₦airaland Forum

So yesterday I went to the Synagogue Church of all Nations.
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...For the very first time.
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Well...I have been watching Prophet TB Joshua on Emmanuel TV for sometime now and I must say that I find his ministry pretty captivating.
Of course,being someone who believes in miracles,it is no news that I would want to be a TB Joshua fan.The simplicity,and graceful humility the man exudes in his ministrations causes my heart to warm.
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Momma is due for return on Friday,so I decided to convince her to let us attend Sunday Service there 2 days ago and experience the raw glory of the prophet!
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Ikotun is pretty far from central Lagos metropolis,so I had to arrange for my driver to skip his church and drive us down.
We left home by 3.30am to beat the sea of people that mill in there round the clock.
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So here we are on Sunday morning at the popular Synagogue church.Driver finds a convenient parking space,and we all hop out and amble into the premises unashamedly awe-stricken at the impressive exterior decor of the towering buildings.
It's around 5.30am.
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A COLD WELCOME:
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As we stroll past the first barricade to enter the front entrance of the church,a group of Ushers accost us,or rather halted us.They ask us if this was our first time,and when we affirmed it was--a mature looking female usher stepped forward and rudely ordered us to go to the back tent,that only full-time members were allowed to come into the main church.
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This lady never even offered us a welcoming smile,or warm greetings to somewhat palliate us for all the traffic stress,painfully early wake-up,and hours of road journey we braved to be there.
She just stood there barking commands rudely at us like some aggravated platoon lieutenant calling to order a group of annoying rankless recruits.
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I visibly winced at the cold welcome the widely acclaimed Synagogue Church accorded us on our visit,and I could feel the volcano broiling deep down inside me itching to vent.
Mannerless people don't irritate me as much as mannerless people who don't consider elderly people when they want to spout their insolence.
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Be mannerless to me in public all you want---we can slug it out to the end all we want,and I can give you a healthy piece of my mind.But when my mother or any elder I respect or hold in high esteem is involved,just be prepared cos the bitch in me would be unleashed.
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So it was with supreme effort that my mum and the driver dragged me past that saucy group of first Ushers.I was sure I wanted to get my ass back to the car and spirit myself home without further ado.I didn't drive over 30 miles to come and be treated like horse piss,and I wouldn't subject my mother to such crap either.
In all my years in this world,I had never seen such rudeness from church workers that were supposed to smile pleasantly at new-comers and welcome them into church.
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So past the gate I reluctantly allowed myself to be led,wondering which of the 'back-tents' we were expected to walk into--cos there were several tent-like structures splattered around the premises,and not a SINGLE usher or warden to direct us.The ones with tags we saw who looked important simply waved us aside or outrightly hurried past us when we asked for directions.
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They all looked grim,furious and hostile.
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Finally after wondering around in disjointed circles like 3 tropical millipedes with Jet-lag,we 3 were told by another new-comer that we had to obtain a permit/pass which would only give us access to the over-flow.
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BITCHES AND BAD BLOOD IN THE TABERNACLE:
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As we herded into the crowded tent to queue up behind nothing less than 750 random new-comers,I noticed a female Usher yelling at a girl.
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Everyone turned in their general direction.
Aunty Usher/women leader was rudely telling the girl that her skirt was too short and she shouldn't linger around the queue or else she'd summon the police to drag her out of the premises.
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I turned to look at the lady being harrassed.Her skirt was a little above her knees,but not overly vulgar or indecent per se.
I also noticed that she had one of the best pair of legs and figures I have seen in this part of the world.
Deaconess mean-faced usher was obviously envious that God wasn't impartial when he was sharing out body parts and beauty.
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But a new-comer?? Embarrassing her like that?Good grief!!
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THE WAIT:
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I was already feeling unwell by the time I joined the queue.
Eventually,we were carted to another tent and made to seat down for 2 hours waiting for the permits to be issued.
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Suddenly a voice boomed out from the public address intercom in the hall and instructed foreign visitors/delegates to move to the left side of the hall,and present their ID cards for reception.
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I was seated conversing with my mother when one dehydrated-looking male Usher walks up to me and lightly taps my shoulder,I swivel my neck around to him,and he asks me whether I heard the announcement.
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I cock my head quizzically at him,and he asks whether I'm Nigerian.I am recoiling my tongue in to mouth out some sarcastic retort at the rude clown when my mum intervenes laughing convivially and telling him that she's my mother and I live in Nigeria.
