₦airaland Forum

Please What are the views of Christians? Is it Advisable for christian ladies to propose to a man? Is it right for the lady to be the first to tell the man she loves him?

If Yes, what are the pros and cons?

And if No, what are the reasons?

Will a Christian man respect the lady who proposed to him or would he love her the same way?


These questions were inspired by this message Sent to me on Whatsapp.

1st year(In university)

I was sitting in the lecture room, looking at that girl sitting next to me. She was my ‘best friend’. She had nice hair, humble and was very beautiful. I wish I could tell her that I loved her so much, but I didn’t want to break the bond. After lectures, she walked to me, borrowed some notes of the previous class hugged and pecked me goodbye.

I wish I told her, I wish she knew
That I wanted us to be more than just friends
I loved her, but I was shy
I didn’t know why.



2nd year

My phone rang, it was her; she called me to tell me how much she was hurt. Her boyfriend just broke her heart. She asked me to go keep her company. I went to see her; coz she was my best friend. As I sat next to her, I looked her in the eye, wishing she was mine. After two hours of having fun and hanging out, she was okay; so I left her to go to bed. Before I left, she looked me in the eye with a beautiful smile, hugged me goodbye.

I wish I told her, I wish she knew
That I wanted us to be more than just friends
I loved her, but I was shy
I didn’t know why.

3rd year

One day, before the grand school end year party, she asked me to accompany her to the school dance. I was very happy, because every moment with her was special. But we went to the party ‘as just friends’. After the party, I sat at the door. I looked at her, as she chatted with her friends. She happened to look at me, and then gave me that killer smile.



I wish I told her, I wish she knew
That I wanted us to be more than just friends
I loved her, but I was shy
I didn’t know why.




Graduation day


Days, weeks, months passed. It was the graduation day, so happy and excited we had completed our studies. She stood up, to go pick her certificate. As she walked elegantly, I couldn’t stop staring at her. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn’t notice me like that. Before she left, she came with her graduation gown, looked at me, gave me a smile and told me, ‘your forever my best friend’



I wish I told her, I wish she knew
That I wanted us to be more than just friends
I loved her, but I was shy
I didn’t know why.



Wedding day

3 years down the line, in the church, she walks down the aisle, with her parents on her side.

It really hurts me, since my chance is now gone. I love her too much, but I got to let her go. She is being married with another man.

I wanted her to be mine, but she didn’t see me like that. But as she walked she looked at me and gave me that killer smile. Whispered to me “BEST FRIEND EVER”



I wish I told her, I wish she knew

That I wanted us to be more than just friends

I loved her, but I was shy
I didn't know why




Burial day

Days, months, years passed.5 years later, I went to mourn the love of my life. The love I was afraid to tell. As I viewed her lain body, it hurt me that she left without knowing I loved her.

During the service, they read her diary. The mc began

‘I stare at him; I would love to have him in my life. I try to simulate situations, but he doesn’t seem to notice
me.’ I love him, I wish he knew. I would really want us to be more than just friends. I love him but am shy to say. I don’t know why.



My strength was over, I Knelt before the crowd, as tears dropped down my chicks. Those words touched me deeply. I wish I told her. But its now too late, she is gone.


I wish I told her, I wish she knew

That I wanted us to be more than just friends

I loved her, but I was shy

I didn’t know why.



BREAK THE SILENCE> IF YOU LOVE SOMEONE; TELL THEM.


SHARE TO ENCOURAGE MEN THAT ARE STILL boys!! ND GIRLS THAT ARE SHy
***softcopy***


Don't dare if it will come between you and GOD though

You no wan marry na

It's a matter of maturity. I see No reason why women shouldn't voice out if they love someone. It takes lots of courage even for the guys to do that, so please speak up. Tell him Or her, the worst you can get is a NO.

lordm:
You no wan marry na

You never talk anything na

Thepasserby:
It's a matter of maturity. I see No reason why women shouldn't voice out if they love someone. It takes lots of courage even for the guys to do that, so please speak up. Tell him Or her, the worst you can get is a NO.

You mean if a lady decides to propose, she should be sure the man is matured before she proceeds. Right?

bennyann:
You mean if a lady decides to propose, she should be sure the man is matured before she proceeds. Right?

