Watching my father daily has made me realize that the hardest thing about being a man is the fact that nobody really cares about you, because they think you ought to be man enough to handle every jab life throws at you.
You are allowed to show zero emotions and no weakness .you are only relevant and seen as man enough when you shoulder everything even if it kills you in silence.

I really pray God strengthens and comforts every good man out there. That's why we have to support them the best way we can.

LiveWire85:
Watching my father daily has made me realize that the hardest thing about being a man is the fact that nobody really cares about you, because they think you ought to be man enough to handle every jab life throws at you.
You are allowed to show zero emotions and no weakness .you are only relevant and seen as man enough when you shoulder everything even if it kills you in silence.

I really pray God strengthens and comforts every good man out there. That's why we have to support them the best way we can.

That is life bro. I have come to the realization that you are only loved as a man to the extent of your ability to provide assistance.

Life is transactional for me now, before I give anything, we clearly define what I get in return with zero emotions in-between.

as i said a few days ago:

MrBrownJay1:
do you know how hard it is to be a man in a world where men have to singlehandedly support their family (women included)? do you know how hard life is for good men out there that are simply broke and therefore ignored by women (Or that simply cant support their family) FOR YEARS? do you know how hard life is for good men out there that are dismissed solely because they aint got a fancy house/car/job FOR YEARS? you think carrying a child for 9months is difficult, when some men have been suffering for decades with hunger/poverty/dismissal by women because they couldnt buy them fancy gifts etc... do you think its easy for a man to see his child being hungry and not able to feed that child, while mama blames him for their misfortune (because he is suppose to be the "provider" and cant provide) instead of helping him?!
do you even remotely understand the type of PRESSURE any family man goes through, to cater for his family?! calling pregnancy the hardest task on earth is an insult to men and what we have to do to cater for family/women/children etc.

LiveWire85:
■ Watching my father daily has made me realize that the hardest thing about being a man is the fact that nobody really cares about you, because they think you ought to be man enough to handle every jab life throws at you.
■ You are allowed to show zero emotions and no weakness. you are only relevant and seen as man enough when you shoulder everything even if it kills you in silence.
■ I really pray God strengthens and comforts every good man out there. That's why we have to support them the best way we can.

That has absolutely nothing to do with being a man. There are men out there who are loved and cared for by members of their own family. It all depends on the way you position yourself. If you wish to be treated like one who does not deserve care from others, then you will do everything to get just that. What you mostly put in is what you get in return. This isn't about gender really but about the choices an individual makes. The likely reason your father isn't being cared for by those in his family probably has a lot to do with him playing man of the house as opposed to being member of the family like everyone else.

2. All that macho nonsense only matters in the heads of those who hold such delusions. Go out there and see the number of homes where women bear the bulk of the responsibilities in their homes. They don't do it with zero emotions and no weaknesses. There are men out there who are emotionally intelligent beings --- at home with their emotions, even around their family --- and are equally loved and cared for and respected by those in their homes at that. So what benefit is this zero-emotions and zero-weakness stance you claim makes one a man ? What is it based on? That there seems nothing but a quick ticket to the grave for the foolish!

3. God has nothing to do with these human delusions abeg!

LiveWire85:
Watching my father daily has made me realize that the hardest thing about being a man is the fact that nobody really cares about you, because they think you ought to be man enough to handle every jab life throws at you.
You are allowed to show zero emotions and no weakness .you are only relevant and seen as man enough when you shoulder everything even if it kills you in silence.

I really pray God strengthens and comforts every good man out there. That's why we have to support them the best way we can.

What you give is what you get, except in some special cases. If you care for your family as a man, they will surely care for you, too. Some men feel like throwing money at their children is enough. Parental care and buying every toy they want in a store is NOT the same thing.

LiveWire85:
Watching my father daily has made me realize that the hardest thing about being a man is the fact that nobody really cares about you, because they think you ought to be man enough to handle every jab life throws at you.
You are allowed to show zero emotions and no weakness .you are only relevant and seen as man enough when you shoulder everything even if it kills you in silence.

I really pray God strengthens and comforts every good man out there. That's why we have to support them the best way we can.

