₦airaland Forum

innovestor:
Why Is This Common With Most Wives? They Need To CHANGE!

Hello NLers.

I am here basically to sample thoughts and opinions on this matter from matured minds. No insults or names calling. Just address the issue with suggestions.

There is a saying (by me ) that goes thus: Learn to appreciate what you have now. Don't wait till it's gone to find out its value. There is also another saying (not by me ) that goes thus: Wives don't suck dick; only girlfriends do.

So to the matter. I am married to this lovely lady. She is good by good standards (details will be given later if need be). I am also good by good standards (details will be given later if need be ). However when it comes to making love, this is where the "matters arising" comes to play; yes sex.

Firstly, I am not necessarily the over demanding type, however i am not sexually satisfied completely in my home. I am very understanding when she actually is not in the right frame of conditions to make love, however for me making the moves every time for us to make love is tiring (and yes ladies you should make the moves sometimes, if not more).

Secondly, i am the type with a conscience. I have not raped and will never rape any one even my wife because this is practically impossible for me as my man-hood (which lives on) will suddenly slump in such situation (that's why i said practically impossible). So what am i driving at? Once my wife tells me she is a bit tired, she has a slight waist pain, head-ache, leg ache etc. i practically refrain from making love to her. It has happened most times that i am all up and doing and ready to hit the road and then she says she has a head-ache (unconsciously i must admit most times) i just pack-up and hit the bed to dream world.

Now the challenge is this. Being sort of sexually deprived by my wife, being a hardworking good citizen of Nigeria that makes an average earning (at least i dey drive motor and can comfortably take care of my family and one or two more outsiders despite the harsh economy) I am exposed to falling into countless number of temptations. In order not to brag, i have ladies calling me almost on a daily basis now and literally begging me to "shine their congo". Yes they know i am married with kids but don't care. Na me dey dodge them sef and avoid picking some calls.

Now the question is this: what can i do to solve this issue? What can i do to make my wife get off her relaxed state to make the moves for us to be more sexually engaged (and i am not talking of just missionary alone, i love adventure)? Should i just ignore her talks of head aches and find a means of forcing myself to do it with her ( I have actually asked her if this is what she wants - no response received). What can i do?

I am asking as we have had this sex talk twice and i have told her what i felt about the whole thing (of course she shed tears na). The third time we had the discussion, i told her categorically that this would be the last time for such discussion because if there is not improvement, i will not talk to her about it anymore and would seek other means to "help myself out". This is where i am at the moment.

So you ideas are welcome ladies and gentlemen.

P.S. Wow! So the write up long reach like this? be patient to read through.

Point blank, your wife id seeing another man. If you like go to Jupiter come back Na so. Na me talk am, and for her front I go still talk am.

Lalalala

euromilion:
When we tell una to marry oyinbo una say no,na darkie better pass,now una don see am now?.op are you sure your wife is not getting it from other sources e.g vibrator or side man?

I doubt that,over here na me dey even runaway from it sef,by the way how did other women get your number?#justaskingsinceyouaremarried.

sent you a PM
been searching for so long....#oyinbo
Am serious

pcguru1:
No mind am the thread for reddit na oyinbo people full there

But to be quite honest, my experiences with "oyinbo" ladies I.e interactions and other stuff *winks* has shown me that indeed there is a difference.

The biggest handicap to an average Naija girl is her upbringing. That's my opinion tho.

innovestor:
Sir what i meant by thorough home work is that don't go about licking ice cream and watching movies and having sex anyhow and think you are dating. its not sufficient. You need to ask intimate questions. such silly questions as what church do we attend and how many kids do we have after marriage has caused the break up of some relationships and even marriages. We could talk more offline if you want.

Thanks sir...I would have accepted offline, but I think it should be done here so that people can learn or you open a thread sir based on your own personal experience on dating, courtship and marriage. Thanks sir...

ogaprime:
Thanks sir...I would have accepted offline, but I think it should be done here so that people can learn or you open a thread sir based on your own personal experience on dating, courtship and marriage. Thanks sir...

