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Married And Matured Minds Only - Family - Nairaland

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I Am Broken I Need Advice From Matured Minds / Mention The Year You Will Like To Get Married And At What Age / Are You Married And Facing Challenges? Would You Like To Share To Help Others? (2) (3) (4)

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Married And Matured Minds Only by Billionsclub: 9:53pm On Apr 24
A friend of mine called me and told me what happened to her. this happened recently.
she is a single mother. she said she went to meet her boyfriend (not the father of her child) on an outing. As they were there, unknowingly to her, her boyfriend friends and their girl friends were all there. Before you know it, the guy knelt down and propose to her, they were recording, but my friend said she refused. according to her, her boyfriend was not happy. one of her boyfriend friends called her to ask her why she refused to accept the proposal and she told him the reason. according to her, she said she has only met the boy four times and they just started dating two months ago. in order words, it was too early for the boy to propose. after she explained all that happened, I told her she did the right thing. I also told her not to take the relationship serious because the boy may want to use her and dump her because of the embarrassment she gave him in public.
on a second thought, I felt a little bad because I might have given her the wrong advice.
should she continue the relationship or step out of the relationship because of the embarrassment she caused the guy by refusing to accept

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Re: Married And Matured Minds Only by Michelle55: 10:15pm On Apr 24
Billionsclub:
A friend of mine called me and told me what happened to her. this happened recently.
she is a single mother. she said she went to meet her boyfriend (not the father of her child) on an outing. As they were there, unknowingly to her, her boyfriend friends and their girl friends were all there. Before you know it, the guy knelt down and propose to her, they were recording, but my friend said she refused. according to her, her boyfriend was not happy. one of her boyfriend friends called her to ask her why she refused to accept the proposal and she told him the reason. according to her, she said she has only met the boy four times and they just started dating two months ago. in order words, it was too early for the boy to propose. after she explained all that happened, I told her she did the right thing. I also told her not to take the relationship serious because the boy may want to use her and dump her because of the embarrassment she gave him in public.
on a second thought, I felt a little bad because I might have given her the wrong advice.
should she continue the relationship or step out of the relationship because of the embarrassment she caused the guy by refusing to accept
It's not how long you have known someone that determines how happy you will be together, it's how well and the compatibility that matters.

Does this person fulfill 60% of what she desires in her life?
Does he give her the peace of mind she deserve?
Is he supportive and understanding like a man should be?


If he checks in all these boxes then she can make up for the rest as times goes on, no one has it all and that's why we are imperfect.

Many has dated for years yet they didn't marry while some dated for few months and are striving together to keep their home front sailing.

We're all wired differently and it will show in the way we do things as well, grace differs too!

Let her decide what she wants and go for it, besides you can't know all about your partner in one sitting even if you date for decades, a lot about your partner will unfold during the course of your marriage that's where your level of tolerance, understanding and maturity will be tried.

Never forget, marriage itself is an institution where you will never graduate from because everyday that passes you learn new things about your partner and strive to be better for each other.

Get married to stay married!!

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Re: Married And Matured Minds Only by Richy4(m): 10:28pm On Apr 24
she should have applied wisdom.... What she should have done was to agree in front of everyone and disagree privately just to save face...My opinion though...
She should have told him all her worries in private that they should give each other sometime to get to know each other that the four time of being together is not enough... he would have understand that part... To be honest, If I'm the guy I will not like to see her again even though her worries were valid...Some times it's not really nice to propose in public, because that person might be surprised with the outcome...

