i need advise on something troubling me...i just had a baby for my fiance and we are living in a room apartment and truly its making me really sad and unhappy cos am nt used to this kinda life esp with noisy neighbors,public toilet and bathroom,quarrels here and there and dirty environment..bfore now my fiance had a good job and stays in a self contain apartment,while mysef work as a secretary with a survey...he has already gone ahead with my introduction was preparing for the trad marriage when he got sacked from work....i was troubled cos his rent den was due so i pleaded with im that bfore anytin we shud use from our marriage savings to move to a bedsitter but he refuse saying he will get anoda job,ok i rest my case..he went ahead and paid his rent(paid forr six month) he didnt stay up to a month wen his landlady ask im to vacate her house...and den his mum was so sick dat we even had to hold the wedding cos mney had to be spend on her wellbeing..he wanted to tk her to court but there was a day i went cleaning up in his apartment while he went for anada job hunting,so the lady didnt knw anyone was home...i saww her tru d window spraying blood on calabash(dnt knw if its animal blood) at his backyard..i had to pressure im to pack out..he had nowr to go but his fada house cos all his savings was just goin for his mum treatment,but i cudnt tk it so i spoke to my dad to allow im move to our family house(a duplex occupied by myself alone)he later moved in and got a low payin job,trying to save again for apartment n marriage...but i got pregnant...and its my first and i hate abortion..but i was ashame because pipo had already started to gossip about me n a guy living 2geda in my dad house, so i used my own savings n rent this one room apartment and now ve given birth..his job aint really paying well..dad called n asked us to move to anoda of his compound in the same lococation but far from the duplex...a self contain...fiance was grateful but am still ashame,d tenants knws me very well..but mney aint much now for even bedsitter..marriage list still pending..hw do i cope? Do u guys tink we shud go there..nt regarding the fact its inlaw house..i really need advise pls

Your ability to overlook what you think people might say about you and decide what's best for you makes you matured and of all things,ready for marriage.
I am not giving you go ahead to move into your father's proposed house,all I'm saying is seek your oga's opinion and decide what's best for your future.

You don't have much of a choice if his one room apartment isn't to your taste. Shut your ears to what people say and will say, and move to the one your dad just gave you two 'till your fiance could stand on his feet.

You seem like a good wife tho.

least i forget to add,i ve stopped working, even d mum he spent mney on died anoda mney spent for burial, baby stuff here and there,sisters schfees on his head too...i wud really want to start working now,but my baby is still young n i cant even tink of any kind of job i can do now with her even when shes 6mnth..(pls need ideas on that) am really confused...dis apartment rent will xpire nxtyr feb...my parents are really understanding and trying to help but i just hate d fact everyone knws me very well unlike him but still its my dad compound and i dnt tink its really cool.......sorry for any grammatical error..was typing fast

The reason why some people don't prosper in life is due to what people say....
my sister moving to where you dad offered you doesn't mean you'll stay there forever
in order for you to have some savings, pls move to the place.
i bliv the man is your biological father, since he s then you are save...

I've never given a marital advise before, as i hardly even type on NL.
Aunty, i observed that you are living your life just to please neighbours! You need to start giving 'em middle finger!

Until you stop living your life without recourse to what your neighbours think, you will continue to have problems.
For heaven sake, you've got wonderful, caring and understanding parents, what else do you want?!

u tink so @ kimbraa

Gentlejay:
u tink so @ kimb.raa

Absolutely.

Just pay deaf ears to people, and do what suits you.

Since your hubby has agreed to it why not move there. If you continue to listen to what people will say, you may not go far in life. Know d place is conducive for you and baby,more so your hubby is happy about it. People will talk and stop. That's life for you! More so its your dad's property not theirs. No more paying of house rent for now until you are ready to rent your own apartment. Move there joo!

Odilafta1:
Your ability to overlook what you think people might say about you and decide what's best for you makes you matured and of all things,ready for marriage.
I am not giving you go ahead to move into your father's proposed house,all I'm saying is seek your oga's opinion and decide what's best for your future.