Lots here if you can wade through - https://www.nairaland.com/1582623/boys-night-out-discussions - guys will answer if you ask questions.


TV

Ugosample:
But to be quite honest, my experiences with "oyinbo" ladies I.e interactions and other stuff *winks* has shown me that indeed there is a difference.

The biggest handicap to an average Naija girl is her upbringing. That's my opinion tho.

What I meant is that sexual deprivation is not just an African thing but I will admit to you that foreign ladies are more sexually open to things than African ladies am guessing because of religious upbringing and culture, they've been taught that being a good wife is mostly taking care of the kids and home but not much sexually, and maybe the standard missionary position and starfish position which to me is just depressing, ID rather have a wife that has a wild experience sexually and open to explore her sexuality in the marriage than a prude. So really I get what you mean about that foreign aspect

pcguru1:
What I meant is that sexual deprivation is not just an African thing but I will admit to you that foreign ladies are more sexually open to things than African ladies am guessing because of religious upbringing and culture, they've been taught that being a good wife is mostly taking care of the kids and home but not much sexually, and maybe the standard missionary position and starfish position which to me is just depressing, ID rather have a wife that has a wild experience sexually and open to explore her sexuality in the marriage than a prude. So really I get what you mean about that foreign aspect

That is precisely my point.
You understood what I was trying to say.

Onegai:
Innovestor, today is Thursday, send your wife a message right now, ask her what she's doing, if there's light etc. Come home earlier than usual and play with the kids. Buy cake for your wife and everybody eat. When I say play, I mean PLAY. Dance like an egun masquerade. During this play, you guys should make a paper ball, recreate the NIG-GER match of yesterday (pls be Germany ) and stylishly throw it at Mum. Let her pass it back, infact,rush her if she holds the ball long. Feel free to smack her bum during the play, no red card given. Don't ask for sex.

Tomorrow, come home and watch whatever she wants to watch, discuss it with her animatedly. What hairdo is she wearing? Bet you don't know offhand tell her to bring her nailpolish, you want to practise painting because the economy has crashed and manipedis ain't cheap. Ask her what's going with life. Just listen. Gist freely.

Saturday, you and her go to the mall. Go watch a movie together (no kids allowed). In the car home, hold her hand. When you get home, don't sit in your usual seat (the one you use as your personal space), sit with her. Tell her "I've missed us having fun, I've missed you". See how the evening goes.

i read N.I.G.G.E.R.

carmag:
I have read lots of contributions some are
even suggesting you abandon your schedule
so you come and start playing ball with your
wife before you can enjoy what rightly
belong to you even after providing for her
needs and maintaining your home..


bro, if you want to enjoy your marriage, first
thing is to set standard..yes, it might sound
autocratic at the beginning but she'll
eventually get used to it but that shouldn't
stop you showering her love

However, the moment she starts denying
you s**x with flimsy excuses without a
crosponding action from you, you're giving
rooms for more troubles

therefore, I will give you a practical
solution that will put it to a stop and
quote me to tell me I'm right when
it has worked

the moment you indulge in for play and
you're already high for action and she
turns you down, """"hehehe, masturbate
your self
right in her present till you cum...
that is
a strong msg to her.....
repeat same the next day right in her
present and dont ask her for s*x


trust me she would not be comfortable
with your actions and would want to know
the reason for that hence knowing it could
lead
to something else

Another interesting one!

RiloKiley:
Another interesting one!

try it and tank me later

Bonejr:
Have you ever sat down and discuss these things with her?

Did you read the op at all?

Well I think the problem is purely when a man choose to be faithful to his wife and the wife thinks she got his man 100% to herself no matter what.
I think the best thing to do is to act as if u don't care for sometime, do as if u don't notice how sexy she is , you can even act as if you not looking at her when she is naked this will got her thinking maybe you are cheating and she will want to.protect her home.
But please don't go outside my brother cos the end result will never be good
My prayer is God will bless us the husbands the more cos no man will buy his woman Range in the afternoon and night ask for poomon wey no go get am infact Na she sef go ask u to.come chop

ogaprime:
Thanks sir...I would have accepted offline, but I think it should be done here so that people can learn or you open a thread sir based on your own personal experience on dating, courtship and marriage. Thanks sir...

