Huston1:

She doesnt cook food everyday. When she knows she isngoing to make a meal that wont take much of her time, then she will not start early at all. Even when i remind her that it is getting late, she will tell me something like "Is it not just to make eba" but when she eventually gets into the kitchen she starts doing other things. Maybe that is when she will realise the kids will not eat eba and start frying plantain for them, or she will tell me she checked the soup and found there is no "Kpomo" or fish again because I dont like beef. Then she will start making jollof rice or something. She actually does a lot of things to make me happy. The timing is what I am not comfortable with. I have told her many a time she doesnt have respect for time. Anytime we have to get ready together and go out, I will tell her to start getting ready 2hrs before the time. She doesnt even make up. But we will still get to the place late. I go angry to church every sunday because even if she wakes up by 6am for a service of 9:30am, we still get to church late. I dont know what to do anymore. Whenever i talk to her, she makes adjustment for only few days and she is back to her old self. In the area of food, I feel I will make her feel bad if I start eating out but I dont know how to remedy this I am in. I will not forget to mention that she is a very nice wife and mother and very respectful. My family and friends like her. But this shortcoming of not respecting time is what I dont like. And you should all know that a woman who doesnt have respect for time is very untidy. And of course she is. I actually knew all these before I married her but I thought I can work on her and change these about her. Is this a cross I have to bear for the rest of my life because she doesnt compliment me the area of tideness and being timely. She scores Zero in being clean and timely. I employed someone who comes to clean my house everyday and wash too. I will not fail to mention that I still love her and she loves me with her life. She is very LOYAL, Caring, pretty, kindhearted and receptive. Family and friends enjoy her company. If she is not around, they misses her. I wish she can make little adjustment in these two areas of respecting time and being clean. There is nothing to write home about her in these two areas. I am always angry.

SAMBARRY:
who's judging them.so saying the truth IS equals to judgement

Check the lifestyle of overweight people. Obesity doesn't just jump on someone it happens as a result of what Op is saying. To grow fat is very easy and requires no effort but to grow slim is the real work

damiso:
I guess no one is really perfect and if those are her shortcomings you probably have to reach a compromise and help her to gradually change( it wont be overnight).Time management is a skill that one acquires with time and maybe you can help her with setting up a routine. I have been a stay at home mum and sometimes the feeling that you have more time when the kids are not home kind of lulls you into thinking you can do things later. And you find out that you don't. So you have to make sure the time is allocated and structured.

I have always needed structure to my day and that structure is what is still helping me now working full time, running a business and also running the home. Like some people have mentioned maybe bulk cooking of the food that require longer prep might help. Also pre prepping foods and freezing cuts down cooking time ( though I understand the power situation in Nigeria makes it a bit harder). I bulk boil/grill meat and put them in packs so making stew is just bringing out a pack, blending pepper voila stew is ready in 20/30 mins max. I don't think I spend over 30 mins in the kitchen on weekdays but that means on some weekends I spend 6 hours in there washing and boiling meat, cleaning and portioning fish, chopping, slicing, cooking and freezing so that I have a respite for a couple of weeks. That way even hubby sef can just throw things together if he gets in before me.

She needs structure to her day and it will take time for her to get used to it but you can help with her it. You can use tools like her phone( I have reminders for everything ), even a jotter ( if she will remember to look at it ) and maybe you even sending her prompter text messages.

I have a schedule on my fridge so I cant go in to get milk and not see that the kids have dress up day on the 13th, dentist appointment, gp appointment, swimming lesson, bake day, kumon etc. I also know what weekends will be lighter than the other. So I slot in things that prepare me for the week or next few weeks. I even have days to do which laundry.( darks and coloured on Thursday and whites/lights on Friday). etc.

So help her draw up a schedule e.g Monday grocery shopping for the food for the week, sort the kids uniform for the week ahead, etc. A food timetable might also help as that will eliminate the dilly dallying on what to cook.

You say she is a good wife ,please bear with her and help her where she seems weak. Others have also suggested talking to her of the health issues that come with eating late so i think you should explore that as well.

It takes 21 days to form a habit and if she can follow a schedule for 21 days consecutively you will see that she will eventually get there. Maybe not as perfect as a naturally organised person but at least it will be better. Organised people( you seem like one) naturally cant get people who are not but I guess that what makes life interesting- our differences.

Berbierklaus:
This is one thing I keep hammering to my female friends,How can You not have food ready for a man that went all day to work especially when You are at home,its preposterous,I can't even wrap my head around it... I had some roomates then and when I look at them I just pity their future husband.


well Op,I saw You mentioned that You know all these before marriage right? keep trying to change her,but i'd advice You to use practical examples not word of mouth or anger alone,like my boyfriend told me,correct me with a solution not with what You say.
Huston1 correct your wife with a solution to the problem and watch her adjust.

