₦airaland Forum

loneatar:
Some men sha

abeg I need help, I can barely type anything without one Ankara advert poping out, even when I touch 'nope', it appears again in d next 1minute. how do I stop it abeg

Dear op, this might sound weird but I am going to be blunt with you, your husband detests you, you mean nothing to him, begging him will only make you smaller and helpless to him, even if he changes, it will be out of pity not love, but you can only help yourself,i know your next question will be how?
Rush to have the number of kids you wish to have (it's not advisable to have different kids for different men)
Improve on your worth, get a job, if you have a bsc, get your masters or learn a skill, which ever one you choose, just get busy)
Start investing, start saving to own your own home, buy a land in your name and think of how to build it (never make the mistake of adding your husbands name)
When you have have all the children you wish to have, become independent and file for divorce, yes divorce, cos to tell you the truth, prayers doesn't change men like your husband, prayer doesn't make a man become attracted to a woman, if prayers changes things our leaders would have stopped looting and have empathy for the masses. Don't listen to anyone that tells you to go and pray that is nonsense, be practical and logical ,think of your interest and that of your children, goodluck

favouredAda:
Gud pm nairalanders.

I'm a young lady in my early 30, married for 2years+ now... my issue is that my husband doesn't gist with me but when he is with other ladies, he can laugh & gist for Africa. He has never taken me out after our marriage. in short I look like a tenant in his house. if we are going out he will tell me to be in front while he will b far behind. if I complain, he will say I'm nagging.

I was sick last week, he just came dropped #10k for me to go see our doctor, he didn't even ask if I can go by myself BT same incident happened to his younger bro wife yesterday, with just a phone call, he went to the hospital & stood by d bro. over night ( sumtin he didn't even do wen I gave birth to our baby) I have been thinking he will change BT this days own his really worst, calling some girls in my streets "my love" why he shout my 1st name no matter where he is.

Pls advise me cos I am beginning to dislike him

Topestbilly:


Since we don't have his part of the story, I will advise you to be honest to yourself because it's going to do you a big favour.

*Check yourself if you've done something wrong that led to all this maltreatment

*Check if there are some particular doing of yours that irritates him.

*if you find any of the above, sit him down, beg him, tell him u wil make amends but if you truly check yourself and your hands are clean. Remember your life and happiness are your priorities.

May God help you.

nothing should make a person male or female to treat their partners like that. why didn't the man talk about whatever it is that irritates him? to her...

Dis is wat happens wen u fly(nt even 'jump' sef) into marraige..shes early 30s 2 yrs of marraige i see y she married d man...dat man have great HATRED for d wife,i dnt even see him changing,no mata what she do,so woman,it is either u run or bear it...it is obvious u guys dnt kn eachoda well b4 marraige and.......infact am short of words

gloria34:
abeg I need help, I can barely type anything without one Ankara advert poping out, even when I touch 'nope', it appears again in d next 1minute. how do I stop it abeg

Go and flash your phone

frenzyduchess:
Dear op, this might sound weird but I am going to be blunt with you, your husband detests you, you mean nothing to him, begging him will only make you smaller and helpless to him, even if he changes, it will be out of pity not love, but you can only help yourself,i know your next question will be how?
Rush to have the number of kids you wish to have (it's not advisable to have different kids for different men)
Improve on your worth, get a job, if you have a bsc, get your masters or learn a skill, which ever one you choose, just get busy)
Start investing, start saving to own your own home, buy a land in your name and think of how to build it (never make the mistake of adding your husbands name)
When you have have all the children you wish to have, become independent and file for divorce, yes divorce, cos to tell you the truth, prayers doesn't change men like your husband, prayer doesn't make a man become attracted to a woman, if prayers changes things our leaders would have stopped looting and have empathy for the masses. Don't listen to anyone that tells you to go and pray that is nonsense, be practical and logical ,think of your interest and that of your children, goodluck

my dear lady, this the worst advice to give to someone. You are the kind of women that deceive other women. Just listen to yourself. If your attitude is like this, you will not make a good wife.

byemx06:
madam bcus u are married you stop dressing hot,u begin tie wrapper turn urself to deeper life..........my honest advice make fine heir all d time,dress super hot,look gud all d time den see his reaction

do sorry abt that,may God change him

Wetin consign deeper life for dis mata?

favouredAda:
Gud pm nairalanders.

