Dr Ed. Murphy:
Autosexuality
Uncleanness or impurity covers not only the practice of homosexuality, but also that of self-stimulation, otherwise known as self-service. Webster defines self-service as the “stimulation of the Core organs to heavenly feeling, achieved by manual or other bodily contact exclusive of intimate intercourse.” There would probably be general acceptance among physicians and counselors on this or a similar definition of self-service. The essence of the practice then would be bringing about heavenly feeling by any means other than intimate intercourse.
Toward a Useful Definition
I have difficulty with this broad definition, however. That is why I prefer the narrower term “intimate self-stimulation.” This definition emphasizes self-gratification, a form of narcissism. It is a totally self-centered intimate activity through self-stimulation to the point of heavenly feeling. I also like Norman L. Geisler’s word for this practice. He calls it “autosexuality.” Webster’s definition would mean that almost all married couples practice self-service at different times in their married life when full intimate intercourse is not possible or advisable for one of the marriage partners for various reasons. It would also mean that some married couples regularly practice self-service, particularly women who are not able to reach heavenly feeling without manual stimulation by their mate. Often when this situation exists there is enough personal trauma without adding to it the idea that self-service is being engaged in.
Psychologist Earl D. Wilson recognizes this reality in his excellent chapter on self-service in his helpful book intimate Sanity. Wilson writes, “self-service is necessary for some couples in order to achieve maximum intimate adjustment.” When I counsel married couples who face this type of personal problem I never use the word self-service to refer to their practice. I prefer the term “manual stimulation.” Even though we live in an era of so-called intimate liberation, among sensitive Christians there is still shame connected with the word “self-service.” To heap that shame on an already troubled woman or man is unfair and unwise.
My definition of self-service then would be the practice of self-stimulation to the point of heavenly feeling by whatever means. The focus is on self-stimulation. It is a form of self-sex involving a preoccupation with one’s own intimate organs and heavenly feeling. Most Christian authors I have read hold to a somewhat more flexible view of autosexuality than I do. However, they recognize many of its inherent dangers.
The Bible’s Silence
The Bible says absolutely nothing about this practice. Psychologist Earl Wilson correctly observes: self-service, like many other topics of great personal and social concern, is neither condemned nor condoned in Scripture. In fact, I have not been able to find any direct scriptural statements about self-service. Christians have not always been honest about this fact and have tried to give the impression that their opinions on the subject were fortified with biblical imperatives. Such is not the case.
He then cites the traditional Roman Catholic interpretation of Genesis 38:8–10. Alcorn says it was from this text that self-service became “labeled onanism after the supposed self-service by a man named Onan,” but a study of this passage reveals no autosexuality at all. Onan had intimate intercourse with the woman, but just as he reached the point of heavenly feeling “he wasted his seed on the ground, in order not to give offspring to his brother” (v. 9). Alcorn continues saying, “The issue was Onan’s disobedience in refusing to raise up children for his deceased brother, which he was bound by law and family loyalty to do.”
An Appeal to Scriptural Principles
In cases like this where the Bible is silent, we must be guided by broad Scriptural principles concerning intimate practices. Sexuality is a gift of God. It is not only necessary for procreation, but is the one act that in the most meaningful manner makes the man and woman “one flesh.” Intercourse is a kind of marriage, Geisler says:
If it is outside a life-long commitment of love then it is a “bad marriage.” In fact, it is a sin the Bible calls fornication (cf. Gal. 5:19; 1 Cor. 6:18). The first reference to marriage declares that man and woman become “one flesh” (Gen. 2:24), implying that marriage occurs when two bodies are joined. . . . Intercourse initiates a “marriage.” If it is not engaged in with a life-long commitment of love, then it was an evil union, an act of fornication.
Geisler considers autosexuality to be generally wrong, and self-service to be sinful “(1) when its only motive is sheer biological pleasure, (2) when it is allowed to become a compulsive habit, and/or (3) when the habit results from inferior feelings and causes guilt feelings.” Geisler next makes an important statement, “self-service is sinful when it is performed in connection with pornographic images, for as Jesus said, lust is a matter of the interests of the heart” (Matt. 5:28).
