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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Religion / Islam for Muslims / Muslim Singles Talk 2 (2324 Views)
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Muslim Singles Talk 2 by deolsisback: 1:14pm On Apr 27, 2017 |
Salam alaykum. I want to start with the most famous thread I opened with my initial account. At the time, I wasn't interested in being in a relationship. Everything was for the fun of it. This part of the forum was usually so calm with not much discussions going on. One of my attempts at getting the needed participation was that thread, which ended up being for the most part, a success. I am opening this one as an addendum. Most of the discussions we had then still hold true. But my ideas do have some modifications. |
Re: Muslim Singles Talk 2 by Empiree: 2:09pm On Apr 27, 2017 |
Following. ... 1 Like |
Re: Muslim Singles Talk 2 by tintingz(m): 2:29pm On Apr 27, 2017 |
Deols, can you tell us why you're still single? Hope those Alfas no break your heart? 1 Like |
Re: Muslim Singles Talk 2 by Zeinymira(f): 3:48pm On Apr 27, 2017 |
following 1 Like |
Re: Muslim Singles Talk 2 by deolsisback: 4:22pm On Apr 27, 2017 |
tintingz: Which Alfa? |
Re: Muslim Singles Talk 2 by deolsisback: 4:51pm On Apr 27, 2017 |
I remember that on that thread, many people wrote the qualities they want in the opposite sex. Mine must have been the longest. Nothing has changed though. I still want all of those qualities. Someone said in a post I read somewhere that a vast majority of women don't end up marrying the kinds of men they want. But men would usually, almost all the time go after what they want and majority will get just that. But why the disparity among both sexes? Women are made to believe a lot of things, like, 'time is not on your side' . So, they end up choosing what's available. Some other women, when they see their mates getting married, feel left out and go for the next available man. Some are pushed by material gains and others by societal pressure. NOTE THAT I am not judging them for their reasons or choice. It does turn out good for some and may turn out bad for others. But should this be the case? ImO, No. The choice you are making should be based solely on rational grounds, that this is what you want, deserve, and can live with. The result of this is that women in our society end up spending almost all of their time and life trying to be the perfect 'wife material', while the men are just 'there'. I see many girls starving to look young and beautiful in order to attract men. But for what kind of man? The one that disrespects you, doesn't lift a hand to help you, and himself is an eyesore? I'd like a society where no woman is pressured into making the wrong decision towards marriage. Now to my experience, I did realise that humans are imperfect. I am imperfect myself and the idea of a perfect person is non existent. This allows for patience in understanding others, giving room for their fallibility and as well allows for compromise. Like I may just do with a goodlooking one without literary prowess and I'd be just fine with it. You all should drop comments. what is your experience and what characteristics do you seek the most. which ones can you not deal with? I will talk later, in sha Allah about the importance of self esteem in relationships. 1 Like |
Re: Muslim Singles Talk 2 by tintingz(m): 6:48pm On Apr 27, 2017 |
deolsisback:Awon alfa, Brothers in Islam. |
Re: Muslim Singles Talk 2 by tintingz(m): 7:06pm On Apr 27, 2017 |
Women are being pressured to marry early in Africa society, giving room for depression, low self esteem and rejection. Women that are not married are seen as useless, egoistic, proud etc. A lady in a thread even said "there is no respect for unmarried ladies" and i was like WTF! So a women must be married before she can earn respect from people? This is what african and religious women are programmed to believe in. There was a report about a police woman that committed suicide because her fiancé dumped her, the lady in the picture is kind of chubby and she's 31 years of age, I'm very sure she suffered low self esteem and depression. https://www.nairaland.com/3762686/ghanaian-police-officer-commits-suicide Marriage shouldn't be something to rush in because sometimes "the way one rush in is the same way he/she will rush out or continuing living in stoic syndrome". 2 Likes |
Re: Muslim Singles Talk 2 by Tefs(f): 9:33pm On Apr 27, 2017 |
following 1 Like |
Re: Muslim Singles Talk 2 by Tefs(f): 9:38pm On Apr 27, 2017 |
tintingz: I can relate with that. When it comes to marriage, especially with we females, the society doesn't help issues. Most times they fail to realize that we have our choice nd preference and it only takes the strong ones to defy societal pressures. it's sickening tho 2 Likes |
Re: Muslim Singles Talk 2 by tintingz(m): 10:35pm On Apr 27, 2017 |
Tefs:Marriage is a beautiful thing no doubt but to some it is a disaster, the way some people pressure someone to marry you will think that marriage is like happily ever after like in Disney movies or soap opera. I once argued with my boss a lady, she said those that are not married are regretting and I asked if some of those that are married are not regretting getting married? and I showed her news about domestic violence that led to killing/murder of some couples, she just kept quite. 1 Like |