I'm a young lady in my early 30, married for 2years+ now... my issue is that my husband doesn't gist with me but when he is with other ladies, he can laugh & gist for Africa. He has never taken me out after our marriage. in short I look like a tenant in his house. if we are going out he will tell me to be in front while he will b far behind. if I complain, he will say I'm nagging.

I was sick last week, he just came dropped #10k for me to go see our doctor, he didn't even ask if I can go by myself BT same incident happened to his younger bro wife yesterday, with just a phone call, he went to the hospital & stood by d bro. over night ( sumtin he didn't even do wen I gave birth to our baby) I have been thinking he will change BT this days own his really worst, calling some girls in my streets "my love" why he shout my 1st name no matter where he is.

Pls advise me cos I am beginning to dislike him

This is why your hubby detests you. I can see traits of immaturity in you. Take your problems to a marriage counselor and not NAIRALAND

Daboomb:
Have you ever heard of the phrase "love conquers all things"?
I am sure we all have heard it but how many of us have really sat-back and owndered what that phrase really means?
What exactly is the import of that statement?

Many hear it and dont really understand it, including me, until later in marriage.

"I love you" is such a powerful expression, especially in marrigae that only a few have mastered and benefitted from its use.
Let us see:
How do oyu feel, if you offend somebody/ You expect them to react "negatively" towards, you, right?
How do oyu feel if such person gives you a warm smile and makes you feel you did not offend them oe they did not feel offended? DISARMED, right?

Look at the meaning of that word: DISARMED.
Its something like "surrender".

The word is even more powerful than "Sorry" because it is an expression not just of forgiveness, but of deep acceptance.

I dont know with other men but if l am annoyed with my wife (I have a short fuse) and l am preparing to lash-out or do something to get back at her and she sees my right eye from afar and ("like the smart woman she is, God bless her) comes near me and before l could start with my vituperation she utters "I Love You", it is so totally unexpected and disarming!
This is not a fake "l love you o, it is genuine and l can see it in her eyes that she meant it.
That is it. My anger will just diffuse by itself that l can even be angry with myself for not getting even more angry!
It is like deflating a ballon...it just goes limp.
In real life war, it is called "the element of surprise".

Where l am going is that "Yes, you can tell th eman who says you are irritating him, "I love you".
First, it takes nothing away from you.
Second, it diffuses the situation, to some extent
Third, it can actually jolt the man back to "reality" and make him think twice whether this "irritation" is really worth it or whether the situation can still be savaged.
So, its a win-win for you.
The Power of a woman does not lie in her muscles(hard power, the preserve of men) or running mouth , but in what is called "soft-power", the ability to win the "war of the mind", psychological war.
That is why some say even though the man is the head of the family, a "wise wife" is the NECK that controls this head!
If my own wife was to be the wife of the Op's husband, l can wager that she would be surprised that hse would change him into a loving husband within a short time.
What is the goal of a woman in a marriage?
is it to compete with the husband?
is it to win the war of words in an abuse-match?
is it to win a physical, wrestling match when kasali bursts and blows start flying?
is it to ensure that the home is happy and flowing with love?
is it to make sure that the home is Peaceful so the children can grow to their full potential and have good home training, (from bith parents)
Is it to make sure her husband is healthy and mentally balanced?
is it to make sure that her husband finds the home inviting that he never wants to go out or always run back to get home as quickly as possible?
Is it to make sure that her husband sees her as the best thing in his world, somebody he can do without?
Is it to see who will blink first or stand down in a fight?
Is it to cordinate everybody and make sure that we are all reaching our full potential and moving ahead in life?

You can pick what you think but ask yourself: Will Confrontation, Ego (what do oyu think l am), arrogance, tit-for-tat, harsh talk, agression or aggresive words, dishonesty, distrust, hatred, anger, GET YOU THE RESULT YOU PICKED ABOVE?

if it will, please go ahead but if you think it wont, then you should know you are on the wrong path.

How many women here do their husband wake up and lay a hand on their head and say, God bless you my woman, l am blessed for having you for a wife"?
That is exactly what l tell my wife every morning because she deserves it and she did not get there by eshewing all those words in red color.
IF a woman is happy in her marriage, you would easily know because she will just be radiating, her skin will glow (without all those pancake stuff! ), her eyes will sparkle, she will smell fresh, her smile will widen and he rlaughter will be from the bossom of her heart. You wont find angery words in her mouth. I lie?

