₦airaland Forum

2dugged:
The truth is I can't even allow my brother to marry a woman that lives abroad but I can and also encourage my sister to do so

quickly:
some guys find it easy to get a home based naija girl.

Small washing she don fall. The man is thinking of a woman like his mother the girl is thinking of euros and she will be on her best behavior.

And some want a girl who will.maintain that home grown naija training, home cooking similar to his mom
Also

Once abroad the foreign law favor women so the naija guy who is trying to avoid stubborn woman who wants 50% of u r money will settle for home based.

Ordinary slap oyinbo go jail u. Home based can't call police for u but those abroad will not think twice.

but these r generalization and woman na woman after all and not all r doing same


Eventually the home based naija girl go still open eye after many years.

CFCman:
Why is that?

BlessedFellow01:
It is quite hard to find homely ladies abroad. The demand far exceeds the supply. Majority of them have gone the Western way of life but still expect you as guy to be the father Christmas. They still want to milk you dry. While I was dicsussing with one of them she told me whoever she will marry MUST BE RICH. She also told me her flatmate had made same resolution. Modus vivendi of some of them is parallel to what an average Nigerian man wants.

I am stuck in the valley of decision right now. I'm considering marrying someone in Nigeria rather than here.

Bisjosh:

Cos naija men like ladies they can boss around but they can't do it with the ones over there

Observer25:
My friend relax..don't let this your new found American love get so much into your head. How can you say Nigeria is one of the worst places in the world to be a woman? You serious? What you talking about? Even the ladies here in this forum will disagree with you.
And yes..one year is too soon to reach a conclusion about women in the US/UK. Give it sometime!

Ugosample:
I think the major problem with we Africans, who live in western countries is that there is this socio cultural expectation(s) that was ingrained in us, about how a man/woman should act/behave etc, and because it is in contrast with the liberal societal expectations of the West, then it causes friction.

Let like minds marry each other biko

If your brain and expectation is still stuck in the 19th century, then you know what to do
.

Dreamwaker:
Nigerian women are useless, when you taste the white berry, black berry becomes tasteless.

MicroBox:
We Africans have a guide which is the sacred books, Al-Qur'an and Bible because we are religious people either practicing or not. In these books there guides and illustrations on the position of women in marriage. It's not the matter of 16,17,18 or19 century.
Beside in these books women are seen as fragile and be treated like gold and not as equal to the gold miner.
Even from the creation of man and woman, if a man talk a manly voice is expected to be heard so also a woman voice is expected to be heard from her.
ilu to ko ba so ofin, ko si eshe.
Any land without a law will never have a convict.

LuvU2:
oh i see

chachanga:
[b]Boys will date, wine&dine even impregnate these ladies but still run back here for good old "home-loving" when marriage issues arises.

Apart from insane "family pressures" from home, it seems most, are, at heart still just akpu & ewedu boys when the chips are down .
Bone the Brooklyn swags & the Cockney accent; our socio-cultural source-points did do a few numbers on us in setting some future marital expectations &agendas for us also .

So, the situation gets further worsened when the said ladies too don't seem to realize that some changes do occur, but only trans-'generationally' and not instantaneously. So as for ur expecting Naija guys to fit the bill of your newfound, "enlightened" or "postmodern man concept, U go jonze tire !

Not many are comfortable with the extreme liberalism, feminism and women's rights practised and available to our sistahs naturalised abroad but they'll date & screw u just d same , only to dump u later or marry home-based Chichi, Enoh or Bola behind ur back!

Hence, You either get ready to search till you find that ur one-in-a-million guy OR you adjust your expectations and start learning to cook more than Chinese Noodles because if u do marry an Ewedu boy or his Akpu counterpart, my dear, you will cook.
And Cynthia, stop praying for your Mother-in-law to die . (the old woman probably attends MFM Church &she's got a few "Back2Sender" prayer-bullets for you too, in case u decide to be an assassin)!
I may be wrong sha but the fault goes both ways.

Girls: Don't nurse "unnecessary" expectations just because dat guy dey folow u do UK Masters.
Boys: Stop screwwing and "partying-hard" with those ladies if you know you'll use it to judge them later! [/b]

pippimp:
You mean confident. It's only in Nigeria/Africa you can treat a woman like dirt. You can't try it in a normal country.

mikolo80:
chop alone die alone

lefulefu:
dont be surprised that the one on the left snapping wit fone might even be a better cook and more homely than the other one.not all things are clear cut in black and white my broda.

chachanga:
[b]Boys will date, wine&dine even impregnate these ladies but still run back here for good old "home-loving" when marriage issues arises.

