₦airaland Forum

mineANDurs:
It seems u already know wat d problem is,
Women are emotionally driven, u can buy her all the things in d world but she wont change if she doesnt find dat emotional compatibility in you.
So get to work mr man,
Work on your emotional availability k?

keepingmum:
Oga its clear you are boring in bed and dont satisfy your wife. You come across as a selfish lover. Go and learn the art of romance and pre-intimacy- when you have done that, trust me, she will come be your hoe in bed.

How can you be shagging and the person is sleeping? you are really an awful novice oo baba. Even without hearing from wifey, with what you have said so far, I think the problem is You

tresuremira:
I NEED HELP HERE.... I have a wife I've been with for 7 years, we have 3 kids and we are both young, early thirties. Our sex life went down recently and am being tempted into having affair outside. She hadly satisfy me even when i try to give enough pre-intimacy and caressing. She sleeps off even while we make love, i have discussed her lazy attitude towards our sex life but she dosen't show remorse or change. I believe I meet her personal need and even bought her a new car weeks ago. I also have asked her before now if she's cheating on me she said No. Am am sure she isn't having affair outside unless emotional relationship . What can i do because i love sex but not indiscriminately or with wrong women. I NEED HELP!!

lofty900:
how can you call a man who's been married for seven years and have three kids a novice in bed? Most women loose interest in $ex after several years of marriage, if she's not going to change, find yourself a young girl. That's what I'll do.

theEYe21:
Please have an affair outside and see the consequences and don't forget to comeback to nairaland and tell us

keepingmum:
Oga its clear you are boring in bed and dont satisfy your wife. You come across as a selfish lover. Go and learn the art of romance and pre-intimacy- when you have done that, trust me, she will come be your hoe in bed.

How can you be shagging and the person is sleeping? you are really an awful novice oo baba. Even without hearing from wifey, with what you have said so far, I think the problem is You

Infact if you have an affair, your side chick will still cheat on you because you will equally be boring in bed to her. Work on yourself and dont be ashamed/afraid to seek help.

Ejemehn:
WARNING!!! Do not CHEAT on your wife.

The reason most marriages fail is because most of us stop working at our marriages immediately after getting married. We just assume things will take its course. We stop "dating" our wives after marriage. When last did you help with the chores at home? I tell you, the reward for helping with chores is sex which she'll initiate. I can bet she'll not sleep off. Come home early from work and help with the chores at home. She has three kids to take care of. Its not easy on her.
Come to think of it. When last did you take her out? When last did you buy her that sexy lingerie? Have you ever taken the time to spice up your love and sex life?

Don't say she's sleeping off or she's become lazy in bed....... Has it ever crossed your mind to think maybe you're the one sleeping off on her emotional needs and also become lazy to even think she has emotional needs?



Look in the mirror. The person who needs to up his game is staring at you.........

JustHere2Observ:
Biko its not by being married for donkey years, its about listening to your patner's need. If you like drop your wife to look for young blood, you will get same result, unless the babe is just stroking your ego and faking orgasms because of the money you are spending.

Ejemehn:
WARNING!!! Do not CHEAT on your wife.

The reason most marriages fail is because most of us stop working on our marriages immediately after getting married. We just assume things will take its course.

We stop "dating" our wives after marriage.

When last did you help with the chores at home? I tell you, the reward for helping with chores is sex which she'll initiate. I can bet she'll not sleep off. Come home early from work and help with the chores at home. She has three kids to take care of. Its not easy on her.

Come to think of it. When last did you take her out? When last did you buy her that sexy lingerie? Have you ever taken the time to spice up your love and sex life? Don't say she's sleeping off or she's become lazy in bed......

Has it ever crossed your mind to think maybe you're the one sleeping off on her emotional needs and also become lazy to even think she has emotional needs?

Look in the mirror. The person who needs to up his game is staring at you.........

Nitefury:
You made sense here. And I believe the "WE" refers to both husband and wive?


Crap. How about our wives stop "dating" us after marriage? Or preferably, "We stop dating each other after marriage"? I believe the marriage union involves two people? So why must one partner (in this case, the husband) continue to put in the "dating" effort?



Comments like this are becoming too trite on NL for goodness sake. Annoyingly so too. Chores, chores, chores all the time.... If I may ask, what are these chores y'all keep talking about? Are you by any chance referring to fixing of minor electrical, plumbing or carpentry issues? Is taking out the trash, grass cutting/clearing or weeding, gardening, mowing the lawn on your list of chores to be done? How about (minor) painting, attending to the cars, feeding the pets, driving out to fetch water in gallons for the household (in some situations), helping kids with their home work, laundry etc etc etc... Please tell me the chores you guys keep talking about because in all the homes I've come across, the man more often handles or assists in these aspect of home keeping.