5 Likes

Re: Married And Matured Minds Only by Billionsclub: 10:38pm On Apr 24
Richy4:
she should have applied wisdom.... What she should have done was to agree in front of everyone and disagree privately just to save face...My opinion though...
She should have told him all her worries in private that they should give each other sometime to get to know each other that the four time of being together is not enough... he would have understand that part... To be honest, If I'm the guy I will not like to see her again even though her worries were valid...Some times it's not really nice to propose in public, because that person with be surprised with the outcome...
I told her the same thing that she should have accepted the guy in public and later say no in Private. according to her she didn't want to repeat her past mistake. I advise her not to take that guy serious because humanly speaking that guy would want to react in the near future because of the embarrassment. I don't know if I gave the right advice

1 Like

Re: Married And Matured Minds Only by Richy4(m): 11:05pm On Apr 24
Billionsclub:

I told her the same thing that she should have accepted the guy in public and later say no in Private. according to her she didn't want to repeat her past mistake. I advise her not to take that guy serious because humanly speaking that guy would want to react in the near future because of the embarrassment. I don't know if I gave the right advice

Stop beating yourself up. you have said what was on your mind as a friend... that friend of yours is insane if it even occur to her to continue with that guy again after the public display... it was even captured on camera...Assuming it was done privately the way Joseph in the Bible was intending to call off the engagement with Mary, then it would have been OK..
Anyways, let me remove my mind from the gutters and honestly hope the EX boyfriend fall on the extremely forgiving category...
Re: Married And Matured Minds Only by Vision101(m): 3:17am On Apr 25
Is your friend financially stable? In comparison with the man who is higher financially? I sense that there is an attraction other than love. That's why he is rushing it. It's a serious red flag. I recommend that she calls it off.

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Re: Married And Matured Minds Only by Crocif: 5:22am On Apr 25
Well for me, I do not see any wrong or right in accepting or rejecting a marriage proposal. It is left for the individuals to determine when, how or if they want to get married.

Your advise to the lady came after the fact and I do not think it would change anything if you had not giving it. It is actually possible that the guy may want pay back but we can't say for certain.

The lady seem a bit uncomfortable hence her response. I wouldn't advise anyone to jump into marriage with that level of discomfort. She has made her choice. Your job now is to support her as a friend. Maybe it is for the best.

1 Like

Re: Married And Matured Minds Only by Billionsclub: 7:50am On Apr 25
Vision101:
Is your friend financially stable? In comparison with the man who is higher financially? I sense that there is an attraction other than love. That's why he is rushing it. It's a serious red flag. I recommend that she calls it off.
no she isn't, she is just a teacher, even to fend for herself a times is not easy for her. she lives with her mum. I think she is scared because of her past relationship. according to her, it is wrong to accept a proposal when u have not known the person or spend quality time with the person. but believe me, she is one of the nicest person u could ever think of. although I have told her severally that the father of her child can come back but she insist he must have moved on. but for the new guy,I don't trust him because I felt it is too sudden
Re: Married And Matured Minds Only by Catfishing(f): 8:44am On Apr 25
SIMPson just disgraced his family over 1 expired evening newspaper.

If I was his friend, na to break bottle for his head immediately he knelt down to propose and use hammer to drill the broken parts into his skull the moment you rejected his proposer.
Re: Married And Matured Minds Only by DBestDoc(f): 11:39am On Apr 25
Billionsclub:

no she isn't, she is just a teacher, even to fend for herself a times is not easy for her. she lives with her mum. I think she is scared because of her past relationship. according to her, it is wrong to accept a proposal when u have not known the person or spend quality time with the person. but believe me, she is one of the nicest person u could ever think of. although I have told her severally that the father of her child can come back but she insist he must have moved on. but for the new guy,I don't trust him because I felt it is too sudden

I don’t think her decision to reject the proposal came from a place of wisdom. She may have made another mistake while trying to avoid future mistakes, except of course she doesn’t like the guy.
@ the part in bold is actually the reason for courtship and proposal is the first step to that.

She probably doesn’t know that courtship is the time to study one’s partner and if compatibility is questioned, both parties can part ways amicably.

Courtship is not same as marriage or sleeping together and nobody says you’re getting married the second you get engaged.

I for one do not fancy long Period of dating and courtship. For me, 6 months ( dating and courtship periods inclusive) is more than enough to get the little information you need to decide whether to move or stay and sign the dotted lines.