Yes please. Know whom you are dealing with before you hand over your pride to be trampled upon by a boy and his gang.

Thepasserby:
Yes please. Know whom you are dealing with before you hand over your pride to be trampled upon by a boy and his gang.

Thank you so much.

I hope I'm not being a burden with this question I want to ask?

If it pleases you, Can you let the ladies know some of the qualities shown by a man that proves he is matured.

bennyann:
Thank you so much.

I hope I'm not being a burden with this question I want to ask?

If it pleases you, Can you let the ladies know some of the qualities shown by a man that proves he is matured.

maturity is not quite an easy word to define or describe. But Let me just say He should know your worth and treat you like a lady, not one who is double minded and incapable of taking his own decisions Or being totally responsible for his actions. He should be someone whom you and your secrets are safe with. He should be someone who has a known a bit about life and not just some random Nigga who knows only what He was told by his parents. If He is matured, you will know even from the aura surrounding him and everything He does.

I don't even know How to put it but in all, a matured man can always be differentiated from the boys even in the midst of the crowd. It is not a function of age Or size, it is a thing of the mind.

Was I able to help?

For a Christian lady its wrong. If you are genuinely in luv with someone, all you need do is pray God to speak to the person. The heart of a king is in the hands of the Lord says the scripture. But be sure you deserve the person because God is a just God.

Going further, the reason some ladies stay single for too long is simply because they were not ready when mr right came around and he simply passed by .... At the end of the day they will be asking God questions.

Let me stop here.

bennyann:
Please What are the views of Christians? Is it Advisable for christian ladies to propose to a man? Is it right for the lady to be the first to tell the man she loves him?

If Yes, what are the pros and cons?

And if No, what are the reasons?

Will a Christian man respect the lady who proposed to him or would he love her the same way?


These questions were inspired by this message Sent to me on Whatsapp.

Going by the short story, I would say that as a Christian, if you become that close to a man, know him and trust him enough to make him your best friend, share secrets with him, enjoy both good and bad moments together, then I believe it isn't wrong to tell him exactly how you feel based on the above. I actually mean telling him exactly how you feel.

If you claim to be a Christian and you're best of friends with a man, whereas you truly love him, it actually means you're not being honest with the guy in question, so, I think it's either you let go of the feelings or tell him. Now, telling him doesn't amount to being obsessed, stalking or forcing yourself on him, no! This is where wisdom comes to play; call him, sit him down, and tell him that you haven't really been honest with him, and tell him how you feel in a very moderate and mature way. Make him understand that you're telling him for transparency sake, don't push him to reciprocate or anything. If he feels the same way, or have been nursing feelings for you, he will take the lead, but if he doesn't, trust me, you will have inner peace and secondly, you will at least know he doesn't feel the same way for you and that will help you structure your life. That you love a guy and tell him, doesn't mean you should throw caution to the wind because he says he feels same way. You should especially be careful that he doesn't take advantage of you.

Now, don't get me wrong, I am not in support of Christian ladies asking any guy they like out, I'm saying this in the context of op's story. That's because the guy being your best friend, would have given you the opportunity to know him very well, at least to an extent.

On a final note, I do not in anyway support the idea of a woman proposing to a man under any circumstance. Some guys could be shy not to tell you exactly how they feel, for different reasons, especially for the fact that they are afraid to lose your friendship, that's understandable, but any man who isn't man enough to propose to you as a man, that man isn't worth your time!

But in everything wisdom is the principal thing...and moderation is key.

LaClicKLaBenDin:
Going by the short story, I would say that as a Christian, if you become that close to a man, know him and trust him enough to make him your best friend, share secrets with him, enjoy both good and bad moments together, then I believe it isn't wrong to tell him exactly how you feel based on the above. I actually mean telling him exactly how you feel.

If you claim to be a Christian and you're best of friends with a man, whereas you truly love him, it actually means you're not being honest with the guy in question, so, I think it's either you let go of the feelings or tell him. Now, telling him doesn't amount to being obsessed, stalking or forcing yourself on him, no! This is where wisdom comes to play; call him, sit him down, and tell him that you haven't really been honest with him, and tell him how you feel in a very moderate and mature way. Make him understand that you're telling him for transparency sake, don't push him to reciprocate or anything. If he feels the same way, or have been nursing feelings for you, he will take the lead, but if he doesn't, trust me, you will have inner peace and secondly, you will at least know he doesn't feel the same way for you and that will help you structure your life. That you love a guy and tell him, doesn't mean you should throw caution to the wind because he says he feels same way. You should especially be careful that he doesn't take advantage of you.

