₦airaland Forum

skarlett:
You're already biased and prejudiced towards coco.candy and what she said was indeed the truth. Many men are like op's husband and people like you in society assume a biased stance instead of stating it as it is. The fact is that truth hurts, op has been deceived into marriage with an NFA of a husband. I hope she takes most of the more stringent pieces of advice she's given to heart and implements them. If not she'll end up another black, bitter and disatisfied mother at forty.


And yeah, stop being a hater Mrs Coocandy obviously has a lot going for her than you think.

cococandy:


See analyst.

No it means my baby is a handful now as she grows older and after dealing with her, I don't have the energy to reply mor0ns like you anymore.

You are dumber than you appear if you think you can judge people's personal lives from the internet.

If you could face the OP and leave Cococandy's happiness or lack of it out of the conversation, that would be nice.

cococandy:
Are you also @scarletmoon? Or something like that.
I was accused of being that person. Want to know if you're her. You pretty

Hehe, no I'm not. Thank you ma'am. You are too

needforanswers:
Yes, there were things I liked about him. He is a good conversationist and that is what helps him to market his products. He also isn't controlling or a bully, more of a live and let live type of person. Apart from the very laid back unconcerned attitude to providing he doesn't give me issues in any way.
He is not a troublesome person at all but unfortunately he is not doing the one thing he ought to be doing as a head of house.

maclatunji:
If you don’t mind my asking, do you pay rent? Who does?

From what you have said, you have a burnt-out entrepreneur. You might either have to quietly help get him a job or suggest business ideas he can work on. Maybe he will not mind things like Uber?

Just keep discussing with him until you find a workable formula.

cruchenuti:
Lol, it doesn't change anything. Constantly supporting post against men at every opportunity says much about who she is.

Saves me mentions? Err mentions is punishment or what? I didn't get that though.

For the record. She was very aggressive last year. She has calm down now. Its that's what happy means. So it means she was sad before. And she's now very much happy.

Well..thank God oh. Na wetin we dey pray for.

needforanswers:
He didn't wash his hands off the wedding completely. He handled some expenses and now that I think of it I believe he borrowed money to pay for those few wedding expenses because he sent money to me to cover costs of some few things but the money was sent through his friends account name and number.
When I queried why his friend was the one sending the money he said that person was owing him money before.

needforanswers:
He told me he paid for the rent before I moved in with him after marriage.

I have suggested others, from poultry to fish farming to yes, even the Uber. I even suggested that we move out of the country to any UAE country where I saw some job adverts online but he didn't like the idea. Said his business pays a lot and I just need to give him time.
Another thing is that he doesn't want to do jobs that are tasking. He didn't say so directly, I picked it up from the things he says.

Prettiepearlz:
No
Well at the first paragraph, Cococandy doesn't always support post against men, but she constantly supports post against men that are abusive physically, emotionally and mentally and also men who cheats because cheating is bad, have you seen her speak against men whom their wives describe as caring? I must commend her for that self because from her I learnt it wasn't a norm for men to cheat (because I could remember while growing up I have an uncle who would jokingly tell me not to be like my aunt who constantly complains about his cheating but I should be happy because he chose me), I lived with this mentality until I became frequent on Nairaland family section and I read reasonable comment from people like Cococandy, EfemenaXY, Onegai, Tearoses and even nice men like Thorpido and Siena(a pity he deactivated his account) who spoke constantly against it, at first I don't agree with the school of thought because I was blinded by the African belief of you must make your marriage work irrespective of what happens but these people especially Cococandy schooled me and freed me from that backwardness. They taught me that it's not wise to stay and allow a man abuse me physically and mentally all in the name of saving a marriage, they taught me its not wise to be a slave in a place that is supposed to be my home, they taught me that I wasn't supposed to accept cheating as a norm, they taught me that prayers work to hold marriages but I shouldn't harm myself in a marriage all in the name of staying and praying, I shouldn't go "War Room" in suffering. I received my first knowledge from them and with that knowledge I was able to be a good member of a female support group, I learnt not to ever judge my fellow woman especially if I haven't walked in their shoes. So tell me in what way is she aggressive? Bring the story of a nice husband and watch how Cococandy will speak well of him. As regards the second bold words, she has always been a happy fellow, it's only people who don't understand her that would refer to her as bitter or aggressive. She is a role model I must tell you and I love her so much. But you people wouldn't agree with her because she refused to be chained by African belief, she is only fighting a good fight. And we female folks appreciate it. Mama Cococandy, your baby loves you so much . Please keep fighting the good fight.

