₦airaland Forum

cococandy:
live and love your daughter. You guys will make it through this rough patch. I don't know him but an abusive partner can also be mean to his/her kids so it's not that shocking. What irks me in all this is that after abandoning his responsibilities and the kid grows up, he might come crawling out of wherever to claim a stake in the kid's life.

He is a very manipulative man. He is using all means possible to manipulate me back to his house. He is not ready to submit to counselling ,write an undertaking never to hurt me, work on his demons. He still sees his behaviour as my fault and has refused to take responsibility. For years I actually thought it was all my fault.

You can force a horse to the stream but you can't force it to drink water.

You really cannot force him to speak to or contact his children.

Just try your best for your children.

Life happens even to the best of us, but it still has to go on.

kokoprincess:
He is a very manipulative man. He is using all means possible to manipulate me back to his house. He is not ready to submit to counselling ,write an undertaking never to hurt me, work on his demons. He still sees his behaviour as my fault and has refused to take responsibility. For years I actually thought it was all my fault.

good that you're wiser now

What a sad situation. Somebody(ies) is/are bound to get hurt, big time . Unless of course the dad somehow miraculously becomes a good dude and mommy somehow find it in her heart to forgive and forget.

I genuinely wish you the best @op. I hate broken homes more than I hate Chelsea

kokoprincess:
Yeah..am alone with the kids

okay,I hope you do work and have some income.You will settle eventually with what you have.Just take things easy for now.Don't let it get to you.You will give the kids what you can afford and with time they will understand that they can't get all they have been getting.

You say he's a good father but a father who is ignoring his kids to get at their mother isn't being good.Don't let him use the kids to manipulate you.

The kids will get used to the reality on ground, don't get depressed over that. You did well to run for your life and be there for your daughters.

Tell her the truth..
According to your post your husband is a wonderful father (to his daughter) but abusive to his wife (you), Please don't selfishly takeaway your daughters happiness because of misunderstanding between you and your husband.

Tell her the truth..
According to your post your husband is a wonderful father (to his daughter) but abusive to his wife (you), Please don't selfishly takeaway your daughter's happiness because of misunderstanding between you and your husband.

MicroBox:
Tell her the truth..
According to your post your husband is a wonderful father (to his daughter) but abusive to his wife (you), Please don't selfishly takeaway your daughter's happiness because of misunderstanding between you and your husband.

So what's your point? I leave my 2 under age kids with their father or I should return to an abusive partner?

cococandy:
If he was really a good a father like you say, he won't hurt his kids to manipulate you into coming back to him knowing that he's most likely going to continue the abuse. What kind of good father doesn't care that his kid misses him and ignores when you try to reach out so that he can even just say hello?

Spending money on children is not all there is to being a good parent. Respecting the other parent in their life (not abusing them) and being there emotionally for the kid/s is even more important than dumping money on them.

Ignore this advice. She is a bitter woman.

Even when you said your husband is a good father... She cast doubt and tried hard to demonize him. She went on to psyche you into believing that whatever he's doing good he's still evil. If your husband is that bad, your kids won't miss him.

Be cautious. Be warned of evil ladies. She has also wickedly infused into you only if you heed that your husband won't stop the abuse. That's trying to convince you never to think of going back to him.

Notice one thing, she didn't give a rat azz what you did wrong or the cause of the friction between you and your husband, Her concern is just to paint the man evil. Ask your self, are you perfect?

Beware of advice from vindictive and wicked people who is not ready to sue for peace but to destroy. They'll paint their marriages perfect before you not until you get a glimpse of what they pass through and working tireless hard to keep their cash cow.

Be warn Op.

kokoprincess:
He is a very manipulative man. He is using all means possible to manipulate me back to his house. He is not ready to submit to counselling ,write an undertaking never to hurt me, work on his demons. He still sees his behaviour as my fault and has refused to take responsibility. For years I actually thought it was all my fault.

I didn't read this part before I posted earlier but the wicked one has already done the damage. She wants you to view your marriage from her perspective and you're now a willing tool of destruction.

If you've her type as a friend in real life, then your hubby did the right thing by chasing you out.

