Dear nairalanders, I need your help. Please what do I do? I have so much to say, but I can’t say all, ask me any question, and I will be willing to answer. Please ignore the typo.
PLEASE NAIRALANDERS WHAT DO I DO, HOW DO I HANDLE THIS SITUATION.

I will just kind of summarize. I have been married for ten years, with 4kids. For all these years there has been too many fights in the house. My wife and I rarely agree on anything, and the truth is that it is getting worse.

BEGINNING
Let me start from the beginning, we dated for 4 years before marriage, all these four years , it was one trouble to another, it got so worse at a time I left the relationship. She came over to beg me that she will change from her hot temper and total disrespect. I initially was reluctant, but the pastor of her church told me one thing, that the bible said we should forgive 70 x 7 times, and moreover, if I cannot tolerate her character, then it means I am not man enough and ready for marriage, then, these words looked very reasonable to me, my pastor advised me against the marriage… I accepted her, one thing led to another and we started planning for the wedding. The trouble won’t stop. Less than two months after the marriage, she has not spoken to that her same pastor, just because they had a minor misunderstanding. It is been ten years since then

PROGRESSION
After the wedding, she kept being totally disrespectful to me, she will never listen to me, I tried to talk to her, she will never listen, her mother, her eldest sister her brothers and uncle have all spoken to her to stop being disrespectful to me but she would not listen, she thinks we all are the one that needs to change. She thinks she is always right. As I write now, she is not at speaking terms with every single member of her siblings. She stop communicating with Her Aunt that lives in the state who tried to intervene. It is the same Aunt that saw her through the University, she lost her father at a tender age.

OUR HOME
She is always complaining about domestic work at home, I dress the kids for school, she make their hair take them to school and bring them back, When she is away for school runs, I mind our baby. I do the dishes, I sweep the house, we use the wash machine for clothes, we both wash separately, she can never wash her clothes with mine. I cook for the kids and myself. For the past 3 year , anytime we argue over anything , she stops cooking, I have too cook for myself and the kids, while she cook her food separately, although I still try to eat from whatever she make, just to dowse the tension, but she will never touch my food. The only way I guarantee peace in the house is just to let her have a way at all times… For example, 3 years ago she will just leave home without telling me , I tried to tell her, it was wrong, she got angry and said she will never tell me, I should do my worse, I never mind if I am leaving home I will still tell her . after about two weeks, she called me and say to my face that even if I am telling her before I leave, that will not make her tell me if she is leaving. SHE THEN PROCEED TO SAY I SHOULD STOP TELLING HER IF I AM GOING OUT. We have been leaving like that for the past 3 years, we do not tell each other were we are going to, we just leave the house. I find this very painful and disgusting, she can never be wrong, she can never say sorry, she even insult me and call me names in the presence of the kids. For 3 years now, she has not cook for the family for a total of more than 6 months. There is no single day I don’t get insulted,
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Of course sex is dead, she sleeps alone in her room with her separate toilet, the kids and I share same room and same toilet. She sent me out of our room 2 years ago with complains that I snore… THE TRUTH IS THAT, I SNORE, IT CAN BE VERY LOUD. The truth is that it was after like 8 months that she sent me away from the run before she gave the snoring excuse. I literally beg for sex, for the past 6 months we have basically not had sex (I laugh at times when I read about people condemning masturbation on this forum, brothers and sisters, masturbation is the only thing that has stopped from going to look for other women…)

Carry your cross. You were warned , you saw the signs.
Keep forgiving 70 x 7 Times

YOU NEED TO MAN UP!

... Why not file for an annulment? OR are you waiting to see the worst that could happen??

My dear, marriage is sweet. I am enjoying mine. You are the architect of your marital woes.
God by his mercy showed you who she is but you were too sympathetic and jealous at the same time. Enjoy it my dear.

this cross of yours is a very tough one....i come back for more talks

How are you still sane? How do you live with someone that long without being in good terms? 3 years! It's enough to lose your sanity. You should make an ultimatum, one or the other, you can't remain like this

Is this for real?
You saw all the signs and went ahead to marry her. There are some decision we need to take for ourselves without involving pastors, now see where listening to pastors got you.

Secondly I believe everyone deserve to be happy, if you ain't happy, what are you still doing with her? when you have tried everything you can, are you ready to bear that for the rest of your life?

Depression is real and it kills. Same ppl advising you to stay and pray, to give her time, will be the ones to still say why didn't you leave, when something bad enventually happens.
Leave with your kids, after all you have been doing both the job of a mom and dad.