Oh my, i forgot. The man doesn't cut vegetables, refuses to do the dishes while she cooks. Not to talk about refusing to put yam in the mortar while she pounds when cooking. Only when he does this, would wifey reward him with sex.

But i wonder how many wives out there give their hubby mind blowing sex in appreciation whenever he pays the rent, pays their children's fees, bills (hospital, water, electricity, TV subscription etc), sends money to her folks, etc. Again I forget, these are simply his responsibilities. What do I know.

And the kids? Yea, I know he (Husbands) acts like they aren't his (theirs). Yet we see kids who are more attached to their dads than moms right from childhood.

If e don reach stage wey i go wash plate before i sleep with my wife, make she carry her marriage go abeg. No time


Exactly what I'm saying bro. When last did she take him out? When last did she buy him that designer fragrance? Has she ever taken time to spice up their sex and love lives? Or try telling the hubby what she wants him to do in the bedroom?


You took the words out of my mouth. Does it even cross her mind that the Op (hubby) is stressed by work and the challenges of providing for a young family like theirs in these times? Hence she should stop sleeping on his emotional needs as his wife because she's supposed to be a sort of comforter to him. You know, he comes back home after a hard day at work. She runs him a bath, feeds him good, encourage him while he eats dinner and then later in the night screw him real good while telling him everything will be ok. I bet the Op (hubby) too after receiving such a treat would wanna please her too.


Yea right. Op, sit your wife down and have a heart2heart discussion. Tell her you feel and the challenges you're facing. Also demand to know whats bottling her up and what she expects of you. Simply, talk WITH your wife

Omotayor123:
If she slept off during love making... Don't you think it's because she is Not feeling the thing. Perherps you are no longer satisfying her desire.

I heard Women in that Age bracket long for sex more.

Buckle up

Nitefury:
You made sense here. And I believe the "WE" refers to both husband and wive?


Crap. How about our wives stop "dating" us after marriage? Or preferably, "We stop dating each other after marriage"? I believe the marriage union involves two people? So why must one partner (in this case, the husband) continue to put in the "dating" effort?



Comments like this are becoming too trite on NL for goodness sake. Annoyingly so too. Chores, chores, chores all the time.... If I may ask, what are these chores y'all keep talking about? Are you by any chance referring to fixing of minor electrical, plumbing or carpentry issues? Is taking out the trash, grass cutting/clearing or weeding, gardening, mowing the lawn on your list of chores to be done? How about (minor) painting, attending to the cars, feeding the pets, driving out to fetch water in gallons for the household (in some situations), helping kids with their home work, laundry etc etc etc... Please tell me the chores you guys keep talking about because in all the homes I've come across, the man more often handles or assists in these aspect of home keeping.

Oh my, i forgot. The man doesn't cut vegetables, refuses to do the dishes while she cooks. Not to talk about refusing to put yam in the mortar while she pounds when cooking. Only when he does this, would wifey reward him with sex.

But i wonder how many wives out there give their hubby mind blowing sex in appreciation whenever he pays the rent, pays their children's fees, bills (hospital, water, electricity, TV subscription etc), sends money to her folks, etc. Again I forget, these are simply his responsibilities. What do I know.

And the kids? Yea, I know he (Husbands) acts like they aren't his (theirs). Yet we see kids who are more attached to their dads than moms right from childhood.

If e don reach stage wey i go wash plate before i sleep with my wife, make she carry her marriage go abeg. No time


Exactly what I'm saying bro. When last did she take him out? When last did she buy him that designer fragrance? Has she ever taken time to spice up their sex and love lives? Or try telling the hubby what she wants him to do in the bedroom?


You took the words out of my mouth. Does it even cross her mind that the Op (hubby) is stressed by work and the challenges of providing for a young family like theirs in these times? Hence she should stop sleeping on his emotional needs as his wife because she's supposed to be a sort of comforter to him. You know, he comes back home after a hard day at work. She runs him a bath, feeds him good, encourage him while he eats dinner and then later in the night screw him real good while telling him everything will be ok. I bet the Op (hubby) too after receiving such a treat would wanna please her too.