You have told us all the wrong things your husband is doing to you and your kids, please can you be magnanimous enough to tell us what wrong you are doing to him so that we can balance our thought process and provide the missing link.

There's no smoke without fire. In marriage no mate is right until understanding comes.

mums are the best in the whole world.... at least am sure my mum is.... you made a very big sacrifice for yourself and your kids may the lord uphold you


if you cant afford to do a big birthday party for her get cupcakes light a candle on it and tell her to make a wish....(cup of ice cream would be nice too) tell her that her dad couldnt be here but will be home soon...

if he isnt heartless or if his ego doesnt take over he will still get across to his kids that's what I believe..... but incase he doesn't you would get through this even stronger

freshvine:
I didn't read this part before I posted earlier but the wicked one has already done the damage. She wants you to view your marriage from her perspective and you're now a willing tool of destruction.

If you've her type as a friend in real life, then your hubby did the right thing by chasing you out.

You have told us all the wrong things your husband is doing to you and your kids, please can you be magnanimous enough to tell us what wrong you are doing to him so that we can balance our thought process and provide the missing link.

There's no smoke without fire. In marriage no mate is right until understanding comes.

This man, you have come again. Of all the OP wrote down, you've still managed to turn it around and say she deserved to be abused.
What kind of person are you?
Why do you feel acts of violence and abuse are justified especially in partners?
It's those that are on the hot seat that know where the shoe pinches. No one wants a broken home, especially for their children.
Pls, before you cast stones and before you try to remove the speck in other people's eyes take a deep breath and remove the log in your eyes.
Learn to show some empathy. She never said she was chased out but rather left by herself to preserve her life and sanity. She has just come to ask how to get the father of her children involved in their lives.
That's what a responsible parent does. She's acknowledged her husband was a good father, albeit a terrible husband for her. She never said the man did bad towards their children.
"Let him that thinks he stands take heed lest he falls"
Dazzall

eyinjuege:
This man, you have come again. Of all the OP wrote down, you've still managed to turn it around and say she deserved to be abused.
What kind of person are you?
Why do you feel acts of violence and abuse are justified especially in partners?
It's those that are on the hot seat that know where the shoe pinches. No one wants a broken home, especially for their children.
Pls, before you cast stones and before you try to remove the speck in other people's eyes take a deep breath and remove the log in your eyes.
Learn to show some empathy. She never said she was chased out but rather left by herself to preserve her life and sanity. She has just come to ask how to get the father of her children involved in their lives.
That's what a responsible parent does. She's acknowledged her husband was a good father, albeit a terrible husband for her. She never said the man did bad towards their children.
"Let him that thinks he stands take heed lest he falls"
Dazzall

I didn't want to join issues with you but I'll try as much as possible to re-engineer your thinking faculty. I'm a SHE for the records.

I never doubt her story. In fact I sympathize with her predicament and pray she finds a lasting solution for the greater good of her family.

My submissions were only trying to alert her of the dangers of accepting the bad advice from ignorant ones who sees marriage as a battle ground between the husband and wife. With the prevalent divorce cases in our society today, are we right to say our sons and husbands are suddenly becoming satanic and demons. Who raised them?

I am all for conflict resolution on how to preserve the family institutions so that our children would have a feel of family life. In doing that I've decided to wage war against family dissidents. People who present to the world that their marriage is bliss but every other man a woman complain about is the devil himself. There's no marriage without its peculiar challenge so if a sister is bold enough to seek for advice, rather than condemn the husband as though he is the worst of life beast we should give advice to her on how to manage the situation referencing how we tackled ours for those of us married.

So Oga, get the facts right before you consider playing to the gallery for cheap nairaland likes soon to come from haters and cheerleaders

freshvine:
I didn't want to join issues with you but I'll try as much as possible to re-engineer your thinking faculty. I'm a SHE for the records.

I never doubt her story. In fact I sympathize with her predicament and pray she finds a lasting solution for the greater good of her family.