Finally Geisler writes that autosexuality
can be right if it is used as a limited, temporary program of self-control to avoid intimate sin before marriage. If one is fully committed to leading a pure life until marriage, it may be permissible on occasion to use autosexual stimulation to relieve one’s tension. As long as it does not become a habit nor a means of gratifying one’s lust, self-service is not necessarily immoral. In fact, when the motive is not lust but self-control, self-service can be a moral act (cf. 1 Cor. 7:5; 9:25). . . . self-service used in moderation without lust for the purpose of retaining one’s purity is not immoral.
Problems of Autosexuality
I am happy with Geisler’s first statements about the three ways that autosexuality is wrong. I have trouble with his (and other writers’) permissiveness of autosexuality to release intimate lust. First, is autosexuality to become a substitute husband or wife? As any happily married person knows, once you enter into a life of deep intimate fulfillment with your beloved, it is even more difficult to suddenly cut it off because of sickness, forced separation, and death.
Second, is autosexuality the only way to avoid lust? Are there not other ways much more in harmony with Scripture with no danger of becoming habit forming as is true with self-service? Earl Wilson and Randy Alcorn, while generally agreeing with Geisler, make some important observations which give balance to our subject. Wilson argues for the biblical emphasis on self-control by saying that if autosexuality was the road to take, why did not the apostle Paul say so in his teachings on intimate self-control in 1 Corinthians 7:8–9? Why did he not say if one cannot control his intimate drive let him self-service? That is what many writers seem to be saying. Wilson says:
One answer seems quite obvious. self-service is not a means of self-control. It is often a lack of self-control. intimate fantasy and self-service allow a person to engage in mental sex with numerous people. This does not seem compatible with Paul’s exhortation to have self-control which we read about earlier in 1 Corinthians 6:12–13. . . . We kid ourselves when we say we can’t live without self-service. That very statement borders on obsession. We need to face the fact that we are a pleasure-loving people and that self-service is one way we choose to worship pleasure rather than God.
Wilson continues saying that the second major problem with autosexuality is its depersonalization and quotes the title of John White’s outstanding chapter on autosexuality, “Sex on a Desert Island.” White’s entire argument against autosexuality as a legitimate intimate lifestyle is that sex is given by God to counteract human loneliness (“It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make a helper suitable for him,” Gen. 2:18). Autosexuality, however, produces further loneliness. That which was made to bring a man and woman together for life is abused to produce the worst kind of loneliness and isolation.
Your intimate longings are associated with a deeper need—that someone should . . . bring your isolation to an end. . . . self-service is to be alone on an island. It frustrates the very instinct it gratifies. Alcorn agrees with the general line of thought developed by Wilson and White. He concludes his chapter on autosexuality with two important items.
One, “self-service seems to be a natural part of adolescent self-discovery, particularly among boys.” He warns Christian parents not to be upset if they catch their adolescent children self-servicing. Nor should they threaten their children that self-service will lead to insanity or some kind of physical or later emotional maladjustment.
Two, persons should not allow autosexuality to become “the focus of their life. The guilt, shame and self-hatred as well as anger against God for making intimate stimulation such a powerful force in human life can cripple a believer’s life,” he says. If we have been guilty of this sin, it is forgivable. If we are in bondage to habitual autosexuality there is a way out. As all these author-counselors say, as one has chosen to self-service, he can choose to stop self-servicing. If the practice is obsessive and longstanding it may mean real spiritual warfare to stop, but in Christ we can stop. Alcorn, Wilson, and White suggest simple steps we can take to gain victory over this potentially obsessive habit.
Seven Reasons To Resist Autosexuality
I have other reasons why I take a firm stance against autosexuality. I do not accept it as “God’s relief value for built-up intimate drive,” a common expression among Christian leaders with whom I have discussed this issue.