Now, don't get me wrong, I am not in support of Christian ladies asking any guy they like out, I'm saying this in the context of op's story. That's because the guy being your best friend, would have given you the opportunity to know him very well, at least to an extent.

On a final note, I do not in anyway support the idea of a woman proposing to a man under any circumstance. Some guys could be shy not to tell you exactly how they feel, for different reasons, especially for the fact that they are afraid to lose your friendship, that's understandable, but any man who isn't man enough to propose to you as a man, that man isn't worth your time!

But in everything wisdom is the principal thing...and moderation is key.

Very good.

No, it's definitely not advisable.

Thepasserby:
maturity is not quite an easy word to define or describe. But Let me just say He should know your worth and treat you like a lady, not one who is double minded and incapable of taking his own decisions Or being totally responsible for his actions. He should be someone whom you and your secrets are safe with. He should be someone who has a known a bit about life and not just some random Nigga who knows only what He was told by his parents. If He is matured, you will know even from the aura surrounding him and everything He does.

I don't even know How to put it but in all, a matured man can always be differentiated from the boys even in the midst of the crowd. It is not a function of age Or size, it is a thing of the mind.

Was I able to help?

That was beyond help. It's clearly understood. Thanks.

Yieldings:
No, it's definitely not advisable.

Wow! This is coming from a lady.

Please why isn't it advisable? A few reasons will do

collinsfhk:
For a Christian lady its wrong . If you are genuinely in luv with someone, all you need do is pray God to speak to the person . The heart of a king is in the hands of the Lord says the scripture. But be sure you deserve the person because God is a just God .

Going further, the reason some ladies stay single for too long is simply because they were not ready when mr right came around and he simply passed by .... At the end of the day they will be asking God questions.

Let me stop here.

I like the part where you say you pray to God to speak to the person because the heart of a king is in God's hands.
That's powerful you know. You used some powerful words up there. That's the number one thing I also believe a Christian Lady should do.

But you haven't given reasons why you believe it's wrong for a Christian Lady.

AND please don't stop when you have more to say.

bennyann:
I like the part where you say you pray to God to speak to the person because the heart of a king is in God's hands.
That's powerful you know. You used some powerful words up there. That's the number one thing I also believe a Christian Lady should do.

But you haven't given reasons why you believe it's wrong for a Christian Lady.

AND please don't stop when you have more to say.

God bless you.

I will liken that questions to some one asking if a lady should help pay her bride price. Its that serious. The standard for every Christian is the bible (Joshua 1:8 - a point of ref.) Due to moral decadence- strange practices are becoming acceptable in the world today. But thr is what is called due order. Mind you that if Elijah did not repair the alter (1Kings 18:30), fire wouldnt have come down. Little things we ignore are the things that cause problem.

Rem. Christ said that my Kingdom is not of this world (John 18:36). Our decisions as Christians (not church goers) should be driven by what is acceptable in His Kingdom). The bible says "he that finds a wife", not the other way round - Prov. 18:22, Gen. 2:24. The decision lies with the man (Gen. 2:23) because God Has made him the head. If a relationship gets to a point of the lady proposing, something is wrong. All things been equal, when a man meets his wife, his missing rib, he cannot hold back. Imagine Adam's reaction (Gen. 2:23), there is this peace, inner witness that comes with it.

Ofcourse a relationship could be divine with true love present and the man is not forthcoming, go on your knees lady. The God of yester years is same God of today. He has not changed (Heb. 13:. Let's not be carried away by so called modern christianity, religion simplified.

Stay blessed

collinsfhk:
For a Christian lady its wrong. If you are genuinely in luv with someone, all you need do is pray God to speak to the person The heart of a king is in the hands of the Lord says the scripture. But be sure you deserve the person because God is a just God.

Na so them day take enta menopause b4 they see husband marry?

See why religion is a problem especially Christianity?

Bennyann, my first impression reading your opening post is that it would be a huge mistake for a lady to propose to a man.

