Whatever you read in this piece is real & has no iota of fiction in it. Please be patient as you read through & pardon me if I go out of order as this is actually the first time I'll be posting on this forum & that's because I'm not into sampling of public opinion, however I'm strongly led to this today moreover my story might also help someone out there....

Here is the story........
My marriage is less than two years old & except for God's intervention is literally dead. A necessary introduction of myself - I'm in my early thirties, live in southern Nigeria, a young pastor (not full time), a graduate & a business man. Life has not been a bed of roses as I became independent leaving my family house in my mid twenties, I was not rebellious but known to be a person among my siblings that is adamant in keeping to my values & decisions.
I dated my wife for more than three years, it had it's ups and downs as other relationships but we still pulled through.
In the early part of our relationship, I strongly believed she was to be my wife but along the line I began to get clear & disturbing signals for more than two years from God & even my Pastor that we weren't meant to be. One way or the order we ended up tying the knot.
Now the woman I was dating was a nice lady, intellectually bright, full of optimism & commitment towards the relationship (this significantly caught me) but also had an unhealthy dose of bitterness, easily offended, never forgives, extremely mouthy & hot headed when trying to pass a point.
I accept no one is perfect as I also had my own glaring issues but one thing that kept us going (me in particular) was the positive feeling, the good times & most especially the optimism & commitment from my partner.

Fast forward to marriage, my wife now lives in bitterness, extreme resentment towards I, my family & even spilling to a few church brethren. The once committed lady immediately after marriage now constantly uses any opportunity to stiffly oppose & rub shoulders even if it means going dirty; now expresses disregard & sarcasm constantly towards the union. She will take any spoken word (even if it's a compliment) out of context magnifying it to dangerous interpretations just to justify her bitterness/resentment; broadcasts to every available ear with the sole aim of seeking approvals, once you don't see things the way she does especially after hearing from me you automatically turn to an enemy no matter your good intentions. This has made her withdrawn & indifferent to almost every one around us. Correction is repulsive to her as life in that angle is a competition of being blamed or not.

Marriage magnified all these to a new level as her mum got involved in our relationship. Whatever flaws exhibited by my wife is nothing compared to her mum's. She's the generator & breeder of these toxic emotions & ready to take it to any level no matter the situation. E.g during our wedding, for reasons best known to her she choose the occasion to express some of her bitterness, succeeding in ruining the occasion to an extent for her daughter making her to cry openly in disappointment.
From the moment she got involved, her duty has been to incite/manipulate/brainwash her daughter into believing it's them against the world. I've been privy to hear discussions with my wife without their knowledge & 100% of the time, it's all about inciting my wife to be offended, bitter & paranoid towards me & my family even when it's uncalled for.
She's a pessimist, hardly believes anything positive of people, extremely paranoid & suspicious, believes any action you take is out to hurt her & her only daughter, easily & always offended, never forgives and always sad & bitter. She's not in talking terms with a single one of her late husband's siblings.

Trouble started weeks after we allowed her come down to our house for medical attention. We had normal couples misunderstanding, she gets involved & the rest is history.
It got to a point after constantly reading terrible meanings into every statement I make started convincing her daughter that her life was under threat from me. She succeeded in brainwashing her daughter (without any proof) with the sole aim of not getting along with my parents that they were her enemies inciting her to take terrible actions against them. At a point both her & her daughter started making baffling calls to my father's relations just to sow seed enmity for my parents. At a point my wife was manipulated to come against my mum to the extent of going to embarrass her in church with false & unfounded accusations.
Our marriage got to a point of total breakdown, we no longer said a word to each other except when my son had a need, under the same roof we were no longer existing to each other.

My Wife & her mum kept warring against my family and when it wasn't abating I sent a message asking her to take her mum out of my house so they can keep fighting me from there, In the message, I told her to join as I didn't see a way she could stay after stirring up so much enmity with every soul in the family without any remorse.