My submissions were only trying to alert her of the dangers of accepting the bad advice from ignorant ones who sees marriage as a battle ground between the husband and wife. With the prevalent divorce cases in our society today, are we right to say our sons and husbands are suddenly becoming satanic and demons. Who raised them?

I am all for conflict resolution on how to preserve the family institutions so that our children would have a feel of family life. In doing that I've decided to wage war against family dissidents. People who present to the world that their marriage is bliss but every other man a woman complain about is the devil himself. There's no marriage without its peculiar challenge so if a sister is bold enough to seek for advice, rather than condemn the husband as though he is the worst of life beast we should give advice to her on how to manage the situation referencing how we tackled ours for those of us married.

So Oga, get the facts right before you consider playing to the gallery for cheap nairaland likes soon to come from haters and cheerleaders

You seem to be the one playing to the gallery.

You seem more interested in fighting perceived enemies of your beliefs than making suggestions on the issues the Op raised.
She never asked for advice on how to move back to her husband. She has made moves which she should be applauded. She left the immediate danger she was in and equally her family has asked the husband write an undertaking never to raise his hands against her again, but he has blatantly refused. Do you not see he's still very much interested in battering her? What's in writing an undertaking, when you know you'll not default? Would you still advice your own sister go back to such a man, knowing he still has intentions of hitting her?
I would be interested in your submissions on the issue of domestic violence.
I know it's always being present, but social media influence has made us all more aware of how rampant it is.
Anyway, the Ops concern for now is how to get her husband involved in the lives of their children.
Being separated or divorced does not mean you should abandon your children from the marriage.
It's morally, and even religious wise wrong.
You want marriages to last? Why not preach against all forms of abuse- emotional, physical, psychological.
At least prevention is better than cure.
Why not preach understanding amongst couples, and encourage couples not to dish out what they cannot take?
The world would be a better place if we could all treat others how we would like to be treated.
Even marriages that are broken, and you want restoration right? Why not try to preach against infidelity, violence and preach for couples to be responsible to one another. Preach on the importance of hardwork in women, not leaving their husbands to struggle to provide for the home, and equally preach on the importance of husbands helping out at home and not letting their spouses get weary.
All I saw you preach/do was vilify someone else. Focus on your own message/preaching to restore homes and not by sounding bitter and angry.
Your message doesn't sound genuine the way you're going about it, except of course if you're not really interested in people gaining anything from your message but rather you want to 'argue', and prove others wrong.

eyinjuege:
You seem to be the one playing to the gallery.

You seem more interested in fighting perceived enemies of your beliefs than making suggestions on the issues the Op raised.
She never asked for advice on how to move back to her husband. She has made moves which she should be applauded. She left the immediate danger she was in and equally her family has asked the husband write an undertaking never to raise his hands against her again, but he has blatantly refused. Do you not see he's still very much interested in battering her? What's in writing an undertaking, when you know you'll not default? Would you still advice your own sister go back to such a man, knowing he still has intentions of hitting her?
I would be interested in your submissions on the issue of domestic violence.
I know it's always being present, but social media influence has made us all more aware of how rampant it is.
Anyway, the Ops concern for now is how to get her husband involved in the lives of their children.
Being separated or divorced does not mean you should abandon your children from the marriage.
It's morally, and even religious wise wrong.
You want marriages to last? Why not preach against all forms of abuse- emotional, physical, psychological.
At least prevention is better than cure.
Why not preach understanding amongst couples, and encourage couples not to dish out what they cannot take?
The world would be a better place if we could all treat others how we would like to be treated.
Even marriages that are broken, and you want restoration right? Why not try to preach against infidelity, violence and preach for couples to be responsible to one another. Preach on the importance of hardwork in women, not leaving their husbands to struggle to provide for the home, and equally preach on the importance of husbands helping out at home and not letting their spouses get weary.
All I saw you preach/do was vilify someone else. Focus on your own message/preaching to restore homes and not by sounding bitter and angry.
Your message doesn't sound genuine the way you're going about it, except of course if you're not really interested in people gaining anything from your message but rather you want to 'argue', and prove others wrong.

@ bold is what you'd expect from a normal healthy person. Not misogynists masquerading under female monikers to promote their agenda.