₦airaland Forum

norris123:
Hi Amara, this caught my attention though I have been reading comments. Please do not leave your man for another person, I have seen he loves you so much but he is currently facing a lot probably his finance or he's working on something that doesn't need distraction. As a man, Sometimes you will just like to be on your own while working on your future, it happens to me too, your man is currently working on how to secure a better future for you both but you will not understand it. Please sister, don't loose your man because of this little thing instead sit down with him and tell him how you have been trying to cope if possible call any of his friends and explain all to him.

I don't want to lose him. He is the one losing me. Whatever his working on, I'm beginning to lose interest in the relationship because of his absence.

Boyooosa:
The distance BTW u guys?

No longer far.Theres a straight fare to his location.

mrphysics:
Op, are you looking for a reason to end a relationship which you know has already ended?

You know he won't change and from all indications, you have done your best to save the already dead relationship. Stop wasting the damn time, end the relationship and reset his brain.

Trust me, you will be helping the guy have a rethink when you call it an end. Until then, the guy will think he is doing the right thing. Also, the guy may have replaced you with someone else and waiting for you to realize the ugly truth and move on.

u just spoke my mind. We go into relationship to know each other. During that process see how to adjust to each other. Unfortunately some think once the relationship have kick started nothing to work on their character again. They may only try to change when they want their partner but not when it has started. They believe since u can't leave them no need to work on themselves. Breaking up the relationship with such ones help them. They will think why u left and see if it really matters. If they enter another relationship and same thing happens they will work on that problem

Amaraokafor:
He is, not abroad ooo

Do you visit him? Why not pay him a visit and sort things out? Is he financially vibrant enough to take you to the next level? If he isn't, what plans has he in the interim to measure up soon? My dear, do not kill your time with anyone.

Stick to your man.

Amaraokafor:
Good morning nairalanders. Forgive my blunders if you find any.

I need a candid advice for a decision in life I'm about to make. I have been dating this guy for three years now and even if we like each other, I'm beginning to realize that I'm getting tired of the relationship.

I come from a family of three girls and four boys. My elder sister is married as well as my younger sister.I'm the one left hanging in the air. I'm not a desperate lady, but recently I'm beginning to realize that feigning ignorance to this particular issue is beginning to take its toll on me.

I'm in a LDR that has seen little or no results for the past three years. Although there's a reasonable online contact, but physical presence is like a war. Sometimes I don't get to see him for months.The thing again is I'm chasing other guys away from me. Kept saying I'm taken but it's like I'm deceiving myself. I'm tired. I've tried to let go several times but couldn't just bring myself to do it.


Recently another guy came into my life and he seems really nice.He asked me out for a lunch date but I've been mute. I don't want to double date and my present relationship is beginning to make me deeply sad. I like my present man but the relationship is so dull. It's too empty. There are no memories. It's like Im not even in a relationship to start with. Apart from the fact we profess love to each other, I think it's the most dull and under performing relationship ever.He is responsible and cool headed, but the way he handles our relationship leaves me completely empty, extremely sad and hopeless.

I want to date again, but it's like I need a push. I have this ugly reputation for overstreching patience. This suffering inside and smiling outside syndrome. So people don't get to know how extremely sad I'm until I open up. I'm extremely sad.


Talk to me.
I will listen.

You 're dating a married man.

I ll recommend that you see a movie called 'TEMPTATION'... i think it's an American movie...

Amaraokafor:
Oga, you don't understand

I'm more crazy than that you put up there. But, the present situation of things now is not one that one can visit unexpectedly. I wish I can say more....

That aside. I'm dating a, man that when you discuss with him and talk, he sees sense in the discussion. He agrees and you think everything is settled. But na wash

He won't make a move on what is eventually concluded.

Do u know the problem Your boyfriend is battling with financial lack. His current income is not enough and not giving him enough courage to take some bold steps.

What to do

1. If u have the means, help him get out of his current financial state which isn't so cool; either by lending him good capital to boost his Biz if he is a Biz guy or by helping him secure a better paying job if u can or know anybody that can assist him.