I think she’s still hung on the past and yet to sort her emotions out properly.

I wish her the best going forward.

1 Like

Re: Married And Matured Minds Only by Dncl2021: 11:50am On Apr 25
Richy4:


Stop beating yourself up. you have said what was on your mind as a friend... that friend of yours is insane if it even occur to her to continue with that guy again after the public display... it was even captured on camera...Assuming it was done privately the way Joseph in the Bible was intending to call off the engagement with Mary, then it would have been OK..
Anyways, let me remove my mind from the gutters and honestly hope the EX boyfriend fall on the extremely forgiving category...

Gbam God bless you boss... I change your moniker to rich wisdom. Your positive honest post is why some of us are still here

1 Like

Re: Married And Matured Minds Only by evil1: 11:55am On Apr 25
Michelle55:

It's not how long you have known someone that determines how happy you will be together, it's how well and the compatibility that matters.

Does this person fulfill 60% of what she desires in her life?
Does he give her the peace of mind she deserve?
Is he supportive and understanding like a man should be?


If he checks in all these boxes then she can make up for the rest as times goes on, no one has it all and that's why we are imperfect.

Many has dated for years yet they didn't marry while some dated for few months and are striving together to keep their home front sailing.

We're all wired differently and it will show in the way we do things as well, grace differs too!

Let her decide what she wants and go for it, besides you can't know all about your partner in one sitting even if you date for decades, a lot about your partner will unfold during the course of your marriage that's where your level of tolerance, understanding and maturity will be tried.

Never forget, marriage itself is an institution where you will never graduate from because everyday that passes you learn new things about your partner and strive to be better for each other.

Get married to stay married!!

True
Said what was on my mind.

Peace of Mind is the key word there.
But I think she's still hurt deeply and still maintains that relationship phobia.

Marriage is not something to rush into because of age factor, family pressure, or society demands of it.
Marriage is not also something you endure it should rather be enjoyable eating the fruits of love, commitment all.

With the fact that she's s single mother, it's even hard in this part of the world for single mothers on the issue of marriage as they are more seen of less value. But despite that, let her talk with her man and see reasons why they need to take rational decisons, plan and then get married maybe early next year.
Re: Married And Matured Minds Only by Luak(m): 2:19pm On Apr 25
Billionsclub:
A friend of mine called me and told me what happened to her. this happened recently.
she is a single mother. she said she went to meet her boyfriend (not the father of her child) on an outing. As they were there, unknowingly to her, her boyfriend friends and their girl friends were all there. Before you know it, the guy knelt down and propose to her, they were recording, but my friend said she refused. according to her, her boyfriend was not happy. one of her boyfriend friends called her to ask her why she refused to accept the proposal and she told him the reason. according to her, she said she has only met the boy four times and they just started dating two months ago. in order words, it was too early for the boy to propose. after she explained all that happened, I told her she did the right thing. I also told her not to take the relationship serious because the boy may want to use her and dump her because of the embarrassment she gave him in public.
on a second thought, I felt a little bad because I might have given her the wrong advice.
should she continue the relationship or step out of the relationship because of the embarrassment she caused the guy by refusing to accept
. Ladies in such situations will usually ask for time to think about it. If that was the case, then she should continue with the friendship while working hard inorder to give him an answer within the agreed timeline.
Re: Married And Matured Minds Only by GboyegaD(m): 3:08pm On Apr 25
Richy4:
she should have applied wisdom.... What she should have done was to agree in front of everyone and disagree privately just to save face...My opinion though...
She should have told him all her worries in private that they should give each other sometime to get to know each other that the four time of being together is not enough... he would have understand that part... To be honest, If I'm the guy I will not like to see her again even though her worries were valid...Some times it's not really nice to propose in public, because that person might be surprised with the outcome...

