₦airaland Forum

Chapter One
TETMOSOL
We all do have a story to share no matter what. That fact is undeniable. So I’ll be sharing some of mine life adventures with you. This’s actually my first time of writing an story, so you can be sure of coming across some grammatical inaccuracies. So you shouldn’t hold that against me. *smiles*
I would’ve loved to continue with today’s life, but it’s good to start from the core. *in drakes voice* “started from the bottom, now we here.”

The day is far spent. Though I’m tired, I must say hi to you. Let’s get this started with.
Before I forget myself, my name is Romeo, my family call me Marvis, My Neighbors call me Kojo, my best friends call me “SwagLord” and my stupid friends call me EMEKPATE – I don’t even know what means.
Don’t get it twisted. I’m still me.
*slaps mosquito*
Mosquitoes! These nocturnal creatures are modern vampires.
Have you ever been sent on an errand and you forgot what it was you were sent? Well, I have on numerous occasions.
But on this particular occasion, my dad warned me seriously that if I tried to forget this time around, I was going to hear it from him. That I’ll smell my yansh[ you can call it ANUS]. So he gave me #200 to go and buy Tetmosol soap. And with that, he sent me off to go and buy him Tetmosol. And back then I was just 10 years old. [but now How old am I sef?] *shakes head* I don’t even know. My parents never told me.
In order not to forget, I started singing with Tetmosol!!! What a strange name for a common Bathing soap… I was going. But it was as if I was destiny to receive beating from my dad. Close to the store, one of my stupid friend “halla” me. I turn to answer. And that was it!!! I have forgotten again… Yawa don gaz!!!
Wetin I go do now? It was then my dad’s warning came back to me. E DON RED…
I tried remembering the strange name. But for where! Tetrazone, Temazol, Tetesal something! I just couldn’t remember.
Going back home wasn’t an alternative. So I stayed from home. But as the same devil will still not want me to escape that “special beating”, my dad saw me before I could see him. You could feel the heat if you were in that vicinity. My heartbeat increase and started beating rapidly like IJEBU DRUMS.
And with that, I took off. I was running like a mad man [or should I say mad child?] So stupid of me… My dad caught up with me before I could take some few more steps.
You need to see beating I received that day. My face swelled for days.
Well to cut the story short, my dad destroyed my yansh[ajebo go say bumbum] with cane. And he also made me write 50 pages of books with Tetmosol.
So till today, I don’t like that soap, let alone bathing with it…

Chapter Two

Bakery fighting

Growing up in Warri [WaffTown] was an interesting experience in my life; and adventurous too. We were/are known to be Fearless & Rugged.
However, there were few weaklings which added more fun, or better still Pains – as the case may be.
Now, this reminds me of an experience I had when I was working in a Bakery @ Enerhen Junction. I had a friend named Voke a.k.a. Terror of the Night. He was huge, well-built, and an Egotist. We all used to fear him until something happened that made us doubt his strength.
One day, we had a little beef with our Bakery Rival. It amounted to a heavy brawl. We were defeated. So we came and reported to our “Oga” Voke. He was infuriated, and he threatened to unleash hell on those “babbies” that has grown big overnight (so he said).
So he gathered everybody together and we set out to unleash a surprise attack on rival that night. So when it was 9.pm, we set out with him (Vosky) leading us to the warfront. We took with us all sort of weapons; sticks, bottles, eggs, meatpies (some even took loaves of bread). We were going.(soldiers)
Close to the enemy’s gate, we heard a loud bang, more like gunshot. Pandemonium broke out. We started running helter-skelter. Anywhere belle face na front. I can’t really describe what happened that night. It was more like a dream.
We ran back to our bakery. And on getting there, we found the gate locked. All this while, Vosky was nowhere to be found. We were all worried. Had he been shot or what? No! no! Not Voksy, our champion!
Back to the gist, we found the gate locked. No need for gentleman behavior. We all began scaling the fence. We crossed over just like the Isrealites crossed the Red sea.
After the crossing of the gate, we rush to our room. All this while, our lights were all switched off. Haba! What’s happening?
On getting to our room, we found our champion Vosky sleeping peacefully. Eh! What’s happening?
It was then he told us what happened. After the gunshot, he discharged quickly. He was the first to reach the bakery, so he locked the gate and switched off the light so no one could tell if anyone was at home. #lols. So never believe anyone claiming to be brave until he passes some dangerous stuff.
I still miss the good old days I had in that bakery. But person must go front na. Abi no be so?

For a first time writer you did okay...your words are apt and beautiful and I must commend you. Also work on your tenses as there are cases of wrong uses.
Do make you use Isoko.

Digwo bros

More grease to your elbow.

I wanna say thank you to you guys for your comments... your comments are like grease to my elbow.

Chapter Three

LIES

Lies!!! We all have lied at one point in our life, but some people do have HND in it. And if you think the Devil is the Worst liar, let Naija people lie to you, then you’ll think the devil is only a learner.
Back then as a kid, I used to travel a lot to different cities (abi na township) for holidays, I was a lucky kid then. And those journeys turned me to a liar.
I remembered when I visited the village Igbide in Isoko South, during Xmas. My peers were so naive, so I started showing off and got them baffled with heap of lies.
I told them back in the city, we children could mold cars, trains, airplanes that could fly. I told them how we’d enter into the molded cars and go for war with the neighboring kids. And that I was their commandant. I asked if they knew about “WAR FRONT BASE TWO?” And they shook their heads. And that was a term I made up. Another time I told them that there’s a time called “OLDEN DAYS”, which comes up every 2years. The “Olden Days” was a time where people could do all sort of amazing things. Some fly, others walk on water. Some even build house on water. #Lols. And they believed sha. One even ask me when is the next Olden days! I lied so much I began believing my own lies.
There was a time I lied to them that my dad’s bed was so high we used a “FLYING LIFT” to get to the top. You’ll stand on the lift, close your eyes and you’ll see yourself on the bed. That lie was so deep I believed it myself. I began fantasying about the “DOLPH BED” (so I called it).
If you’re about 21 of age, you’ll remember as a kid, kit was a honor for you to receive xmas clothes. I was so lucky I always get double of it. There’s one time my dad bought me a canvas shoe that shoe lights when walking. You guys remembered right! I no use that shoe play o!
That was when my lies got upgraded. I lied that my dad I was travelled to India just to get me that pair of shoe. It was an ordinary shoe, I can use it to walk on water, climb trees, break-dance. Also it can transform into other types of shoe. One requested that I sowed kit to them. What!!! My own don finish! I was hooked. I quickly lied that the shoe must be charged first; and that my dad left the charger at home because he doesn’t want me messing around with it. #lols.
I think I’ll stop here for tonight. Just so I don’t bore you with long gist. Goodnight

donkross1:
Digwo bros

Not sure if I'm older than you, so I'll let it pass. thanks anyway. Isoko Wado!!!

Akposb:
For a first time writer you did okay...your words are apt and beautiful and I must commend you. Also work on your tenses as there are cases of wrong uses.
Do make you use Isoko.

Noted. Thanks by the way

RomeoMarvis:
Not sure if I'm older than you, so I'll let it pass. thanks anyway. Isoko Wado!!!

I wan set you up na, you for just kill goat take appease elders. Isako wadoo.

donkross1:
I wan set you up na, you for just kill goat take appease elders. Isako wadoo.

You see life! Thank God I dodge am... Omo Isoko no dey fall im hand