NOBODY FORCED YOU TO MARRY AND BEAR KIDS.
problem dey e own u go carry am for head, enjoy your married life

Kobojunkie:
That has absolutely nothing to do with being a man. There are men out there who are loved and cared for by members of their own family. It all depends on the way you position yourself. If you wish to be treated like one who does not deserve care from others, then you will do everything to get just that. What you mostly put in is what you get in return. This isn't about gender really but about the choices an individual makes. The likely reason your father isn't being cared for by those in his family probably has a lot to do with him playing man of the house as opposed to being member of the family like everyone else.

2. All that macho nonsense only matters in the heads of those who hold such delusions. Go out there and see the number of homes where women bear the bulk of the responsibilities in their homes. They don't do it with zero emotions and no weaknesses. There are men out there who are emotionally intelligent beings --- at home with their emotions, even around their family --- and are equally loved and cared for and respected by those in their homes at that. So what benefit is this zero-emotions and zero-weakness stance you claim makes one a man ? What is it based on? That there seems nothing but a quick ticket to the grave for the foolish!

3. God has nothing to do with these human delusions abeg!

You made a lot of sense, i don't know if you have watched the movie "captain fantastic" it shows how forked up the society is.

Pussyisgud:
■ You made a lot of sense, i don't know if you have watched the movie "captain fantastic" it shows how forked up the society is.

I just read the review. It sounds like just what OP and his father need to sit down together and watch. It may help them finally realize — can't believe why it has taken many so very long — in 2024 the foolishness of that zero-emotions/zero-weaknesses bullsheet that Africans tend to pride themselves on.

It has been added to my must-see list for this weekend.

BlackRainDrops:
What you give is what you get, except in some special cases. If you care for your family as a man, they will surely care for you, too. Some men feel like throwing money at their children is enough. Parental care and buying every toy they want in a store is NOT the same thing.

So, which other major care should a man provide other than these??

If a man manages to provide everything he kids need, he's definitely caring for them.

If he fails to do these, you guys will still crucify him

Kobojunkie:
That has absolutely nothing to do with being a man. There are men out there who are loved and cared for by members of their own family. It all depends on the way you position yourself. If you wish to be treated like one who does not deserve care from others, then you will do everything to get just that. What you mostly put in is what you get in return. This isn't about gender really but about the choices an individual makes. The likely reason your father isn't being cared for by those in his family probably has a lot to do with him playing man of the house as opposed to being member of the family like everyone else.

2. All that macho nonsense only matters in the heads of those who hold such delusions. Go out there and see the number of homes where women bear the bulk of the responsibilities in their homes. They don't do it with zero emotions and no weaknesses. There are men out there who are emotionally intelligent beings --- at home with their emotions, even around their family --- and are equally loved and cared for and respected by those in their homes at that. So what benefit is this zero-emotions and zero-weakness stance you claim makes one a man ? What is it based on? That there seems nothing but a quick ticket to the grave for the foolish!

3. God has nothing to do with these human delusions abeg!

These bullshits you wrote are not applicable and implementable in African societies.

ChybuzzDD:
■ These bullshits you wrote are not applicable and implementable in African societies.

Because African societies in general are incapable of applying common sense, abi? It is African heritage to wallow in foolishness at all costs.

ChybuzzDD:


So, which other major care should a man provide other than these??

If a man manages to provide everything he kids need, he's definitely caring for them.

If he fails to do these, you guys will still crucify him

I'm not saying he shouldn't provide. Understand me; giving your children money is not your only responsibility. You should be there for them physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Money is good, great even, but it is not everything.

Maybe not the hardest, but one of the hardest things about being a man.

I have to be ''something'' before I will be loved and enjoy good things in life. Unlike women who enjoy something I call ''status by association'' (e.g. a king's wife is a queen, but it does work the other way round). To enjoy anything, I must work for it myself.

And the male world is extremely fiercely competitive. Some men are smarter, richer, highly connected, and more well-educated than you. They also benefit from old money and have monopolized many industries, and you are a latecomer.

As you attempt to climb high the hierarchy, forces are drawing you back such as responsibilities to others, to yourself,

For men, if he is lucky, the only window they have to escape and have a good shot at life is when they are teenagers to maybe 25 years old max. Under the assumption that his parents can still hold it down, he goes into the world and punches hard.