In essence, every woman can decide how her home will be, to a large extent (barring marrying a real mad man...but most men are not mad, that l know because God actually deposited the love of a woman in a man's heart, from creation ... they even obeyed the woman, at the detrimen tof their creator! Ediots )

Let every woman chose to be wise.

NB: I have focused mainly on women not because men dont have "responsibilities in marriage", but because the current issue is about a woman and in most cases, the man is easier to convince/manipulate and is very malleable. Small probs, catch you later kind of thing)

Wow...this is so long it could be a thread, and to be honest, if I had scrolled down first before reading ,maybe I wouldn't have read it ' cause it's so long...Lol, thank you though for taking out time to educate and enlighten some people as this might help someone...and you're a passionate person, but some men are just so hard to please.

Macgreat:
Jealousy has no link to love, people made it seem it is but it isn't.
Any level of jealousy is dangerous

NOTED!

favouredAda:
Gud pm nairalanders.

I'm a young lady in my early 30, married for 2years+ now... my issue is that my husband doesn't gist with me but when he is with other ladies, he can laugh & gist for Africa. He has never taken me out after our marriage. in short I look like a tenant in his house. if we are going out he will tell me to be in front while he will b far behind. if I complain, he will say I'm nagging.

I was sick last week, he just came dropped #10k for me to go see our doctor, he didn't even ask if I can go by myself BT same incident happened to his younger bro wife yesterday, with just a phone call, he went to the hospital & stood by d bro. over night ( sumtin he didn't even do wen I gave birth to our baby) I have been thinking he will change BT this days own his really worst, calling some girls in my streets "my love" why he shout my 1st name no matter where he is.

Pls advise me cos I am beginning to dislike him

Very few men are like that o. You guys even go out together, the one I know can never. If he sees any member of his family outside he will ignore them but greet other people if he sees them. His family members are very beautiful not that something is wrong with them o.
Advice: Live your life like he doesn't exist and keep praying for him too

Memories12411:
My sister you are welcome to "Men's World". The heart of men is desperately wicked. If you are not doing anything to generate income for the family is a great problem for you because anything about you irritates him. Check your financial life very well.
Secondly, it could be you have turned yourself to a different person after giving birth to your child. Check your looks.
Last but not the least. Check your relationship with your in-laws. They could be instigating your husband.
In conclusion, I encourage you to pray without ceasing.

Misuse of Bible statement. In the Bible that statement refers to human beings in general without any sex bias.
The whole of your first sentence is outright nonsense. Before you started sensible advice in later paragraphs.

ben4ever:
Different people with different personalities. I have seen what jealousy can do. I have seen jealous spouse do crazy things in the name of love. Have you forgotten, love is not jealous.

Not jealousy in that kind of way nah...I meant the light kind, it does spice up relationship.

frenzyduchess:
Dear op, this might sound weird but I am going to be blunt with you, your husband detests you, you mean nothing to him, begging him will only make you smaller and helpless to him, even if he changes, it will be out of pity not love, but you can only help yourself,i know your next question will be how?
Rush to have the number of kids you wish to have (it's not advisable to have different kids for different men)
Improve on your worth, get a job, if you have a bsc, get your masters or learn a skill, which ever one you choose, just get busy)
Start investing, start saving to own your own home, buy a land in your name and think of how to build it (never make the mistake of adding your husbands name)
When you have have all the children you wish to have, become independent and file for divorce, yes divorce, cos to tell you the truth, prayers doesn't change men like your husband, prayer doesn't make a man become attracted to a woman, if prayers changes things our leaders would have stopped looting and have empathy for the masses. Don't listen to anyone that tells you to go and pray that is nonsense, be practical and logical ,think of your interest and that of your children, goodluck

A dangerous FEMINIST sighted. You are the type that destroys homes. The types that will turn a home into a house. Idiot

Balkan:
my dear lady, this the worst advice to give to someone. You are the kind of women that deceive other women. Just listen to yourself. If your attitude is like this, you will not make a good wife.