Adviser upandan... I dey see you o!

Continue.

@tritri.....i asked for advise not for insults.......dat duplex is my family house....when my brothers and sisters come for meetings n stuff,dats where everybody gathered together ok...u dnt xpect me to continue staying in my family house....what type of respect do u xpect them to give to my husband?

i appreciate the advise the rest of you gave to me regarding moving to the self contain.....i appreciate, will start making plans

Gentlejay:
@tritri.....i asked for advise not for insults.......dat duplex is my family house....when my brothers and sisters come for meetings n stuff,dats where everybody gathered together ok...u dnt xpect me to continue staying in my family house....what type of respect do u xpect them to give to my husband?

@Gentlejay Respect is earned.nobody will disrespect if ur husby mind his bizness ang go wrk and come bck. It normal for people to talk bad abt anyone when ur DOWN .U're not the first and u won't be the last.Meanwhile Hope ur husband is gettin dat respect from d family now by stayin in 1 bedroom? If you're down in life . Dont let insult/shame distract u from making the RIGHT decision...

But who can please the world?

I want you to do me a favor... Go to your bedroom,stand in front of your dressing mirror, stand at attention as if you were reciting The national pledge..Look @ the mirror and say this with strong conviction...

I pledge to never in this life time listen to what the world have to say about me and my family

My family's well been must come first before pride and ego. from today I refused the society to dictate to me on how i should live my life. so help me God..

Look at yourself once more, smile nicely..Bring out your boxes and start packing..Because old things has passed away..it's a new Dawn

lady, in as much as what people say at times is very important, at other times and situations you will need to put aside what people say and do what is practicable for yourself.
you and your fiancé are in a difficult situation and you have leverage with respect to accommodation, my dear seize and make use of the leverage without abusing it.
I think your dad should be the one bothered more about shame but he is less bothered and more concerned about the wellness of urself, ur baby and possibly ur fiancé.

Please move back to your father's house. I can't imagine staying in a face-me-i-slap-you with a young baby when there are other options, far much better and free.

People will always talk behind your back, you can't please everyone nor pay them no mind. Wish you and your bf/husband God's grace and breakthrough

Gentlejay:
least i forget to add,i ve stopped working, even d mum he spent mney on died anoda mney spent for burial, baby stuff here and there,sisters schfees on his head too...i wud really want to start working now,but my baby is still young n i cant even tink of any kind of job i can do now with her even when shes 6mnth..(pls need ideas on that) am really confused...dis apartment rent will xpire nxtyr feb...my parents are really understanding and trying to help but i just hate d fact everyone knws me very well unlike him but still its my dad compound and i dnt tink its really cool.......sorry for any grammatical error..was typing fast

How often do your siblings use the duplex?
Were your siblings part of the people talking when you were at the duplex?
Because i am thinking the duplex would be more private for you and with the way you are, if the tenants starts their own gossip, you will assume what they said and didnt say, then you be thinking of another escape. Besides, the old devils knows the gist which will soon/must stale. Is adding or trying new devils worth it? I mean which of the devils can you confidently face and have peace?

Jamean:


Adviser upandan... I dey see you o!

Continue.

Lets go on a date.

Odilafta1:

Lets go on a date.

Are you now a man?

Tritri:
@Gentlejay

Seems you're Immature . because of shame u went from ur dad duplex to a 1 room apt sharing toilet with hundreds of tenant,dirty compound ..which is more shameful?

Women with fish brain.

You're the one suffering ur husband and kid.

If u & ur huby is staying in ur dad house ...who's biz is it ?

Now dat ur stayin in a 1 ROOM HELL FIRE ...Have those people stop TALKING?

LET ME ASK U DIS QUESTION...

Assuming table turn-around those people talking do u tink dey will leave dere dad duplex to a 1 room? Hell NO.

And ur here killin urself abt WHAT PEOPLE WILL SAY....The same what people will say is why ARM ROBBERING , KIDNAPPING,RITUAL is rampad everywhere NOW ADAYS.

