₦airaland Forum

MissJoy29:
I get your drift. I really do. But all these don't mean marriage is not good. That was not the original plan of the Creator. How did it ever come to this?

Fourwinds:
hmmmm...meaning she should start fvcking again.... allamonimoni

frenzyduchess:
So you want to tell me a man that gave his wife std even when their sex life was great and nothing was wrong has been celibate for the past one year? Hahahaha you People will kill somebody with laff.

elfmann:
Nobody does what is in the Bible. Before if u were caught with an opposite sex.. Na una marriage be that. People married for love. Now politicians and others have stolen the whole cash, real love has disappeared among strugglers. The world is dead.

BabbanBura:
Its obvious you are ignorant of HIV, you can still make your point without given false information

jpphilips:
Im not saying he is celibate however, this is not the best time to be fvcking around.

Constantiney:
My friend its okay.
That's the hypocrisy of your fellow humans on display.
The egocentric half-witted men who thinks its their God given right to cheat would criticize her, that's normal.
Seeing a fellow woman criticise her fellow mate because of a decision like this is truly disappointing to say the least. Smh.

For those foaming from their holier than thou mouth about forgiveness, the thing i really don't understand about
this forgiveness nonsense you lot preach about is, why is it that people usually asks to be forgiven right after they get caught in the act? i mean it's rare to see people repent without being caught, confess and then ask for forgiveness.

If you want to be forgiven, why can't you just repent from your bad ways and then ask to be forgiven?
Look at them, shouting forgive him bla bla fucking bla when the fact remains if she never caught him, the bastard would probably never thought nor considered repenting from his cheating ways?

Humans and their dramas fascinates me.

janellemonae:
Nigerians and their warped mentality though.

She did not use her hand to destroy the marriage. The husband is d one dt destroyed the marriage. You cant just excuse it as 'wrong' and then blame d wife.

Every action has a reaction. When u commit a sin against someone, forgiveness is not guaranteed. You should think about dt b4 taking dt first step dt could destroy everything.

freda506:
Would say the same if the roles were reversed? Yeah, it's very easy for you to chide women to forgive. After all, we don't have feelings; we most certainly aren't allowed to air our grievances. We should just be thankful that we found men to "marry" us, right? Sick.

@O.p: You're doing amazing, sweetie. The man's atrocities are grievous; way too grievous for you to sweep under the carpet. Whatever decision you take, do not sell yourself cheap. You are allowed to be happy. Don't, in the name of "keeping a marriage", starve yourself of happiness.

mazimee:
Those of you saying she was wrong with her decision can you give her a guarantee that she won't be infected with HIV the next time? Can y'all guarantee that she won't be a regular visitor to the hospital not because of anything else but to get treatment for STD/STI?

I hate when people say things they won't advice their sisters to do simply because they feel they have an Opinion. Yes, this may not be the best decision, but it is the safest she can make right now.



Madame, if your husband haven't shown any signs of responsibility, please continue to stay safe.

Rokia2:
The fact that you opened this thread is enough to prove you are now sick of all this. You miss your husband and want the sex badly but pride and ego wouldn't let you put your guard down. But you just want strangers on the internet to tell you what you know you need to do. SMH

This is beyond childish. For a whole fu..c.king year you two have been living together fooling yourselves thinking you are fooling the world. Living in complete denial of the whole issue. What's the essence in staying together to be miserable? I guess some people just enjoy been depressed and miserable cause I see absolutely no logic in this whole thing.

You either forgive or divorce simple as that. Why do people live to please other people? Are people gonna die your death for you? Make a freaking decision and stop acting like kids. Instead of been embarrassed of what people will say, you guys should be embarrass of yourselves for letting your marriage deteriorate to this level.


What sort of a woman are you though? He cheated yes wrong but your job was to either forgive or leave. Why stay and make life miserable for him like this? You can sell the God damn house and everyone take their own share. But no the two of you decided to stay together just to live a terribly loveless and dysfunctional marriage. Teaching your children what exactly?

mazimee:
Those of you saying she was wrong with her decision can you give her a guarantee that she won't be infected with HIV the next time? Can y'all guarantee that she won't be a regular visitor to the hospital not because of anything else but to get treatment for STD/STI?

I hate when people say things they won't advice their sisters to do simply because they feel they have an Opinion. Yes, this may not be the best decision, but it is the safest she can make right now.



Madame, if your husband haven't shown any signs of responsibility, please continue to stay safe.

ibkayee:
In my next life I hope I'm not Nigerian

sod09:
see this one

ibkayee:

PaperLace:
YOUR DECISION ISN'T "HARSH".
1.Women are not robots. Cheating hurts them. It isn't enough to use condoms, you have to be psychologically prepared to have sex with him.
2. Forgiveness is gradual, it isn't instant.
3. No one should coerce or threaten you into forgiving.
4. Don't make yourself feel bad, he is the cheat.

OP, my problem with your lack of forgiveness is that, it's coming from a place of revenge;
1. You mentioned dual ownership of the house, you haven't let go _'cos you feel you are seated pretty and he can't do anything. Enviable way to sit for a NIGERIAN WIFE.

2. You mentioned he comes home late. Do you feel he isn't remorseful ENOUGH?

Whichever one it is, forgive your husband, he has apologised. Call your husband and tell him your grievances, if he loves you _he'll do things to make the weight easier on you.

He should go for necessary tests. Your good health is more important than the marriage or his libido (harsh but true). You both can also see a professional counsellor to guide you through this. Don't mention it to any unprofessional third party, it should remain a secret.

Lexusgs430:
The moment married couples always use condoms, they are better off divorced........
What is the pleasure of sex, if you cannot safely dive in raw?