hahahhahah,i will definitely make a good wife to a good man with sense.I will be a wife that would have worked on herself and be sure that the fault is not coming from her. When a person has enough self respect and self love, you will not put yourself in a position to be demeaned and disrespected by another person. The truth hurts but it still is the truth, when a man leaves the comfort of his house and makes other people know that you mean nothing to him(why will a married man be calling other ladies my love in the presence of his wife ?) then the only option left is to put yourself self first and your children second and your husband last, that's the sequence. I know mysgonist will see my advice as wrong ,infact the African culture subjects the woman to take bullshit all in the name of marriage, but I ask why does it have to be the fault of the woman all the time? Why doesn't anyone see anything wrong about the man's behavior, why cant he be a reasonable human being and sit his wife down and talk like two adults, maybe she will then know where she has erred and apologize but no, like a typical egotistic Nigerian man who sees his wife as the property he has acquired he resorts to disrespecting her in the presence of not just his family but neighbours and street people.

I believe in effective communication, and psychology tells me that when it comes to feelings certain actions only aggravate things, her begging him will only make him more irritated by her and should he eventually give in, he will only be doing that out of pity, let's all stop sugar coating things, I deal with facts. It's men like this that end up having kids outside while the wife stays at home thinking she is the only one that has children for him.

Wheither you agree to it or not, the best option she has now is to have the number of children she wants and buy her own house and think of how best to be financially independent for her own good and that of her children, this is the most logical thing to do
By the way I was expecting you to point out anything I said that isn't true

DaniDani:
In issues like this I don't like to spill it all. Was he like this before you married him? If he wasn't, then check your self if you had slacked in keeping yourself attractive.

This is my little perception of the matter, other things could be involved.

Exactly the point I was about to make...maybe she started caring less for her outward looks.

victorakpabome:
A dangerous FEMINIST sighted. You are the type that destroys homes. The types that will turn a home into a house. Idiot

hhahaha,i guess I should tell her to do dry fasting for three days, watch the movie war room, then always wear bump shorts in the house, even if the money he brings for food is not enough, she should add her own money and prepare his favorite meals, address him as "my lord" ,kneel down to greet him in the morning, Abi? If he was married to a white woman,will he try this nonsense?

Hello, my dear if you have ears please hear. commit your marriage seriously into prayers. Blame no one, even your husband but pray seriously for both of you. Evil hands from no one but satan himself has entered your marriage. Merry know no one hear It but endure quitely in prayers and God will see you through.

Seems he is ashamed of you, probably because of your looks. And you might just be a baby making partner.
Aunty, if there's no solution, just waka.. Before you get to 37 and no man wants to look at you twice. Don't mind anyone who tells you to wait for him to change oh! Because I don't see him changing... No be swear. It's hard for a man to fall in love with same woman again, after falling out of it.
Divorce is not a crime. It was made because of issues like this

I'm not married though, just what I think.

enonche85:
Exactly the point I was about to make...maybe she started caring less for her outward looks.

so if your partner is no longer looking attractive to you, that justifies you abandoning her when she is ill?,or that justifies you treating your sister inlaw better than your own wife or that justifies you not wanting to be seen in Public with her or even disrespecting her infront of people or that justifies you flirting or even probably cheating on her? How do you people reason ?

frenzyduchess:
hahahhahah,i will definitely make a good wife but will be a wife that would have worked on herself and be sure that the fault is not coming from her. When a person has enough self respect and self love, you will not put yourself in a position to be demeaned and disrespected by another person. The truth hurts but it still is the truth, when a man leaves the comfort of his house and makes other people know that you mean nothing to him(why will a married man be calling other ladies my love in the presence of his wife ?) then the only option left is to put yourself self first and your children second and your husband last, that's the sequence. I know mysgonist will see my advice as wrong ,infact the African culture subjects the woman to take bullshit all in the name of marriage, but I ask why does it have to be the fault of the woman all the time? Why doesn't anyone see anything wrong about the man's behavior, why cant he be a reasonable human being and sit his wife down and talk like two adults, maybe she will then know where she has erred and apologize but no, like a typical egotistic Nigerian man who sees his wife as the property he has acquired he resorts to disrespecting her in the presence of not just his family but neighbours and street people.

I believe in effective communication, and psychology tells me that when it comes to feelings certain actions only aggravate things, her begging him will only make him more irritated by her and should he eventually give in, he will only be doing that out of pity, let's all stop sugar coating things, I deal with facts. It's men like this that end up having kids outside while the wife stays at home thinking she is the only one that has children for him.

