Moana:
you cant let things go and move on. You hold on the every little irrelevant thing, what will you do if you face a real big problem?

I do let things go. I have been on nairaland for over 8 years now(with a different username tho, lost it wen nairaland had a problem sometime ago), I've never been here for advice but I just can't understand why I act like that. By God I love her and the major reason I brought it here is cos I don't want to hurt her. I won't forgive myself if I do but why do I get angry easily with her. And even when I do my best to stay happy, that's when she get temper issues. So I just don't know what or how to prevent all this. Like I said, I don't want to get married tomorrow with an unhappy home and be feared rather than loved and respected. We've talked about it several time and deep down in me, I feel maybe, I fear for the future with her. But I want to build a home with her.

Blonchilli:

I do let things go. I have been on nairaland for over 8 years now(with a different username tho, lost it wen nairaland had a problem sometime ago), I've never been here for advice but I just can't understand why I act like that. By God I love her and the major reason I brought it here is cos I don't want to hurt her. I won't forgive myself if I do but why do I get angry easily with her. And even when I do my best to stay happy, that's when she get temper issues. So I just don't know what or how to prevent all this. Like I said, I don't want to get married tomorrow with an unhappy home and be feared rather than loved and respected. We've talked about it several time and deep down in me, I feel maybe, I fear for the future with her. But I want to build a home with her.

so fix your issues and hot temper before you atart an unhappy home

Blonchilli:

Before the fall out. I can't make or force someone I'm dating to call my sis. I noticed they don't talk much and both hardly spoke or inquired about the other. But she's cool wif my mum.

What is your and her temperament?
Your personalities are seriously clashing. From the glimpse of you i'm seeing, you have not made up your mind to bend or adjust to accomodate hers perhaps because you dont know how.
You might not be the hot anger type but it is easy for you to flare at her because she is more likely to take it than friends.
I would have loved to say end it because your too frequent fights will surely seperate both of you in future unless you work it out now but you may also find yourself in same shait again as you are a big part of the problem.
I can almost see her irritate you every time she does stuff unlike you. Anyways, if you wish to talk this out, start with my first question.

GHoJes:

What is your and her temperament?
Your personalities are seriously clashing. From the glimpse of you i'm seeing, you have not made up your mind to bend or adjust to accomodate hers perhaps because you dont know how.
You might not be the hot anger type but it is easy for you to flare at her because she is more likely to take it than friends.
I would have loved to say end it because your too frequent fights will surely seperate both of you in future unless you work it out now but you may also find yourself in same shait again as you are a big part of the problem.
I can almost see her irritate you every time she does stuff unlike you. Anyways, if you wish to talk this out, start with my first question.

I don't have temper issues. I overlook things most time and have found myself in situations in d past that others couldn't endure. We're alike when it comes to temper and d way we react with ppl. I sometimes have temper issues but I'll say it's 50-50. What I can't understand and why I brought it here is why I always loose my temper when she offend me. Moana gave me a nice piece of advice and I also acknowledge yours. Thanks.

DDeliverer:
if u end the relationship....who is to say u won't continue your temper issue with your next girl friend?

so work on urself dude..

i don't get angry o...really, i never get angry..why should i?

You stil dey enter Family Section?

@Op; to love some one is a beautiful thing. When one is in a relationship that they think would lead to marriage, there are certain factors you need to consider before taking the “I DO” step as MARRIAGE IS NOT A BED OF ROSES.

The factors are; Love, Compatibility, Respect and Friendship.

As a man who would be a head and in charge of his home, you need to learn to let things be and not take offence in everything that your GF/fiancée does. Women need to be treated tenderly and of course their attitude should also warrant that tenderly treatment from their man.

The few questions mentioned below, can you in your heart answer yes to all regarding your GF/fiancée?

Is she caring?
Is she decent?
Is she hardworking?
Is she supportive?
Is she respectful?
Is she a homely person whom you know can comfortably look after you and your home?
Does she love you?
Do you see her as a lady who wouldn't nag?

