₦airaland Forum

GoodBoi1:
Beware of toxic people. Don't wait till you marry one, the moment you notice any red flag cut the person off without looking back. Toxic people can make one lose focus of other important areas of your life. God forbid, I will never end up with wrong woman, why should a man be tensed up when he's approaching his house. I can never be in a relationship with nagging woman. Why will a woman frustrate my life? I know how troublesome women can be. [s]That's why it's good to pray for God''s leading.[/s]

Your head is very correct, nigga.

I find it such an easy thing and easy choice.

Oyindidi:
Wow! Thank God you're okay. A neighbor of mine married a lady that had problem with his friend. The lady is always coming to their office to fight with his friend and he was their then counsellor (according to him). He eventually fell in love with her (daughter of Jezebel) and they wedded. Exactly one year after their marriage, she had a baby girl for him. He was like a houseboy and we the neighbors do make fun of him. There was day he ran out of the house bleeding, she broke his head. Though he is a Playboy, he ran into the arm of another lady from his marriage.
This lady was hot tempered but he snatched her from his friend not knowing he is taking away his burden.

Gbeborun! (Snitch)

Why are you telling everyone the story of my life?

Jman06:
Sometimes I wonder the kind of heart some ladies have. So hard heartened especially when dealing with a cool headed guy. Buy them heaven and earth, they'll never be happy. Beg them all you want, they'll never calm down and take things easy. It's always aggression and making trouble hear and there. And in most cases such ladies are a reflection of their mothers. This is why every guy should carefully study the mother of any lady they are dating for marriage. In most cases, ladies treat their husbands the same way their mom treated their dad.

No matter how in love a guy is, he should as much as possible avoid ladies from broken homes, especially when the babe grew with her mom. The bitterness of the broken marriage is always transfered to the innocent son In-law.
Try as you want you can never get the lady to forgive and forget whatever grudges her mom succeeded in sowing into her against men.

@Op, sorry about your predicament. My advice is that you should never accept that lady back into your life. Divorce her properly and look for a lady from a decent home with good up bringing to settle with. All the best

Yep.

I have addressed this before.

You can date them, just understand the likely risk based on the specifics of their upbringing.

https://www.nairaland.com/701014/it-true-ladies-broken-homes#8609404

Sagamite:
Gbeborun! (Snitch)

Why are you telling everyone the story of my life?

sagamu boy, where have you been?

ALL mothers are manipulative..

If you don't like a woman's behaviour, do NOT (I repeat: do NOT) marry her daughter. A woman CAN never escape the manipulate tendencies of her mother. Distance is no barrier.. It takes only a minute mother-daughter gist to ruin everything.

Jman06:
In most cases, ladies treat their husbands the same way their mom treated their dad.

100%

Very vague.
What exactly happened?

Some stories though. Reminds u of stuffs u have forgotten.

Oyindidi:
sagamu boy, where have you been?

I am good, girl.


...............With my new wife.

Marriage is another scam.just get yourself a babymama and you are good to go. Save yourself from emotional stress.

Sagamite:
I am good, girl.


...............With my new wife.

you no be husband material
Which woman go buy you?

I don't need a sooth sayer to predict the extent to which my son's mind will be poisoned but one consolation I already have is the assurance of the great man he'll become, one that will fulfill purpose. As for his relationship with me, I have no headache about that (Even profane Esau knew the worth of the Father's blessing). He'll find out who his father is & I'll be waiting for him with something that he'll soon come to receive. He remains my son for life.
Meanwhile I'm also from the East but live in the south

I don't need a sooth sayer to predict the extent to which my son's mind will be poisoned but one consolation I already have is the assurance of the great man he'll become, one that will fulfill purpose. As for his relationship with me, I have no headache about that (Even profane Esau knew the worth of the Father's blessing). He'll find out who his father is & I'll be waiting for him with something that he'll soon come to receive. He remains my son for life.
Meanwhile I'm also from the East but live in the south

sassysure:
Instead of u to throw party u are looking for advice.