She did well. What was there to accept? Who will she be deceiving? No need to create a situation she can't control.
Re: Married And Matured Minds Only by adanny01(m): 3:34pm On Apr 25
Billionsclub:
A friend of mine called me and told me what happened to her. this happened recently.
she is a single mother. she said she went to meet her boyfriend (not the father of her child) on an outing. As they were there, unknowingly to her, her boyfriend friends and their girl friends were all there. Before you know it, the guy knelt down and propose to her, they were recording, but my friend said she refused. according to her, her boyfriend was not happy. one of her boyfriend friends called her to ask her why she refused to accept the proposal and she told him the reason. according to her, she said she has only met the boy four times and they just started dating two months ago. in order words, it was too early for the boy to propose. after she explained all that happened, I told her she did the right thing. I also told her not to take the relationship serious because the boy may want to use her and dump her because of the embarrassment she gave him in public.
on a second thought, I felt a little bad because I might have given her the wrong advice.
should she continue the relationship or step out of the relationship because of the embarrassment she caused the guy by refusing to accept

I have a friend who had his fair share of troubles with women. He really wanted to settle down.

A relative (girl) gave him a name to check on facebook, the girl is in the same choir as relative. The relative told him the girl will fit him.

He checked the Facebook profile and liked what he saw, he showed me the pictures for my comments.

Together, we travelled to the next state on a Valentine's day to see her. The girl refused to hang out or even go to a fast food restaurant. I left them and they gisted in the girls house till 7pm, he suggested she excorted him to his mother who is 50 km away. She did and got introduced to his mother same day.

They got married 1yr later, he never had a perfect match. His wedding was delayed because his older brothers wedding plans started before his. They have 2 lovely boys now.

Meanwhile, on that fateful Valentine's day, a girl he has been wasting his energy on was busy calling expecting BF to show, but she was never serious.

Your friend should have accepted, the engagement can be called off later

Just yesterday, someone I know very well didn't show up at his wedding leaving his bride, his mother, in-laws and everyone in tears cause he found out she had HIV just before going to church.

Engagement is nothing, there's time to do the needful.

1 Like

Re: Married And Matured Minds Only by Richy4(m): 3:57pm On Apr 25
GboyegaD:


She did well. What was there to accept? Who will she be deceiving? No need to create a situation she can't control.

In your opinion, she did the right thing.......In my own opinion, I think she did not handle the situation well... before she started dating that guy or should I say agreed seeing him, she saw some potential in him... she hoped for a long term...

Yes her reason for rejecting the proposal was valid...Her fears well taken but her actions in public like that will cost something that could have been a good relationship assuming she was clever...The ability to think on your feet when pressured is a skill.... even the employers needed people like that...

Yes she has the right to decline the proposal in public but reasonable ladies can do that only when they don't see a future with the man in question...how can she decline marriage proposal in front of everyone including the camera and still want to stick with the same man after the humiliation... is that not insane?

If you like, carry out a random sampling of men here on this forum and ask them how many can still look at that lady the same way after the embarrassment if such were to happen to them and see their answers
Re: Married And Matured Minds Only by GboyegaD(m): 4:05pm On Apr 25
Richy4:


In your opinion, she did the right thing.......In my own opinion, I think she did not handle the situation well... before she started dating that guy or should I say agreed seeing him, she saw some potential in him... she hoped for a long term...

Yes her reason for rejecting the proposal was valid...Her fears well taken but her actions in public like that will cost something that could have been a good relationship assuming she was clever...The ability to think on your feet when pressured is a skill.... even the employers needed people like that...

Yes she has the right to decline the proposal in public but reasonable ladies can do that only when they don't see a future with the man in question...how can she decline marriage proposal in front of everyone including the camera and still want to stick with the same man after the humiliation... is that not insane?

If you like, carry out a random sampling of men here on this forum and ask them how many can still look at that lady the same way after the embarrassment if such were to happen to them and see their answers

Are you saying she should have accepted the proposal because it was made in public as that is what I'm inferring from your post?
Re: Married And Matured Minds Only by Richy4(m): 4:15pm On Apr 25
GboyegaD:


Are you saying she should have accepted the proposal because it was made in public as that is what I'm inferring from your post?