This is too much, but you were warned and you saw the signs yourself.

This is too much, but you were warned and you saw the signs yourself.

This is corrosive. .your wife has ogbanje.

May I ask...?Is she the one financing the family?Even at that,she no try at all.

Oga...you lost your husbandband from the beginning of your dating days.so this z the repercussions.Its obviously obvious that your wife z the black sheep of her family.I really feel for your kids.

Bro truth be told u saw it all written on the wall bt they succeded in convicing u.just like what an advice i gave earlier today on nl, never marry out of pity just because of years of friendship or how she/he will feel.

my brother impregnate his one girl (ex)to be precise.so on the long run the gal was like u must marry me o after all we've dated like 3yrs, and all my friends have been married by their boy friend.

the truth is my bro no longer want her since bt she keeps on disturbing him even when she knew he has another gal.they were in speaking terms and she normaly comes around because of me.

fastforwad:
it all happened the day my bro was drunk and he went to drop her at her house on the process they bleep raw in her room.my bro warned her to take drug and flush her self she agreed nt knowing she had interior motive to carry preg.

to make everything short.she wil born the baby bt marriage the guy said no.

10yrs marriage is a long way to go back now so see marriage councilor with her.sorry bro...

[size=20pt]Is she feeding you? Is she responsible for your children upkeep? Even if she is and then? What nonsense. Nwokem I buro nwoke( you are not a man) Do you even have relatives? Like brothers or sisters? If you are dull every member of your family won't be dull. Complain to them and if you have sisters like mine; na night bus they will use come from east come pursue am. I am very angry right now. Imagine a woman treating you like a houseboy. Which month where you born sef? Which zodiac is that? I need to avoid it for my children cos your temperament sucks. You are far from man. Continue to endure. Rubbish[/size]

ur wife na animal or human being....u dey hell fire join the one way dey ground

She was like this before you got married; consistently mistreated you throughout the 4 years you dated and instead of walking away you allowed yourself to be misled by a Pastor who said you weren't man enough if you didn't marry her. 10 years and 4 kids later and her behaviour still hasn't changed / has worsened. It's up to you stay or leave but your kids deserve to be in a healthy, loving and happy home, not a war zone.

maxti:
Carry your cross. You were warned , you saw the signs.
Keep forgiving 70 x 7 Times

YOU NEED TO MAN UP!

My Pastor say my pastor say...will ur pastor live in the same house with u after the marriage... Right is right and wrong is wrong....U know that she is not the right person for u but u still married her just cus of ur pastor...by the way who is even ur pastor...do u know that the grace u carry may even be more than what u so cold pastor is carrying... anyways I just de vex but e don happen already.... I don't believe in divorce except if u caught her cheating. u guys need to see a councilor and give urself some space. sorry bro. for the singles... if u know u cannot spend the rest of ur life with the kind of person u are planning or want to marry u better stop, forget about what any body or pastor, imam, father, mum etc thinks or would they live with u and the person forever....... that was how I left a girl I like just cus of one warning sign she displayed and I am very happy I did. ur happiness should be ur number one priority when it comes to marriage cus its "till death do us part"

Temporal separation can help you.
I can't imagine myself living in a war zone for 10years...
but wait oh, are you sure you are innocent in your own part...

sekundosekundo:
My dear, marriage is sweet. I am enjoying mine. You are the architect of your marital woes.
God by his mercy showed you who she is but you were too sympathetic and jealous at the same time. Enjoy it my dear.

Harsh, but you are very right. There are so many things I left out. I was blind

sweettease:
How are you still sane? How do you live with someone that long without being in good terms? 3 years! It's enough to lose your sanity. You should make an ultimatum, one or the other, you can't remain like this

Thanks for your contribution. I do really appreciate, I have come here to gather opinions and thoughts. Ultimately I know I would have to act.

Chommieblaq:
Is this for real?
You saw all the signs and went ahead to marry her. There are some decision we need to take for ourselves without involving pastors, now see where listening to pastors got you.

Secondly I believe everyone deserve to be happy, if you ain't happy, what are you still doing with her? when you have tried everything you can, are you ready to bear that for the rest of your life?

Depression is real and it kills. Same ppl advising you to stay and pray, to give her time, will be the ones to still say why didn't you leave, when something bad enventually happens.
Leave with your kids, after all you have been doing both the job of a mom and dad.