Yea right. Op, sit your wife down and have a heart2heart discussion. Tell her you feel and the challenges you're facing. Also demand to know whats bottling her up and what she expects of you. Simply, talk WITH your wife

keepingmum:
Oga its clear you are boring in bed and dont satisfy your wife. You come across as a selfish lover. Go and learn the art of romance and pre-intimacy- when you have done that, trust me, she will come be your hoe in bed.

How can you be shagging and the person is sleeping? you are really an awful novice oo baba. Even without hearing from wifey, with what you have said so far, I think the problem is You

Infact if you have an affair, your side chick will still cheat on you because you will equally be boring in bed to her. Work on yourself and dont be ashamed/afraid to seek help.

Nitefury:
You made sense here. And I believe the "WE" refers to both husband and wive?


Crap. How about our wives stop "dating" us after marriage? Or preferably, "We stop dating each other after marriage"? I believe the marriage union involves two people? So why must one partner (in this case, the husband) continue to put in the "dating" effort?



Comments like this are becoming too trite on NL for goodness sake. Annoyingly so too. Chores, chores, chores all the time.... If I may ask, what are these chores y'all keep talking about? Are you by any chance referring to fixing of minor electrical, plumbing or carpentry issues? Is taking out the trash, grass cutting/clearing or weeding, gardening, mowing the lawn on your list of chores to be done? How about (minor) painting, attending to the cars, feeding the pets, driving out to fetch water in gallons for the household (in some situations), helping kids with their home work, laundry etc etc etc... Please tell me the chores you guys keep talking about because in all the homes I've come across, the man more often handles or assists in these aspect of home keeping.

Oh my, i forgot. The man doesn't cut vegetables, refuses to do the dishes while she cooks. Not to talk about refusing to put yam in the mortar while she pounds when cooking. Only when he does this, would wifey reward him with sex.

But i wonder how many wives out there give their hubby mind blowing sex in appreciation whenever he pays the rent, pays their children's fees, bills (hospital, water, electricity, TV subscription etc), sends money to her folks, etc. Again I forget, these are simply his responsibilities. What do I know.

And the kids? Yea, I know he (Husbands) acts like they aren't his (theirs). Yet we see kids who are more attached to their dads than moms right from childhood.

If e don reach stage wey i go wash plate before i sleep with my wife, make she carry her marriage go abeg. No time


Exactly what I'm saying bro. When last did she take him out? When last did she buy him that designer fragrance? Has she ever taken time to spice up their sex and love lives? Or try telling the hubby what she wants him to do in the bedroom?


You took the words out of my mouth. Does it even cross her mind that the Op (hubby) is stressed by work and the challenges of providing for a young family like theirs in these times? Hence she should stop sleeping on his emotional needs as his wife because she's supposed to be a sort of comforter to him. You know, he comes back home after a hard day at work. She runs him a bath, feeds him good, encourage him while he eats dinner and then later in the night screw him real good while telling him everything will be ok. I bet the Op (hubby) too after receiving such a treat would wanna please her too.


Yea right. Op, sit your wife down and have a heart2heart discussion. Tell her you feel and the challenges you're facing. Also demand to know whats bottling her up and what she expects of you. Simply, talk WITH your wife

1. Remember that you are not alone. Fatigue is indeed a leading reason for couples to have less sex. However, do you really want to become one of the "No Sex/Low Sex" couples? According to research, 20 percent of all couples have sex less than 10 times per year. When couples get out of the habit and ritual of being sexual with each other, they lose an important opportunity for connection, closeness, intimacy, pleasure and fun.

2. Look at your health and wellness. Make the commitment to yourself and your spouse that you will find a way to manage your fatigue so that it does not interfere with a good sex life. Rule out medical issues around low thyroid or iron deficiency. Look at your diet. Are you at a healthy weight? Do you eat enough protein? Do you get enough exercise? Are you getting a minimum of seven hours of sleep per night? Taking care of your own wellness and health can make a significant difference in your energy level and interest in sex.

3. Manage time at home better. You will need your spouse's help with this. If you have children, get them to bed earlier. While one spouse cleans up after dinner let the more tired one take a bath, relax or read a magazine. Take time to release stress so sex does not become one more chore at the end of the day. Pick a time that you both will be finished working (including work details, laundry and e-mails) so you don't just fall into bed. Turn off the TV or computer at an agreed upon time. If your career or housework or childcare continue to take precedence over your sex life, it's no wonder you are too exhausted for sex. If you have sex only at the end of the night, you may end up choosing sleep over sex on a regular basis.