Apart from insane "family pressures" from home, it seems most, are, at heart still just akpu & ewedu boys when the chips are down .
Bone the Brooklyn swags & the Cockney accent; our socio-cultural source-points did do a few numbers on us in setting some future marital expectations &agendas for us also .

So, the situation gets further worsened when the said ladies too don't seem to realize that some changes do occur, but only trans-'generationally' and not instantaneously. So as for ur expecting Naija guys to fit the bill of your newfound, "enlightened" or "postmodern man concept, U go jonze tire !

Not many are comfortable with the extreme liberalism, feminism and women's rights practised and available to our sistahs naturalised abroad but they'll date & screw u just d same , only to dump u later or marry home-based Chichi, Enoh or Bola behind ur back!

Hence, You either get ready to search till you find that ur one-in-a-million guy OR you adjust your expectations and start learning to cook more than Chinese Noodles because if u do marry an Ewedu boy or his Akpu counterpart, my dear, you will cook.
And Cynthia, stop praying for your Mother-in-law to die . (the old woman probably attends MFM Church &she's got a few "Back2Sender" prayer-bullets for you too, in case u decide to be an assassin)!
I may be wrong sha but the fault goes both ways.

Girls: Don't nurse "unnecessary" expectations just because dat guy dey folow u do UK Masters.
Boys: Stop screwwing and "partying-hard" with those ladies if you know you'll use it to judge them later! [/b]

chigoizie7:
That is what makes us who we are, Africans, that is what we are, if I refuse to marry a Naija babe because she is rude or does not conform to what I want in a woma, that's entirely my business, I am not complaining, am I? No.


So, if u as a woman didn't fit in to what I as a man wants in a woman I want to marry, it is ur business, not mine, and if u have a problem with that, change, if u don't want to, then keep being who u want to be and stop complaining why Nigerian men marry most of white ladies than their fellow Nigerians.

It is my choice, not urs to make for me.

Nancy2016:
You have just explained why some Naija men go home to get married. They don't want to marry their equals. They don't want exposed and enlightened woman who know their rights. All those posters saying that it's because the girls are promiscuous, this shows the calibre of people you guys are. You meet these "gold-diggers" because you don't interact with women of substance. All my friends are educated, independent women with good careers. A lot of Nigerian women are very successful and doing very well for themselves. This sometimes intimidates guys especially those who haven't progressed in life.
Also there are a lot of weddings between Nigerians based abroad.

bigfrancis21:
The issue is not with typical Nigerian men not standing such 'rich', 'confident' or 'independent' lady but it is the totally different attitude or behaviour that comes with such women when they get to have these things. Most lose their humility, subservience etc. for any man and begin to have unrealistic expectations about their relations with men. With Western feminism being propagated worldwide via Hollywood movies, women in traditional patriarchal countries are catching wind of this. I am not against equal rights for women whatsoever. Women should be allowed to do the same things men do in the society but truth be told there are certain roles which are best played by men (leadership, innovation, development etc.) and some roles which are best played by women (raising the great men and women of the world, mediation, empathy, child rearing etc). To be honest, some women are not able to keep a cool head when they are in power or in possession of great wealth, and with the typical Nigerian man who is traditionally raised to be a man in his society and who knows his role as a man in the society, this is the major issue they have with these 'independent' women. Time after time, what women gain by being feminist or 'independent' in terms of financial or material success, they lose in their private life. 50-50. No man worth his onions (by this I mean who knows he is a man, knows his role in the society and takes pride in being a man) would want to settle with a feminist-charged woman who want to see the roles reversed in the house. This explains why most of them remain single, because they find it difficult to submit to a man in a relationship. Time after time, they have unrealistic expectations of relationships should be, with feminism all over the place. Of course, there are some men who are not too ambitious, who would have no problem pairing up with feminist women and not mind being house husbands and submitting to their wives who become the primary financial caregiver. In case you don't know, many ladies in America, especially black ladies, are so feminist that they want to be on top in a relationship, they want to be the man in the relationship instead, they are always right and never wrong, they would never admit to being sorry for anything even when they know they were wrong, they want to control you and order you around but WOULD NEVER TRY TO LET YOU CONTROL THEM, they view being a woman as being weak and they try to be men instead. They leave the women they were created to be and try to be men instead. Any MAN worth his onions would never want such a woman as a spouse and MEN go off looking for more traditional/submissive women as partners and the feminist ones-man-trying-to-be are left single for most of their lives. Feminism has been identified as one of the greatest destructive forces in the black american community. In the AA community, about 72% of mothers are single mothers, raising families single-handed. Most of them are unable to keep a man or barely know how to keep a spouse, barely know that relationships are mutual, barely know the sacrifices they would have to make as wives/female spouse to keep a relationship going, etc. They expect to be treated good all the time by their man, or as 'queens' that they like to call it, but never feel obliged to treat their man good in return. Many don't realize that you give to receive. Affection does not flow in one direction only, it goes both ways. With feminism, coupled with the unavailability of eligible good black men, most black american women expect to remain single for all their lives, having only boyfriends here and there as life goes on. In marriages many barely know their roles as wives, or the sacrifices wives make in a marriage, because they grew up in single-mom households and never saw their moms being wives to their dads or step-dads to learn from them, and the marriages they have, if any, barely last. Funny enough, feminism started with white European females but white American ladies till today are more subservient, womanly, and know their roles as wives than black women.