Thanks for the advice, I really appreciate your time. I can't just leave with the children. But my fear is that some thing really bad should not happen. I am just weighing all my options. I wish my kids were more matured.

TheBossLadyK:
This is too much, but you were warned and you saw the signs yourself.

yes you are right. I was blind. But I keep wondering were some one could have this kind of heart without mercy

newyorks:
Bro truth be told u saw it all written on the wall bt they succeded in convicing u.just like what an advice i gave earlier today on nl, never marry out of pity just because of years of friendship or how she/he will feel.

my brother impregnate his one girl (ex)to be precise.so on the long run the gal was like u must marry me o after all we've dated like 3yrs, and all my friends have been married by their boy friend.

the truth is my bro no longer want her since bt she keeps on disturbing him even when she knew he has another gal.they were in speaking terms and she normaly comes around because of me.

fastforwad:
it all happened the day my bro was drunk and he went to drop her at her house on the process they bleep raw in her room.my bro warned her to take drug and flush her self she agreed nt knowing she had interior motive to carry preg.

to make everything short.she wil born the baby bt marriage the guy said no.

10yrs marriage is a long way to go back now so see marriage councilor with her.sorry bro...

Thanks bro. She doesn't think any thing is wrong. She think we all including any person that advuces her are bad

food4otukotu:
ur wife na animal or human being....u dey hell fire join the one way dey ground

chrisifeanyi:
[size=20pt]Is she feeding you? Is she responsible for your children upkeep? Even if she is and then? What nonsense. Nwokem I buro nwoke( you are not a man) Do you even have relatives? Like brothers or sisters? If you are dull every member of your family won't be dull. Complain to them and if you have sisters like mine; na night bus they will use come from east come pursue am. I am very angry right now. Imagine a woman treating you like a houseboy. Which month where you born sef? Which zodiac is that? I need to avoid it for my children cos your temperament sucks. You are far from man. Continue to endure. Rubbish[/size]

NO SHE IS NOT FEEDING ME AT ALL. I SEND MONEY TO HET MOTHER MONTHLY FOR FOR 8YRS NOW, I.e I started like 2 year after our marriage till now

NotOfThis:
She was like this before you got married; consistently mistreated you throughout the 4 years you dated and instead of walking away you allowed yourself to be misled by a Pastor who said you weren't man enough if you didn't marry her. 10 years and 4 kids later and her behaviour still hasn't changed / has worsened. It's up to you stay or leave but your kids deserve to be in a healthy, loving and happy home, not a war zone.

Yes bro, my kids

We all deserve a chance at happiness.

Some marriages are filled with sadness, and the partners just stay on. They usually die in regrets because they never explored other possible options.
Your marriage is dead.
I think it died on arrival to be honest with you. I wonder how you managed to have 4kids in between though.

Anyway ol' boy, your wife is not in love with you. She feels she's made a life mistake. Why not separate?
Go rent a place, and have your peace. The children can come and be spending the weekend with you, unless you cannot afford to live separately.
You can still live in the same house as flat mates though. Just face the reality that your marriage is no more.
Discuss with her though, and find out if she's also miserable in the marriage. If you both have been for the past 10years, you still have more than 40years to go living in misery. Make amendments now, unless you want to continue like that for the next 40years.

Olanna45:
Temporal separation can help you.

I can't imagine myself living in a war zone for 10years...

but wait oh, are you sure you are innocent in your own part...

, sincerely this is the story, you can be the judge. I have done my best. Any place we visit, some of the very bold people we visit use to call me behind and ask me why am I allowing my wife to talk to me like that.even her mother, elder sister and brothers , her mother even adviced me to be flogging her

tuscani:
Thanks bro. She doesn't think any thing is wrong. She think we all including any person that advuces her are bad

its well prayer can help u alot.

tuscani:
Thanks for the advice, I really appreciate your time. I can't just leave with the children. But my fear is that some thing really bad should not happen. I am just weighing all my options. I wish my kids were more matured.

You welcome.
You just have take the bull by the horn and act fast, even if you don't take the kids, ensure to fulfil your fatherly responsibilities, God and man have seen all your effort.
How you survived it, walahi I don't know.



Better break up than break down.

Like everybody said u made the biggest mistake of your life. If I may ask what is her relationship with the kids? I don't you all let this bad attitude of her fester for too long without sticking it to her. Oga you should just separate for ur peace of mind. Her mother also did a very bad job raising a lady like that, na now she say make u flog her. 20+ or 30+ years too late.

Divorce her ass'