But if his parents are getting old, or don't have anything built that he can use as a stepping stone to launch, and even worse, he has to save them, then he probably won't be successful for life.

Your hard work is just a slice of the pie of success. Things such as comparative advantages, nationality, social status, educational level, inheritance, who you know, parental support, etc, will go far in making a man successful.

And to make it worse, ignorance of this dynamic is the final nail to a man's coffin. I don't know a man who understands this thing and will waste time chasing women or feeling like he is lost when a woman says no.

You have such a huge battle ahead of you, how can the disapproval of a mere immortal, one out of billions make you lose sleep? Especially when she compliments and will benefit from your hustle, and not the other way round?

Your worst sin is that you've destroyed and betrayed yourself for nothing" - Fyodor Dostoevsky,

https://www.nairaland.com/8079313/useless-young-man-break-cycle

As useless as a young man

pansophist:
Maybe not the hardest, but one of the hardest things about being a man.

I have to be ''something'' before I will be loved and enjoy good things in life. Unlike women who enjoy something I call ''status by association'' (e.g. a king's wife is a queen, but it does work the other way round). To enjoy anything, I must work for it myself.

And the male world is extremely fiercely competitive. Some men are smarter, richer, highly connected, and more well-educated than you. They also benefit from old money and have monopolized many industries, and you are a latecomer.

As you attempt to climb high the hierarchy, forces are drawing you back such as responsibilities to others, to yourself,

For men, if he is lucky, the only window they have to escape and have a good shot at life is when they are teenagers to maybe 25 years old max. Under the assumption that his parents can still hold it down, he goes into the world and punches hard.

But if his parents are getting old, or don't have anything built that he can use as a stepping stone to launch, and even worse, he has to save them, then he probably won't be successful for life.

Your hard work is just a slice of the pie of success. Things such as comparative advantages, nationality, social status, educational level, inheritance, who you know, parental support, etc, will go far in making a man successful.

And to make it worse, ignorance of this dynamic is the final nail to a man's coffin. I don't know a man who understands this thing and will waste time chasing women or feeling like he is lost when a woman says no.

You have such a huge battle ahead of you, how can the disapproval of a mere immortal, one out of billions make you lose sleep? Especially when she compliments and will benefit from your hustle, and not the other way round?

Your worst sin is that you've destroyed and betrayed yourself for nothing" - Fyodor Dostoevsky,

Obalende axis of lagos Island is a replica of how life can be hard for men. Women at their low offers pussy for money to survive... while the men at their low sleeps on top the bridge using the pavement as bed. When it rains it falls on them. When you see their faces, it is filled with so much despair and melancholy. They are like walking dead , no one to save them. ....Young men....Please dont play with your future oooo

Just being true to yourself and the course of piety, especially in this country is hard, man!

ChybuzzDD:


So, which other major care should a man provide other than these??

If a man manages to provide everything he kids need, he's definitely caring for them.

If he fails to do these, you guys will still crucify him

Leave them make them they play.
They have a funny way of downgrading financial impact of men.
They will tell you aside money what else can a man give as if that MONEY is not really the Koko that other things will fall into place.
Then another set will come that of money is the main thing men provide, then what else about women who make their own money and still going to carry preg and take care of the kids?
My answer to them is that then such a woman needs No Marriage or Man rather just sperm.
Then the whole hell would be let loose on me that am misogyny, woman hater blah blah blah but it is the bitter truth.
For a marriage to bond well and last long, there must be a strong reason backing it up and not just emotions or Love hence it may not go far.
A woman must need a man that will provide for her, better her life and change her status and in return a man needs a woman he can relax with, take care of the kids and home.
If we remove all these, a woman will lose taste in marriage because there is no incentive to be in one while the man will lose incentive to settle down too.
I can make this more visible with a clearer example.
Under normal condition, no one will like to wake up and go work for a company but nature as created that situation so as to make working mandatory and you see a reason to do one.
An employee needs money to solve his problem while an employer needs someone to do his work for his company to function.
There won't be a work in the first place if a company just needs to be paying set of people for no reason and employees too will stop working if they have to be working without being paid.
And the more lucrative the work is that can provide good comfort for the employee, the more dedicated and happy they will be to keep working in that company and achieve their life dreams like house, car, etc
I see most women with money as those who don't need marriage because a graduate from a rich home with a family that has so many companies and he has a family trust set up for him that is giving him 50m per year minimum will have no reason or incentive to look for work.
Incentives has to be there for things to function

emmaodet:


Leave them make them they play.
They have a funny way of downgrading financial impact of men.
They will tell you aside money what else can a man give as if that MONEY is not really the Koko that other things will fall into place.