As for your son, don't ever go dragging a baby away from his mummy except his life is in danger. Can u take care of him? Or u will give another potential wife, church sis or family member to do that for u?
Always send a documented child care allowance every month or twice a month no matter how small.

U said u came from the south. It depends on the side os if u came from the east,be assured ur son will find u as soon as he come of age. If u are from the south south or south west,well, I don't know how they handle such case.

Even if it u have to enter your forty before marriage, it's worth it provided u made the right choice. If not because of biological clock that's against women, people should be ttng married in their forties.

honesttruth:
Whatever you read in this piece is real & has no iota of fiction in it. Please be patient as you read through & pardon me if I go out of order as this is actually the first time I'll be posting on this forum & that's because I'm not into sampling of public opinion, however I'm strongly led to this today moreover my story might also help someone out there....

Here is the story........
My marriage is less than two years old & except for God's intervention is literally dead. A necessary introduction of myself - I'm in my early thirties, live in southern Nigeria, a young pastor (not full time), a graduate & a business man. Life has not been a bed of roses as I became independent leaving my family house in my mid twenties, I was not rebellious but known to be a person among my siblings that is adamant in keeping to my values & decisions.
I dated my wife for more than three years, it had it's ups and downs as other relationships but we still pulled through.
In the early part of our relationship, I strongly believed she was to be my wife but along the line I began to get clear & disturbing signals for more than two years from God & even my Pastor that we weren't meant to be. One way or the order we ended up tying the knot.
Now the woman I was dating was a nice lady, intellectually bright, full of optimism & commitment towards the relationship (this significantly caught me) but also had an unhealthy dose of bitterness, easily offended, never forgives, extremely mouthy & hot headed when trying to pass a point.
I accept no one is perfect as I also had my own glaring issues but one thing that kept us going (me in particular) was the positive feeling, the good times & most especially the optimism & commitment from my partner.

Fast forward to marriage, my wife now lives in bitterness, extreme resentment towards I, my family & even spilling to a few church brethren. The once committed lady immediately after marriage now constantly uses any opportunity to stiffly oppose & rub shoulders even if it means going dirty; now expresses disregard & sarcasm constantly towards the union. She will take any spoken word (even if it's a compliment) out of context magnifying it to dangerous interpretations just to justify her bitterness/resentment; broadcasts to every available ear with the sole aim of seeking approvals, once you don't see things the way she does especially after hearing from me you automatically turn to an enemy no matter your good intentions. This has made her withdrawn & indifferent to almost every one around us. Correction is repulsive to her as life in that angle is a competition of being blamed or not.

Marriage magnified all these to a new level as her mum got involved in our relationship. Whatever flaws exhibited by my wife is nothing compared to her mum's. She's the generator & breeder of these toxic emotions & ready to take it to any level no matter the situation. E.g during our wedding, for reasons best known to her she choose the occasion to express some of her bitterness, succeeding in ruining the occasion to an extent for her daughter making her to cry openly in disappointment.
From the moment she got involved, her duty has been to incite/manipulate/brainwash her daughter into believing it's them against the world. I've been privy to hear discussions with my wife without their knowledge & 100% of the time, it's all about inciting my wife to be offended, bitter & paranoid towards me & my family even when it's uncalled for.
She's a pessimist, hardly believes anything positive of people, extremely paranoid & suspicious, believes any action you take is out to hurt her & her only daughter, easily & always offended, never forgives and always sad & bitter. She's not in talking terms with a single one of her late husband's siblings.