Re: Muslim Singles Talk 2 by Tefs(f): 10:55pm On Apr 27, 2017 |
tintingz: Lol. and some people have really fell for the "happily ever after" theme. Our society needs serious overhauling nd orientation. The domestic violence part do weaken me. While some marriages would make you want to get married like immediately, some marriages would simply remind you not to smell anything marriage. May Allah grant us the best of spouse. of course, marriage is beautiful with the right partner. |
Re: Muslim Singles Talk 2 by AlamienDagash(m): 11:10pm On Apr 27, 2017 |
Asalamu alaykum My name is Al-ameen, AGE 18, student,hausa, musician,writer,dancer and lastly single. NB: am not searching for a wife. |
Re: Muslim Singles Talk 2 by tintingz(m): 11:56am On Apr 28, 2017 |
Tefs:Well said.. Ameen. |
Re: Muslim Singles Talk 2 by tintingz(m): 8:24pm On Apr 28, 2017 |
See what I was saying, disaster in some marriage, Mercy Aigbe's 7 years marriage crashes like Russian drone, she has been in stoic syndrome for years, enduring domestic violence. Mercy Aigbe's Marriage Crashes Over Alleged Battering. See Battered Face https://www.nairaland.com/3768431/mercy-aigbes-marriage-crashes-over Opemititi 'Queen Stunner' Crashed Mercy Aigbe's Marriage (Photos) https://www.nairaland.com/3768582/opemititi-queen-stunner-crashed-mercy |
Re: Muslim Singles Talk 2 by deolsisback: 11:42am On Apr 30, 2017 |
tintingz: Even women who are suffering in their marriages will be pressuring others to go into it. I don't understand what the fuss is about 1 Like |
Re: Muslim Singles Talk 2 by deolsisback: 11:42am On Apr 30, 2017 |
Tefs: Even the ones that make you want to get married immediately may not be as good as they appear |
Re: Muslim Singles Talk 2 by deolsisback: 11:51am On Apr 30, 2017 |
Note that marriage is a beautiful thing when it's with the right person and my intention is never to discourage it. I am aware that many young girls are lured into marriages, especially by so-called alfas. I met a girl not long ago and she asked me how I escaped being married. She said most of the Muslims she knew while in school got married. I know it is part of the preaching among the MSS. I have seen many of such girls struggle with taking care of themselves and home, as well as trying to start a business or make ends meet. Majority are not mature enough for the responsibility before they jump into it. So I wonder how they view marriage. A means for legal sex and procreation only? Anyone going into marriage should not just be physically but also mentally, financially and as well psychologically sound. 3 Likes |
Re: Muslim Singles Talk 2 by deolsisback: 11:57am On Apr 30, 2017 |
The hadith often quoted by those who clamour for marriage is that 'marriage is half of the deen. But can't the way the marriage goes down lead you to sin? I think it is only half of your deen if truly it helps you to be better at your deen. If you marry a woman and beat her to a pulp at every opportunity, I think that you are committing grave sins. and If you are married, u are not satisfied with it and commit zina as a result, you are playing with hell fire. Below is an article from Islamqa that echoes my thought. Published Date: 2003-03-23 |
Re: Muslim Singles Talk 2 by Empiree: 6:06pm On Apr 30, 2017 |
deolsisback:Agreed |
Re: Muslim Singles Talk 2 by deolsisback: 8:49pm On Apr 30, 2017 |
What to do while you are single. Many young women despair because of their state of being single. They worry a lot especially when their mates are getting married. I tell you, it's a complete waste of emotions. Instead of mopping about not finding the perfect man, I believe it's the time to be the perfect person. It may seem uneasy but you have to give it a try. Some things you can do. 1. Make yourself more beautiful. Yes, I mean that. I am not even saying that you should make yourself attractive. Whatever you think will make you beautiful, and have greater confidence in yourself, take steps towards it and get it done. But don't go extreme. Don't do dangerous things like bleaching and using fake things on yourself. You can lose weight or gain it, take care of your skin too. There are many natural remedies out there for skin care. Google is your friend dear. I'd like to use Myself as an example on this. In my teenage and early twenties, I was very slim and didn't consider that I could ever be described as fat. I got carried away, then suddenly, I was fat myself. While going through medical school, especially at a time when I felt like I had no business doing anything else but face my studies, I gained much weight. In the last two years I focused on losing it, on a gradual steady state. Now, my dress size is an 8! and I looove myself for it. My self confidence, although not ever down, actually rose. 2. Improve on your skills/abilities. This is important. You as a single person is expected to have more free time on your hands than your married friends. Here is the time to use it wisely. Get a better degree, skill, become an entrepreneur, etc. I had a senior colleague once who had a professional exam to write. I watched as she spent almost all her weekends at work, busy with her work. I expected her to pass and she did and now, she is even planning her wedding. Now imagine that she wasted all of that time getting emotional about being single? she might end up failing and her timing would still not have changed. 