Even without money, the mere presence of a male figure is security for a woman.

Instinctually, the predators of the earth (aka men lol) routine avoid targeting women who have a strong masculine background behind them. Either in the form of her fathers, husband, or even brothers.

To narrow the contribution of men to mere finances in being intellectually dishonest, or such a person never enjoyed the security coverage a man brings.

For example, in the US (I can't find data about Nigeria), most of the prison populations are from single-mother homes. Also, the girls you see doing only fans, e-prostitutions, and just unfortunate people.

It will be extremely difficult for a woman lady/man who has a proper upbringing in a healthy masculine household to fall into any of these societal vices.

Men bring direction, stability, authority, leadership, protection, moral guardians, and a figure of hope. Even a man who doesn't have enough money can still provide these things proportionally.

Anyone who downgrades, narrows, or vilifies the importance of men to mere cash has never had a good man, is trying to win an argument instead of being right, or is just downright idiotic.

Men:

Created a hard and fast rule of what being male vs female means. Anything otherwise means you’re weak and not an alpha. men use the term “Emotional” to mock women in an attempt to discredit anything women have to say to them.


Also men:

Waa woe is me. I’m expected to be strong and show no emotions

Sapasenator:


That is life bro. I have come to the realization that you are only loved as a man to the extent of your ability to provide assistance.

Life is transactional for me now, before I give anything, we clearly define what I get in return with zero emotions in-between.

LiveWire85:
Watching my father daily has made me realize that the hardest thing about being a man is the fact that nobody really cares about you, because they think you ought to be man enough to handle every jab life throws at you.
You are allowed to show zero emotions and no weakness .you are only relevant and seen as man enough when you shoulder everything even if it kills you in silence.

I really pray God strengthens and comforts every good man out there. That's why we have to support them the best way we can.

This is the gender dichotomy you guys wanted. No?

virginboy1:
Obalende axis of lagos Island is a replica of how life can be hard for men. Women at their low offers pussy for money to survive... while the men at their low sleeps on top the bridge using the pavement as bed. When it rains it falls on them. When you see their faces it is feel with so much despair and melancholy. They are like walking dead , no one to save them. ....Young men....Please dont play with your future oooo

Imagine if men used that money they’re paying to sleep with prostitutes to help other men. What a wonderful world it would be

BlackRainDrops:
I'm not saying he shouldn't provide. Understand me; giving your children money is not your only responsibility. You should be there for them physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Money is good, great even, but it is not everything.

Thank you

ChybuzzDD:


So, which other major care should a man provide other than these??

If a man manages to provide everything he kids need, he's definitely caring for them.

If he fails to do these, you guys will still crucify him

How are the moms managing to provide financially and are still able to do everything else in addition to bringing the money? Maybe you guys need to humble yourselves and learn from women who are doing it.

Because the FACT (no matter how delusional many of you are) is that women are also providing financially. Especially in each and every home of everyone commenting on this thread even if y’all prefer to lie about it.

Women are providing and are still not limiting their identity as parents/partners to that role only.

cococandy:




This is the gender dichotomy you guys wanted. No?

Me, gender dichotomy? Mbanu!

Zero emotions is neither masculinity nor superiority, it is Schizoid Personality Disorder.....better go see a psychiatrist and a therapist, for better management.

Sapasenator:


Me, gender dichotomy? Mbanu!

I see. You must not be among those ones then.

If you define yourself primarily by your capacity and ability to provide and you fail to achieve the standard you set yourself, then why do you expect to be judged by some other standard?

Don't get me wrong, those other standards like emotional intelligence, compassion, honesty, communication, fair dealing are very important.