Huston1:
Please Nairalanders I need help because I am loosing my patience.
I have been married to my wife for 6years and I have never had dinner before 9PM. Sometimes I'm served dinner past 11pm. My wife doesn't have any job yet. I wake early every day because I have to bath and dress our two kids up in the morning while she makes their breakfast and prepare something for the lunch boxes. I drop the kids at school and go to work from there. I return home before 6pm and dinner is never ready. I have complained and complained and she makes adjustments for two days each time I complain. I got angry at a point and told her I will not eat her food after 7pm. That week, she acted on my instruction and I really ate at 7pm or just before 7:30pm. That is the only week I enjoyed dinner early. I have even developed pot belle due to eating late.
I got home early today and she started picking vegetables to make soup at about 3:30pm. This is 8pm and I still haven't eaten. I am so angry. I really see her busy working in kitchen but I don't know why it takes so long for the food to be ready. Not that she attends to the kids. I assist the kids in their homework and prepare them for bed. I'm very angry. Please advise.

Huston1:
Please Nairalanders I need help because I am loosing my patience.
I have been married to my wife for 6years and I have never had dinner before 9PM. Sometimes I'm served dinner past 11pm. My wife doesn't have any job yet. I wake early every day because I have to bath and dress our two kids up in the morning while she makes their breakfast and prepare something for the lunch boxes. I drop the kids at school and go to work from there. I return home before 6pm and dinner is never ready. I have complained and complained and she makes adjustments for two days each time I complain. I got angry at a point and told her I will not eat her food after 7pm. That week, she acted on my instruction and I really ate at 7pm or just before 7:30pm. That is the only week I enjoyed dinner early. I have even developed pot belle due to eating late.
I got home early today and she started picking vegetables to make soup at about 3:30pm. This is 8pm and I still haven't eaten. I am so angry. I really see her busy working in kitchen but I don't know why it takes so long for the food to be ready. Not that she attends to the kids. I assist the kids in their homework and prepare them for bed. I'm very angry. Please advise.

crackhaus:
This man hasn't divorced his wife yet?

This is just preposterous

jashar:



You sef, every small thing 'divorce,divorce'.

Haba!!! How many wives you go get for this life?

Except you don't plan on getting married. Which is fine.

crackhaus:

I just can't stand any form of abuse, I like my peace of mind.

so, late cooking na abuse?

Guy nwayo nwayo ooooo

jashar:


so, late cooking na abuse?

Guy nwayo nwayo ooooo

bukatyne:

I absolutely agree with the bolded.

crackhaus:

It's abuse oo.

Who leaves a wife at home all day, only to get back from work and find nothing to eat?
Is she mad?

oya, no vex.

You go marry better wife. She wee take care of you well.

jashar:





oya, no vex.

You go marry better wife. She wee take care of you well.

crackhaus:

Thank you baby

oyomii:
She probably used to eat late while she was at her parents' and got used to it. I think the threat thing might work bt u guys shl'd talk abt it sha. And pray too

Huston1:
Thanks. I will try this.

Bisjosh:
Zee world at work o

crackhaus:
I really can't wait to see how our beloved resident defenders of women spin this one around...assuming your story is true of course.

If it were up to me though, I would say divorce her dammiit.
What insolence!

jagugu88li:


you are too much

Huston1:

She is good at putting off the cooker or reduce it in the process of cooking. I don't know why. Sometimes I walk into the kitchen and increase it. I have visited her family house and this is the same thing there. Breakfast is 11am in her family house. The annoying part is that you see her mom busy in the kitchen but the food is never out. The few times I slept in her family house, her mom wakes me up at night to say dinner is ready and she apologies for being late. I have watched my wife's mother cook. Sometimes I see her put off the cooker too. Washes plates and clean the kitchen up to 5 times before she finishes cooking. I don't really know how to work on my wife. This whole thing is affecting my kids too because they have to stay awake to eat before they go to bed. The worse part is that myself and my wife don't eat together most times because at the time she dishes my food, she goes back to kitchen to clean up. Sometimes when I wake up by 12 midnight or past twice, I see her in the parlor eating and watching Nigeria movie. Many times I force her to bed because she can actually stay awake till 1am

deity:
She can cook the soup,different types every weekend and put them in the freezer, every night she brings the one to be eaten,take a portion and warm,then make the swallow it be eaten with it,I was like that too,because we eat late in my house before I got married, my husband complained too and I justed by doing the above.