₦airaland Forum

I read with shock the story of a man who allegedly beat his wife to death in Lagos State.

The poor woman has kids and worked with GTBank before her death.

Please don't let a man physically abuse you twice, move out after the first abuse. Don't allow yourself to be brainwashed into staying.

A word is enough for the wise.

Most won't listen, dey think if dey stick around dey can change him with prayer and fasting

Nd even though dey decide to walk out, d society will frown at dem, saying all sorts of things,telling dem dat dey can't stay nd weather d storm in dere marriage, dat after all no marriage is perfect, forgetting d woman's life is at risk.

Even d pastors in the church will advise d woman to stay, filling her head with all sorts of thrash, telling her it's a spiritual attack, dat with prayer, counseling and fasting he will change, forgetting dat a Leopard can never change the spots of his skin

Let them stay oo
Go ke
To where
Day and night prayer
Fasting and casting

I have been abused emotionally and I couldn't go cos I felt I loved him and he would change
Yimu
Till I caught him with other babes
Not one sef
Engaged one
Promised several marriage
Had to wake up like woman
Are you for real?

Today
I am a better woman

They have made the awareness several times
LEAVE
FUCKING LEAVE

LOVE IS NEVER ENOUGH AND MONEY IS NOT ALL
ITS NOT ABOUT STAYING MARRIED BY ALL MEANS
NOT ABOUT YOUR KIDS COS YOU END UP LEAVING YOUR KIDS MENTALLY TORTURED


a slap peren
Motilo
Me that my mouth is always driving
Anty elenu pelebe

One of the major problems of most women is where to go. Even her own family may be reluctant to accommodate her. You know how divorced women are treated in our society. Although, this isn't enough reason to 'endure' domestic violence. The ultimate solution is that a woman should try as much as possible not to depend on anybody (even her family) for the three basic needs of humans - shelter, food and clothing. This will even earn her respect from a man and even her family.
Another thing is even if her family accommodates her, the man might come begging and if she refuses to bulge, the family might even turn against her. On the other hand, if a woman has her own shelter, whoever will talk her into accepting the man again will do that with utmost respect knowing fully well that they can't throw her out of her own house.
Therefore, a woman should try as much as possible not to rely on people for survival.

Dyt:
Let them stay oo
Go ke
To where
Day and night prayer
Fasting and casting

I have been abused emotionally and I couldn't go cos I felt I loved him and he would change
Yimu
Till I caught him with other babes
Not one sef
Engaged one
Promised several marriage
Had to wake up like woman
Are you for real?

Today
I am a better woman

They have made the awareness several times
LEAVE
FUCKING LEAVE

LOVE IS NEVER ENOUGH AND MONEY IS NOT ALL
ITS NOT ABOUT STAYING MARRIED BY ALL MEANS
NOT ABOUT YOUR KIDS COS YOU END UP LEAVING YOUR KIDS MENTALLY TORTURED


a slap peren
Motilo
Me that my mouth is always driving
Anty elenu pelebe

Iwo gan an ti e mo pe o lenu pelebe tele?? Lwkmd

Op the average Nigerian woman believes so much in suffering and smiling and that's so bad...

Its only when one is alive that he/she can remain married.


Life first, marriage next!


I really pity those 2 kids. The trauma of daddy killed mummy is enough to perpetually affect them.

Quintee:
One of the major problems of most women is where to go. Even her own family may be reluctant to accommodate her. You know how divorced women are treated in our society. Although, this isn't enough reason to 'endure' domestic violence. The ultimate solution is that a woman should try as much as possible not to depend on anybody (even her family) for the three basic needs of humans - shelter, food and clothing. This will even earn her respect from a man and even her family.
Another thing is even if her family accommodates her, the man might come begging and if she refuses to bulge, the family might even turn against her. On the other hand, if a woman has her own shelter, whoever will talk her into accepting the man again will do that with utmost respect knowing fully well that they can't throw her out of her own house.
Therefore, a woman should try as much as possible not to rely on people for survival.

You're very right!
That's one of the reasons it is advisable for women to have a basic source of personal income before walking down the marital road with any man. It boost self respect and attracts respect.