But you bring none of that along with you and expect those around you to find reasons to tolerate you when you have given them no other reason to do so.

pansophist:


Even without money, the mere presence of a male figure is security for a woman.

Instinctually, the predators of the earth (aka men lol) routine avoid targeting women who have a strong masculine background behind them. Either in the form of her fathers, husband, or even brothers.

To narrow the contribution of men to mere finances in being intellectually dishonest, or such a person never enjoyed the security coverage a man brings.

For example, in the US (I can't find data about Nigeria), most of the prison populations are from single-mother homes. Also, the girls you see doing only fans, e-prostitutions, and just unfortunate people.

It will be extremely difficult for a woman lady/man who has a proper upbringing in a healthy masculine household to fall into any of these societal vices.

Men bring direction, stability, authority, leadership, protection, moral guardians, and a figure of hope. Even a man who doesn't have enough money can still provide these things proportionally.

Anyone who downgrades, narrows, or vilifies the importance of men to mere cash has never had a good man, is trying to win an argument instead of being right, or is just downright idiotic.

You are 100% right bro.
They just have a funny way of downgrading men's efforts in the family ni.
Also like you said, a woman without masculine figure is bound to go astray or devoured by sharks.
A woman without a man in her life is a roaming prey in the mist of predators.
There is respect associated with women who have husbands compared to single ladies.
Have heard from a woman working with UBA whose husband lost his job and she is the one financing the house saying the reason why she doesn't want to divorce the man after catching the man cheating is because all sort of men will start approaching her and toasting her immediately they know she is no more married and in her husband house again.
One told my wife after divorce that she was shocked when one of her hubby's friends approached her (afterall she no more with the husband), and all sorts of idiots - taxi driver, co-workers, church members, she said it so shameful even the gateman of the house she packed to was also codedly giving her greenlights.
Something that would have been avoided if they are seeing hubby with her.

The struggle of being a man is something you can choose how to go through.

It's why the idea of early marriage for an African man is ridiculous.

Imagine just entering adulthood and now you have to take care of other people because you are now a father.

Maybe your fellow men need to hear it from you because we’re tired of the provider trope.

Every body is a provider. And men are not even doing a good job of it BTW. Because they very often mock the people they’re supposedly providing for by calling them leeches, liabilities and gold diggers. Who wants to be provided for like that? When it’s used as power over you. That’s why women started getting their own money too and being a provider is no longer an exclusive thing to men.

What else can they do asides from that? Which is where your post comes in nicely.These are good qualities you listed here. How many of them are cultivating these qualities amongst themselves?

How can someone be a good moral guardian if they don’t live by the morals they’re trying to instill in their family members or other people they’re leading? Men here don’t fail to try and convince us that they exempt from the morality laws they try to foist on others. How can they be protectors if they’re the ones their families need protection from. Big failure right there.

I could go on but I’ll stop here

pansophist:


To narrow the contribution of men to mere finances in being intellectually dishonest, or such a person never enjoyed the security coverage a man brings.

Men bring direction, stability, authority, leadership, protection, moral guardians, and a figure of hope. Even a man who doesn't have enough money can still provide these things proportionally.

Anyone who downgrades, narrows, or vilifies the importance of men to mere cash has never had a good man, is trying to win an argument instead of being right, or is just downright idiotic.

LiveWire85:
Watching my father daily has made me realize that the hardest thing about being a man is the fact that nobody really cares about you, because they think you ought to be man enough to handle every jab life throws at you.

You, your siblings and your mother didn`t care about your father?

You are allowed to show zero emotions and no weakness .you are only relevant and seen as man enough when you shoulder everything even if it kills you in silence.

Is there a law that punishes a man that shows emotions? What is the quality of your parent`s marriage if your father cannot confide in your mother and ask for support?

I really pray God strengthens and comforts every good man out there. That's why we have to support them the best way we can.

Why didn`t you start with your father?

Karleb:
The struggle of being a man is something you can choose how to go through.

It's why the idea of early marriage for an African man is ridiculous.

Imagine just entering adulthood and now you have to take care of other people because you are now a father.

I hope you will say the same thing when people pressure women to marry early because women also take care of their children and husband.