Good morning guys. I need some matured minds and married men and women in the house to look into this matter and give me an ideal way to go about this. Would be a long read pls bear with me.

So late late 2021, I got married to my long time girlfriend. Before the marriage, my mom had a little reservation about the girl and her family for some odd reasons due to her tribe. She’s Igbo. Everything was funny because the first day I introduced my wife to my mom. She liked her and everything was cool. They where going on well until my mom started telling me she’s having some dreams about the girl and her family. She’s white garment member. I think her dislike started growing when she told my wife about her church and she said she can’t go to her church for any reason. I was a former member of the church when I was a teenager but with time as I grew I stopped going to the church not because it’s a bad church or something wrong with it. I just don’t fancy going there and also not a church type of person. My mom believe it was the girl that made me stopped going to the church which was funny. She has said that several times.

For the record, I’m an only child of my mother, my dad is late and she’s yet to marry again. I do everything for her like her rent, monthly upkeep, and also got her a good car. Initially I thought she was doing all these because she felt she hasn’t enjoyed me yet and another woman is coming into the picture which is normal for most parents. So I did everything I could to make her comfortable before my wedding.

We did the wedding and everything went on smoothly aprt from some normal family disputes and all but the wedding was successful. Deep down I know my mom still doesn’t like my girl because of her statement s most times but I don’t always give her that room so she’s always quiet and rather not talk what’s on her mind.
Later on, my mom started complaining of the money I give to her. She seems not to be ok with it. Trust me guys. I do more than enough for my mom. I just tried my best to handle everything well and sometimes allow her have her ways with her demands so she doesn’t see my wife as a stumbling block to her.

To cut the long story short, my wife took in and was due for delivery and her mother came like a month before the delivery. Actually my wife had a false labour that made us rush to the hospital and doctor said she has very high maleria and was in serious labor. I called the mother immediately and she started coming the next morning because she lives in the East. The doctor gave her some injections and drugs for the maleria and the labor stopped. Doctor told us it wasn’t the right time for the baby to come out because it was 8 months.
The next morning when she was strong, we went back home with the mother that was already in town.

The mother decided to stay till the delivery instead of going back and coming again when she delivers which I supported.
Two weeks the doctor gave us turned to 1 month and labor didn’t still come. All these while I never knew my mom was so bitter that my mother inlaw was in my house for that long. She once asked me why the woman didn’t go and come back. It was that bad. To make matters worse, I lost my child after a CS was done on my wife. It appeared the baby was in distress which the doctors failed to notice and came out with birth asphyxia. After about two weeks, she died. I opened a thread on that.

Problem started after I buried my child. Everyone was in sorrow and so much pains especially my wife. A day after the burial my mother called my mother inlaw and asked her why she hasn’t gone yet. Started accusing the woman of killing the child and all manners of things. How she had turned her husband to vegetable and now she wants to teach her daughter how to turn her son into vegetable too. It was really bad. They both insulted each other and quarreled seriously on the phone just a day after the lost of my child. She also called my wife and told her “shebi she doesn’t want children” my wife was quiet and didn’t utter a word.

I was in so much pain and so pissed at my mom for everything she did and didn’t even speak to her for like a month even though I still sent her upkeep money. I reported her to her uncle and a few respected people. I don’t know if they talked to her but nothing was done. No body called for any meeting even her own pastor that I reported to. Instead he told me it’s woman talk. That they both insulted each other and the rest..

After that incident till date. My wife, mother, and mother inlaw haven’t spoken to each other even though I have had more peace since then but the fact still remains my mom and wife are not in good terms. I have long forgiven and moved on with my mom even though that closeness is not there but I don’t fail to send her money for upkeep every month. My wife is cool with it and said she doesn’t want that closeness with my mom even though she has forgiven her too.

My mom and I talks once in a while and never for once has she asked about my wife since that incident and my wife hasn’t called either which I don’t blame her. The last time I visited my mom. She said some ill things about my wife and her family and even told me my wife is not my rightful wife and some other things. I usually don’t listen to her talks because I know how religion has turned so many people into something else.