First, it is not necessary. I have as strong a intimate interest as any man, but I do not engage in autosexuality. My ministry often has taken me away from my loving wife for months at a time. My intimate intimate relationship with my wife grows deeper, not shallower, with time. After over 40 years of marriage she is as desirable to me as ever, even more so. With maturity comes a deeper love for this marvelous woman that God has given me. I tell her continually that next to God himself, she is God’s greatest gift to me. When I am away from her, even when I am alone and desire her love, I do not engage in autosexuality. I choose not to do so. With this God-given self-control has come wonderful freedom and peace. There is no freedom nor peace in bondage to self-service.
Second, self-service does not decrease intimate tension; it only increases it. When you stop, your intimate tension will be taken care of by itself if you maintain an active life and disciplined physical exercise. Thus one will be tired each night and not need intimate self-stimulation to relax and sleep.
Third, autosexual conduct usually involves intimate sin and lust in the fantasy realm even though it may not be focused on any one person.
Fourth, autosexuality fixates on one’s own intimate organs and intimate desires, the opposite of a shared intimate relationship with one’s mate.
Fifth, it is habit forming. I am not saying that occasional self-stimulation will inevitably become an obsessive habit. Experience proves that is not so. No one, however, ever becomes bound by a habit which did not begin at a given point and continue with more and more frequency. This is the only way autostimulation can ever become a intimate bondage. Thus, the only sure way to avoid the possibility of habit and bondage is never to begin.
Sixth, in almost every form of intimate bondage from promiscuity to homosexuality and Indecency, autosexual stimulation plays a central part. Probably all “sexaholics” are addicted to self-service. To my memory, in every counseling case I have had with men or women who are in intimate bondage, self-service has been involved. Some men and women cannot enjoy a normal satisfying intimate relationship with their mates but continually self-service.
Finally, there can be a definite demonic dimension to uncontrolled self-service. I have cast demons of self-service out of the lives of sexually bound men and women. I am not saying that demons are directly attached to the lives of all those in bondage to autosexual practices, nor am I saying demons are attached to the lives of most persons addicted to such practices. I am saying that they can become attached to the life of anyone in bondage to this unwise intimate practice. Such persons need counseling, but they also need deliverance.
Bondage to self-service is spiritual warfare. The desire may first come from within, warfare with the lusts of the flesh. It can also come directly from without, warfare with a sex-crazed world. Finally, it often comes from above, warfare with intimate demons who tempt us to unwise or illicit intimate activity (1 Cor. 7:5).
A fellow missionary with whom I often travel in ministry was experiencing increased intimate loneliness during his frequent absences from his wife. He had never practiced self-service beyond a few experiences as an adolescent. As he shared his loneliness with two missionary friends, both were amazed that he did not try self-service as a means of temporary relief while away from home. They both said they did. They affirmed it was God’s relief valve for pent-up intimate desires.
My friend began to follow their advice, at first infrequently. Then it became more and more often, especially in the evenings while bathing or alone in bed. While it provided some relief, it actually made him feel very insecure. Mental images of what he was doing would cross his mind at the most inopportune times, often while he was praying and reading Scripture or preaching. He felt that he must stop. He did for a while; then the desire would come upon him stronger than ever.
Eventually he became quite disturbed by his lack of intimate self-control. His habit seemed to increase his intimate desires instead of decreasing them. One night while in bed the desire came upon him with the greatest intensity he had ever known. Suddenly he became aware of an evil presence in the room with him. He was only beginning to learn the demonic dimension of spiritual warfare, but he sensed it was Satan. He remembered James 4:7–8: Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you. He began to resubmit his sexuality and intimate organs to God, including his mind, his emotions, and his will. He then began to resist the Devil and his intimate demons, out loud. He took his position as reigning with Christ above all principalities and powers of evil. He claimed his victory through the one who had defeated Satan and his evil spirits on the Cross.
Within a few minutes the evil presence left. The uncontrollable intimate passion was now under control. He then drew near to the Lord in praise, worship, and thanksgiving. The Lord, as He promised, drew near to him (James 4:7–8 ). He did not self-service that night. Though this occurred some twenty years ago he has never masturbated since then. Though he still travels in a worldwide ministry usually without his wife, he has had no problem with self-service or even strong temptations toward self-service since that day. Why risk bondage to intimate self-stimulation when freedom is ours in Christ?
Dr. ed. murphy
The Handbook for spiritual warfare |
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