Yes..
Re: Married And Matured Minds Only by Billionsclub: 4:21pm On Apr 25
DBestDoc:


I don’t think her decision to reject the proposal came from a place of wisdom. She may have made another mistake while trying to avoid future mistakes, except of course she doesn’t like the guy.
@ the part in bold is actually the reason for courtship and proposal is the first step to that.

She probably doesn’t know that courtship is the time to study one’s partner and if compatibility is questioned, both parties can part ways amicably.

Courtship is not same as marriage or sleeping together and nobody says you’re getting married the second you get engaged.

I for one do not fancy long Period of dating and courtship. For me, 6 months ( dating and courtship periods inclusive) is more than enough to get the little information you need to decide whether to move or stay and sign the dotted lines.

I think she’s still hung on the past and yet to sort her emotions out properly.

I wish her the best going forward.
I didn't blame her because u know these days,majority of the engagements always end up on social media. people will go and paste it on social media and if the marriage doesn't happen,it will be a shame because a lot of people have seen it on social media.
secondly, I think courtship should always come before proposing because after proposing, marriage plans should set in.
Re: Married And Matured Minds Only by Franklinworld: 4:31pm On Apr 25
a lesson to all guys,before you propose, be sure of the person's answer. public proposal shouldn't be done until you are very sure

some of you who are saying the girl should have accepted in public and rejected it secretly, have you thought of her public image? do you know how many girls are lord of the rings? no lady should accept a marriage proposal until that man start planning for the wedding.
Re: Married And Matured Minds Only by Franklinworld: 4:34pm On Apr 25
Luak:
. Ladies in such situations will usually ask for time to think about it. If that was the case, then she should continue with the friendship while working hard inorder to give him an answer within the agreed timeline.

the man should have ask her in private
Re: Married And Matured Minds Only by GboyegaD(m): 4:40pm On Apr 25
Richy4:


Yes..

Ok, that's what you feel and I can't dispute it however, for me she saved herself an unnecessary and avoidable headache.
Re: Married And Matured Minds Only by Richy4(m): 5:12pm On Apr 25
GboyegaD:


Ok, that's what you feel and I can't dispute it however, for me she saved herself an unnecessary and avoidable headache.

smiley@ bold but she still feels that the relationship has not ended after saving herself from the avoidable headache
Re: Married And Matured Minds Only by crackhaus: 6:56pm On Apr 25
I'm not a fan of people who propose/get married within a few months of dating. It rings bells for me because I can't fathom how well you can know someone in so short a time enough to want to spend your entire life with them.

The lady did nothing wrong in refusing, and her reasons are valid.
If the guy really cares about her, he should take a step back and work on building a relationship with her without any pressure...

1 Like

Re: Married And Matured Minds Only by thorpido(m): 7:42pm On Apr 25
I don't know why people are saying she should have accepted the proposal and she can reject it later.Why accept a lie in the first place?

The guy should have known that you can't make a proposal for something as important as marriage when you have just barely known each other.

The lady did nothing wrong and she ought to take her time to make a right decision.That she's a single mother shouldn't make her desperate.

She can call the guy and explain that she needs more time and that he should be patient to get to know each other more.If he doesn't accept that he should move on.
Re: Married And Matured Minds Only by Rozcol: 7:51pm On Apr 25
crackhaus:
I'm not a fan of people who propose/get married within a few months of dating. It rings bells for me because I can't fathom how well you can know someone in so short a time enough to want to spend your entire life with them.