Trouble started weeks after we allowed her come down to our house for medical attention. We had normal couples misunderstanding, she gets involved & the rest is history.
It got to a point after constantly reading terrible meanings into every statement I make started convincing her daughter that her life was under threat from me. She succeeded in brainwashing her daughter (without any proof) with the sole aim of not getting along with my parents that they were her enemies inciting her to take terrible actions against them. At a point both her & her daughter started making baffling calls to my father's relations just to sow seed enmity for my parents. At a point my wife was manipulated to come against my mum to the extent of going to embarrass her in church with false & unfounded accusations.
Our marriage got to a point of total breakdown, we no longer said a word to each other except when my son had a need, under the same roof we were no longer existing to each other.

My Wife & her mum kept warring against my family and when it wasn't abating I sent a message asking her to take her mum out of my house so they can keep fighting me from there, In the message, I told her to join as I didn't see a way she could stay after stirring up so much enmity with every soul in the family without any remorse.

Days later, in my absence, she hired a van, packing every single property we shared together leaving the house almost empty driving away with my son & her mum. I didn't say anything knowing how far she can go to prove a point in "shoulder rubbing". My only surprise was her act of clearing the properties (knowing her as an unmaterialistic person) which was definitely incited by her mum.
After they left I felt an unusual relief I couldn't explain, maybe connected to the series of strange attacks I was having which ceased from that day. (I wouldn't want to go into details)
Days after leaving my house, I learnt my wife relocated to the west (while her mum went back home) to start a new life where she is less known. Renting a house with the support of her mum & constantly being sent money comfortable enough for her upkeep.
Being a person under spiritual authority, I had to keep my leaders abreast with everything. For now all they are doing is pray for a transformation in my wife & wait till they are led to reach her since she took so much actions as a "leader" ignoring everyone, choosing to be unaccountable & under no one.
At the same time (it rarely happens except in peculiar cases) suggestions were that after a particular time as they count down, if there's no improvement, the marriage will be dissolved & I remarry that's if she's not already planning to.
My immediate pastor which has known us & never approved the union recently got to know of the many foolish risk we took, chief of them was genotype incompatibility (don't ask of my son's, he's ok) & has lost hope in the union.

I know where I missed it, regret is not part of my language but I believe every experience is a lesson to either the one experiencing it or some one else.
My son is not yet 15months add all I can realistically do for him is prayers while I watch as events unfold.
Every comment is welcomed including criticisms but I believe there's a lesson for all.

Well i think you are gutless.You couldn't handle your home and it was run over by an outsider.You are Libya,while your mom in law is the United States of America.Your wife was able to smell your weakness and she and her mom took advantage of it to screw you over.

It is well with you OP. Dust yourself up and move on. I know it will be difficult but get a divorce and choose your peace of mind. An adult that is easily manipulated by their parents in their matrimonial home is not ready for marriage. God has removed her from your life. Start fresh and open your eyes next time. It is well with you.

some men re to be blamed..u see devil,they will advice u,u will be forming love,,,,till them enter marraige their eyes will clear...there is always a sign but we choose to believe they will change...men no let them giv u doggy style and ur brain disorganizes...marriage no be kindergetten

Sure! Shortly after knowing her, found out whenever her mum calls, 90% of the time it was to talk negatively of one person or the other. I saw that danger signal also & notified her of it but I guess it had already eaten deep. I saw the family infighting also & knew one day it would get to my turn, there's actually nothing surprising.

Oyindidi:
When you ignore all the redflags, you have reality to deal with.

May God help you

Oyindidi:
you no be husband material
Which woman go buy you?

Maybe I am not or maybe I am.

I am definitely not husband material for any useless and selfish women. I could make sure it is the worst period of her life.

Or I could be the nicest and best husband to a nice woman. Genuinely nice and considerate, I am reciprocal and a reactor.

I give what I get. You press the wrong button, and the nice, always smiling and joking guy can turn into the worst arsehole you have ever come across.

Your wife doesn't realise she alone can leave her life not ever wt d aid of her mother. Don't be suprised if u begin to c her calls on ur phone.

All these stories are adding to my worries and making me to think seriously about continuing with my own situation.
When would I get the nerves to make up my Mind?
N. B men are here talking as if they're the only ones in this kind of situation, am sure many women too are experiencing such or worse.