The question right now guys. What do I do in this situation. The truth is nothing can change my moms mind about my wife and her family. But still as a husband, I still feel somehow knowing my wife and mom are not in good terms. My mother inlaw the last time told me she wants to make peace with my mom that they can’t keep fighting forever especially because of her daughter. But deep down I know the thought my mom have about them. So I just told her it’s not the right time and with time everything will be fine. I can’t force my wife to call my mom because she didn’t do no wrong. At the same time my mom won’t even listen to me for any peace making. There are more things to say but I will end here. Sorry for the long write up.
Your opinions would be deeply appreciated.
Thank you 🙏

You are a good man and loves your wife.
One becomes an automatic bad wife to her husband's family if the husband is the breadwinner of the entire family. In your own scenario, you are not only the breadwinner but also the only child, double wahala. Don't try to please anybody at the detriment of your marriage. With time and when the kids start coming, the tension will gradually die off, but for now focus on your marriage and ignore any third party that's against the success of your marriage.

This is deep. It's a very delicate situation that needs to be handled with utmost care. From your narration, I don't think you can ever get your mum to like your wife. Tell your mum your happiness depends on your marriage. For your sake, she should make peace with your wife. If she doesn't budge, then she is selfish and wicked

" can’t force my wife to call my mom because she didn’t do no wrong."

This is where I confirmed you're not yet a Man. I'm very sure you didn't tell us the full story. You withheld some information just to glorify your wife and mother in-law. Your post is just to paint your mom as the bad person here.


Ask yourself, if you drop dead now(God forbid), what do you think will happen in the next 6 months?

I'll tell you.

Your mum will be shattered. She'll mourn you till the rest of her life. She may not recover from the shock as you're her only son.

But, your beloved wife and her mother in-law will move on. Within six months of your death, another man will be shinning your beloved wife's congo and there's nothing you can do from the grave. Your beloved wife will remarry after your memorial service, if you're a Christian.

Out of all your family members, it's only your wife that is not your relative. Be wise.

Shalom.

Norah199:
.
Your opinions would be deeply appreciated.
Thank you 🙏

Bros, stop giving any of them attention.

Your mother, wife, mother inlaw. Gaslight of all them, this problem go stop.

That's how you handle women.

Ignore them. Just Waka commot without saying a word when they start their childish acts

Your mom is a trouble maker.

The matter don settle it self what else do you want to do, the closeness should not be force

Just be sending your mom money for upkeep then told her that you will be busy this days if she needs anything that she should call by doing so you will not be calling her everytime maybe you call one a week

For your wife just concentrate in fucking her until she got another belle
Don't discuss ur mom with her or her own mom and don't discuss ur wife with ur mom
I just come back from church let there peace

What a day to die in another man mater

E long o but I go try my best to finish reading - FINALLY I AM DONE READING

See don't stress yourself
Love your wife and comfort yourselves
You guys just went through a horrible season
Just be there for your mum and keep providing, but remember you now have your home and a new role of a husband and soon to be father.
Whenever your mother talks about your wife , remind her you love your wife and your wife is neither all she says.

You have done nothing wrong in all you've written
God bless you

Hmmmm.

Trouble is looming. All I will say is just watch for now and expect more trouble from your mom. Read my own threads to see how my own situation degenerated. For 10 years I had no peace in my marriage.

I am sorry you have to go through this. Sorry about your child. Also, console your wife. Relax and try again. Hope you guys don't live together with her?

There's nothing that can be done, please leave them like that.

Relocate your own nuclear family to another state and start a fresh life

Get your mother an househelp

The older , lonely and dependent your mum gets the more badly she would want to stay in her only sons house

That's your cross you must carry it

.

Zonefree:
" can’t force my wife to call my mom because she didn’t do no wrong."



This is where I confirmed you're not yet a Man. I'm very sure you didn't tell us the full story. You withheld some information just to glorify your wife and mother in-law. Your post is just to paint your mom as the bad person here.


Ask yourself, if you drop dead now(God forbid), what do you think will happen in the next 6 months?

I'll tell you.

Your mum will be shattered. She'll mourn you till the rest of her life. She may not recover from the shock as you're her only son.

But, your beloved wife and her mother in-law will move on. Within six months of your death, another man will be shinning your beloved wife's congo and there's nothing you can do from the grave Your beloved wife will remarry after your memorial service, if you're s Christian.

Out of all your family members, it's only your wife that is not relative. Be wise.

Shalom.

You don't know how bad some moms can be when melting out all manner of attitudes on their daughter-in laws. He knows his mom better than anyone. And I can sense that he is even hiding a lot of things his mom has even done. All in a bid not make her look bad.

He knows that he is in deep shit that's why he is speaking out. The fact that none of the people he is reporting to is talking to her speaks volumes.

When it was both of them alone, things were fine. He is in a situation he can't understand yet. And he has alot to learn cos that mama won't stop until she's done.