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Stale little prick deliberately ignores my mother and repeats his question to me.
I take a deep breath and bluntly tell him to go and anoint someone else with his mouth odour.I remind him that it's only about 7am and my lungs deserve better.
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Dude obviously didn't see that coming.
He stands there like the confounded dolt he is,blinking his eyes methodically and saying,'EXCUSE ME?' on a loop.
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Momma is trying to pacify and mediate or explain or whatever when the announcement on the buzzer summons us all to re-queue for our passes.I help momma up and we begin to trudge towards the sea of bodies heading west.I think the Usher is explaining something to his colleague and pointing at me,but I am past caring at this point.
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SECURITY HARRASSMENT AND SEGREGATION:
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So we've obtained the passes and are queueing up again to enter the church from the rear wing and join the worshippers.Men and women are sorted into 2 separate rows where they are thoroughly frisked,and searched before being allowed entry.
My driver is right behind me on the queue,and as the person ahead of me steps into the church entrance archway to be cleared,I overhear the security man asking him where his copy of the 'service guide' or booklet is.He says he doesn't have one and is shabbily asked to step back and return to the tents to buy one before he is allowed entry.
The man starts to explain that he doesn't have extra cash except his offering and tithe,but the bouncer won't hear any of it.
He gruffly and impatiently asks the man to step away from the line and not waste the time of others,that nobody without the booklet will be allowed into the church.
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I step in to be cleared,and instantly,the head security personnel who is standing a little way off and observing the clearing process rushes forward and takes it up from the bouncer assigned to me.
He(Head security) doesn't notice that I have a Nigerian flag clutched under my bible,and asks me what country I am from,that I should be on the queue for the foreign delegates.
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He looks pretty important,so I patiently show him my flag and tell him I came from Nigeria.
Head security seems to have a problem believing this because he keeps staring at my hair.
Next he asks me where exactly in Nigeria,and I tell him Lagos city.He asks where in Lagos city,and I ask him how that piece of information helps or relates to the exercise on ground?Was there a problem?I came to your church for the first time and I'm being interrogated like a Boko Haram suspect?I frankly tell him that I do not appreciate the unnecessary questions and whether I should return to my car and go home?
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A few back-and-forths and I'm through and into the hallway corridor that meanders into the expansive church auditorium.
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Meanwhile,Dominic my driver has been asked to step aside for more questioning.He is asked all sorts of demeaning questions,and scrutinized like a homeless drunk who mistakenly stumbled into their church.The security personnel asks me to move on and join the church leaving my driver to probably be escorted out of the premises into a black-Maria.
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I am livid at this point.I walk back to the personnel-in-charge,and ask him why my personal driver is being humiliated that way.It is obvious that people are profiled and accorded respect based on how expensive their clothes looked,and it stunk.
It was apparent that the poor man that drove me down was being looked down on because he probably wasn't dressed in Gucci designers and expensive accessories.
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Eventually,we were let through and joined the line of people hurrying to another dedicated tent for new-comers beside the main church building.
I was aghast.
Sweated,queued,endured rudeness from ill-mannered church staff....and still not qualified to sit in the church at the end of the day?
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I was numb.
Sat down in the tent with my driver battling dejection,and dialled my momma's number to know where she was.We hadn't seen ourselves since we were separated.I was worried how she was faring in the midst of such hostile staff and scathing rudeness.I looked around.
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There was not a single usher in the tent to ask for help or any assistance whatsoever.We were bundled like unwanted rags,shoved into a tent and totally forgotten.
All we had were the flat-screen plasmas which televised the Live service in the church auditorium.
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THE TRUTH OF THE MATTER
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It is so sad the horrible ways church workers can kill a pastor's labour.
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Most of the criticisms,and attacks that Christian churches and pastors receive is largely because of these workers.
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They do all manner of despicable things under the umbrella of the church,embarrass and snob new-comers,extort money from gullible first-timer's without the pastor's knowledge and so on.
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Let's look at a few specific grey areas in my Synagogue church experience.
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(1) Rudeness:
Nigerians are generally very uncivil people.The worst thing that a person can witness is people who were charged with welcoming new-comers to a church turning around and being rude to them.
It is shocking to see a beautiful global ministry like Synagogue church of all nations having such horrible workers strategically placed to receive first-timers.Gauging from what we see on TV,this indeed is an obstinate surprise.