My conclusion has nothing to do with religious observation of practices neither does it reflect any rigid belief in keeping with the age-old practice of the male gender exercising his exclusive right of initiating the proposal as his duty by nature.

Moreover, it is not even about protecting the pride of the female gender from getting squashed or hurt in the event of rejection by the one whom she secretly admires and loves

You see, I am a firm believer of the fact that what makes a very good relationship or marital union is a firm foundation in Christ. Bennyann, you remember the book, The Final Quest, we talked about sometime ago? I want to draw your attention to a particular statement Jesus made which, as it turns out, is peculiarly relevant to this subject of discussion. Wisdom (Jesus) told Rick Joyner that wisdom is "to see with His eyes."

Failure to do that will spell doom because we will be walking in our wisdom which, naturally, is handicapped by our inability to see the person for who they really are or the error of our decision to take the relationship with that person further beyond casual friendship.

Wisdom is the principal thing in every situation. In this case, as with any other situation in life, the wisdom of God is what counts. What does God think about your proposing to the person? What does He think about the person? Knowing what God thinks about the person or your action of proposing to the person is wisdom when you put His words to practice.

You could save yourself from a difficult period of unnecessary heartache and frustration if you sought God's wisdom in the matter rather than acting in your limited wisdom. That is all that matters.

Remember, appearance could be deceptive. Only God knows each one of us beyond our facade therefore He is the only Person in the position to point out if we are making the right or wrong decision.

This is why we need to always see people, our actions, and things only "through His eyes" then we can be very confident we are making the right decision that will be a blessing not only to us but also to the people around us, and, at the same time, bring pleasure to the heart of God through our complete dependence, trust, and obedience to Him in every matter of life.

Great post.

skeendyke:
Bennyann, my first impression reading your opening post is that it would be a huge mistake for a lady to propose to a man.

My conclusion has nothing to do with religious observation of practices neither does it reflect any rigid belief in keeping with the age-old practice of the male gender exercising his exclusive right of initiating the proposal as his duty by nature.

Moreover, it is not even about protecting the pride of the female gender from getting squashed or hurt in the event of rejection by the one whom she secretly admires and loves

You see, I am a firm believer of the fact that what makes a very good relationship or marital union is a firm foundation in Christ. Bennyann, you remember the book, The Final Quest, we talked about sometime ago? I want to draw your attention to a particular statement Jesus made which, as it turns out, is peculiarly relevant to this subject of discussion. Wisdom (Jesus) told Rick Joyner that wisdom is "to see with His eyes."

Failure to do that will spell doom because we will be walking in our wisdom which, naturally, is handicapped by our inability to see the person for who they really are or the error of our decision to take the relationship with that person further beyond casual friendship.

Wisdom is the principal thing in every situation. In this case, as with any other situation in life, the wisdom of God is what counts. What does God think about your proposing to the person? What does He think about the person? Knowing what God thinks about the person or your action of proposing to the person is wisdom when you put His words to practice.

You could save yourself from a difficult period of unnecessary heartache and frustration if you sought God's wisdom in the matter rather than acting in your limited wisdom. That is all that matters.

Remember, appearance could be deceptive. Only God knows each one of us beyond our facade therefore He is the only Person in the position to point out if we are making the right or wrong decision.

This is why we need to always see people, our actions, and things only "through His eyes" then we can be very confident we are making the right decision that will be a blessing not only to us but also to the people around us, and, at the same time, bring pleasure to the heart of God through our complete dependence, trust, and obedience to Him in every matter of life.

Skeendyke has said some of the things I would've said. You can deduce my reasons from his post.

bennyann:
Wow! This is coming from a lady.

Please why isn't it advisable? A few reasons will do

collinsfhk:
God bless you.

I will liken that questions to some one asking if a lady should help pay her bride price. Its that serious. The standard for every Christian is the bible (Joshua 1:8 - a point of ref.) Due to moral decadence- strange practices are becoming acceptable in the world today. But thr is what is called due order. Mind you that if Elijah did not repair the alter (1Kings 18:30), fire wouldnt have come down. Little things we ignore are the things that cause problem.