Wheither you agree to it or not, the best option she has now is to have the number of children she wants and buy her own house and think of how best to be financially independent for her own good and that of her children, this is the most logical thing to do
By the way I was expecting you to point out anything I said that isn't true

I agree with all the points u made above except the divorce part, it's wrong to advice a woman to divorce her husband when she has not tried to settle the issue with him. Remember u are a lady and u are going to have female children in future, did u think of how the divorce will affect the children

Mixola:
I read this story and I thought it was my wife. I am married too but at the moment I can't stand the sight of my wife. I wonder and regret how I dragged her into a marital mess. I discovered this a week after our wedding that I am not meant for this kind of relationship but that was too late. However, I vowed to be committed to her based on my religious background. She made things really worse for me. I happen to work in another city; four hours drive from base. At no time has she ever prepared meal for me when I am traveling. She has no regard for my parents or siblings. There are atimes I get home on Saturday and there is nothing for me to eat. Before I was transferred, I do the shopping. All she does is to make a list. She sprained her ankle and was on POP for practically 2 months. I was going home each weekend for support and do all the shipping. She hardly picks my call or call back yet blames me for communication gap. It got to a peak and I actually wished life could just end somehow and give both of us peace. Suicide was a remote option. I wanted to just disappear. Now, I careless who cares or not. I guess marriage is not for everyone. I am filled with many regrets beyond count. I wish I could punch Ctrl Z on my life's keyboard. I have bent beyond backwards but it seems it's not gonna work. It all sucks.

I feel so sorry for you...your wife wasn't trained to be a wife, she thought marriage was a vacation where she'll be served for the rest of her life...but, didn't you notice any of these during courtship?

Daboomb:
You are not comprehending!
When we equate "Mothers to training Daughters", "we are referring to specific training that takes those daughters into motherhood".
I bet it was your Dad you went to, when you had your first menstral cycle? When you started having Pubic hair, it was your dad that you went to, for explanations?
Even the Bible admonished Mothers (elderly women, to train the younger ladies), it did not same fathers, for a reason.

There are also specific trainigs that a Son will only get from Dad, that does not mean he wont get some other trainings from Mum.
It is not about being close to Daddy, girls/ladies are usually closer to Dads while the Boys/Sons are usually closer to Mums, that is a natural law of attraction.
But where one of the Parents is absent, that duaghter or son, loses out o such training or does not get the best form of it.

I have given you enough clues now.

Now I get it but those things you mentioned to be sincere my dad had an input because he had a knowledge in those things and my mum did as well.And don't bring bible into this because these are two different times and I believe both parents have an impact in a child and yes there are specific things a father can tell a son or a mother can tell a daughter but that doesn't mean it can't be vice versa.Some children may lack the input of both parents but that doesn't mean that they won't turn out well It all depends on the level of understanding that parent has.

Jman06:
Just imagine what you typed in response to that post! Somebody put up such grossly bigoted post and you responded by saying he has sense! Like seriously?! And i was thinking you are a matured lady!

When I responded I didn't really support him because of the tribalistic post but actually it was what he wrote asides the ethnic bigotry that I actually praised.

frenzyduchess:
Dear op, this might sound weird but I am going to be blunt with you, your husband detests you, you mean nothing to him, begging him will only make you smaller and helpless to him, even if he changes, it will be out of pity not love, but you can only help yourself,i know your next question will be how?
Rush to have the number of kids you wish to have (it's not advisable to have different kids for different men)
Improve on your worth, get a job, if you have a bsc, get your masters or learn a skill, which ever one you choose, just get busy)
Start investing, start saving to own your own home, buy a land in your name and think of how to build it (never make the mistake of adding your husbands name)
When you have have all the children you wish to have, become independent and file for divorce, yes divorce, cos to tell you the truth, prayers doesn't change men like your husband, prayer doesn't make a man become attracted to a woman, if prayers changes things our leaders would have stopped looting and have empathy for the masses. Don't listen to anyone that tells you to go and pray that is nonsense, be practical and logical ,think of your interest and that of your children, goodluck

op pls. don't listen to this perpetrator of single motherhood that have become an incurable impediment to Nigeria society; unfortunately the nations, communities, homes and associations are not getting better in any manner. My silver coin and piece of advice is that you do everything GOOD within your POWER to fix your marriage, pray, improve in your attitude and behaviour,you may also work on your physical look. Pls avoid a third party as much as possible (REMEMBER MARRIAGE IS NO BED OF ROSES, MORE SO IT IS FOR BETTER FOR WORSE) God will see you through. Cheers you are almost there.