You don't have to be rude and insulting na,haba!

Jamean:


Are you now a man?

Yes
Transgender

Nne I understand u , though u are not the first to be under such conditions and moreover I think ur husband has no problem of moving around with u. But in my place it's the worst of taboos seing a young man move into the parent house of a girl he has not fully married(religiously) what would happen is this, I won't advice your husband to move back to your fathers house with u, he should stay In the one room apartment till he find his footing. It won't be easy but that's my advice.

Gentlejay:
i need advise on something troubling me...i just had a baby for my fiance and we are living in a room apartment and truly its making me really sad and unhappy cos am nt used to this kinda life esp with noisy neighbors,public toilet and bathroom,quarrels here and there and dirty environment..bfore now my fiance had a good job and stays in a self contain apartment,while mysef work as a secretary with a survey...he has already gone ahead with my introduction was preparing for the trad marriage when he got sacked from work....i was troubled cos his rent den was due so i pleaded with im that bfore anytin we shud use from our marriage savings to move to a bedsitter but he refuse saying he will get anoda job,ok i rest my case..he went ahead and paid his rent(paid forr six month) he didnt stay up to a month wen his landlady ask im to vacate her house...and den his mum was so sick dat we even had to hold the wedding cos mney had to be spend on her wellbeing..he wanted to tk her to court but there was a day i went cleaning up in his apartment while he went for anada job hunting,so the lady didnt knw anyone was home...i saww her tru d window spraying blood on calabash(dnt knw if its animal blood) at his backyard..i had to pressure im to pack out..he had nowr to go but his fada house cos all his savings was just goin for his mum treatment,but i cudnt tk it so i spoke to my dad to allow im move to our family house(a duplex occupied by myself alone)he later moved in and got a low payin job,trying to save again for apartment n marriage...but i got pregnant...and its my first and i hate abortion..but i was ashame because pipo had already started to gossip about me n a guy living 2geda in my dad house, so i used my own savings n rent this one room apartment and now ve given birth..his job aint really paying well..dad called n asked us to move to anoda of his compound in the same lococation but far from the duplex...a self contain...fiance was grateful but am still ashame,d tenants knws me very well..but mney aint much now for even bedsitter..marriage list still pending..hw do i cope? Do u guys tink we shud go there..nt regarding the fact its inlaw house..i really need advise pls

Move to ur dad house with ur bubby since he agree..i think you are just a lousy type,what is ur problem with what ppl say?answer anyone that come to you to ask question or say something about you and ignore what other talk about you when you not there,I don't see anything trouble you here oooo

Really don't get this your Story, and I doubt how true it is, you want to inconvenience yourself, baby and fiance because of what Neighbours would say? As in you moved out of your Father's duplex to a face me I face you apartment, because of what Neighbour are saying, I don't gerrit.

You and your fiance's comfort and peace of mind is what matters not some fu..cking ppls opinion.Those ppl you are considering, have they brought your fiancé a well paying job,baby clothes or even s better place to stay.

my dear u better live ur life d way u want it & stop listening to gossip mongers & if ur parent are rich like u wrote they should lend u money to get a better apartment,stop thinking of wat pple will say

Sis,what people will say is none of your business, I will advice you to move in your father's apartment since he provided that for you and your partner equally accepted that.

Madam, I was getting ready to read the whole woes without redemption until I got to the part where you've been offered redemption. Biko take it. Move to the house you were offered and try to pick the pieces of your lives from there. Let people talk...it from grow on your skin.

May God bless your young family. Cheers.

my sister if u truely love him move in with him their iis nothing there, my lil sista stay with her husband in one of our daddy house, careless about what pple will say.

Gentlejay:
u tink so @ kimbraa

I know this might sound off point, but I think u should urgently get married to your fiance. For one, you'll be making peace with God who holds the keys to success. Two, it will increase your confidence dealing with hear-say gossips. Three, it will provide some sort of security for you in the relationship.
Even if its just going to the court to have the papers signed pls do that and cohabitation.