Days later, in my absence, she hired a van, packing every single property we shared together leaving the house almost empty driving away with my son & her mum. I didn't say anything knowing how far she can go to prove a point in "shoulder rubbing". My only surprise was her act of clearing the properties (knowing her as an unmaterialistic person) which was definitely incited by her mum.
After they left I felt an unusual relief I couldn't explain, maybe connected to the series of strange attacks I was having which ceased from that day. (I wouldn't want to go into details)
Days after leaving my house, I learnt my wife relocated to the west (while her mum went back home) to start a new life where she is less known. Renting a house with the support of her mum & constantly being sent money comfortable enough for her upkeep.
Being a person under spiritual authority, I had to keep my leaders abreast with everything. For now all they are doing is pray for a transformation in my wife & wait till they are led to reach her since she took so much actions as a "leader" ignoring everyone, choosing to be unaccountable & under no one.
At the same time (it rarely happens except in peculiar cases) suggestions were that after a particular time as they count down, if there's no improvement, the marriage will be dissolved & I remarry that's if she's not already planning to.
My immediate pastor which has known us & never approved the union recently got to know of the many foolish risk we took, chief of them was genotype incompatibility (don't ask of my son's, he's ok) & has lost hope in the union.

I know where I missed it, regret is not part of my language but I believe every experience is a lesson to either the one experiencing it or some one else.
My son is not yet 15months add all I can realistically do for him is prayers while I watch as events unfold.
Every comment is welcomed including criticisms but I believe there's a lesson for all.

Na wah o.


The woman is really heartless.

When you ignore all the redflags, you have reality to deal with.

May God help you

Your case is very similar to mine but the difference is that we had no kid. Thankfully. The marriage lasted 1 year. Good guys pls always avoid karashikas pls. Never ignore redflags and always look at the character of the mother. The child is 90percent of the time the carbon copy.

I moved out of the house with just my clothes to escape the fury of a Jezebel. I'm glad i took that choice ignoring what name society will give me and the many people judging. If I die, same society will say ah! Why didnt u just leave? Your son will definately grow up with the lie that your a useless father. Pls always send your wife money for his upkeep and put narration as "bidemi's upkeep monthly pay" cos it will b useful so you can show him that you never left him when he is was a baby. Soon he will know who the evil person is.

I advice young people pls dont procreate immedately you wed. Give a year or two for watchful observation. Forget the pressure from society that expects to come for baby dedication 9months after. Sorry bro.

Brother, its a sad ordeal but the end will be regrets on her part. I only feel the emotional imbalance your son will go through from lack of paternal parenting. keep faith alive and forgive her already...apologize if u have to.

Oyindidi:
When you ignore all the redflags, you have reality to deal with.

May God help you

You have said all .

I know someone exactly like this, thank God I ran away as fast as possible.
Her problem is she loves her mom too much and her mom has taken over her mind .
Funny thing is the mom thinks she is doing the "right thing", most likely her mom was abused by her dad, so the mom is trying to "defend" her.

Not withstanding, why is it that "crazy" women/girls like coming near good guys who are close to God (You mentioned you are in the ministry)?-To destroy all ties you have with God.Its easy, when the devil can't weaken you spiritually, he tries to mess with your head by sending a woman to you that would screw your psychology up, make you depressed and make you think of your life.(The attacks you have been getting shows you were already getting weak).I have been there, with someone I was hoping to build a future with and marry someday.Thank God I am free .The qualities you described in her are almost perfectly identical .As soon as I started cutting ties, my spiritual life improved,business improved.I was trying to mend ties , even though God kept warning me.The bad thing is, it would seem so hard and difficult to cut ties, and you would keep decieving yourself that she is beneficial to your life.I prayed to God to give me the grace and help me , it wasn't easy. Na long story for another day.

You ignored God at the beginning, don't make mistake again of ignoring him this time around.Talk to him, God's words are usually clear enough to those who ask, you have made a mistake already, if He wants to save the marriage He would tell you, if He has removed His hands from it He would also tell you.

My major worry is that little boy who would be trained by those two ........ make I no call them bad name .

