₦airaland Forum

dusseldorf:
You have said the truth. You do not owe me any apology,you are just trying to help, my story annoys everybidy, our neighbours everybody, I know I am the solution to the problem. And I know it is time to act. I do really appreciate everybody's contributions. I am humbled by the fact that you all spent your precious time and resources to provide comprehensive responses. I really thank you all

I didn't or hope I didn't imply that your story is annoying, but yes you have to take action, ultimately only you can help yourself. I will remember you in my little prayers.

@OP; hmmm how sad. IMHO, you’re a bit too soft; (no offence) toughen up a bit as your wife have wrapped you round her little finger. Aside that, there’re two important things you need to know when dealing with women viz;

1) Never ever let a woman know/sense that you love her more than she loves you. If you do you’re game. Your wife knows that, hence a possible reason for her mis-behaviour.
2) Never ever let a woman know what your weak point is as a man. If she knows it, you’re game. Your wife knows that you can’t do without her, hence another possible reason for her mis-behaviour.

The thing that upset me the most is that you saw this entire attitude in her during your 4 year courtship and you still went ahead and married her, thinking she would change right? WRONG MOVE. I suspect your wife is pretty or earns more than you which could be other reasons you couldn’t let her go; aside the fact of her nasty attitude and the other things you mentioned.

What baffled me the most was why you and your wife decided to bring 4 innocent children into a toxic environment. Another surprising thing is the fact that your wife was this nasty and you had the 1st child, then her nastiness continued; you had the 2nd child, then it got even worst; you had the 3rd child and the nastiness graduated and you subsequently had the 4th child. What on earth was going on why you couldn’t sort out the chaotic situation currently existing in the home front before you started popping out babies like they were going out of fashion? (I’m not judging you) I’m just bemused.

From another angle, you have painted your wife as a monster (excuse my language) but painted yourself as an innocent person which I find hard to believe. If your wife were to come here and say her part of the story, it mostly likely would be slightly different from your version as there are always 3 sides to a story; your side, their side and the truth.

Just to digress, a husband came here to describe the wife as a nasty piece of work and kept his side of the story squeaky clean until his wife found out about the thread and came here to say her side of the story. Needless to say, the people who were calling her a bad wife when they heard the husbands' side of the story shifted the blame to her husband when they heard the wifes' side of the story and instead started calling him the bad one as the wife mentioned terrible things the husband had done to her which the husband left out when he narrated his own side of the story. HOPE YOU GET WHERE I AM GOING.

Moving forward, there is only one question you need to ask your wife and the answer to that question would determine what to do next. Ask your wife DOES SHE STIIL WANT THIS MARRIAGE? If she answers YES you know what to do but if she says NO you know what to do. No one can tell you whether to leave or stay; that’s your call entirely as only you wear the shoes and only you know where it pinches the most.

You and your wife have set a very bad precedent for your kids. That said, one piece of advice I’ll give you about the kids is this; as they grow older and get into the dating game, endeavour (just a suggestion) to use the example of you and their mum to teach them that when they see things they are not happy with during courtship, it should be addressed immediately. If the person with the problematic attitude isn’t willing to change then they should run faster than Usain Bolt as what you know you can’t take during courtship, would only get worse (if not corrected) after marriage.


Lesson learnt to all others who are courting and hoping the relationship would lead to marraige

1) Never ever marry anyone out of pity simply because you have been with them for a long time and you don’t want them to lose out.

2) Marry for true love so that when the challenges start occurring in the marital bond, (and best believe challenges would arise) the love both of you have built up would be able to withstand the ups and downs that would occur; take note that MARRIAGE IS NOT A BED OF ROSES.


I rest my case

@ op, from all you said and the responses so far, are u certain ur wife is not having some mental issues? Cos not every mentally ill person behaves violently. Some of them manifest in forms like this and it takes one who is in this field to make u understand.
Seriously I think u should also look into this aspect of ur wife from d medical perspective. U will be surprised the changes that may follow if truly she's down mentally.

toksbisola:
@OP; hmmm how sad. IMHO, you’re a bit too soft; (no offence) toughen up a bit as your wife have wrapped you round her little finger. Aside that, there’re two important things you need to know when dealing with women viz;

1) Never ever let a woman know/sense that you love her more than she loves you. If you do you’re game. Your wife knows that, hence a possible reason for her mis-behaviour.
2) Never ever let a woman know what your weak point is as a man. If she knows it, you’re game. Your wife knows that you can’t do without her, hence another possible reason for her mis-behaviour.