Macgreat:
My dear, there's no difference.

If your husband owns a company and you are an accountant or a Barrister by profession wouldn't you join him - instead of him paying a lawyer or accountant?

You'll earn salary. He'll never know there's no salt or rice in the house. He will never know when you are going to make your hair, he'll be wowed cos you showed up with a new beautiful hear style.

In those days when women join their husband in the farms. I doubt there was a time a woman will tell her husband there is not food in the house because she gets everything she needs from working in the farm.

So, tell me - how is that different?

What is the need of having a degree and not use it? Why are you working if not to support the family?

You don't understand me and my great grand mother grand mother from my maternal side did not go to any farm they were housewives not because they wanted to but because they were forced to and they were denied education simply because they are women and didn't really have a choice, maybe for you it has not changed but for me times have changed.

enonche85:
I agree with all the points u made above except the divorce part, it's wrong to advice a woman to divorce her husband when she has not tried to settle the issue with him. Remember u are a lady and u are going to have female children in future, did u think of how the divorce will affect the children

it is better to grow up with one loving and caring parent than to grow up in a home where your father constantly abuses your mother, that is the worse Pysocological torture to put a child through. They end up resenting both parents, they resent their father for being a bully and a jerk and resent their mother for being too weak to fight for herself.
To tell you the truth, when he sees that she is working on herself, he will become more Caring and considerate, Infact he might even be more nice to her. At first when she makes any move to improve on her self by either getting a higher degree or a skill, she is going to be faced with stiff resistance from the husband not because he cares about her but because her being uninspired is the only way to keep her in a subjective mood where she feels she has no where to go, but my dear op, if you are reading this I will urge you to be persistent, until you upgrade, you will never have a voice and be in the position to demand respect.
And even if he becomes nicer, don't be fooled, it's not love, it's just his ego being cut down by your upgrade and as shocking as this may sound it won't stop him from having a side dish outside. So I still say divorce him when you become financially stable enough to take care of yourself or live with the uncertainty that he might one day give you a deadly disease or bring a child he had with another woman home, I am not just saying this just for saying sake, it is the fact, men like this that have reason to become nicer to their wives only become subtle Phillanderers

frenzyduchess:
Dear op, this might sound weird but I am going to be blunt with you, your husband detests you, you mean nothing to him, begging him will only make you smaller and helpless to him, even if he changes, it will be out of pity not love, but you can only help yourself,i know your next question will be how?
Rush to have the number of kids you wish to have (it's not advisable to have different kids for different men)
Improve on your worth, get a job, if you have a bsc, get your masters or learn a skill, which ever one you choose, just get busy)
Start investing, start saving to own your own home, buy a land in your name and think of how to build it (never make the mistake of adding your husbands name)
When you have have all the children you wish to have, become independent and file for divorce, yes divorce, cos to tell you the truth, prayers doesn't change men like your husband, prayer doesn't make a man become attracted to a woman, if prayers changes things our leaders would have stopped looting and have empathy for the masses. Don't listen to anyone that tells you to go and pray that is nonsense, be practical and logical ,think of your interest and that of your children, goodluck

Oh my God madam you are a straight forward person I love the fact that you said it without deceiving yourself you are truly a logical person.Thumbs up.

MrBrownJay1:
FIXED

by the way, do you really think that contributing financially and helping that demon would change anything?! this man has absolutely NO LOVE for this woman, and dont even want to be seen by her side... a smart person would ask what is going on, and thus divorce the demon who treats her like common garbage. end of misery.