The most you can do at this point is to pray for your son and yourself. Don't be religiously blackmailed into reconciling with your wife, unless you both are willing to work on yourselves and the relationship. Use this period of separation for personal growth and development.

Bitter and negative persons carry a lot of bad energy which can rub off on you, physically, mentally and psychologically if you are not like them. I'm not surprised you feel better without her around.

Oyindidi:
When you ignore all the redflags, you have reality to deal with.

May God help you

Exactly

Pipedreams:
Your case is very similar to mine but the difference is that we had no kid. Thankfully. The marriage lasted 1 year. Good guys pls always avoid karashikas pls. Never ignore redflags and always look at the character of the mother. The child is 90percent of the time the carbon copy.

I moved out of the house with just my clothes to escape the fury of a Jezebel. I'm glad i took that choice ignoring what name society will give me and the many people judging. If I die, same society will say ah! Why didnt u just leave? Your son will definately grow up with the lie that your a useless father.

I advice young people pls dont procreate immedately you wed. Give a year or two for watchful observation. Forget the pressure from society that expects to come for baby dedication 9months after. Sorry bro.

Same name I gave somebody
I have learnt my lesson.Wait till you are very ready and ask God for directions before making any move

honesttruth:

Now the woman I was dating was a nice lady, intellectually bright, full of optimism & commitment towards the relationship (this significantly caught me) but also had an unhealthy dose of bitterness, easily offended, never forgives, extremely mouthy & hot headed when trying to pass a point.
I accept no one is perfect as I also had my own glaring issues but one thing that kept us going (me in particular) was the positive feeling, the good times & most especially the optimism & commitment from my partner.

These are traits you don't want to wait around and be patient with in a woman, EVER.. I've been there. I attribute it to a combination of their upbringing and bad life experiences, could be just one though.
The thing is, I don't consider myself a rehabilitation centre for the psychologically challenged woman and you shouldn't have either. No love/devotion should keep you with one.
It's quite unfortunate you saw all that and went ahead with the marriage.

Trust me man, you lost absolutely nothing with her choosing to leave. Women like her never add anything to improve a man's life, they can only drag you back and fill you with negativity.
The only unavoidable outcome here is the child you share with her, that boy is going to be the living breathing reminder that tethers you to her for as long as one of yous are still alive.

It is said children are a gift from God, so I guess you won something out of all this.
However, I think you should make attempts to see your boy more and be directly involved in his upbringing because leaving him totally in the hands of that woman and her mother may not be very good for his own psychological well-being.

Chin up.

Well, problem solved.
Not all unions are happy ones. You just got a dose of an unhappy one. You were relieved after she left, so it was definitely an unhappy marriage probably for both of you.
Goodluck in your next marriage or partnership.
And try and shine your eyes.

HMMM, op as I read this my eyes filled with tears as this is d same stuff that happened to me except for d fact DT I did not get married to her. I almost did in fact we were doing church premarital counseling already. I am a pastor as well, but all the character she exhibited made me know I am in trouble God kept warning me, but I felt love was strong enough until she dumped me, discovers she was cheating, exploited me financially, insulted me, reducled me and made me loss all my cash. it's a long story I was constantly under attack like my mind was not acting straight.... but I thank God she left. I am at peace now trying to bounce back financially its not easy but God has been faithful and I tried him for my own wife. pls guy never ignore red flags... never never, a lot of ladies are not interested in ur destiny but money and to destroy u. her mum had real influence on her, her friends as well. well I was not perfect but I gave my all to someone who was busy exploiting me and insulting me. God help us find good wives

I read your story bro but you painted yourself as "Saint".

What convince me that what you typed is true is because you're a man ( whenever there is disagreement between opposite sex,trust me there is high Chance the male is saying the truth over the female ).

Plus interference of the 3rd party especially Mother to Daughters, hmm l don't like such.

But why did you go ahead with such relationship even to marriage as wetin. As her attitudes is glaring to you.

Did you think marriage and relationship are the same.