Did you see his emphasis on: I made her comfortable before my marriage so she won't have an excuse to hate the bride coming in. The mama get for hand on a good day.

I bought my mother in law a car to get on her good side. She opened a whole black book of encyclopaedia on my head. Your wife should not worry herself OJare. She should be of good behaviour not confront her in any away.

All the blame is on your mom right

Zonefree:
" can’t force my wife to call my mom because she didn’t do no wrong."



This is where I confirmed you're not yet a Man. I'm very sure you didn't tell us the full story. You withheld some information just to glorify your wife and mother in-law. Your post is just to paint your mom as the bad person here.


Ask yourself, if you drop dead now(God forbid), what do you think will happen in the next 6 months?

I'll tell you.

Your mum will be shattered. She'll mourn you till the rest of her life. She may not recover from the shock as you're her only son.

But, your beloved wife and her mother in-law will move on. Within six months of your death, another man will be shinning your beloved wife's congo and there's nothing you can do from the grave. Your beloved wife will remarry after your memorial service, if you're a Christian.

Out of all your family members, it's only your wife that is not your relative. Be wise.

Shalom.

Guy, why did he marry then, since it is only his mother that can give him true care and love?

So many weakling men nowadays.. This generation is fvked up.

BlongTrendies:



You don't know how bad some moms can be. He knows his mom better than anyone. And I can sense he is even hiding a lot of things his mom has even done not make her look bad.

He knows that he is in deep shit that's why he is speaking out. When it was both of them alone, things were fine. He is a situation he can't understand and he has alot to learn.

What if she's trying to save him from unforseen harm? No mum will be quiet or comfortable seeing his only son going into deep shiit, and remember, a man in love sees no evil.

Nwodosis:

Guy, why did he marry then since it is only his mother that can give him true care and love?

Guard your heart diligently if you're expecting true care and love from a Nigerian woman except your mum.

Zonefree:
" can’t force my wife to call my mom because she didn’t do no wrong."



This is where I confirmed you're not yet a Man. I'm very sure you didn't tell us the full story. You withheld some information just to glorify your wife and mother in-law. Your post is just to paint your mom as the bad person here.


Ask yourself, if you drop dead now(God forbid), what do you think will happen in the next 6 months?

I'll tell you.

Your mum will be shattered. She'll mourn you till the rest of her life. She may not recover from the shock as you're her only son.

But, your beloved wife and her mother in-law will move on. Within six months of your death, another man will be shinning your beloved wife's congo and there's nothing you can do from the grave. Your beloved wife will remarry after your memorial service, if you're a Christian.

Out of all your family members, it's only your wife that is not your relative. Be wise.

Shalom.

His mother enjoyed her marriage with his father till they gave birth to him and till his father died...

The guy is a newly wed he also needs to enjoy his wife and family atleast for the first five to ten years

With his mom around and giving attitude he might not enjoy anything called marriage or companionship and just become another miserable man


.

Your wife is 100% to blame for this. How can you open your eyes and marry into a family where you're not wanted? It's only a matter of time before the mother in-law will recruit more family members against you and your husband will be forced to side with them. It will take an extremely strong willed man to protect his wife from the animosity she will face from her in-laws that don't like her, a kind of strong will most Nigerian men don't possess. No amount of virtuousness can change the mind of in-laws wey no like you but desperation to answer Mrs no dey let you see road. You go do "hide my id" tire

Ireportlive:




With his mom around and giving attitude he might not enjoy anything called marriage or companionship and just become another miserable man


.

His mother in-law is the one around giving attitude not his mom.

His mom is far away from the family but she still extends her motherly love trying to save her son from impending danger.

.

dominique:
Your wife is 100% to blame for this. How can you open your eyes and marry into a family where you're not wanted? It's only a matter of time before the mother in-law will recruit more family members against you and your husband will be forced to side with them. It will take an extremely strong willed man to protect his wide form the animosity she will face from her in-laws that don't like her, a kind of strong will most Nigerian men don't possess. No amount of virtuousness can change the mind of in-laws wey no like you but desperation to answer Mrs no dey let you see road. You go do "hide my id" tire

dominique:
Your wife is 100% to blame for this. How can you open your eyes and marry into a family where you're not wanted? It's only a matter of time before the mother in-law will recruit more family members against you and your husband will be forced to side with them. It will take an extremely strong willed man to protect his wide form the animosity she will face from her in-laws that don't like her, a kind of strong will most Nigerian men don't possess. No amount of virtuousness can change the mind of in-laws wey no like you but desperation to answer Mrs no dey let you see road. You go do "hide my id" tire

Na wao. She might not know. Remember they had a blissful first year.