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(2) Racial segregation:
The racial segregation in S.C.O.A.N is jaw-dropping.Foreign delegate new-comers are treated like royalty,but Nigerians are treated like the sopping scum of the earth.
So heart-wrenching it is because foreigners treat Nigerians like scum in their own countries,and when we think we can fall back to our own people for more humane treatment,we receive the same treatment from our people.
How distasteful to note that this sickening trend can gain entry into the church as well.
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(3) Condemnatory treatment:
Imagine the incident where the lady was embarrassed and sent back because of her supposed shortness of skirt.
Who gave these people the right to dictate who comes into the Lord's house and who does not?Where do these workers pick up such satanic traits?
Even the bible clearly beckons on sinners to come as they are.In their rags,in their G-strings,in their mini-skirts,in their slim-fit trousers.It is an unforgivable abomination to drive away a new-comer from church on the grounds that he/she was inappropriately dressed.
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A church isn't a place for just the perfect.
a Church should be a place to make the imperfect to be perfect.
. Jesus never died for the perfect.It is for the imperfect that he sacrificed his life on the cross.
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(4) Shabby dressing of staff,shabby treatment of invitees and poor ushering structures generally:
I detest seeing people in administrative positions dressing carelessly.One of the reasons I love Christ Embassy church is because of their articulate well-structured system and discipline.
Ushers are neatly suited up with tags,the royal guards,and logistics crew are properly dressed with labels as their departments require.There is an usher on every bend to direct new-comers on where to sit,and so on.
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But not in Synagogue.
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Staff dress in a disorderly array of casual wears,fly their shirts,chew bubble-gums noisily,wear black gloves like snipers and carry no legible form of identification whatsoever.Plus there aren't any positioned to attend to newcomers and direct and assist them accordingly.
First-timers are abandoned to wander like lost sheep in the premises while the staff stand by to watch in indifferent disinterest---their attentions only being drawn when they wander into some 'special' room,and the ushers have to yell at the poor trespassing soul to get out or be thrown out by security.
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Of course,they never fail to remember these 'unimportant newbies' when it's offering time,and emerge from the bowels of the earth like evil spirits wielding bottomlessly deep offering-bags and basins--to vanish mysteriously again after you've outlived your monetary usefulness.
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(5) Security harrassment,disrespect to elders and humiliating 'clearance methods':
I literally watched as a woman in her 80s was rudely warned to desist from coming to a particular section or else she'd be thrown outside.The lady warning her couldn't be up to 27.
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Additionally,no metal-detecting scanners,or bomb threat security measures are taken before admitting people in.
The security personnel simply frisk people roughly in an undignifying manner and shove them inside.Your 'sacred areas' are roughed-up,and your spirits are shattered.
Then brutish-looking policemen are standing by ready to drag you to their van if you don't cooperate.
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The entire staff work-force,or would I say--manpower of the church stand around scowling coldly at new-comers with seething and hateful suspicion as if they received intel that they came to cart away the loudspeakers and offering bags.
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I saw these and more...and I groaned inwardly.
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I am very sure that Pastor TB Joshua is not aware of these horrible 'misdemeanours' from the workers under him,and it saddens me to know that he may never know because these malevolent humans will ensure word never reaches him.
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I can only sit and hope that a few of his members stumble on this rant of mine and relay it to his executive council or him in person.
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Prophet TB Joshua is a great Man of God with a true heart of love for the sick and needy,and God is blessing millions through him....
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...but he needs to call his workers to order.
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Dear church worker in Redeemed,Synago
gue,Living Faith,Chosen,Assemblies of God etc,..
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You think you are superior and loftier because you were placed in a prominent point of service,don't you?
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HEAR THIS...
If these souls you embarrass and discourage from coming into church go to hell because of your sauciness and insolence;and you believe they are condemned to hell for being hopeless sinners---don't get it twisted.
If these people wind up going to hell,you too will earn a luxury villa in hell as well next to Sani Abacha's duplex.
Heaven will never condone your vile stench.You are every bit as hopeless as them,and then kilograms more wicked!
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You people should stop giving men of God a bad name because of your evil and unruly characters.
How and why would you turn away a first-timer from church?
Is the church your father's compound?
Who gave you that right?
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Are you mad,for sanity's sake?
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Nigerians.
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. (Ivan The Terrible)