Sometimes moving out is not as simple as ABC, it takes a lot of strong will and determination. To those suffering from all terrible forms of abuse, my God grant you the strength to leave before it gets worse

A woman can have all the money in the world and still be abused if she is emotionally and mentally weak and this goes for men as well.

I know many women who were financially dependent on their abusive husbands yet they had the presence of mind to leave the marriage and start all over again this was not easy for them in any way but they saw value in themselves and simply refused to tolerate abuse.

Everyone is suddenly chanting "why didn't she leave?"
Let the story die down and you make the same comment elsewhere, then you're tagged the evil divorce advocate even though you haven't said anything slightly different from what everyone else is saying now.

Whatever rocks their both jare.

I'd rather use my post to advice those who are alive than type R.I.P for the dead.

Ngwanu the everlasting children of God and marriage preservers should come and congratulate her on being together till death do them part.
Nonsense.

cococandy:
Everyone is suddenly chanting "why didn't she leave?"
Let the story die down and you make the same comment elsewhere, then you're tagged the evil divorce advocate even though you haven't said anything slightly different from what everyone else is saying now.

Whatever rocks their both jare.

I'd rather use my post to advice those who are alive then type R.I.P for the dead.

Ngwanu the everlasting children of God and marriage preservers should come and congratulate her on being together till death do them part.
Nonsense.

Nah, it MUST be till death do you apart. Some people have taken that literally where instead of leaving, theyou
arrange for death to visit the other spouse.

In all, they have honoured the marriage contract.


On a more sombre note, those poor babies. My heart really goes out to them.

Why didn't she leave indeed.If she had come here to tell her story anyone who'd have adviced her to leave his crusty ass would have been vilified as an enemy of marriage.
It's the kids my heart bleeds for.
Imagine if child support and alimony are fully implemented in Naija,divorce rates would definitely be sky high.Most of the time its financial handicap keeping them.
Too late to cry now.RIP am.

this is an intelligent comment

Mindfulness:
I am the last person to tell a woman to stay and endure violence in the name of 'till death do us part'. I don't believe that marriage is supposed to be endured, it is supposed to be JOY and FUN for the MOST part. I have never been in a violent relationship and I never will but I am the last person to judge a MOTHER who has to decide whether she will endure violence or expose her kids to the danger of the streets, hunger and diseases.

[size=14pt]So kindly suggest constructive solutions instead of telling these women that they will end up in hell.
[/size]These women do not need judgment. They need love and support. [size=16pt]If you see one, kindly offer her shelter or start volunteering for a NGO that supports women who suffered domestic violence[/size].

cococandy:
Everyone is suddenly chanting "why didn't she leave?"
Let the story die down and you make the same comment elsewhere, then you're tagged the evil divorce advocate even though you haven't said anything slightly different from what everyone else is saying now.

Whatever rocks their both jare.

I'd rather use my post to advice those who are alive then type R.I.P for the dead.

Ngwanu the everlasting children of God and marriage preservers should come and congratulate her on being together till death do them part.
Nonsense.

Only a feminist will tell a woman with bruises all over her body to leave her marriage. Because feminists lie and are suffering much worse but coming to crow online. Right?

Do you know on that same thread talking about this case, a female poster said "oh this is my life right now. I didn't go to church today because the beating of yesterday was so bad. God help me".

My jaw dropped. Someone is seeing how a similar story to hers ended in murder and she's still sitting there, contemplating if God will send a knight in shining armour for her (rather than use her brain and her legs).

stale *yawns* na medal dem dey give una anytime u mention feminist?yuck.

[size=14pt]So kindly suggest constructive solutions instead of telling these women that they will end up in hell.
[/size]These women do not need judgment. They need love and support. [size=16pt]If you see one, kindly offer her shelter or start volunteering for a NGO that supports women who suffered domestic violence[/size].

nasha1:
this is an intelligent comment

Tnx.

cococandy:
Everyone is suddenly chanting "why didn't she leave?"
Let the story die down and you make the same comment elsewhere, then you're tagged the evil divorce advocate even though you haven't said anything slightly different from what everyone else is saying now.

Whatever rocks their both jare.