If u don't have the means to do the above, do the no 2 with faith.

2. Pray fervently for him, in fact fast and intercede for him, asking God to give him a financial miracle.

3. If all of these fails, or if he is financially okay and still not doing much like u said, pls for your future, inform him that u want a breakup, if he asks u why, don't pretend, tell him sincerely that u feel empty in the relationship. Tell him that u are not sure of where the relationship is headed. That u are a lady and time is not always on ladies' side. This will define your relationship with him and make him tell u his sincere mind and secrets.

Goodluck

Amaraokafor:
Thanks but let me be clear.
I want to see my man, please can you bring him to me?
When is it a crime to see someone that's planning to marry me. You claim is because of the other guy, OK! That other guy should go his way. Where is my own man? Can you bring him to me?

I don't really know how you feel. I don't know the whole story, but my advice: Be patient! Don't make a costly mistake. First of all, find ways to get to make him talk. There's a solution to every problem, and if the last resort to this is to breakup with him, if it makes you happy then adiós!

Think broadly, speak to elderly people about this. Talk to your parents, or to a counsellor.

Pray! Pray! Pray!

I think he is married. Plus u said you can't just up and pay him a surprise visit, that's bad, really bad....

Amaraokafor:
I have talked to him severally unend.
I have tried as much as I could to explain to him about my grievances. I expect after the talk changes will occur but instead I see myself still complaining over and over again.

my sister I am a man. move on with your life. that's a sign he is so not interested now

Amaraokafor:
Thanks.
I have talked to him. I have raised lots of prospect for the future which we agreed on. I have given him a lot of heads up and better ways to handle future things that's not money consuming. I'm using every means available including prayers to set it right.I want to ask a question, can you plan a future with a man you see just once in 4 or 3 months?

Kolewerk..... Unposibull. u just have to move on with your life. I repeat Amara, move on with your life

Ikem11:
Listen to your mom.... We men at times can ruin life

You men
Not our men

Amaraokafor:
It has always been like this.
I initiated to see several times. But at the dying minute he give excuses that will eventually scatter the whole thing.

How old is he?Are you sure he is not having spiritual problems or does not like you.

IamD18:
Stop seeking for validation from us to cheat.

Men alone shouldn't be the ones to spice and entice a relationship, if your relationship is dull and empty, spice it up, make it hot and happening, if done and it comes to no avail, if he doesn't respond positively to your efforts to make the relationship fun filled, then break up with him in an appropriate manner.

Between, you are desperate for marriage, that's why you are bothered. #Fact!

Truth is bitter
You gave the best advice but trust me, the wayward girl has made her decision to cheat. I think she's even started cheating. She's just looking for more support. She won't even quote you.

Amaraokafor:
Not at all. If I ask for money he will send, but to see na WW4!!! DO you now see where my problem lies?

And he hasn't invited you to visit him?

If it doesn't feel right, it is not right. Move on!

My sister, I just got out of the same situation you're in a few days ago. I know it's hard, but be honest with yourself and with him. Don't let this new good guy get discouraged. In a nutshell, leave the guy you're with.

Amaraokafor:
My man is like this.

My man:I saw a cook for 70k,should I buy it?
Me:70k?!?Do we have that kind of money. There are cheaper ones na..
Him:yes just that I'm looking at durability. 70k is not much For ignis ..
Me:oga,why not buy Master chef product for 40k.Save 30k or I will add 20k to that amount so we can get another household gadget.Look it all depends on good management. One can buy ignis and not manage it well and it will start having problems. ..
Him:ok


My 20k will be in hand till thy will be done.
Even Alaba made cook machine I no see.
Oga why did you now talked about gas cooker? You started the conversation like its want you want to do, only for the issue to die. Oya leave me alone.

After small quarrel, he will rush to go and buy a phone for me. I know send you to buy phone. Did I ask you? The one I had just had battery problem of 4500.Why buy another phone when there are far more important things I expect a guy who is set to marry to buy.