4. Follow the 10 minute rule. If you are not in the mood or feel too tired for sex, give it 10 minutes. According to research, half of the population feels amorous or Hot and wants to initiate sex. The other half is not at all interested in sex until after they start kissing and fooling around. Give it a try. Like physical exercise, if we start with 10 minutes, we often stick around and get more into it. Next time you feel too tired, try kissing and fooling around for 10 minutes and see if you get more aroused or interested.

5. Create windows of opportunity. Do you ever have a sex date? Rather than go to dinner and a movie, stay home and have a sexually playful evening? Create windows of opportunity for sexual connection at times other than the end of a long day. Do you ever make love when little children are napping? Or send them to a friend's house and stay home and make love in the morning or afternoon? What about wake-me-up-sex where you welcome your spouse waking you up while you are asleep to fool around? What about making love before you go out on a date? Set your alarm early and make love at the beginning of the day? Couples come up with so many excuses. You have to be creative to find and create good times for sex.

6. Take a marriage vacation. No kids. Fun, romantic and sexy focus to even a weekend can jumpstart your sex life. The more sex you have the more testosterone, dopamine and oxytocin you release. Let your physiology do its magic by having lots of sex while on vacation.

7. Redefine sex. Does sex always have to mean sexual intercourse? Women, maybe you are exhausted, but could get more into sex if your hubby focused only on you. How about sensual massage (just receive), long passionate kissing or just one person receive MouthAction? Do you ever think of giving sex as a gift to your spouse? Too many couples decline sex because they are tired and they don't have the energy for a luxurious, lengthy experience. What about just giving your guy a hand job or Mouth Action? What about just focusing on the woman's pleasure? I hear that many women wish sex could sometimes be only about their personal pleasure, but they do not tell their guys. Have you ever heard of "eat her like a peach" or "pretend you have a tic tac in your mouth?" Why do we have a widely accepted term for MouthAction for a man: "Mouth Action," but not one for a woman? If either of you think that you are too tired for sex, ask each other if you are up for anything sexual? Maybe a sexual appetizer could be on the menu even if you don't have energy for a big sexual meal!

8. Communicate. Talk to your spouse about your fatigue and then challenge each other to take better care of yourselves and find better times when you are not so tired. A common mistake that many couples make is losing momentum—they get a babysitter, go out for the evening, drink some wine, feel amorous, and then come home. One person takes 15 minutes checking e-mail and the momentum is gone. The other person tried to wait for them, but fell asleep in the process. Been there, done that. Keep the date feeling going all the way to the bedroom. Or living room. Or hot tub.

9. Spice it up. Are you really too tired or honestly has sex become a little boring or too predictable? Have a heart-to-heart sex talk. What do you each like about your sex life? Focus on the positives. What would you like to be different? Spice it up. Try something new. Visit a sex store together. Read a sex book. Be creative. Maybe you would be less tired if sex was more fun, novel and engaging.

10. Rally. If you have dinner plans and are exhausted, do you usually rally for the occasion? When you feel tired and have to go to work, do you drink a little coffee, show up and do your best? Do you give needed love and attention to your children? Sadly, many couples begin to see their sex lives as optional. They take it for granted and allow fatigue to be an acceptable reason to continuously decline making love.

edwife:
OP It is a long one but i don't want to summarise as everything is as important as the other. This is not just about you the husband but for both, your wife should also worry and not just allow the mantra "I am too exhausted for sex" to be an excuse. You both should sit down and discuss it.It is affecting you as well as it should affect her. The only problem I have with you is your threat of infidelity, Mr it won't solve anything!

If I go by many here, i could also say maybe she has reached Perimenopause or menopause - oh yes some women reach this phase in their 30s or after all she has had 3 kids,she is probably the one who is no longer small down there because she wasn't sleeping when you both got married before,was she? Or is she fat now? See i can't say all these stuff because i know this is a common experience among married couple who have kids and busy; they lose the passion,motivation and creativity.

This is something I got long ago because one needs to prepare and know how to handle stuff like this especially if you want to keep your relationship exciting.It is a long one but very educative.

Omotayor123:
If she slept off during love making... Don't you think it's because she is Not feeling the thing. Perherps you are no longer satisfying her desire.

I heard Women in that Age bracket long for sex more.

Buckle up

Omotayor123:
If she slept off during love making... Don't you think it's because she is Not feeling the thing. Perherps you are no longer satisfying her desire.

I heard Women in that Age bracket long for sex more.

Buckle up