Written by a Facebook friend; Ivan-Whyte Eagle Lawson.

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=1504044122971718&id=100000984358442

I dedicate this FTC to the Flying Spaghetti Monster, the one true God that created everything

It's a long read, but I think it should be on front page.

cc ishilove lalasticlala

Thanks hopefulLandlord. Hadampson where art thou?

The man's experience is even better. It is not as tough as the ones I have been hearing of. TB Joshua's church is a church of bunch of scammers and criminals. It's a den of thieves.

Read this Vanguard news below: http://www.vanguardngr.com/2014/09/real-t-b-joshuas-miracles/

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Again, the story of Awele, a 37-year-old mother is more horrifying. Awele, a breast cancer patient based in Lagos told Saturday Vanguard her experience at the Synagogue while searching for miracle. After series of tests, she had been told that her both breasts would go under the knife or she goes to join her ancestors in less than eight months.

She couldn’t believe that she was going to die so soon. She thought about the possiblity of her only daughter becoming an orphan at 18. Amidst that awful verdict, she exuded faith and decided to seek a miracle at Synagogue.

“On visiting Prophet Joshua’s church I was directed to see any of the four Wise-men. (Saturday Vanguard last week wrote about the ‘four wise-men’ ). After discussing my case with the Wise men, I observed there were three other similar cases involving two men and one other woman. We were all kept in a room. Few days after, we were not attended to and I insisted on seeing the prophet himself.”

“But after three days, instead of the prophet, it was one of the wise-men that visited us and nothing was done.”

TB Joshua
TB Joshua
She said further: “About the fourth day of our stay in the church, we noticed that one of us died, we screamed for help!

When the members came, all they did was to take away the lifeless body of the man; we didn’t know what happened to him again. Not even a single word of prayer was said in our presence for the guy. The man didn’t return to the room, but his luggage was still there. Two days later, they visited the room again to check on us as they usually did that period. We asked after the man’s whereabouts and we were told that he had been healed and had left.”

Awele continued: “I sensed a lie because the man’s luggage was still with us and the man was taken away lifeless. So, if he was healed, he would have returned to pick his luggage and would have given testimony of the miracle. But we never saw him again. All this while, we were feeding ourselves while waiting to be touched by the servants of the Lord.

“Again, after a few days, one of us who complained of feeling very bad the previous night died the following morning. We shouted for help, like we had done in the previous case. The church members came to see what the problem was and took the lifeless body of this man away.

They didn’t return to tell us what had happened to the man, just like they did in the last case. But l knew that the man had died, as his body was very cold.”

“I felt that the story would be like the previous one, so, I waited for their next visit. When they visited again, I asked the whereabouts of the man they took away. They said that the man had gone home because he had been healed.

So, l asked the impossible question. “Why didn’t they come back for their belongings when they got healed?” Perhaps they didn’t believe that we would ever remember to ask because they were not prepared hence they were caught off-balance. They claimed the church had made provision for them to go home with new clothes, so, they did not need their old luggage.

There, l made up my mind to leave the Synagogue as soon as possible because there appeared not to be hope. I felt they were only waiting for us to die so that they could do away with our bodies. To me, I was convinced that the so- called miracle thing going on there is a big fraud.”