There's something wrong somewhere.

Yeah there is something wrong somewhere. Have u tried to like find out about his past? Probably some spiritual like a curse from an ex gf is affecting him.

Is there anything bad in being desperate for what matters to you? I can't afford to deceive myself. Marriage is a serious matter.

Things only get better at the extent at which you make it get better.

I won't tell u who to choose but that guy u tagged 'too quiet' I think would naturally have some qualities that made say YES in the first place. Advice: Don't lead an autopilot life. Just think. Show yourself a great deal of love first and learn how to manage situations. Remember, western culture has had a great effect on the fabric of our society.

Wake up pls!

obowunmi:
Dating is a time to try out people who could work or not work for you.


You don't have the time, so you need to double date.

Real dating is built on mutual trust; no p. Just pray the girl u truly love double dates on u with other guys.

Mouthgag:
Truth is bitter
You gave the best advice but trust me, the wayward girl has made her decision to cheat. I think she's even started cheating. She's just looking for more support. She won't even quote you.

By their comments we shall know them. Imagine calling someone you know nothing about, wayward. You're a disgrace to manhood and the many times you've cheated with girls cut from the same coat as you has done you no good

First of all which states of the federation are you both in and secondly how did you meet this man?

storge:
By their comments we shall know them. Imagine calling someone you know nothing about, wayward. You're a disgrace to manhood and the many times you've cheated with girls cut from the same coat as you has done you no good

Go fùck yourself

Amaraokafor:
I don't want to lose him. He is the one losing me. Whatever his working on, I'm beginning to lose interest in the relationship because of his absence.

Take it or leave it, you are dating a married man. I am married and I know how married me. Can lead a single lady on...all your description fits in exactly. No sane single guy will spend money on you and not want to be with you.. my advice, withdraw sex totally going forward. Den tell him to set the record straight and that you need to know the next thing to do with your life. Don’t accept any sweet response of ‘I’ll change’ the truth is, you are very tight to av a desire to be with your Man. It makes u a normal woman

I believe we need to hear her boyfriend's side of the story before passing judgment. So Amara's boyfriend if you are on nairaland show yourself.

Amaraokafor:
He is close, same state.
Intimacy is not his thing but he is a man, so he" picks "(pen. Is)and reliefs himself if he is in the mood.
His not seeing me despite the closeness is what I don't understand.

Why not go and visit him yourself

yes

Amaraokafor:
Calm down.
I'm naturally a sociable person, he is not. He has no friends and don't hang out.Because of his introverted attitude, I'd like to say I now find loud places irritating and it's OK. I love the change BUT, I also want us(as lovers) to have our moments, doesn't matter where, how cheap and how unexclusive. When I try to instigate such, he seems cool but when it's time to take such actions he just doesn't bring himself to do it. Again Oga, no be person wet you see you go go out with? Even when I volunteer to see him, he just gives excuses.I have sat down to think where the problem is coming from and still I don't seem to understand.

If he accept to marry you finally, you won't have fun in the marriage, this is because his a dull person, you too is an introvert, you need a push, go for an extrovert that will push you out from that shell, I know you are longing to come out, try the next person.


Open your heart to many male friends, am not asking you to date them, just friend, having a cup of coffee across the table is not a sin.
Happiness will find you, my dear sister.

.

.

goldcrossxx:
Thank you my brother.

I have been following this thread on proxy and never wanted to comment because, i don’t believe in seeking emotional advise from a Public forum due to the fact that many advisers may be underage, inexperienced and would advise you based on what they have read from one party.

The young lady in question comes from a family of 2 girls and 4 boys of which she’s the 1st daughter and the 2nd is as well single. The relationship is also not 3 yrs as she indicated but was suppose to be exactly 2 yrs on the 1st of May.

A new relationship is always very sweet but the challenges that will follow is what matters most because relationship itself is filled with uncertainties just the same way as life. The way a relationship is handled is what justifies what the outcome would be.

