Before you all begin to wonder what I'm up to this time I would like to state clearly that Polygamy is a matter of choice and I'm not promoting polygamy
but i want us to have an unbiased and non hypocritical down to earth discussion about this deep and sensitive one man one wife concept.

Everyday we see series of prewedding pics,we see pics of a happily married lady with her husband and lovely children and we see ladies gush over their significant other not forgetting those who will threaten fire and brimstone if their hubby ever imagine the possibility of a second wife but I want these ladies to wait and think for a minute about that young widow who is faced with the challenges of being a single parent...about that innocent divorcee whose husband against all odds threw her out...about that mature unmarried single mum that keeps meeting unserious unmarried single men and about that unmarried lady who is probably in her 40s and have had series of heart break from callous single men....

Yes we know that the aforementioned set of ladies could still marry a never married single guy but except we want to fool each other we all know that in most cases if single guys have the choice to make,they would mostly go for single ladies with no child rather than a young widow with children,a young divorcee with children or a single mum.

The big question is "Who will marry this set of ladies? I know it will be easy for anyone to quickly say shebi there are widowers, male divorcees with children or even single guys who can still marry them but it is easier to say this if you are not in their shoes.

No matter how hard some people go against polygamy,i strongly believe it is the answer to the prayers of some ladies but what can I say in a world where hypocrisy is a norm? a world where a man of 70 celebrates 40years monogamous wedding anniversary with one lady while keeping other children with different mothers outside the same marriage...and a crazy world where even the young married men who sing the "i love my my wife" lyrics will gladly keep side chics... oh I guess it's OK as long as these men are married to one lady...hmmmmm!

In my opinion I believe the one man one woman concept is flawed for many reasons...and it is a good thing Islam is not against it neither is the bible asides the "advice" given in the bible to General overseers to be husband of one wife.

Conclusively I would leave this topic open for discussion but when next you see a widow with children,a lady divorcee with children or a single mum finding solace in the hands of a married man,before you start judging just wait,close your eyes for a minute and put yourself in their position and ask yourself..."should i continue to wait for single men who hardly want to marry me?, should i remain celibate and continue to burn with passion?, should i just throw caution to the wind and allow different men take advantage of my condition by having flings with me?, or should i gladly allow a married man to have me as a wife as long as he has the finance to take care of his polygamous status?

And if you are a married lady reading this...please before you start lashing out at me,wait till you find yourself in such situations.

I don't know if this makes sense but I leave it open for you all to discuss.

I can bet this is one thread that will have large viewers but very few contributors because the topic is very deep.

it's realistic but not a must cos it depend mostly on the individual

Individual differences plays a part here, but someone who is single @ that age should not be celebated for life if he or she dont want to, so like i said, individual difference, there should be no harm depending on the individual.

A widow of marriageable age should find a widower of marriageable age both with children and they should live as man and wife. There are such men if she mingles well, she'll find them.


Unmarried ladies at 40 if its not a spiritual or psychic prob, they should hope in God. Pastor kumuyi wife na 65yr old virgin.

Emac34:
it's realistic but not a must cos it depend mostly on the individual

So how will you answer the question I asked?

Marriage is like being rich. There is money everywhere but not everybody will be rich.

When it comes to marriage, not everyone that wishes to marry will marry.

But heck I am still a christian, I stick to the principle of "One Man One Wife".

Monogamy is only practice by Christian, it is not an issue in other religion. Majority of Moslem lady already believed that their suitors marry more wife in the future.

Toks2008:


So how will you answer the question I asked?

i stick to the one man one wife policy

I wont encourage a friend to get involved with a married man. If there is one thing i hate most it is Polygamy. The troubles are just too much, There is more to life than 'Marriage'.

But then it is her life, if she wants t o who am I to stop her?.

Alondra:
I wont encourage a friend to get involved with a married man. If there is one thing i hate most it is Polygamy. The troubles are just too much, There is more to life than 'Marriage'.

But then it is her life, if she wants t o who am I to stop her?.

OK so you would tell her to lock up and remain celibate..

Issorite

No!

I wouldn't agree she settles for a man who's already married. Trust me, there are single men who'll still ask for her hand in marriage.

That said, I'm not in any position to tell her how she runs her life, if she feels okay to marry this man, why not? I'll give her my support. Its all about her happiness.

Nna, one man one wife oo......it's already difficult dealing with a partner and u want to make them two.

polygamy comes with so many issues biko...

if u are talking about the widows, are there no widowers or even single men around? or are u saying single men don't or shouldn't marry widows?

Nice topic Op

Dfinex:
Nna, one man one wife oo......it's already difficult dealing with a partner and u want to make them two.

polygamy comes with so many issues biko...

if u are talking about the widows, are there no widowers or even single men around? or are u saying single men don't or shouldn't marry widows?

Interesting...so a widow at her late 30s or in her 40s should wait for a single guy or find a widower....

Toks2008:


Interesting...so a widow at her late 30s or in her 40s should wait for a single guy or find a widower....

can't u marry a widow? or have they suddenly become leftovers only good enough for married men?

Dfinex:


can't u marry a widow? or have they suddenly become leftovers only good enough for married men?

It's not about a single man marrying widow but the question is how many men are single at 40? not forgetting that the dingle ones would readily go for single ladies of younger ages.

Thecassanova:
Nice topic Op, man has a shortlife span. For Eg We lost more able men soldiers to terrorism every year. What should happen to their young widowed wives back at home? And also other women who are in the 30's seriously searching for life partners.