Rem. Christ said that my Kingdom is not of this world (John 18:36). Our decisions as Christians (not church goers) should be driven by what is acceptable in His Kingdom). The bible says "he that finds a wife", not the other way round - Prov. 18:22, Gen. 2:24. The decision lies with the man (Gen. 2:23) because God Has made him the head. If a relationship gets to a point of the lady proposing, something is wrong. All things been equal, when a man meets his wife, his missing rib, he cannot hold back. Imagine Adam's reaction (Gen. 2:23), there is this peace, inner witness that comes with it.

Ofcourse a relationship could be divine with true love present and the man is not forthcoming, go on your knees lady. The God of yester years is same God of today. He has not changed (Heb. 13:. Let's not be carried away by so called modern christianity, religion simplified.

Stay blessed

Remain blessed too. Thank you

Deicide:
Na so them day take enta menopause b4 they see husband marry?

See why religion is a problem especially Christianity?

Deicide Deicide

Show a simple courtesy now. Even if you don't like what he said, why don't you just add your opinion? . Is that too hard to do?

From the little I've studied about Seun, even if he is against one's opinion, he will make sure he adds his and also give another opinion from the Christian perspective.

The fact you're an atheist shouldn't make you act inhuman.

Yieldings:
Skeendyke has said some of the things I would've said. You can deduce my reasons from his post.

Hi dear

I didn't really get any reasons from him, maybe it's because you understand his post better.

skeendyke:
Bennyann, my first impression reading your opening post is that it would be a huge mistake for a lady to propose to a man.

My conclusion has nothing to do with religious observation of practices neither does it reflect any rigid belief in keeping with the age-old practice of the male gender exercising his exclusive right of initiating the proposal as his duty by nature.

Moreover, it is not even about protecting the pride of the female gender from getting squashed or hurt in the event of rejection by the one whom she secretly admires and loves

You see, I am a firm believer of the fact that what makes a very good relationship or marital union is a firm foundation in Christ. Bennyann, you remember the book, The Final Quest, we talked about sometime ago? I want to draw your attention to a particular statement Jesus made which, as it turns out, is peculiarly relevant to this subject of discussion. Wisdom (Jesus) told Rick Joyner that wisdom is "to see with His eyes."

Failure to do that will spell doom because we will be walking in our wisdom which, naturally, is handicapped by our inability to see the person for who they really are or the error of our decision to take the relationship with that person further beyond casual friendship.

Wisdom is the principal thing in every situation. In this case, as with any other situation in life, the wisdom of God is what counts. What does God think about your proposing to the person? What does He think about the person? Knowing what God thinks about the person or your action of proposing to the person is wisdom when you put His words to practice.

You could save yourself from a difficult period of unnecessary heartache and frustration if you sought God's wisdom in the matter rather than acting in your limited wisdom. That is all that matters.

Remember, appearance could be deceptive. Only God knows each one of us beyond our facade therefore He is the only Person in the position to point out if we are making the right or wrong decision.

This is why we need to always see people, our actions, and things only "through His eyes" then we can be very confident we are making the right decision that will be a blessing not only to us but also to the people around us, and, at the same time, bring pleasure to the heart of God through our complete dependence, trust, and obedience to Him in every matter of life.

You know very well I'm interested in your answer skeendyke, and it seems you've concluded by saying it would be a huge mistake if a lady proposes to a man.

From your post I understand you're talking about the will of God. Meaning in everything we do, it should be within His will. His will should supercedes our desires and other earthly pleasures.

So now, let's assume both the man and the woman have strong foundation in Christ. And fortunately, it's God's will for them to be together. But they're there waiting for the first person to initiate it. Either because they feel too spiritual or the man is too shy or whatever.

In that particular case, would it be wise or right for the lady to go first?

If yes, why? And if no, any reason?

analice107:
Very good.

I concur...

Jdazzle:
I concur...

analice107:

Very good.

It seems LaClicKLaBenDin really spoke out your minds.

That a lady can or should only voice out her feelings if the one she loves is her best friend ( or they are very close) but it isn't advisable for her to be the one to propose.

I hope I'm right on the summary

LaClicKLaBenDin:
Going by the short story, I would say that as a Christian, if you become that close to a man, know him and trust him enough to make him your best friend, share secrets with him, enjoy both good and bad moments together, then I believe it isn't wrong to tell him exactly how you feel based on the above. I actually mean telling him exactly how you feel.