3. Do things you enjoy. Have a hobby. This might even be what would bring your partner close to you. Are there sporting activities, games, readers clubs, Islamic lectures you like to attend. please do and make yourself useful and join community development programmes. I love travelling and this comes with so much benefits. It's increased my view of the world, helped me meet new people, experience diverse cultures, etc. 4. Pray. Someone once said that if you want something enough, you'd pray tahajjud over it. And that's true. This is a time to ask God for what you want. The way you want your marriage to be, your career goals, your children, etc. Spend all of your God given time at this time to ask him for what you want. Don't join anybody in seeking soothsayers to know who you are compatible with. Face Allahu azzawajal. Read more on Islam and get better acquainted with what's right. 5. Have the right company. 6. Be good and change your character flaws. If there is something about you that many people are complaining about, have introspection and work on it. Don't say you can't change. You can and pray about it. Imagine the kind of person you think you deserve. Now imagine the kind of person that person thinks he/she deserves and that can help you realise the kind of work you have to do on yourself. Self growth is important. Don't be satisfied with being just there and expecting manna to fall from heaven. 4 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Muslim Singles Talk 2 by deolsisback: 8:51pm On Apr 30, 2017 |
tintingz: That's an unfortunate case. Nobody is worth dying over. It's good to have a high self esteem. |
Re: Muslim Singles Talk 2 by Empiree: 9:13pm On Apr 30, 2017 |
^ Actually, case tintingz cited is different. Thats love matter. She was jilted. Many cases like this happen even in so called civilized world. You see ladies on fb posting "if your man doesn't get mad, commit suicide or beat you up bcus u left him shows that he doesn't love you to begin with". This statement simply means that they actually want thug in relationship |
Re: Muslim Singles Talk 2 by tintingz(m): 10:20am On May 01, 2017 |
Empiree:Many people that were jilted in relationship mostly revenge by hurting the person not taking their own life, I'm not saying people don't commit suicide for love but it goes beyond love. Can someone pretty and curvy like Omotola Jalade commit suicide on top a man? Or someone with high esteem with good earning commit suicide on top a man? The least they do is hurt the person back. The said lady in that link was a policewoman, she can deal with her ex-fiancé if she wants to but instead she killed herself, reason because at her age(31) she's expected to be married in Africa society, the pressure will lead to depression and secondly she's chubby(don't wanna use fat), chubby ladies are most time have low self esteem. Many People don't go for counseling here in Nigeria. 1 Like |
Re: Muslim Singles Talk 2 by kayword(m): 11:49am On May 01, 2017 |
Welcome back sis deols. Looking back to what transpired on your previous thread, I can say that a lot of my notions and opinions about marriage and family was shaped back then. The marriage issue is a delicate one, and the pressure believe me is not on the sisters alone. Brothers too are under pressure to "stop wasting time ". 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Muslim Singles Talk 2 by Tefs(f): 4:51pm On May 01, 2017 |
[quote author=deolsisback post=56063243] Even the ones that make you want to get married immediately may not be as good as they appear[/quote I believe no marriage is perfect and no two individual can ever be the same. it all boils down to how two people can perfectly manage their differences and see the best out of every ugly situation. |
Re: Muslim Singles Talk 2 by deolsisback: 8:09am On May 02, 2017 |
tintingz:I agree with you |
Re: Muslim Singles Talk 2 by deolsisback: 8:11am On May 02, 2017 |
kayword: You are right. The pressure is on brothers too. What baffles me is that, the 'pressurers' have nothing to offer the pressured. Just pressure and pressure noni But it's helpful when you can stand your ground. After all, you will be the one to live in the marriage and deal with the consequences of it. Both financial and emotional. |
Re: Muslim Singles Talk 2 by Mofpearl: 8:12am On May 02, 2017 |
Following 1 Like |
Re: Muslim Singles Talk 2 by deolsisback: 8:14am On May 02, 2017 |
[quote author=Tefs post=56106671][/quote] I agree with you. As I said earlier you can't expect perfection from another human being. You will have the earlier times when you are trying to get used to each other's differences. Many challenges will come up. Your ability to deal with them will go a long way. |
Re: Muslim Singles Talk 2 by deolsisback: 8:20am On May 02, 2017 |
What marriage offers us "And among His Signs is that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He put love and mercy between your hearts. Verily in that are Signs for those who reflect." [Sûrah Rûm: 21] People forget these parts of the Qur'an about love and mercy. The main point of marriage is so that you may dwell in tranquility with each other. For me, that's the point. But how many people get married for these reasons? 1 Like |
Re: Muslim Singles Talk 2 by deolsisback: 8:39am On May 02, 2017 |
Buttressing Article from http://en.islamtoday.net/artshow-290-3192.htm
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