Honestly, if a woman can be wealthy, comfortable and still remain humble or submit to her spouse, cook for him, etc. most men would not have any problem with that. A good man will try to support such woman in her endeavours. No man wants a woman who tries to challenge his status as a man every time, who tries to be the 'man' instead etc. A good example of such women is Dr. Ngozi Iweala, a great woman with an international status who never rubs her success as woman on her husband's face or tries to challenge him or be on top of him because she is more successful than him. These women realize that outside their matrimonial home, they can charge up to men whatsoever but once they step foot in their house, their spouse is in charge and they submit. Check this out: the most successful marriages in America today, a country with high divorce rates where 50% of marriages end up in divorce, are still those ones that follow the traditional system of beliefs where the male is the primary financial giver and the female is the primary child care giver at home either as full time housewives or career mothers. That should tell you something.

madridsta007:
Interesting thread. I used to ask this question to myself till, I came close, attempted to date a Nigerian lady in a certain European country. I'm not going to disclose the name of the country.

They are largely, feminists, in fact more feminists than the progenitors of feminism, the Swedish. Sadly, they come through as uncouth, belligerent, arrogant and seem to always live on the edge of some unrestrained emotion. And of course, a good percentage can not cook. I remember when I once made pepper-soup for a love feast- many ladies couldn't believe I made it. I was like, huh? The ones that act this way, are persons who have gone through a lot in solidifying their stay in the West, that their capacity to reason sensibly takes flight. This is not only Nigerian ladies, though. Black ladies. They just have this 'problem.' A good percentage. Why will a Nigerian man, with a Nigerian-like home training, get someone who could potentially ask for a divorce the next day?

Hence, the reason why men go and take what is the less riskier route, a lady from Nigeria. It is less risky. The black ladies often get their 'sense' when they are in their mid/ late thirties. Then, it becomes a bit difficult to find someone serious.

berrystunn:
Keep thinking...

mikolo80:
but they will tolerate loneliness

Observer25:
Who still goes back home for village girl? When there are tones of educated univ and masters level ladies at home. It is a different generation bro. Some of the ladies here have not even completed university- still hustling.
African men have great options now. Lots of ladies are comfortable back home and even doing better than some of the ladies abroad.
It is a matter of choice. U can decide to choose from the above average 20 something nigeria ladies in your community abroad or go home to select a stunning beauty out of thousands. Is a personal choice.

aariwa:
Go to a Jamaican church and find a lady you like,if it works out marry her.They dont believe in divorce and unlike nigerian women they will cook for you,are loyal and respect your role as the head of the family whether you are rich or not.Many people from my hometown did that and it worked out,some even brought their own to nigeria and they are still living together after 30 years of marriage.Follow my advice and come here and thank me after 10 years of marriage

BlessedFellow01:
It is quite hard to find homely ladies abroad. The demand far exceeds the supply. Majority of them have gone the Western way of life but still expect you as guy to be the father Christmas. They still want to milk you dry. While I was dicsussing with one of them she told me whoever she will marry MUST BE RICH. She also told me her flatmate had made same resolution. Modus vivendi of some of them is parallel to what an average Nigerian man wants.

I am stuck in the valley of decision right now. I'm considering marrying someone in Nigeria rather than here.