“I have decided to live my life as though it was the last because surely my end is near as I was told by my doctors. I don’t understand why some pastors claim to heal people when they can’t heal anybody,” Awele said.

Awele went back to the hospital for the breast surgery. She did not live to witness the collapse of Pastor TB Joshua’s hostel building two weeks ago. She died at the Lagos University Teaching Hospital shortly after the surgery.

Mehn,, too long. But I'm gonna read

TheCarpenter:
Mehn,, too long. But I'm gonna read

that church self

segunojo866:
that church self

my experience was much more horrible. I was even accused of stealing church pass in 2012 those people are brutal.

segunojo866:
my experience was much more horrible. I was even accused of stealing church pass in 2012 those people are brutal.

Blood of Amadioha

For this comment, FP straight

LALASTICLALA

ChizzyMaris:
Thanks hopefulLandlord.
Hadampson where art thou?

I dey seun avenue opposite lalasticlala street, nairaland

hmmmm.

. This was really a long one.

Finally, all I can say concerning this is the fact that "Not All Churches are For Everybody, Don't persuade yourself that you must be a part of it when you see the crowd.


Let your spirit & personal observation in line with morals guide you.

Peace.

Eyah..but is the author a former man or a woman as the picture there is kinda confusing.

Oboy see EPISTLE

The last time I read something this long was Margaret Mitchell's 'Gone with the wind'.

I would rather read the whole books of the old testament, than waste my energy on this frame-up.

That place, like others like it, is a scam! Imagine the way people are treated just because they want to go to church! I blame the people who allow themselves to be ridiculed in such a way.

Guy, all this your write up na onto say you dey find "Miracle"?

Haha! It is very refreshing to know that people still write well on social media.

He captured it beautifully. When I was there some years I had a verbal smack down with one of the hopeless ushers who was rude to my mum. These people have no regards for older people and it took every fibre of restraint I had in me not to start yelling like a mad woman. People were telling me to ignore the idiot guy "because you are in church." I am in church yet these fools are behaving like tin gods?

Well sha, I don't blame them. No be me carry my two yam legs go enter that circus of a church? This was years ago, and from what I've read here it seems it has gotten worse. Lord knows I can't be caught dead there again.

See epistle

What I can tell is they steal from the poor and give to the rich (Spiritually).
Take a poor man's healing and give to the rich.

My brother why dis one come be like woman abi na woman

The past 5 Sundays I've been going to synagogue church, I never experienced such, the first day I got to the church, I paid agboro guys 500 to park ma car,



I was asked if am a new comer I told them, they directed me to the tent where we all waited to be given the pass, the. We move on to collect another pass then enter the main church at op theres not special place for new comers sir, am sorry maybe you met different kind of people that day sha, or depends on ya attitude towards them too, you can't expect them to be worshiping you bro, I've not come across all these you're saying






Sorry about that bro,

I read it all, well I am a supporter of TBJ however I am not an igBo hausa or yoruba. I have been there 3 times. I can relate to your story.

I think the yoruba ushers are the problem have you been to the canteen at the canopy? With very few foreigners And also used the one inside the church itself wit majority foreigners operating it and see the difference.

The yoruba ushers are too rude no be small. The white guys will smile at you once in awhile and won't shout at you but try the yoruba Female ushers you will see something.
Ladies and gents when going avoid the FEMALE YORUBA USHERS at all cost except she is below 21 (I met one she was sweet talked well, smiled, jumped, danced and even told me about joining one youth something can't remember it's been awhile.
Sorry my yoruba bro's and sis but I think I would advice our MOG to replace half of the yoruba with foreigners or hausa no wonder he shouts them down and the TV operator cuts it off TBJ likes his people but they don't like him he should do and relocate do you know most of the people of ikotun do not attend the church not to talk of believe him despite the free electricity the church gives them and the business boom the church created in the area that turned every house to hotel if not the church what does ikotun have? sad but life is a battlefield not a play ground right?[color=#006600][/color]

OK

Hmmmm

Hmmmm...