From my own understanding marriage require greater understanding compere to love ( ask those whose marriages have stayed long ).

My guy no give up,keep on trying your best to see how things will work,divorce shouldn't be considered be now.

Pipedreams:
Your case is very similar to mine but the difference is that we had no kid. Thankfully. The marriage lasted 1 year. Good guys pls always avoid karashikas pls. Never ignore redflags and always look at the character of the mother. The child is 90percent of the time the carbon copy.

I moved out of the house with just my clothes to escape the fury of a Jezebel. I'm glad i took that choice ignoring what name society will give me and the many people judging. If I die, same society will say ah! Why didnt u just leave? Your son will definately grow up with the lie that your a useless father. Pls always send your wife money for his upkeep and put narration as "bidemi's upkeep monthly pay" cos it will b useful so you can show him that you never left him when he is was a baby. Soon he will know who the evil person is.

I advice young people pls dont procreate immedately you wed. Give a year or two for watchful observation. Forget the pressure from society that expects to come for bro. dedication 9months after. Sorry bro.

I agree with you but there are also women who will wait for a stamp of authority (offspring) to manifest their real being. So to them even if you take a decade to procreate after marriage, it will take them as much time to show their real being. Bro sorry for the pain @Op

I am not trying to be the devil's advocate but I didn't even see any of your fault in all this epistle..does it mean u were innocent in what ever that was going on between you two? .Any ways take heart.. I can't join your pastors to pray for her to change or come back to u..U were not meant to be together..

U married someone meant for another.church aside,l am guessing that you are kinda excited that she is gone deep down within u.. I am an advocate for what ever makes one happy as long as it is not hurting any one.. U are not happy with her, So do what people that are not happy in a relationship does... Though I won't say the word.. I don't want to put things on your head

mcdokwe:
I agree with you but there are also women who will wait for a stamp of authority (offspring) to manifest their real being. So to them even if you take a decade to procreate after marriage, it will take them as much time to show their real being. Bro sorry for the pain @Op

Systematically annoy her den ul see d demon spirit dat will manifest

Wait oh did you typed that she took una pikin with her and her mom to another destination, and you felt that you should only be sending money for upkeep is OK.

Hmmm!hmmmm! It seems to me you don't like your son or you want him to hate you for the rest of you life because you see females eh when dem won frustrate you or make you the culprit for crime. Na there their talent sure pass.

My bro no be only upkeep ohhh,try the visit both,if she no grew,involes your family and hers. If she no gree again then no other option than involve the "COURT OF LAW".

No dull say because you be pastor say na only prayer you go de do. Your work is needed for the reunion of the family.

Eyah!


It's a pity the whole signs were there but you choose to ignore with the hope that "love" covers all...

It's good you're trying to bounce back to life... But this time, ensure you do it with caution.

Beware of toxic people. Don't wait till you marry one, the moment you notice any red flag cut the person off without looking back. Toxic people can make one lose focus of other important areas of your life. God forbid, I will never end up with wrong woman, why should a man be tensed up when he's approaching his house. I can never be in a relationship with nagging woman. Why will a woman frustrate my life? I know how troublesome women can be. That's why it's good to pray for God''s leading.

Pipedreams:


Systematically annoy her den ul see d demon spirit dat will manifest

But why would a sane person even think of to annoy their partner systematically? Isn't that childish?

Instead of u to throw party u are looking for advice.

As for your son, don't ever go dragging a baby away from his mummy except his life is in danger. Can u take care of him? Or u will give another potential wife, church sis or family member to do that for u?
Always send a documented child care allowance every month or twice a month no matter how small.

U said u came from the south. It depends on the side os if u came from the east,be assured ur son will find u as soon as he come of age. If u are from the south south or south west,well, I don't know how they handle such case.

Even if it u have to enter your forty before marriage, it's worth it provided u made the right choice. If not because of biological clock that's against women, people should be ttng married in their forties.

Mznaett:


But why would a sane person even think of to annoy their partner systematically? Isn't that childish?