The thing that upset me the most is that you saw this entire attitude in her during your 4 year courtship and you still went ahead and married her, thinking she would change right? WRONG MOVE. I suspect your wife is pretty or earns more than you which could be other reasons you couldn’t let her go; aside the fact of her nasty attitude and the other things you mentioned.

What baffled me the most was why you and your wife decided to bring 4 innocent children into a toxic environment. Another surprising thing is the fact that your wife was this nasty and you had the 1st child, then her nastiness continued; you had the 2nd child, then it got even worst; you had the 3rd child and the nastiness graduated and you subsequently had the 4th child. What on earth was going on why you couldn’t sort out the chaotic situation currently existing in the home front before you started popping out babies like they were going out of fashion? (I’m not judging you) I’m just bemused.

From another angle, you have painted your wife as a monster (excuse my language) but painted yourself as an innocent person which I find hard to believe. If your wife were to come here and say her part of the story, it mostly likely would be slightly different from your version as there are always 3 sides to a story; your side, their side and the truth.

Just to digress, a husband came here to describe the wife as a nasty piece of work and kept his side of the story squeaky clean until his wife found out about the thread and came here to say her side of the story. Needless to say, the people who were calling her a bad wife when they heard the husbands' side of the story shifted the blame to her husband when they heard the wifes' side of the story and instead started calling him the bad one as the wife mentioned terrible things the husband had done to her which the husband left out when he narrated his own side of the story. HOPE YOU GET WHERE I AM GOING.

Moving forward, there is only one question you need to ask your wife and the answer to that question would determine what to do next. Ask your wife DOES SHE STIIL WANT THIS MARRIAGE? If she answers YES you know what to do but if she says NO you know what to do. No one can tell you whether to leave or stay; that’s your call entirely as only you wear the shoes and only you know where it pinches the most.

You and your wife have set a very bad precedent for your kids. That said, one piece of advice I’ll give you about the kids is this; as they grow older and get into the dating game, endeavour (just a suggestion) to use the example of you and their mum to teach them that when they see things they are not happy with during courtship, it should be addressed immediately. If the person with the problematic attitude isn’t willing to change then they should run faster than Usain Bolt as what you know you can’t take during courtship, would only get worse (if not corrected) after marriage.


Lesson learnt to all others who are courting and hoping the relationship would lead to marraige

1) Never ever marry anyone out of pity simply because you have been with them for a long time and you don’t want them to lose out.

2) Marry for true love so that when the challenges start occurring in the marital bond, (and best believe challenges would arise) the love both of you have built up would be able to withstand the ups and downs that would occur; take note that MARRIAGE IS NOT A BED OF ROSES.


I rest my case

Thanks for the time and detailed explanation. I have answered most of the questions you raised on my previous responses . But the only one question you raised is this : Could I be the one that is wrong in all these. I am not a saint at all, far from it, the truth is that all i am seeking is just how to make things right. Well the truth is that I have asked my self that question several times. Could i be the problem in all these,but the answer I keep getting is this:
1 Why has she not come out for all these year to tell me
2 Why is it that at least 4 families we spent two or three days in their house usually come back to me privately to ask me why do allow myself to be treated like that
3 I have asked her several times that we should discuss the problems in the family but no response.
4 What about the stance of her family on the matter. They are not in support of all these she is doing, at least they told her right in my presence.
5 What would have made the pastor to tell me to be patient that things will change after the marriage.
Once again thank you for the time and resources you spent trying to proffer solutions to this issue. I still hope for the best

OP, I do not doubt your claims o, but your wife no good, kid #1, your wife is disrespectful kid#2, your wife wont give you love, kid #3, your wife is hell to live with kid #4. And it seems you are not employed (pls correct me). Please o let me ask - Were those kids by artificial insemination or mistake? And you should know the simple rule that who ever pays the piper dictates the tune. Finally what kind of advice are you looking for? How to leave your wife or how to man-up? or how to abandon your children and run?

Goldenboy007:
OP, I do not doubt your claims o, but your wife no good, kid #1, your wife is disrespectful kid#2, your wife wont give you love, kid #3, your wife is hell to live with kid #4. And it seems you are not employed (pls correct me). Please o let me ask - Were those kids by artificial insemination or mistake? And you should know the simple rule that who ever pays the piper dictates the tune. Finally what kind of advice are you looking for? How to leave your wife or how to man-up? or how to abandon your children and run?

Thanks for your time and the response.