To make it short: 15 years happily married, 4 kids. My mother in law lives in a different country. She came to visit us some years back for 4 weeks and everything was well.

Now she came to visit for 3 months because of distance. She is leaving soon, and we dont get along well this time. She doesn't accept the way we live in Germany, nags a lot when hubby is not around. We had a serious argument today, now hubby wants to leave me since I don't show enough respect to his mother. I'm so tired. What can I do??

It is well

Show her more respect.
See her as your own mother and tolerate her excesses.

Florblu:
Show her more respect.

See her as your own mother and tolerate her excesses.

Very difficult for me....She is giving me hell

doubletroublmum:


Very difficult for me....She is giving me hell

Make it easy for yourself. Tolerate her,to even think she's not gonna be staying with you permanently.


Don't you care about your husband?

Why is your husband father to your 4 kids not taking your side?


Two choices, either you stay apologize and tolerate her regardless of what she does or you call his bluff and let him leave with his mom

Your moniker makes your MIL seem innocent

My moniker has to do with my kids - twins - doubletrouble...

My husband is never around when she starts her insults. She is smart and she will our a big show for him to believe her.

.

Please her in your peril...I repeat, place her in your peril.

Give her gap when she speak, don't be dramatic, don't be too opinionated.

Lastly, go and make peace with your husband and his mother in assurance you'll will never repeat the mistake.

I know you do not make a formal report to your spouse to back up your impetus to argue with his mother.

I know you'll temperate and consider if your mother in law is ur biological mother.no matter her unlikely deeds you'll liken it as ageing mentality therefore shrugging her shortcomings into oblivion.

Be a peaceful and award winning wife and outsiders will make good reference of you.

May God see you through.

doubletroublmum:
My husband is never around when she starts her insults. She is smart and she will our a big show for him to believe her.

You may need to do a video in future, I am not one to tell anyone to tolerate what hurts them

Thank you very much. Ive got to consider everything now.

doubletroublmum:
My husband is never around when she starts her insults. She is smart and she will our a big show for him to believe her.

Then get your phone in one corner, and start recording. Put it on permanent record (audio).
Gather enough evidence for a couple of days and play the recordings to your husband. In this world where we have smart phones, you can smartly gather your evidence
Or better still, buy some hidden camera that are so small, you will think they are minor decorations.. the video will automatically be recorded on your phone.

doubletroublmum:
My husband is never around when she starts her insults. She is smart and she will our a big show for him to believe her.

Then you too be smart. Stoop to conquer. Try your best to be a good daughter in-law to her when hubby is not there and more especially when he is around. Reduce your nagging to him about his mum. No matter what you complain about , she will still remain his mum...she ain't going out of his life...so it's best to complain less and with wisdom.
Even if it's you, you won't like your hubby to disrespect or treat your own mum badly (I am not saying you're doing this o). That's the same reaction he is exhibiting. We can badmouth our blood/parents but won't tolerate the same from another person.
Point is start being smart. Her stay is temporary. Lucky you.

Thanks a lot to all of you. You helped me a lot to face this situation. I will stay strong and polite. Let's see the reaction

My dear, some mil are like that. Don't argue with her. Just avoid her when she becomes insultive. Lock ur self in ur room or avoid her presence completely. One day she will do it openly in front of ur husband and then he will know what to do. Do not report her to ur hubby o. Men love dia mum to a fault. Let him see and experience her attitudes himself and judge them. If possible record her when she start insulting u

Be wise, and gather lotta evidence , not to submit to ur Hubby but to submit to all the family where u will be seen as evil. Don't treat her like ur mum cos I know some pple get away with talking to their mum freely and these could mean impending doom if u try same with mil, treat her as ur mil, that means tolerate her more than ur own mother, but never let her frustrate u,anytime she quarrels just keep smiling,let her see u smile so she can report that she was insulting u and u were smiling. Get this on video.
Above all keep showing her respect cos mothers have a huge influence in their son's life .So care is needed.

Just be polite. Avoid her also. Be miserly with words and just say "ok" to whatever she says whether you agree or not.

When your husband asks you about her, just tell him that she is wonderful and there is no problem.

If you can, set her up in such a way that your husband walks in to her displaying and insulting you. It will seem more unintentional than making a video and showing him.

doubletroublmum:
My husband is never around when she starts her insults. She is smart and she will our a big show for him to believe her.

some MIL can be so difficult. You wouldn't even know what exactly the matter is.. it's not easy tolerating them, but u just have to find a way to do so.. u can pray about it. When next she brings up her wahala, try recording the matter with your phone. Maybe this time your husband would believe u.

seriously I don't get it.
can't you compromise for a lil while?
you know she would be going soon, can t you just hold on and play along?
It's funny how we claim we can't control our temper or tolerate some things, but when we go to work our bosses do worse things to us and we would swallow it for years without talking back or complaining but we can't do same in our homes.
For the mere fact she would be going soon is just the consolation you need to endure. haba!

You simply can't tolerate the mother of your husband, who visited her son's house because you think she is not your mom and, therefore, not deserving of respect even when she is wrong. If she is mom, would you treat her the same way even if her behavior is unbearably nasty and churlish? Won't you tolerate and wait until she leaves your house just as she came? To prove you are equally a woman just like she is, you engaged in a shouting match which consequence is the basis for this validation-seeking tread. It is obvious you are the architect of your misfortune, as hubby has drawn the battle line which cast you in the camp of the enemy. You replied a member about the sheer 'difficulty' of tolerating her, yet you are worried about the ejection notice served to you.

Married for 15years and suddenly you don't know what to do or how to handle your mother-in-law.
You are here reading and digesting advise from folks who have never been married, the ones who have are yet to make it to half of the time you've spent in yours.

You should be ashamed of yourself. Nonsense.