Its a whole lot my brother. Lots of things to say that writing may take a lot of time for me. If you notice i am not online so often. I was even thinking of us talking on the phone if you are so interested (no fear the call credit will be on me for as long as you wish to talk ). But if you still wish to have some things said here, there are many threads in this regard on NL. TV just showed one.

This is why i love NLers. The emoticons above are the various expressions on my face while reading through the various comments (yes i read every single one of them). Both from those who did not read my post before writing, those who did, those talking in and out of point and those decided to come here to quarrel. But thank your all for your interest in my matter. From all the post i have taken the ones relevant to my case and action items have been put in place. Hopefully things will get better.

innovestor:

This is why i love NLers. The emoticons above are the various expressions on my face while reading through the various comments (yes i read every single one of them). Both from those who did not read my post before writing, those who did, those talking in and out of point and those decided to come here to quarrel. But thank your all for your interest in my matter. From all the post i have taken the ones relevant to my case and action items have been put in place. Hopefully things will get better.

Pls kindly let us know what works. A lot of us married men are going through same but may not want to voice it out.

RiloKiley:
Did you read the op at all?

Am not too sure

RiloKiley:
Did you read the op at all?

Am not too sure

@ innovestor

Is it possible she's gained or lost a lot of weight? There are women who lose confidence in their own sexiness when either of this happens, especially the former. For women like that, if they do not see themselves as sexy, irrespective of how you perceive them, libido takes a beating.

Are you/have you made comments about how fat or skinny she has become? Comments about eating like a cow, looking like a whale? Even in jest? To most modern women, body image is a very important (touchy?) subject and if your wife's self esteem cannot handle it, negative comments could easily be the culprit even if she does not admit it to you.

Also, note that excess body weight, even if far from obesity, can cause real pains in a woman's body so the excuses may be real.

cococandy:
How did those ladies calling you get your number? You're married and still distributing your number everywhere and have the guts to brag about it.
If you want to smoothen things over with your wife, talk to her about it not us. We can't say anything that will make her change Except you're going to show her this thread. And stop giving ladies your number.

Shut up and don't derail the topic... All you could pick out is the ladies that have been calling her, so cos he is married no lady should have his number, and the fools liking your comment am sure if it was a guy that wrote this rubbish they would have bashed him. Abeg mod I need to be banned

@ innovestor

I believe the link below will be of use to you & younger single guys following this thread


https://therationalmale.com/2011/08/25/the-desire-dynamic/?_e_pi_=7%2CPAGE_ID10%2C6658392087

despite what some female posters on here have said, you can't negotiate desire! you can romance her and do house chores from now till the second coming,

https://therationalmale.com/2013/01/30/choreplay/?_e_pi_=7%2CPAGE_ID10%2C7313883596

if she has no desire to make love to you in the way you desire then she won't and like most of us guys you don't want 'Duty Sex' ... you want her to genuinely want you from the bottom of her heart and express same by frequently initiating Lovemaking with you.

If wifey is not considerate of your needs then you have some difficult descisions to make going forward...Life is too short Bro, You deserve to be Happy too.

Onegai:
Innovestor, today is Thursday, send your wife a message right now, ask her what she's doing, if there's light etc. Come home earlier than usual and play with the kids. Buy cake for your wife and everybody eat. When I say play, I mean PLAY. Dance like an egun masquerade. During this play, you guys should make a paper ball, recreate the NIG-GER match of yesterday (pls be Germany ) and stylishly throw it at Mum. Let her pass it back, infact,rush her if she holds the ball long. Feel free to smack her bum during the play, no red card given. Don't ask for sex.