Now let me address some of the issues in your write-up. It seems to me that both of you have the same kind of temperament i.e you’re both hot headed (No offence; hope none taken). I’m of the school of thought that RESPECT IS VERY IMPORTANT in a relationship. When either party don’t show respect in the relationship, it can be a recipe for disaster. The incessant fights you have tells me that either of you don’t show respect to each other nor your boundaries. YOU BOTH LET ANGER ALL OUT; rather than controlling your tempers.

Having anger management issues/problems doesn't help anyone, as every one of us has something to work on in our personality. It’s only a proud person that would deny they have a problem. At this moment in time, both of you need to work on your temper as it has now become a glaring issue in your relationship.

If you fight every week, certainly something isn’t going right between the pair of you and that’s what is called not being compatible. It's always a good advice for intending couples to MARRY SOMEONE THEY ARE ON THE SAME PAGE WITH. In your case, this doesn't seem to be the case.

Needless to say, when you love someone dearly then you would be in a better position to accept/put up with their shortcomings. Having said that, if the shortcomings are irritating you; then there is nothing stopping an adjustment/change to be made/done on the shortcomings by either party. If everything she does now starts irritating you, then take note; IT’S GONNA GET WORSE AFTER MARRIAGE; I don't mean to scare you.

It would be in your best interest to DECIDE IF YOU CAN PUT UP WITH HER BEHAVIOR/FLAWS. She is a woman who’s biological clock is thinking and if you honestly wouldn't be able to look beyond her behavior/flaws; PLEASE FREE HER AND FREE YOURSELF. Don’t have a selfish attitude (No offence hope none taken) where you want to have your cake and eat it by keeping her and STILL HAVING DOUBTS.

As for her and your sister not getting along again; I’ll say you don’t have to get involved in their squabbles. You sister in theory SHOULD NOT influence your choice in the woman you intend settling down with. You are the one that would live with your fiancée when you marry her and not your sister nor any of your family members. LET YOUR SISTER FACE HER OWN RELATIONSHIP (IF SHE HAS ONE) AND STAY CLEAR OF YOURS. Although, I’ll just reiterate the fact that it is important for both of you to be at ease with either your/her family members to avoid stories that touch/hurt. It’s a good thing your GF is cool with your mum at least that’s a starting point.

One more thing, you don’t have to get upset because someone gave you an advice that you think is not correct or that you don’t like and this is in reference to the response you gave @Gaborone which was not very cool. You created this thread for advice remember, hence, look through all the advice provided with an open mind; and then decide which one you think would help you in fixing the problem at hand. All the best.

I rest my case

toksbisola:
@Op; to love some one is a beautiful thing. When one is in a relationship that they think would lead to marriage, there are certain factors you need to consider before taking the “I DO” step as MARRIAGE IS NOT A BED OF ROSES.

The factors are; Love, Compatibility, Respect and Friendship.

As a man who would be a head and in charge of his home, you need to learn to let things be and not take offence in everything that your GF/fiancée does. Women need to be treated tenderly and of course their attitude should also warrant that tenderly treatment from their man.

The few questions mentioned below, can you in your heart answer yes to all regarding your GF/fiancée?

Is she caring?
Is she decent?
Is she hardworking?
Is she supportive?
Is she respectful?
Is she a homely person whom you know can comfortably look after you and your home?
Does she love you?
Do you see her as a lady who wouldn't nag?

Now let me address some of the issues in your write-up. It seems to me that both of you have the same kind of temperament i.e you’re both hot headed (No offence; hope none taken). I’m of the school of thought that RESPECT IS VERY IMPORTANT in a relationship. When either party don’t show respect in the relationship, it can be a recipe for disaster. The incessant fights you have tells me that either of you don’t show respect to each other nor your boundaries. YOU BOTH LET ANGER ALL OUT; rather than controlling your tempers.