And the earth keeps rotating like nothing happened.


Oops

That's the point: If you have no connection with a polygamous background & aren't used to their tendencies, then as much as you can avoid getting involved with such a family. Her mum is a product of a harsh polygamous background & that explains her extreme pessimism & paranoia. In this case she succeeded in doing everything to convince her daughter that her life was threatened as if she has the power & tactics to extend her life for a second. Her daughter being someone that's easily influenced to be offended is fully being driven by that. She has gone about trying to convince whoever gives her an ear & once you don't buy into that school of thought, you become an enemy. I just pray she never really gets to experience what it feels to live a life under threat not just because of her but also my son. It's not a funny experience

Jman06:
Sometimes I wonder the kind of heart some ladies have. So hard heartened especially when dealing with a cool headed guy. Buy them heaven and earth, they'll never be happy. Beg them all you want, they'll never calm down and take things easy. It's always aggression and making trouble hear and there. And in most cases such ladies are a reflection of their mothers. This is why every guy should carefully study the mother of any lady they are dating for marriage. In most cases, ladies treat their husbands the same way their mom treated their dad.

No matter how in love a guy is, he should as much as possible avoid ladies from broken homes, especially when the babe grew with her mom. The bitterness of the broken marriage is always transfered to the innocent son In-law.
Try as you want you can never get the lady to forgive and forget whatever grudges her mom succeeded in sowing into her against men.

@Op, sorry about your predicament. My advice is that you should never accept that lady back into your life. Divorce her properly and look for a lady from a decent home with good up bringing to settle with. All the best

honesttruth:
That's the point: If you have no connection with a polygamous background & aren't used to their tendencies, then as much as you can avoid getting involved with such a family. Her mum is a product of a harsh polygamous background & that explains her extreme pessimism & paranoia. In this case she succeeded in doing everything to convince her daughter that her life was threatened as if she has the power & tactics to extend her life for a second. Her daughter being someone that's easily influenced to be offended is fully being driven by that. She has gone about trying to convince whoever gives her an ear & once you don't buy into that school of thought, you become an enemy. I just pray she never really gets to experience what it feels to live a life under threat not just because of her but also my son. It's not a funny experience

Can you imagine such paranoia. Please like many of us have advised here, go ahead and divorce that lady because she will not change.Your peace of mind should be of utmost importance to you. Just make sure you make your contribution towards the upkeep of your son. It is well with you.

Donald3d:
I know someone exactly like this, thank God I ran away as fast as possible.
Her problem is she loves her mom too much and her mom has taken over her mind .
Funny thing is the mom thinks she is doing the "right thing", most likely her mom was abused by her dad, so the mom is trying to "defend" her.

Not withstanding, why is it that "crazy" women/girls like coming near good guys who are close to God (You mentioned you are in the ministry)?-To destroy all ties you have with God.Its easy, when the devil can't weaken you spiritually, he tries to mess with your head by sending a woman to you that would screw your psychology up, make you depressed and make you think of your life.(The attacks you have been getting shows you were already getting weak).I have been there, with someone I was hoping to build a future with and marry someday.Thank God I am free .The qualities you described in her are almost perfectly identical .As soon as I started cutting ties, my spiritual life improved,business improved.I was trying to mend ties , even though God kept warning me.The bad thing is, it would seem so hard and difficult to cut ties, and you would keep decieving yourself that she is beneficial to your life.I prayed to God to give me the grace and help me , it wasn't easy. Na long story for another day.

You ignored God at the beginning, don't make mistake again of ignoring him this time around.Talk to him, God's words are usually clear enough to those who ask, you have made a mistake already, if He wants to save the marriage He would tell you, if He has removed His hands from it He would also tell you.

My major worry is that little boy who would be trained by those two ........ make I no call them bad name .