Tomorrow, come home and watch whatever she wants to watch, discuss it with her animatedly. What hairdo is she wearing? Bet you don't know offhand tell her to bring her nailpolish, you want to practise painting because the economy has crashed and manipedis ain't cheap. Ask her what's going with life. Just listen. Gist freely.

Saturday, you and her go to the mall. Go watch a movie together (no kids allowed). In the car home, hold her hand. When you get home, don't sit in your usual seat (the one you use as your personal space), sit with her. Tell her "I've missed us having fun, I've missed you". See how the evening goes.

Chai... So girls dey like this?

When a man is stressed out n tired n wants to sleep its okay.


when a woman does same.....its assumed she's not doing her duties.
wit no cares to find out wats wrong.

For me every woman n man has a password. Find it!

I WOULD SUGGEST SHE READS THIS BOOK BY SHIELA GREGORIE - THE GOOD GIRLS GUIDE TO GREAT SEX. I BELIEVE IT WILL HELP. She also has a blog with great tips. He blog address is http://tolovehonorandvacuum.com/

Let us know the results..

innovestor:
Why Is This Common With Most Wives? They Need To CHANGE!

Hello NLers.

I am here basically to sample thoughts and opinions on this matter from matured minds. No insults or names calling. Just address the issue with suggestions.

There is a saying (by me ) that goes thus: Learn to appreciate what you have now. Don't wait till it's gone to find out its value. There is also another saying (not by me ) that goes thus: Wives don't suck dick; only girlfriends do.

So to the matter. I am married to this lovely lady. She is good by good standards (details will be given later if need be). I am also good by good standards (details will be given later if need be ). However when it comes to making love, this is where the "matters arising" comes to play; yes sex.

Firstly, I am not necessarily the over demanding type, however i am not sexually satisfied completely in my home. I am very understanding when she actually is not in the right frame of conditions to make love, however for me making the moves every time for us to make love is tiring (and yes ladies you should make the moves sometimes, if not more).

Secondly, i am the type with a conscience. I have not raped and will never rape any one even my wife because this is practically impossible for me as my man-hood (which lives on) will suddenly slump in such situation (that's why i said practically impossible). So what am i driving at? Once my wife tells me she is a bit tired, she has a slight waist pain, head-ache, leg ache etc. i practically refrain from making love to her. It has happened most times that i am all up and doing and ready to hit the road and then she says she has a head-ache (unconsciously i must admit most times) i just pack-up and hit the bed to dream world.

Now the challenge is this. Being sort of sexually deprived by my wife, being a hardworking good citizen of Nigeria that makes an average earning (at least i dey drive motor and can comfortably take care of my family and one or two more outsiders despite the harsh economy) I am exposed to falling into countless number of temptations. In order not to brag, i have ladies calling me almost on a daily basis now and literally begging me to "shine their congo". Yes they know i am married with kids but don't care. Na me dey dodge them sef and avoid picking some calls.

Now the question is this: what can i do to solve this issue? What can i do to make my wife get off her relaxed state to make the moves for us to be more sexually engaged (and i am not talking of just missionary alone, i love adventure)? Should i just ignore her talks of head aches and find a means of forcing myself to do it with her ( I have actually asked her if this is what she wants - no response received). What can i do?

I am asking as we have had this sex talk twice and i have told her what i felt about the whole thing (of course she shed tears na). The third time we had the discussion, i told her categorically that this would be the last time for such discussion because if there is not improvement, i will not talk to her about it anymore and would seek other means to "help myself out". This is where i am at the moment.

So you ideas are welcome ladies and gentlemen.

P.S. Wow! So the write up long reach like this? be patient to read through.

Boyfriends have had your wife in her earlier years.

She is probably comparing you with previous mates and doesn't think you are that good.

RiloKiley:
Pls kindly let us know what works. A lot of us married men are going through same but may not want to voice it out.