Pataricatering:
And that’s why her man should have kept himself so she would be comfortable making love to him without protection !

desreek9:
Please take time to read this, I really need your advice.

I am a working mother of four kids (2 sets of twins) been married since 2012; I and my husband communicate well, our sex life is great (we explore diff. styles) and I make sure everyone is contented and satisfied or so i thought.
How i found out he was cheating

I noticed I didn't see my period for two months which is weird, I checked if i was with child but it was negative, before then I noticed burning feeling when i pee and pains so i decided to see a doctor, that was how i received the greatest shock of my life. I was told i had STD, I was in shock, crying and shaking cos i know i got it from my husband, was told to do an HIV test.

After the longest wait of my life and vomiting due to anxiety and panic, it was negative. Three months later was still negative, I went home thinking of ways to kill my husband. Later that night i first asked him if he was cheating he blatantly denied but when i showed him the test result, he was dumbfounded and started begging, i asked him why with tears rolling down my eyes, he couldn't give any reason because he knows everything was great btw us, i told him we would never make love anymore that i can't risk my life because of sex, he was begging me saying he would change, i told him i can never trust him cos once a cheat, always a cheat.

My people, it's over a year and we've not had sex, he can't chase me away from the house because we both built it and the land is in my name, sometimes he comes home late but i really don't care since we have separate bedroom. He said he can't leave because he will have to tell his and my people but he doesn't want the embarrassment.

Apart from all these, every other aspect is great at home, so my question is this; is my decision too harsh or am i justified?

nnamdiosu:
Hello dearie....
You and I know that your decision was too harsh. That's why u came here. Because your conscience is pricking you.

Yes he cheated. Yes he wrong you. Yes its not easy
But what has happened has happened. Accept that.
Forgive him. And move on. People make mistakes. We all do. People change. Cheats, prostitutes, murders....people change.
And..you too have to change......forgive him.
I'm here if u wanna talk.

desreek9:
Thanks for the concern, you are the only one i'll reply on this issue cos i saw the way most people judged me which was not nice.

It's not that i didnt forgive him, i did but the thought of him touching me talk more of having sex is wat i cant get over, he met me a virgin, dat alone made the trust vanish.

The reason why i brought the issue here is cos i dnt want to involve any of our family so that their attitude wud not change towards him and i saw the way he was suffering, me too and i love him with all my being so i was willing to give it a chance, i needed an anonymous advice and nairaland was my best bet.

Right now things are good, i made sure it didnt affect any other aspectof our life and my kids, we are in counseling, we've resolved the issue and am hoping it stays this way henceforth.
God bless.

nnamdiosu:
Hi friend,
You did very well. In fact I'm impressed by your acts of maturity and understanding towards him.
About the rude replies....don't let it bother you. People always think its easy, till it happens to them then they u understand what others went through. Ignore the other rude replies.

Yes , counselling is also another way forward. Bare your mind and healing will come.

Do u still feel that way towards ur husband? I mean
.....the thought of him touching you? If u do, its normal. It will wear off. Just ensure you do those things you did with him before...e.g bathing together, eating together, or any other thing u both did together.

Marriage isn't easy. But with God, it is. I wish you the very best in your life and marriage.
Your marriage will grow from strength to strength and love to more love.
It will end in praise. Good night ma.

desreek9:
Amen and thank you soo much
Good night

desreek9:
Please take time to read this, I really need your advice.

I am a working mother of four kids (2 sets of twins) been married since 2012; I and my husband communicate well, our sex life is great (we explore diff. styles) and I make sure everyone is contented and satisfied or so i thought.
How i found out he was cheating

I noticed I didn't see my period for two months which is weird, I checked if i was with child but it was negative, before then I noticed burning feeling when i pee and pains so i decided to see a doctor, that was how i received the greatest shock of my life. I was told i had STD, I was in shock, crying and shaking cos i know i got it from my husband, was told to do an HIV test.

After the longest wait of my life and vomiting due to anxiety and panic, it was negative. Three months later was still negative, I went home thinking of ways to kill my husband. Later that night i first asked him if he was cheating he blatantly denied but when i showed him the test result, he was dumbfounded and started begging, i asked him why with tears rolling down my eyes, he couldn't give any reason because he knows everything was great btw us, i told him we would never make love anymore that i can't risk my life because of sex, he was begging me saying he would change, i told him i can never trust him cos once a cheat, always a cheat.

My people, it's over a year and we've not had sex, he can't chase me away from the house because we both built it and the land is in my name, sometimes he comes home late but i really don't care since we have separate bedroom. He said he can't leave because he will have to tell his and my people but he doesn't want the embarrassment.

Apart from all these, every other aspect is great at home, so my question is this; is my decision too harsh or am i justified?

UjuJoan2:
I think people are missing the point here. . . . It's not just about the cheating, it's the gross betrayal! They had a great relationship and exciting sex life and yet the man still decided to cheat. Not just cheat, cheat without protection!

What kind of sick, weak and irresponsible man does that

If he's running around doing women without protection, who knows how many ladies he would have impregnated by now. Oh and HIV is definitely looming him his near future. But I guess all that doesn't matter, she has the glorified position of a wife and should not dare raise any objections to his wayward lifestyle.

Forget the physical and emotional trauma she had to go through a year ago.

I personally think OP is doing the right thing. Does it ever occur to you guys that this is exactly what she wants? Who says she has to get a divorce? They have a cordial relationship so why ruin that. Let him continue with his cheating ways while she preserves her own life and health. . . It's a win win for everyone.

If it were me, I'd do exactly the same thing. And I'll also cheat. I'll find someone he knows and sleep with him just for the fun of it. No need to be celibate for life just because of a man who is out there having fun.