Those who have been called by the name of our LORD Jesus Christ need to seek the face of GOD in all things and also live holy lives.

Thank GOD for you

Take heart my dear. It's not easy but you will overcome

I trust you have some form of conviction in your spirit before you made final commitment, that matters a lot. The first three years are usually trying times for marriage so, especially in this generation.
You both need time apart to clear your head and renew your minds. After awhile you both will come over it, them you can try rekindling the love again
Try not to involve with the opposite sex as much as possible
keep commincation lines open with your wife.
Continue sending money to your wife and inlaws
Work hard to earn money, that would keep the in laws in their place
Pray
Plan towards reconciliation, the next Lady might be worst.

Talk about conviction is a talk for another day, the deed has been done that's why I try to dwell less on it but if I'm permitted to advice unmarried people I'll tell them [b]never to ignore the instructions of God [/b]either through their inward man (spirit) or spiritual leaders. The numerous messages from God before we married were clear some of which I told my partner then but despite the fact that I saw glimpses of all these her present attributes, I was seriously blinded to believing that she was willing to improve (I so much believe in people improving especially when the person involved is verbally promising to). The defiance she constantly & easily exhibits now amuses me, most times it's clear she acts on unresolved grudges she had while we were dating but waited to be married . The girl I was dating would never do anything to my face to suggest she wasn't committed to the relationship no matter how bad we quarrel. It's much different now, with her mother involved, whenever there's an issue, you can see her always trying to prove to her mum (maybe to massage her mum's ego) that she's tough & a fighter & she'll surprisingly go to any length to prove that. (sometimes I ask her why she didn't go this far while we were dating). So in a nutshell whatever is happening now is a cross I was destined to carry by my decision.
Talking about time apart to clear our heads, that's not the situation now, it has gone beyond that & my kind of person the longer you're out of my sight especially after a heated quarrel, the more unlikely it is that I'll ever long to see you. Being with my son might be the only consideration of which I believe that when the time is ripe, must relate with his father.
Communication lines are closed & will remain closed for as long as she remains the same bitter person, she doesn't need me. The only opening will be her becoming a transformed person, a purpose driven person. But for now she should keep galivanting with my son round Nigeria, this is not the first or second time she's galivanting this way.
Sending money to them is a big joke, the people I married will do everything to prove your irrelevance even if it means sending your money back with extra change on top while her mum sends to her even if it's her last or borrowed money (without any exaggeration, that's how "egoistic" they are. Her mum, before they left, said I was no match for her daughter in any aspect). So whenever my son genuinely needs money & she informs me I'll respond swiftly, for now I'll never try to impress anyone, I've paid my dues on that lady.
As for prayer, I'll never stop, it might seem late but God's counsel for me will still stand.

HEIR:
I trust you have some form of conviction in your spirit before you made final commitment, that matters a lot. The first three years are usually trying times for marriage so, especially in this generation.
You both need time apart to clear your head and renew your minds. After awhile you both will come over it, them you can try rekindling the love again
Try not to involve with the opposite sex as much as possible
keep commincation lines open with your wife.
Continue sending money to your wife and inlaws
Work hard to earn money, that would keep the in laws in their place
Pray
Plan towards reconciliation, the next Lady might be worst.

Acidosis:
ALL mothers are manipulative..

If you don't like a woman's behaviour, do NOT (I repeat: do NOT) marry her daughter. A woman CAN never escape the manipulate tendencies of her mother. Distance is no barrier.. It takes only a minute mother-daughter gist to ruin everything.

gbam.let me just summarize it.daughters ARE the exact replica of their mothers.if you are dating a girl,THE fastest way to know her is to be visiting her in her parents house and watch how her mom is relating or treating her dad frequently,that Will give you an idea of the treatment you will be receiving.it's now your prerogative to go ahead or leave

Thank your star the devil in human cloth leave you. That is a plus for you. You did not have to leave for her or send her away by yourself.