Hello Rilokiley,

I know this issue is prevalent in many marriages, but men try to manage it in order to keep the home in one piece (no man like family headache wahala). But to answer your question, what works for me may not work exactly the same way for you. But truth be told, i am 100% sure you have all the answers here on this thread.

I have plan A, B, C, D going from the comments here. I will dish them out as i go along and see what impact they will make. Plan Z is what most people suggest (side chic/second wife, masturbate in front of her etc). But i believe it will not get to that. (things are betting better gradually already )

So in all i would suggest you also look inwards if you are not doing some things you used to do when things were steamy. Have a good conversation as well on it when you both are relaxed. Be plain. No hiding thing. Tell her how u want it (even if na sucking things) then see her reaction. Try to sneak in a kiss or two even in public places (church inclusive, God no go vex).

Just do what you can to make things better.

chilet4cici:
Shut up and don't derail the topic... All you could pick out is the ladies that have been calling her, so cos he is married no lady should have his number, and the fools liking your comment am sure if it was a guy that wrote this rubbish they would have bashed him. Abeg mod I need to be banned

My dear, i just tire. I'm married does not bar me from talking to any female human being. Ladies call my line and my wife knows. Sometimes i ask her to pick up the calls but she does not most of the times. I see nothing wrong in me having female friends (and her having male friends) as long as the boundaries are not crossed.

MMotimo:
@ innovestor

Is it possible she's gained or lost a lot of weight? There are women who lose confidence in their own sexiness when either of this happens, especially the former. For women like that, if they do not see themselves as sexy, irrespective of how you perceive them, libido takes a beating.

Are you/have you made comments about how fat or skinny she has become? Comments about eating like a cow, looking like a whale? Even in jest? To most modern women, body image is a very important (touchy?) subject and if your wife's self esteem cannot handle it, negative comments could easily be the culprit even if she does not admit it to you.

Also, note that excess body weight, even if far from obesity, can cause real pains in a woman's body so the excuses may be real.

To calm your mind, she is still intact, sexy as ever. you will not know she has put to bed unless i tell you. We dey look for flesh to give her so she go add small.

But things are improving small small.

Chances are that all those long hard moans she's been belting out for you are fake.Pounding for 10 years is not equal to great s ex.So now she probably doesn't want to bother herself faking or gsms again.
If the s ex was truly great,shed be aching for you and making an effort.

Plenty women fake it and they are the ones most likely to give any excuse under the sun to escape having to go through yet another se xual ordeal.

It is very very hard to see someone who thoroughly unashamedly enjoys se x with her husband running away from it like lion de chase am.

Time to revise your bedroom game.
Loads of men are bad lovers who think they are earth shakers when in reality they have been with women who just don't have the heart to tell them the truth

Sorry.

Isn't this the case in most marriages? I can categorically say that the sex life of a couple dramatically changes after marriage. Not sure why this happens. But it's quite inevitable. Something must be stressing your wife out. Talk to her and see how u can be of assistance

innovestor:
To calm your mind, she is still intact, sexy as ever. you will not know she has put to bed unless i tell you. We dey look for flesh to give her so she go add small.

But things are improving small small.

I never wanted to contribute but read and learn but I think I should say something.
I'm not married though but in a very serious relationship.
After our first 2yrs of dating, things got sour like we quarrel per second. Sex was the least on our minds even though the love was still in existence.
I went online and did a whole lot of reading and now got the antidote to everything.

I would tell you plain that she may not need you helping out in house chores but show great concern.
Tell her how beautiful she is almost every time on sighting her.
Praise her most times on phone telling her all the sweet things you can remember at that time.
If she complains about headache as usual when the Congo shining is about to start, don't just dive to sleep, show concern, ask her to relax her head properly(make sure you romance the head like say your mind no dey the romance) and same headache go fly when you go feel her hand for your d!ck(not always though) but it really works.
NB: In all her complains, show serious concern. Make her see your efforts to bring her to normalcy and she would give it to you especially from the back. LOL

innovestor:
Why Is This Common With Most Wives? They Need To CHANGE!

Hello NLers.