. You heard one side of the story and you have already passed judgement. Demon identifier.

frenzyduchess:
it is better to grow up with one loving and caring parent than to grow up in a home where your father constantly abuses your mother, that is the worse Pysocological torture to put a child through. They end up resenting both parents, they resent their father for being a bully and a jerk and resent their mother for being too weak to fight for herself.
To tell you the truth, when he sees that she is working on herself, he will become more Caring and considerate, Infact he might even be more nice to her. At first when she makes any move to improve on her self by either getting a higher degree or a skill, she is going to be faced with stiff resistance from the husband not because he cares about her but because her being uninspired is the only way to keep her in a subjective mood where she feels she has no where to go, but my dear op, I if you are reading this I will urge you to be persistent, until you upgrade, you will never have a voice and be in the position to demand respect.
And even if he becomes nicer, don't be fooled, it's not love, it's just his ego being cut down by your upgrade and as shocking as this may sound it won't stop him from having a side dish outside. So I still say divorce him when you become financially stable enough to take care of yourself or live with the uncertainty that he might one day give you a deadly disease or bring a child he had with another woman home, I am not just saying this just for saying sake, it is the fact, men like this that have reason to become nicer to their wives only become subtle Phillanderers

Three gbosa for you.In this life it is only one life to live so people should make themselves happy and not wait for someone to make them happy.

byemx06:
madam bcus u are married you stop dressing hot,u begin tie wrapper turn urself to deeper life..........my honest advice make fine heir all d time,dress super hot,look gud all d time den see his reaction

do sorry abt that,may God change him

Why didn't "super hot" Tonto Dike keep her marriage if dressing hot & serxy keeps marriages ....smh
Did u just said hot look ......bro,these is not a boyfriend -girlfriend relationship ,mind u .....
Marriage is very deeper than that !
My mum,yea my mum,is a deeper lifer,and u know what ?? She's having the most successful marriage u could ever dream of ! They have misunderstanding ? Yea,they do...They do "silence treatment " ? ...yea,they do...but u know what ? Their sincerity ,understanding & humbleness has kept the marriage even better & glowing for the past 30 years !!!
Did she dress sexy ?...Never ! A typical deeper life woman ! And I guess u already knows how they dress....
Then why a successful marriage without all that ..she simply understood that marriage goes beyond looks,dressing & other morphological things we attach importance to.....hence ,ladies of the "21 century" can hardly keep a successful marriage !!!....Pls ,just go to the family section & read enough for urself divorce headlines !!....That's pathetic !!
She is the standard I will use to get married !!!
Bleep sexy looks & all that !....they don't work & will NEVER work is a successful marriage !!
Celebrities are in better positions to tell u these.......
So,NEVER u use dressing & physical appearance to gauge a successful marriage....Deeper lifers & all those that understood that marriage goes beyond looks ,expensive weddings ,pre-wedding pics & "dressing to kill" had & will continue to have the most successful marriage !!!!
#I-Love-U,Mummy & I -Also-Promise-To-Follow-Ur-footsteps-In-Marriage & be the best friend & man my woman could ever dream of !!!!!!!!!!!!

I am not the one that told the op's husband to disrespect her, neither was I the one that told him to abandon her when she was ill and to treat her like a tenant, I know alot of people are very sentimental and valid facts irritates them, but the truth is if you feel single motherhood is on the increase, then its time for us to sit and ask ourselves why?, we know our mothers taught us how to be good mothers how to take care of our children and husbands ,how to be submissive and all that, but who teaches the men how to be good husbands?, who teaches the men how to be good fathers? ,alot of men think bringing money for food, paying for house rent and school fees is where their duties end, what about moral support, what about companionship ,what about care?, no one talks about that. Our mothers had to put up with alot not because they were happy but because in those days they had nowhere to go, in my culture those days once you are married, you dare not pack your things and come back to your father's house, so can we stop painting it like our mothers had sweet marriages.But guess what, women of this generation know better, they know that respect is to be reciprocated, no woman is a second class citizen simply because a man paid her bride price. Even now families have reasons to return bride price should a man think he is now alpha and omega because he is the man.

So my dear brother, instead of throwing the blame to me,
talk to your brothers, the same men who automatically become Caring and loving when they marry white women, the same men who will never dare to treat white women the same way they treat our Nigerian ladies where they walk around with the "I am the man" stamp of their fore heads and their 20 feet shoulder pad of pride

Dicksonnet:
op pls. don't listen to this perpetrator of single motherhood that have become an incurable impediment to Nigeria society; unfortunately the nations, communities, homes and associations are not getting better in any manner. My silver coin and piece of advice is that you do everything GOOD within your POWER to fix your marriage, pray, improve in your attitude and behaviour,you may also work on your physical look. Pls avoid a third party as much as possible (REMEMBER MARRIAGE IS NO BED OF ROSES, MORE SO IT IS FOR BETTER FOR WORSE) God will see you through. Cheers you are almost there.