyond me. You will see a situation where some parents will take the name of any man or lady that comes into the life of their children straight to one baba,pastor or alfa to check if your stars match(Whatever that means) and most times these spiritualists will just tell them trash and they will come back to their child to say "Ehm,you see we went somewhere and they said.." Taarh! Rubbish and nonsense. Are they GOD?

6.They make insane demands from the suitors of their daughters ::This is seen in some tribes in Nigeria where they will give you funny list with items amounting to hundreds of thousands and even over a million not minding how you get the money and this has turned many ladies from such tribe to be objects used and dumped by guys who are not ready to go through that greedy and extortive process not because they don't love the lady but they just can't afford it.

Many children have eloped for life and some committed suicide out of frustration and many have killed one of their parent just to have their way so i will advice parents to respect their children's decisions and let them make their choices.Yes give them advice as parents but let them make their choice.

Hope this make sense.

misspicy:
That number one is a deal breaker,infact still looking for a way to evade it seriously,but then can we blame them? owing to the numerous experience they have had in the tribe issues.

It is better if the children and parents are able to come to a compromise in matters of the heart because,IF something goes wrong(God forbid but IF) the parents will be the ones to stand by the children,so their counsel should be taken into consideration.

that number 4 is very disgusting and a social barrier,even youngsters engage in it

Dexema:
I dnt agree with 1-4, but number 5 for me is VERY important, any man going into marriage without adequate "consultations and counselling " from genuine sources is just playing nairabet with his marital future amongst other things.

Welcomme:
Toks2008, This is wat is really happening btw my girl and her mum, her mum is the type that wants her daughters to b bringing men with cars to their house and giving her money. But my girl is not d type but her younger sis is, even Alhajis come to their house to pick her sis of 17 yrs and her mum sees nothing wrong with that. My girl has complained about this, that wat her mum is doing will destroy the life of her sis. Infact, there was a day, she drove my girl out of her house for not wanting to date a guy that has a car and do bring money to her. My girl was sleeping in her step sis's place for good one week. Will love to hav ur contact, I want to watsapp u. Or email so that I can send my number there..

Babayoutoomuch:
Good points by Op except for no 2.

For me, issue of Faith is very important so that you can be on the same page.

In the case of parental consent.Your parents blessings and approval is very important. In the case of refusal by them, don't say to hell with them.You can do d ff:

1.Commit their hearts to God in prayers and even tell friends & Spiritual leader to join you in prayer. Because the hearts of men are in God's hands including that of your parents & God will chnge their hearts for good.

2.You can seek either of the parents attention and explain your reason(s) for your choice of partner.He/She (Dad /Mum) will help to help you convince the other.

For instance when I told my parents concerning my choice of life partner.My dad especially stood against it that his daughters will never marry a military man.He called me several times @ nights to the back of our house and told me reasons while I cannot marry a military man.I appreciate his concerns for me but I told him I Love my husband but he refused just bcs of his profession.
Then I turned to my mum prayerful to explain why none of dad reasons shld stand against the love of my life.
She agreed and in turn help to talk to dad and today by His grace come 28th this mth will celebrate 15th wedding anniversary and my husband is my dad best son-in law in every sense of the word.

3.Give them time,don't rush, don't elope but be a little patient for them to see things in your own way too.Time they say heals wound.

Wish you all the best in this institution called marriage

I hope this helps someone.

Omotayor123:
On point OP! Lol at number 5

Babayoutoomuch:
Good points by Op except for no 2.

For me, issue of Faith is very important so that you can be on the same page.

In the case of parental consent.Your parents blessings and approval is very important. In the case of refusal by them, don't say to hell with them.You can do d ff:

1.Commit their hearts to God in prayers and even tell friends & Spiritual leader to join you in prayer. Because the hearts of men are in God's hands including that of your parents & God will chnge their hearts for good.

2.You can seek either of the parents attention and explain your reason(s) for your choice of partner.He/She (Dad /Mum) will help to help you convince the other.

For instance when I told my parents concerning my choice of life partner.My dad especially stood against it that his daughters will never marry a military man.He called me several times @ nights to the back of our house and told me reasons while I cannot marry a military man.I appreciate his concerns for me but I told him I Love my husband but he refused just bcs of his profession.
Then I turned to my mum prayerful to explain why none of dad reasons shld stand against the love of my life.
She agreed and in turn help to talk to dad and today by His grace come 28th this mth will celebrate 15th wedding anniversary and my husband is my dad best son-in law in every sense of the word.

3.Give them time,don't rush, don't elope but be a little patient for them to see things in your own way too.Time they say heals wound.

Wish you all the best in this institution called marriage

I hope this helps someone.

queebeediva:
Thank you mr poster am currently facing the Religion problem and am confussed .

Olabestonic001:
Are you ready to surrender to his religion no matter what?
Forget his love for now and know that he you might need to succumb to his tradition and religion.
In marriage, understanding is the real love not passion.

queebeediva:
offcourse but he called up the marrige plan 2days ago saying he can not wait any longer .

Olabestonic001:
Hmm.
It shall be well.
I think as a man, when the lady's family begins to kick against the union, I will just advice him to pull out if they can't be convinced.
You know when trials comes the first thing the parents will flag is "we told you so" and that will bring bitterness between the couples. In marriage, parents are one people whose negative scheming will always threaten the marriage.
The LORD will give you your man in JESUS NAME