I am here basically to sample thoughts and opinions on this matter from matured minds. No insults or names calling. Just address the issue with suggestions.

There is a saying (by me ) that goes thus: Learn to appreciate what you have now. Don't wait till it's gone to find out its value. There is also another saying (not by me ) that goes thus: Wives don't suck dick; only girlfriends do.

So to the matter. I am married to this lovely lady. She is good by good standards (details will be given later if need be). I am also good by good standards (details will be given later if need be ). However when it comes to making love, this is where the "matters arising" comes to play; yes sex.

Firstly, I am not necessarily the over demanding type, however i am not sexually satisfied completely in my home. I am very understanding when she actually is not in the right frame of conditions to make love, however for me making the moves every time for us to make love is tiring (and yes ladies you should make the moves sometimes, if not more).

Secondly, i am the type with a conscience. I have not raped and will never rape any one even my wife because this is practically impossible for me as my man-hood (which lives on) will suddenly slump in such situation (that's why i said practically impossible). So what am i driving at? Once my wife tells me she is a bit tired, she has a slight waist pain, head-ache, leg ache etc. i practically refrain from making love to her. It has happened most times that i am all up and doing and ready to hit the road and then she says she has a head-ache (unconsciously i must admit most times) i just pack-up and hit the bed to dream world.

Now the challenge is this. Being sort of sexually deprived by my wife, being a hardworking good citizen of Nigeria that makes an average earning (at least i dey drive motor and can comfortably take care of my family and one or two more outsiders despite the harsh economy) I am exposed to falling into countless number of temptations. In order not to brag, i have ladies calling me almost on a daily basis now and literally begging me to "shine their congo". Yes they know i am married with kids but don't care. Na me dey dodge them sef and avoid picking some calls.

Now the question is this: what can i do to solve this issue? What can i do to make my wife get off her relaxed state to make the moves for us to be more sexually engaged (and i am not talking of just missionary alone, i love adventure)? Should i just ignore her talks of head aches and find a means of forcing myself to do it with her ( I have actually asked her if this is what she wants - no response received). What can i do?

I am asking as we have had this sex talk twice and i have told her what i felt about the whole thing (of course she shed tears na). The third time we had the discussion, i told her categorically that this would be the last time for such discussion because if there is not improvement, i will not talk to her about it anymore and would seek other means to "help myself out". This is where i am at the moment.

So you ideas are welcome ladies and gentlemen.

P.S. Wow! So the write up long reach like this? be patient to read through.

Op, i will be frank with you. This is one of the effects of female genital mutilation (FGM) I'm afraid you married a woman that has been grossly circumcised while young.

Biologically we know women have low androgen secretion hence low libido/little or no interest in sex.(for the exception of nymphomaniacs which are not very common though)
Circumcision further kills it and makes sex a painful experience for women. this is a very common practice in Nigeria.

This practice has a lot of disadvantages, apart from the fact that a man will not be able to enjoy his wife, like you are complaining now, it has other health implications, like obstructed Labour,
VVF, etc. But the FG is trying to ban the practice now.

It's sad Bro, but there is nothing you can do about it. You are not the only one, you can see other married guys complaining on the thread. It's one of the reasons for infidelity amongst Nigeria men. But I won't advice you to be one of them.

whiteeyes:
@Op, I advise you to take the bull by the horn. No need to always ask a woman politely to make love to her especially if she's wifee. See, I'm a woman and I can tell you authoritatively and from experience that most women don't like the slack man but the vicious who asserts. Not that you should rape but just show that you are in charge of that ministry. When she brings up those countless excuses, just do some sweet little talks into her ears and voila! The aches are all gone and the act sets in. Sometimes I wonder, if you men only knew the little things that trigger and make women surrender. Cheers dear!

THANK YOU..you v said it all. Some men don't understand their wives sexual needs..In this case of her giving excuse,he might give her a hug from behind and whisper funny loving words to her ears that would just melt away all the stress.. Ladies are triggered by what they hear.