₦airaland Forum

my mother died of cancer

im ashamed

please dont judge me

im ashamed because of the following reasons...

1. i was a born again christian always talking about God / and always so focused on my future.. those who were atheists / were not serious back then.. are now doing better than me, whilst me who was a christian has a destroyed life including dead mother

2. HEAR ME OUT FIRST! in the year 2012... I did mock some people who had a dead parent (when i was a teen)
example :

a. a girl who was supposed to be my friend when we were in school but started to bully me... so in anger i wrote her a message and in the message i did write that her dead father would be ashamed of her for that behaviour

b. a boy who started to maltreat me because i did not give into his sexual wishes i said to him in anger that it is good that his dad is dead so he doesnt have to see what type of horrible son he has

c. a girl who was supposed to be my friend started to bully me.. so in anger i told her she will die of that her illness and God hates her

d. finally, when i had a mental break down/ so mentally unwell i went to a psychiatric hospital, i tweeted to rihanna that it is good her grandmother is dead, and i also told another celebrity that i did not like that her mother will die young


... i have not done such since then and i never will..

but i feel as though is this my bad karma?

im so ashamed.

No it's not. There are people who have done worse and are far better and comfortable in life.

But if I may ask, why did you do all those things?

Martinez19:
No it's not. There are people who have done worse and are far better and comfortable in life.

But if I may ask, why did you do all those things?

Mental breakdown

And anger of retaliation to those who mistreated me

I'm not a bad person to naturally nor do I do not such now

I've been blaming myself and fear my enemies are laughing at me

Why did she die then

Was upset at you earlier for insulting God in your previous post but now I realise that you just need help.

2morogobeta:
Mental breakdown

And anger of retaliation to those who mistreated me

I'm not a bad person to naturally nor do I do not such now

I've been blaming myself and fear my enemies are laughing at me

Why did she die then

anger of retaliation? Where you emotional or physically abused as a child? Take calm okay. No one is judging you. Forget about your enemies, I know it's painful but there is nothing you can do about them.

Op, can you dm me, I would like to speak with you this evening. Cheers.