cococandy:
Tell me about it

needforanswers:
this is actually what I plan to do. Maybe it will get him out of his comfort zone.

I didn't renew our DSTV subsciption when it expired so we havent watched tv in more than a week. Also, I plan to stop subscibing for our prepaid meter for electricity.
I will also reduce our feeding to twice a day. If he still doesn't budge then once a day.

Prettiepearlz:
No
Well at the first paragraph, Cococandy doesn't always support post against men, but she constantly supports post against men that are abusive physically, emotionally and mentally and also men who cheats because cheating is bad, have you seen her speak against men whom their wives describe as caring? I must commend her for that self because from her I learnt it wasn't a norm for men to cheat (because I could remember while growing up I have an uncle who would jokingly tell me not to be like my aunt who constantly complains about his cheating but I should be happy because he chose me), I lived with this mentality until I became frequent on Nairaland family section and I read reasonable comment from people like Cococandy, EfemenaXY, Onegai, Tearoses and even nice men like Thorpido and Siena(a pity he deactivated his account) who spoke constantly against it, at first I don't agree with the school of thought because I was blinded by the African belief of you must make your marriage work irrespective of what happens but these people especially Cococandy schooled me and freed me from that backwardness. They taught me that it's not wise to stay and allow a man abuse me physically and mentally all in the name of saving a marriage, they taught me its not wise to be a slave in a place that is supposed to be my home, they taught me that I wasn't supposed to accept cheating as a norm, they taught me that prayers work to hold marriages but I shouldn't harm myself in a marriage all in the name of staying and praying, I shouldn't go "War Room" in suffering. I received my first knowledge from them and with that knowledge I was able to be a good member of a female support group, I learnt not to ever judge my fellow woman especially if I haven't walked in their shoes. So tell me in what way is she aggressive? Bring the story of a nice husband and watch how Cococandy will speak well of him. As regards the second bold words, she has always been a happy fellow, it's only people who don't understand her that would refer to her as bitter or aggressive. She is a role model I must tell you and I love her so much. But you people wouldn't agree with her because she refused to be chained by African belief, she is only fighting a good fight. And we female folks appreciate it. Mama Cococandy, your baby loves you so much . Please keep fighting the good fight.

maclatunji:
Can you write this kind of thing for a politician or a product?

Let me book you down as a potential writer?

Mindfulness:
Delightful.

tabithababy:
Op, is your husband a Yoruba man?? If yes, congratulations cos Yoruba men prefer to be fed by their wives.

Prettiepearlz:
Thanks ma'am. You're also one of my role model. Just yesterday I sat down and read some of your post especially the one that says Do you love anyone unconditionally? I have learnt and still learning from you people ooooo so you people shouldn't leave nairaland for us, some of us are really learning from you.

Prettiepearlz:
I don't understand you sir.

johnson232:
Must u exhibit how silly u are all the time?
U stated yourba men are lazy & i asked u a simple question....all u could do was to resort to insults...Animal...

maclatunji:
Never mind if you cannot understand.

cococandy:
We ladies often fall into such traps because we don't want to be labeled as materialistic or any of those other insulting words people use to describe ladies when they try to make sure the man can contribute financially.

As it is now OP you have to three options.

1) leave him. (drastic huh?)