Having anger management issues/problems doesn't help anyone, as every one of us has something to work on in our personality. It’s only a proud person that would deny they have a problem. At this moment in time, both of you need to work on your temper as it has now become a glaring issue in your relationship.

If you fight every week, certainly something isn’t going right between the pair of you and that’s what is called not being compatible. It's always a good advice for intending couples to MARRY SOMEONE THEY ARE ON THE SAME PAGE WITH. In your case, this doesn't seem to be the case.

Needless to say, when you love someone dearly then you would be in a better position to accept/put up with their shortcomings. Having said that, if the shortcomings are irritating you; then there is nothing stopping an adjustment/change to be made/done on the shortcomings by either party. If everything she does now starts irritating you, then take note; IT’S GONNA GET WORSE AFTER MARRIAGE; I don't mean to scare you.

It would be in your best interest to DECIDE IF YOU CAN PUT UP WITH HER BEHAVIOR/FLAWS. She is a woman who’s biological clock is thinking and if you honestly wouldn't be able to look beyond her behavior/flaws; PLEASE FREE HER AND FREE YOURSELF. Don’t have a selfish attitude (No offence hope none taken) where you want to have your cake and eat it by keeping her and STILL HAVING DOUBTS.

As for her and your sister not getting along again; I’ll say you don’t have to get involved in their squabbles. You sister in theory SHOULD NOT influence your choice in the woman you intend settling down with. You are the one that would live with your fiancée when you marry her and not your sister nor any of your family members. LET YOUR SISTER FACE HER OWN RELATIONSHIP (IF SHE HAS ONE) AND STAY CLEAR OF YOURS. Although, I’ll just reiterate the fact that it is important for both of you to be at ease with either your/her family members to avoid stories that touch/hurt. It’s a good thing your GF is cool with your mum at least that’s a starting point.

One more thing, you don’t have to get upset because someone gave you an advice that you think is not correct or that you don’t like and this is in reference to the response you gave @Gaborone which was not very cool. You created this thread for advice remember, hence, look through all the advice provided with an open mind; and then decide which one you think would help you in fixing the problem at hand. All the best.

I rest my case

Thanks. No offence taken @ HOT HEAD! I apologise for my the way I reacted towards Gaborne.

Blonchilli:

I don't have temper issues. I overlook things most time and have found myself in situations in d past that others couldn't endure. We're alike when it comes to temper and d way we react with ppl. I sometimes have temper issues but I'll say it's 50-50. What I can't understand and why I brought it here is why I always loose my temper when she offend me. Moana gave me a nice piece of advice and I also acknowledge yours. Thanks.

Sure you are same temperaments? that may explain why you fight too much and are here.
Same personalities likely make good friends but bad lovers. They have similar strengths which can make none want to step down for the other thereby encouraging subtle competition on who can do it better; personality is infectious, when one is weak it can bring about the weakness of the other so that thesame weakness is attracted, further causing irritations on both sides and compounding their weaknesses. But for opposite, its quite better. For instance, a naturally negative partner is pushed up by a naturally positive one depending on the fiercer one. You can tell what will happen if both are naturally negative.

Most of the time, compatible opposite rules. You might want to let her go!

GHoJes:

Sure you are same temperaments? that may explain why you fight too much and are here.
Same personalities likely make good friends but bad lovers. They have similar strengths which can make none want to step down for the other thereby encouraging subtle competition on who can do it better; personality is infectious, when one is weak it can bring about the weakness of the other so that thesame weakness is attracted, further causing irritations on both sides and compounding their weaknesses. But for opposite, its quite better. For instance, a naturally negative partner is pushed up by a naturally positive one depending on the fiercer one. You can tell what will happen if both are naturally negative.

Most of the time, compatible opposite rules. You might want to let her go!

Thanks for the great piece of advice

redgem:

And why should he leave her?

hey redgem....is that your real pix...

bigcp:

hey redgem....is that your real pix...

Nope, a friend of mine....

redgem:

Nope, a friend of mine....

super cute though...my taste...dark n lovely