If you claim to be a Christian and you're best of friends with a man, whereas you truly love him, it actually means you're not being honest with the guy in question, so, I think it's either you let go of the feelings or tell him. Now, telling him doesn't amount to being obsessed, stalking or forcing yourself on him, no! This is where wisdom comes to play; call him, sit him down, and tell him that you haven't really been honest with him, and tell him how you feel in a very moderate and mature way. Make him understand that you're telling him for transparency sake, don't push him to reciprocate or anything. If he feels the same way, or have been nursing feelings for you, he will take the lead, but if he doesn't, trust me, you will have inner peace and secondly, you will at least know he doesn't feel the same way for you and that will help you structure your life. That you love a guy and tell him, doesn't mean you should throw caution to the wind because he says he feels same way. You should especially be careful that he doesn't take advantage of you.

Now, don't get me wrong, I am not in support of Christian ladies asking any guy they like out, I'm saying this in the context of op's story. That's because the guy being your best friend, would have given you the opportunity to know him very well, at least to an extent.

On a final note, I do not in anyway support the idea of a woman proposing to a man under any circumstance. Some guys could be shy not to tell you exactly how they feel, for different reasons, especially for the fact that they are afraid to lose your friendship, that's understandable, but any man who isn't man enough to propose to you as a man, that man isn't worth your time!

But in everything wisdom is the principal thing...and moderation is key.

I had to quote you, nice points.

I am of the opinion that a Christian Lady should never do the proposing or the asking out as the case maybe.

yetseyi:
I had to quote you, nice points.

I am of the opinion that a Christian Lady should never do the proposing or the asking out as the case maybe.

You're very correct: you can say your feelings, with wisdom and moderation, but asking out or proposing is basically a man's duty, a real man for that matter.

bennyann:
You know very well I'm interested in your answer skeendyke, and it seems you've concluded by saying it would be a huge mistake if a lady proposes to a man.

From your post I understand you're talking about the will of God. Meaning in everything we do, it should be within His will. His will should supercedes our desires and other earthly pleasures.

So now, let's assume both the man and the woman have strong foundation in Christ. And fortunately, it's God's will for them to be together. But they're there waiting for the first person to initiate it. Either because they feel too spiritual or the man is too shy or whatever.

In that particular case, would it be wise or right for the lady to go first?

If yes, why? And if no, any reason?

Hi Bennyann, have been very busy such that I have had very little time to make any comments since last week. Apologies for the delay.

Bennyann, on no account should the lady propose to the man, but knowing the will of God concerning their future together and perceiving the man may be shy or find it intimidating to propose to her this should give her the confidence to give him hints, nudge or encourage him indirectly to making that decision but softly and never appear to bug him. Overall, with time he will get over his initial shyness and if he is truly the man God has chosen for the lady he will not make her wait long before proposing all things being equal.

It is not advisable for a Woman to propose to the Man because such responsibility belongs to the Man. Its the Man's job to do such and not the Woman...The Woman should focus more on the LORD, build up her character and attitudes, seek ways to improve herself and be Prayerful..

In such situation, The Holy Spirit and the Word of GOD should be her close companion...She will find direction through that..

skeendyke:
Hi Bennyann, have been very busy such that I have had very little time to make any comments since last week. Apologies for the delay.

Bennyann, on no account should the lady propose to the man, but knowing the will of God concerning their future together and perceiving the man may be shy or find it intimidating to propose to her this should give her the confidence to give him hints, nudge or encourage him indirectly to making that decision but softly and never appear to bug him. Overall, with time he will get over his initial shyness and if he is truly the man God has chosen for the lady he will not make her wait long before proposing all things being equal.

Thank you skeendyke

Wolexdey:
It is not advisable for a Woman to propose to the Man because such responsibility belongs to the Man. Its the Man's job to do such and not the Woman...The Woman should focus more on the LORD, build up her character and attitudes, seek ways to improve herself and be Prayerful..

In such situation, The Holy Spirit and the Word of GOD should be her close companion...She will find direction through that..

Thank you dear.

It's quite obvious Christians have concluded on this thread that it isn't advisable for Christian ladies to propose to a man.

I hope our sisters would be aware and I hope they agree.