2) make it clear that he will be the home keeper while you take on the role of provider (and some men are already squirming in their seats).

3) do everything by yourself until you die from the stress. ( probably the choice he'd prefer).

OP I hate to be the one who doesn't have sugar coated words for you but I doubt he will change.
I hope he does.
I'll advice you to Measure your pocket well before you have any kids for now or you will be stuck being a single 'married' mom who has an older adult male child to cater for as well.

Sorry if my post doesn't make you feel better.
But I hope it helps you seriously examine your choices.

Mindfulness:
The fact that someone like Cococandy made such a big impact on your mindset makes me very happy.
She is definitely the kind of woman we all can learn a lot from.

I do not want to be a role model but I love to see people loving and respecting themselves.
I am happy you dropped this brainwashing that all men are azzholes and that relationships must hurt. It is not so. I am speaking from experience.

Diversity is at the basis of this world. Learn to pick what feels good and drop anything that hurts.

tabithababy:
Op, is your husband a Yoruba man?? If yes, congratulations cos Yoruba men prefer to be fed by their wives.

Prettiepearlz:
Yes ma'am, at the bold, I am so glad too because I don't know the harm it would have caused me. Everyone believes that the greatest achievement a lady can have in her life is marriage. And I no longer belong to that school of thought. At the same time I pray for a good marriage too but one thing I have learnt is also not to rush into marriage because to my best knowledge they don't pick late comer in marriage too. I am learning to live my life a step at a time. Marriage is beautiful but it's only beautiful with the right person.

Prettiepearlz:
Well at the first paragraph, Cococandy doesn't always support post against men, but she constantly supports post against men that are abusive physically, emotionally and mentally and also men who cheats because cheating is bad, have you seen her speak against men whom their wives describe as caring? I must commend her for that self because from her I learnt it wasn't a norm for men to cheat (because I could remember while growing up I have an uncle who would jokingly tell me not to be like my aunt who constantly complains about his cheating but I should be happy because he chose me), I lived with this mentality until I became frequent on Nairaland family section and I read reasonable comment from people like Cococandy, EfemenaXY, Onegai, Tearoses and even nice men like Thorpido and Siena(a pity he deactivated his account) who spoke constantly against it, at first I don't agree with the school of thought because I was blinded by the African belief of you must make your marriage work irrespective of what happens but these people especially Cococandy schooled me and freed me from that backwardness. They taught me that it's not wise to stay and allow a man abuse me physically and mentally all in the name of saving a marriage, they taught me its not wise to be a slave in a place that is supposed to be my home, they taught me that I wasn't supposed to accept cheating as a norm, they taught me that prayers work to hold marriages but I shouldn't harm myself in a marriage all in the name of staying and praying, I shouldn't go "War Room" in suffering. I received my first knowledge from them and with that knowledge I was able to be a good member of a female support group, I learnt not to ever judge my fellow women especially if I haven't walked in their shoes, I learnt to WAKA PASS if I can't be nice. So tell me in what way is she aggressive? Bring the story of a nice husband and watch how Cococandy will speak well of him. As regards the second bold words, she has always been a happy fellow, it's only people who don't understand her that would refer to her as bitter or aggressive. She is a role model I must tell you and I love her so much. But you people wouldn't agree with her because she refused to be chained by African belief, she is only fighting a good fight. And we female folks appreciate it. Mama Cococandy, your baby loves you so much . Please keep fighting the good fight.

Prettiepearlz:
Yes ma'am, this stereotype is the problem we young ladies are facing. Everybody keeps stereotyping and some even make it a problem for their kids. Don't marry this tribe because they are like this, stereotyping and putting their kids in deep shit.

Mindfulness:
Relationships can be happy or painful. It depends on you.
Keep your dreams alive and know that everything is possible.

Mindfulness:
some years ago I overheard an Arab woman say that black people are dirty and that in France she saw them shitting on the bus

it's best not to respond to such generalizations and let such people show their dumbness to the world