I'd rather use my post to advice those who are alive then type R.I.P for the dead.

Ngwanu the everlasting children of God and marriage preservers should come and congratulate her on being together till death do them part.
Nonsense.

My dear you go tire. Naija ladies like suffer too much.
Don't waste your time jare. Who go leave go leave. No be person go tell you.

I wonder where they kept common sense. You see your self in danger..the first thing to do is defend yourself or get outta of it. No way. They prefer to die...I'm sure this is not the first time he beat her. They will rather call on god . After giving you brains...you waiting for pastor and daddy's to tell you what to do.

Hello dear. Where have you been?

Chillisauce:
My dear you go tire. Naija ladies like suffer too much.
Don't waste your time jare. Who go leave go leave. No be person go tell you.

I wonder where they kept common sense. You see your self in danger..the first thing to do is defend yourself or get outta of it. No way. They prefer to die...I'm sure this is not the first time he beat her. They will rather call on god . After giving you brains...you waiting for pastor and daddy's to tell you what to do.

Talking about finances, this one that just died is a banker o.

Lol @bold.

Onegai:
Only a feminist will tell a woman with bruises all over her body to leave her marriage. Because feminists lie and are suffering much worse but coming to crow online. Right?

Do you know on that same thread talking about this case, a female poster said "oh this is my life right now. I didn't go to church today because the beating of yesterday was so bad. God help me".

My jaw dropped. Someone is seeing how a similar story to hers ended in murder and she's still sitting there, contemplating if God will send a knight in shining armour for her (rather than use her brain and her legs).

Happy Mother's Day to everyone in the house.

May your marriages bring you only joy and fulfillment.

cococandy:
Hello dear. Where have you been?

Around dear. Hows my little baby doing. Soon we sill celebrate their birthday .

cococandy:
Talking about finances, this one that just died is a banker o.

Some grew up in violent homes. Thinking they have the experience to receive beatings. that their bodies have been trained to receive such only to be knocked out later in life.

Ordinary knock on the head might be the thing that will kill you as result of accumulated blows.

Oya go and learn karate to defend yourself. MBA.

They prefer to lay down.. pray..eat...receive blows...pray...and the circle continues.

The worst is 90% of these churches they pay their tithe to can't even help them. Na to fast and pray..no action.

And later on kids will continue with the circle....

Chillisauce:
Around dear. Hows my little baby doing. Soon we sill celebrate their birthday .

She's fine. Getting bigger everyday.

Soon? More like next year.

Annoying story and even more annoying examples.

Oh well, whatever rocks their boat. Out of interest though, what becomes of the men who pummeled their wives to death. What does "society" say/do? Will these men be ostracised like their female counterparts? How do the pastors treat such a man?

Anyway, the real people who gain from scenario are the funeral directors and coffin makers

If I had the powers,it would be a requirement for all spinsters getting married to have a stable source of income first before they marry.
Women ought to realise staying separated from an abusive man is not the end of the world.
I wish the police and the justice system can do more when it comes to cases of domestic violence.

cococandy:
She's fine. Getting bigger everyday.

Soon? More like next year.

Pretty Lady
Keep shining

Its not easy to find a happy woman these days
Do I envy you?
Maybe just admiring you

Keep shining

Dyt:
Pretty Lady
Keep shining

Its not easy to find a happy woman these days
Do I envy you?
Maybe just admiring you

Keep shining

lol dyt. You're not serious.

Thanks though

Those children are the ages of my children and I just kept imagining the anguish when they were trying to wake their mother up

Those children need serious help to recover from the trauma that they had to go through due to no fault of theirs.

Emotional response aka initial gra gra due to the issue on ground.

Most of the women are going no where (and don't tell me finance because most of the wife beating incidences i know involve working women who can/could hold their own) till they die/ the husband changes/ the husband is tired of beating them/ husband moves onto the next woman.

If their instinct of self preservation no longer works and they can endure the beating, lucky them.

I bet my left ass that if another Shade comes here in a weeks time that her hubby is beating her, any one who advises her to separate while the issues are worked upon becomes a divorce advocate and anti-marriage.

cococandy:
lol dyt. You're not serious.

Thanks though

Your DP is dope!