The more we realise the shortage of single men and put doctrines asides the better for us.

Buh looking at the other angle how does doctrines of one man one woman crub the society of single women when clearly the supply of single women clearly exceed the single men around To me it wouldn't be fair allowing these women to remain single for the rest of their lives.

Sometimes I doubt if some doctrines are really inspired that's why I believe when they say "They teach doctrines commanded my men".

Our ancestors never felt this cos most had 3,4 wives and then everything was balance. Our grandma, great grandma married below 20 even has 3rd wife, so it was hard seeing a single lady at 22yrs.

This is so deep.

Very very deep.

Dfinex:


can't u marry a widow? or have they suddenly become leftovers only good enough for married men?

So u can allow your brother of 30 to marry a 38yrs old widow? Let's be realistic here. The only men available are either widow too or married. Simple.

Sex is getting better....

Thecassanova:

So u can allow your brother of 30 to marry a 38yrs old widow? Let's be realistic here. The only men available are either widow too or married. Simple.

wait a second, where did u get that statistics from? ?

and may I inform u that a 30/38 year old is an adult and as such can make decisions for themselves. whatever is wrong with getting married with an older woman. ...what's with the prejudice?

if a woman in that age bracket and in that situation ask me for such advice, I will only tell her to use her discretion.

the question now is, what if she married the man who is already married and never enjoyed the marriage with him?


there are so many windows that are doing fine without the help of any man in this context.

Toks2008:


It's not about a single man marrying widow but the question is how many men are single at 40? not forgetting that the dingle ones would readily go for single ladies of younger ages.

now we are getting somewhere. how about we disabusing our minds of this oddity : which is single guys thinking they must get married to single younger women?

Dfinex:


wait a second, where did u get that statistics from? ?

and may I inform u that a 30/38 year old is an adult and as such can make decisions for themselves. whatever is wrong with getting married with an older woman. ...what's with the prejudice?

K

Toks2008:
I can bet this is one thread that will have large viewers but very few contributors because the topic is very deep.

Thank God you know how deep it is.

Thecassanova:

K without statistic can u please answer this without being bias (putting in mind we're Nigerians)

1. How many % of available single men goes (or can go) for a widowed or single mother when there're still surplus single women ?? (+ Famiy influence)

2. Assuming single men go for them, what would the single women hold on to?? Married men?

If any of this is in the Negative it still boils down to the fact that only Married or widowed men (which is far less) can really contain them.

firstly i may not be able to answer question number one because it's supposed to be personal choices which how ever we all know is majorly based on societal influences....however if we are to look at it without prejudice, do u marry a woman solely because she is single? are there no other attributes to judge from? are widowers also made to face this stigma (I chose to call it so) or is it an exclusive preserve for women?.....why are we having guys clamouring for polygamy while polyandry is frowned at?

secondly, need I inform u that as at today in Nigeria the population of men to women is in excess of 3million in favor of men (Google can help u). so my dear there is no scarcity of men as against what we are made to believe .

if a widow or a single woman decides to become a second wife it should be based on personal conviction and not because the society says there is a dearth of men

Toks2008:
Before you all begin to wonder what I'm up to this time I would like to state clearly that this thread is not promoting polygamy but I just want to have a non hypocritical down to earth discussion with you all and I mean every one who makes a comment on this thread.

Is one man one wife realistic?

OK get this straight..personally I can never imagine having two wives and I plan to love my wife till death but I would like to ask few questions.

1.What happens to the widows of marriageable ages?

2.What about unmarried ladies in their 40s,single mothers in their 40s...will you advise them to be celibate or say yes to a man who is ready to fill the gap even if he is married?

I believe that polygamy is the answer to the prayers of some ladies but what can I say in a world where hypocrisy is a norm? a world where a man of 70 celebrates 40years monogamous wedding anniversary with one lady while keeping other children with different mothers outside the same marriage...oh I guess it's OK as long as he is married to one lady...hmmmmm!

So i want you all to contribute to this sensitive topic by first answering this question;

If you have a friend who is a widow in her late 30s or in her 40s and she tells you a certain married man wants to marry her what would you tell her?

-That she should say No and wait for a single guy to come her way?

-That she should remain celibate forever?

Over to you all.

First of all....NO widow should marry a married man, i'm sure you know the reasons...


Secondly, every widow is biblically legible to re-marry, BUT NOT a man who is married...


Thirdly, every widow should WAIT for a single guy or a widower to come woo her and marry her...


Aside from the reasons i 've given above you will be committing adultery..


I drop my pen at this junction.

Toks2008:
I can bet this is one thread that will have large viewers but very few contributors because the topic is very deep.

The topic is not deep...it's very simple if you know the rules governing marriage and divorce.

RadicallyBlunt:
A widow of marriageable age should find a widower of marriageable age both with children and they should live as man and wife. There are such men if she mingles well, she'll find them.


Unmarried ladies at 40 if its not a spiritual or psychic prob, they should hope in God. Pastor kumuyi wife na 65yr old virgin.

That a lady is single at 40 has nothing to do with spiritual or psychic problems!

Kobicove:


That a lady is single at 40 has nothing to do with spiritual or psychic problems!

That's what you think.

Spiritual can't be seen physically let alone uunderstood physically.

Psychic does not mean madness. Being a feminist alone is psychic.

If its non of these, then its the lady's choice

.

I guess it's insightful.