See how shes angry....part of learning n court shit. Na partnership or baby mama sure pass for me cant get my fingers burnt twice

CAPSLOCKED:




WHAT'S WORSE..
ANNOYING HER SYSTEMATICALLY OR CLUBBING HER TO DEATH?

Both.

Instead, treat her the way you'd want to be treated and then watch her go extra miles for you.

Pipedreams:


See how shes angry....part of learning n court shit. Na partnership or baby mama sure pass for me cant get my fingers burnt twice

Whatever rocks your boat.

Pipedreams:
Your case is very similar to mine but the difference is that we had no kid. Thankfully. The marriage lasted 1 year. Good guys pls always avoid karashikas pls. Never ignore redflags and always look at the character of the mother. The child is 90percent of the time the carbon copy.

I moved out of the house with just my clothes to escape the fury of a Jezebel. I'm glad i took that choice ignoring what name society will give me and the many people judging. If I die, same society will say ah! Why didnt u just leave? Your son will definately grow up with the lie that your a useless father. Pls always send your wife money for his upkeep and put narration as "bidemi's upkeep monthly pay" cos it will b useful so you can show him that you never left him when he is was a baby. Soon he will know who the evil person is.

I advice young people pls dont procreate immedately you wed. Give a year or two for watchful observation. Forget the pressure from society that expects to come for baby dedication 9months after. Sorry bro.

Wow! Thank God you're okay. A neighbor of mine married a lady that had problem with his friend. The lady is always coming to their office to fight with his friend and he was their then counsellor (according to him). He eventually fell in love with her (daughter of Jezebel) and they wedded. Exactly one year after their marriage, she had a baby girl for him. He was like a houseboy and we the neighbors do make fun of him. There was day he ran out of the house bleeding, she broke his head. Though he is a Playboy, he ran into the arm of another lady from his marriage.
This lady was hot tempered but he snatched her from his friend not knowing he is taking away his burden.

honesttruth:

.....but also had an unhealthy dose of bitterness, easily offended, never forgives, extremely mouthy & hot headed when trying to pass a point.
.......

Fast forward to marriage, my wife now lives in bitterness, extreme resentment towards I, my family & even spilling to a few church brethren. The once committed lady immediately after marriage now constantly uses any opportunity to stiffly oppose & rub shoulders even if it means going dirty; now expresses disregard & sarcasm constantly towards the union. She will take any spoken word (even if it's a compliment) out of context magnifying it to dangerous interpretations just to justify her bitterness/resentment; broadcasts to every available ear with the sole aim of seeking approvals, once you don't see things the way she does especially after hearing from me you automatically turn to an enemy no matter your good intentions. This has made her withdrawn & indifferent to almost every one around us. Correction is repulsive to her as life in that angle is a competition of being blamed or not. ...........

You got yourself a catch there, mate.

Please where can I find one like this too to marry?

Sometimes I wonder the kind of heart some ladies have. So hard heartened especially when dealing with a cool headed guy. Buy them heaven and earth, they'll never be happy. Beg them all you want, they'll never calm down and take things easy. It's always aggression and making trouble hear and there. And in most cases such ladies are a reflection of their mothers. This is why every guy should carefully study the mother of any lady they are dating for marriage. In most cases, ladies treat their husbands the same way their mom treated their dad.

No matter how in love a guy is, he should as much as possible avoid ladies from broken homes, especially when the babe grew with her mom. The bitterness of the broken marriage is always transfered to the innocent son In-law.
Try as you want you can never get the lady to forgive and forget whatever grudges her mom succeeded in sowing into her against men.

@Op, sorry about your predicament. My advice is that you should never accept that lady back into your life. Divorce her properly and look for a lady from a decent home with good up bringing to settle with. All the best

Mznaett:
Eyah!


It's a pity the whole signs were there but you choose to ignore with the hope that "love" covers all...

It's good you're trying to bounce back to life... But this time, ensure you do it with caution.

Abi o.

Lorfu!

Fck that! I am out of it straight up.

Fck love in that situation.