The lady did nothing wrong in refusing, and her reasons are valid.
If the guy really cares about her, he should take a step back and work on building a relationship with her without any pressure...
Joseph
Re: Married And Matured Minds Only by Truvel(m): 9:47pm On Apr 25
Billionsclub:
A friend of mine called me and told me what happened to her. this happened recently.
she is a single mother. she said she went to meet her boyfriend (not the father of her child) on an outing. As they were there, unknowingly to her, her boyfriend friends and their girl friends were all there. Before you know it, the guy knelt down and propose to her, they were recording, but my friend said she refused. according to her, her boyfriend was not happy. one of her boyfriend friends called her to ask her why she refused to accept the proposal and she told him the reason. according to her, she said she has only met the boy four times and they just started dating two months ago. in order words, it was too early for the boy to propose. after she explained all that happened, I told her she did the right thing. I also told her not to take the relationship serious because the boy may want to use her and dump her because of the embarrassment she gave him in public.
on a second thought, I felt a little bad because I might have given her the wrong advice.
should she continue the relationship or step out of the relationship because of the embarrassment she caused the guy by refusing to accept
Na Only God Know Wetin D Guy Go Don Tell Him Friends Dem B4 Him Propose. At 1st, D Girl Should Av Accepted D Proposal 4 D Sake Of People Gathering There & Save D Guy 4rm Embarassment. Maybe Latter Open Up Her Intention To Him. If Only She Knows What It Means 4 A Guy To Kneel To Propose To A Girl In Public, She Wouldn't Av Done What She Did. Honestly, Someone Like Me, I Can't Propose To Any Girl Kneeling In D Public. I Would Advise Dat She Begs Him 4 D Embarassment She Caused Him & If He Accepts & Wants D Relationship With Her To Continue, Fine.
Re: Married And Matured Minds Only by Richy4(m): 10:26pm On Apr 25
Truvel:
Na Only God Know Wetin D Guy Go Don Tell Him Friends Dem B4 Him Propose. At 1st, D Girl Should Av Accepted D Proposal 4 D Sake Of People Gathering There & Save D Guy 4rm Embarassment. Maybe Latter Open Up Her Intention To Him. If Only She Knows What It Means 4 A Guy To Kneel To Propose To A Girl In Public, She Wouldn't Av Done What She Did. Honestly, Someone Like Me, I Can't Propose To Any Girl Kneeling In D Public. I Would Advise Dat She Begs Him 4 D Embarassment She Caused Him & If He Accepts & Wants D Relationship With Her To Continue, Fine.

A lot of people both male and female won't understand @ bold....
Re: Married And Matured Minds Only by ImaIma1(f): 4:02am On Apr 26
Michelle55:

It's not how long you have known someone that determines how happy you will be together, it's how well and the compatibility that matters.

Does this person fulfill 60% of what she desires in her life?
Does he give her the peace of mind she deserve?
Is he supportive and understanding like a man should be?


If he checks in all these boxes then she can make up for the rest as times goes on, no one has it all and that's why we are imperfect.

Many has dated for years yet they didn't marry while some dated for few months and are striving together to keep their home front sailing.

We're all wired differently and it will show in the way we do things as well, grace differs too!

Let her decide what she wants and go for it, besides you can't know all about your partner in one sitting even if you date for decades, a lot about your partner will unfold during the course of your marriage that's where your level of tolerance, understanding and maturity will be tried.

Never forget, marriage itself is an institution where you will never graduate from because everyday that passes you learn new things about your partner and strive to be better for each other.

Get married to stay married!!


Marriage is not to be rushed into. Just after four meetings is too soon. Why is the guy even in a hurry?

I think two months is too early for a guy to date and propose especially if they have not been friends or at least acquaintances before then.

2 Likes

Re: Married And Matured Minds Only by Billionsclub: 1:16pm On May 04
thanks for the your advice. she has ended the relationship
Re: Married And Matured Minds Only by MummyD2020(f): 7:50am On May 05
Billionsclub:
thanks for the your advice. she has ended the relationship

I cant blame her for being very careful this time.. it could have ended both ways. Guess her instincts are keeping her . As they say, once bitten, twice shy. I dont blame her at all

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