The lady in question is nice and as humans, we all have our flaws. Yes, i am a very quiet and reserved person that hardly go out so it’s safe to say that i am an introvert while she’s not that type. I won’t completely analyze everything and what caused it but i will try within my capacity to disclose some so that those that gave their one sided advise can rethink again.

I am not a married man, as a matter of principle and respect to whoever i am involved with, i don’t double date. My problem with the lady in question was bourne out of the fact that she was disrespectful to me several times, domineering, unstable in the relationship and sometimes blackmail me to achieve her desires and a lot more. Those were what caused our problems from the first few months of my involvement with her. Several reasons may have prompted her actions but i don’t see it as being enough for someone you genuinely love.

I told her from the 1st 3 months of knowing her that marriage is what i want and she agreed accordingly. She met with my family, i met with the parents and made my intentions known to them in less than a year of relationship commencement. In fact if not for the financial challenge due to wrong projection of business dealings, marriage would have happened 2 or 3 months after.

Before i met with her family, she ended the relationship twice and threatened that she will proceed with the next man available that love is not a criteria for her in marriage. After i met with her parents, she did same to the extent of giving me a deadline that if i don’t fulfill her rites, i should go my way which she executed her threats. I will be begging for her not to leave, the mother will beg, the father will also talk to calm her down, people from my side sef the same thing. I HAVE NEVER ENDED MY RELATIONSHIP WITH HER even when i had reasons to have done so but she has done so numerous times.

I later spoke with the Dad and told him that immediately finances arrive, i will come in to do the needful. The man told me no problem that he understands the economic situation and once i am ready, i should come in. But my woman was still not stable as it was one issue after another. The same woman that told me when love they sweet that, she would stand by me through thick and thin but when water pass garri, she said NO that it’s only in marriage.

Already people close to me that knew me and her already were concerned about her actions, the way she talks to me, etc and majority told me outrightly to withdraw. I never did but believed she was going to change. As a concerned man, i do sometimes meditate because no responsible man wants to end up with a woman that doesn’t respect her man and can easily be unpredictable in her actions.

I commend her though for her sacrifices. She rejected a guy that had cash, built house and was relatively very comfortable because i knew him. In fact, at a point it was like a competition and my blood pressure was affected when the guy was policing her bumper to bumper since they lived in the same state.

To cut the story short, after several happenings resulting to series of emotional injury, she apologized that she won’t disrespect me again and even knelt down when we finally met to beg and i accepted. Weeks later, she wanted us to meet but i wasn’t chanced to see her and told her i will let her know when i am free. During this time, i was observing her actions but she got upset and told me she doesn’t want the relationship.

I called to resolve the issue but she wasn’t forth coming. Relationship or marriage ooo she said she’s not doing again. I informed the parents and they said it’s not the first time that i should remain calm. I kept calling for resolution in the month of November, December(she only agreed to see me once and her actions weren’t the lady i used to know), January and February but still no show.

Note: Her words to me when she responded was that she can ONLY be my friend that if i don’t want friendship, i should go my way and if i continue to disturb, she will block me. Also note that my finances started picking up late last year and improved early this year to the glory of God.

I continued to beg through the mum till i stopped after realizing that it was stupid of me to have done so. Reason being that i won’t marry the mother and she as a matured lady has the final say to this. I am a principled man and she knows this because Rome wasn’t built in a day. But as a man, i cannot subject myself to all those shenanigans which has always being the problem from the onset. What you beg to enter, you beg to sustain.

So the relationship officially was 1 year and 6 months when she ended it. It was the aspect of reconciliation that kicked off just last month. So my people, even though me i dey sometimes hide inside my shell, i hardly go out at night and i also admit that i can stay for a while without seeing her, but the 4 months is not justified here. Is it not one that you have a relationship with that you can see?

My write up isn’t to castigate her person and it’s also never to praise myself. Seeking emotional advise on Nairaland isn’t my thing but i felt i should throw some light as this will also aid others that wishes to give advise before doing so.

Remain blessed all and excuse my typos.

Create a thread for this to enable you get more advice and response.

Thanks.