Zonefree:

His mother in-law is the one around giving attitude not his mom.

His mom is far away from the family but she still extends her motherly love trying to save her son from impending danger.

Like my first comment stated.. he needs to move his nuclear family away from both mother in laws and visit them instead

As for the impending dangers... He is a man, and should seek spiritual guidance as a man by himself.. there are many Alfa, Pastors and Babalawo that can tell him the truth

He is a man with Sexual urges his mother can't please, sometime in the cold night he would need someone besides him, sometimes after a terrible day at work he would need someone to talk to...
All this can't be taken care of by his mother, and no matter how you pay an Olosho they can't give you the peace a wife gives

If he lives far away from his mother and mother in law, he can rotate the visit every weekend, and also celebrate Christmas, new year, Easter with them

Ireportlive:


Like my first comment stated.. he needs to move his nuclear family away from both mother in laws and visit them instead

As for the impending dangers... He is a man, and should seek spiritual guidance as a man by himself.. there are many Alfa, Pastors and Babalawo that can tell him the truth

He is a man with Sexual urges his mother can't please, sometime in the cold night he would need someone besides him, sometimes after a terrible day at work he would need someone to talk to...
All this can't be taken care of by his mother, and no matter how you pay an Olosho they can't give you the peace a wife gives

If he lives far away from his mother and mother in law, he can rotate the visit every weekend, and also celebrate Christmas, new year, Easter with them

Fair enough.

He shouldn't take the warnings of his mother for granted. Life is deep.



Moh, Hope you are getting ready for next weekend tears?

Zonefree:

Fair enough.

He shouldn't take the warnings of his mother for granted. Life is deep.



Moh, Hope you are getting ready for next weekend tears?

Hahaha

Tears of Joy... Jagaban wining

Have a Bulubala Sunday

Zonefree:

Guard your heart diligently if you're expecting true care and love from a Nigerian woman except your mum.

Then not marrying remains the safest.

Zonefree:

His mother in-law is the one around giving attitude not his mom.

His mom is far away from the family but she still extends her motherly love trying to save her son from impending danger.

My mother inlaw lives in the East. My mother lives in the same town with us. And I never said my mother inlaw was giving attitude. Read to understand pls

Op
This is just the beginning.

Your mother is looking for how she can manipulate you to share her thoughts.

That is why a man will leave his father and mother and stick to his wife and become one.

My take; you need to use your 'ignore button' and face your wife.

When the time is right they will find peace themselves.

Norah199:
Good morning guys. I need some matured minds and married men and women in the house to look into this matter and give me an ideal way to go about this. Would be a long read pls bear with me.

So late late 2021, I got married to my long time girlfriend. Before the marriage, my mom had a little reservation about the girl and her family for some odd reasons due to her tribe. She’s Igbo. Everything was funny because the first day I introduced my wife to my mom. She liked her and everything was cool. They where going on well until my mom started telling me she’s having some dreams about the girl and her family. She’s white garment member. I think her dislike started growing when she told my wife about her church and she said she can’t go to her church for any reason. I was a former member of the church when I was a teenager but with time as I grew I stopped going to the church not because it’s a bad church or something wrong with it. I just don’t fancy going there and also not a church type of person. My mom believe it was the girl that made me stopped going to the church which was funny. She has said that several times.

For the record, I’m an only child of my mother, my dad is late and she’s yet to marry again. I do everything for her like her rent, monthly upkeep, and also got her a good car. Initially I thought she was doing all these because she felt she hasn’t enjoyed me yet and another woman is coming into the picture which is normal for most parents. So I did everything I could to make her comfortable before my wedding.

We did the wedding and everything went on smoothly aprt from some normal family disputes and all but the wedding was successful. Deep down I know my mom still doesn’t like my girl because of her statement s most times but I don’t always give her that room so she’s always quiet and rather not talk what’s on her mind.
Later on, my mom started complaining of the money I give to her. She seems not to be ok with it. Trust me guys. I do more than enough for my mom. I just tried my best to handle everything well and sometimes allow her have her ways with her demands so she doesn’t see my wife as a stumbling block to her.

To cut the long story short, my wife took in and was due for delivery and her mother came like a month before the delivery. Actually my wife had a false labour that made us rush to the hospital and doctor said she has very high maleria and was in serious labor. I called the mother immediately and she started coming the next morning because she lives in the East. The doctor gave her some injections and drugs for the maleria and the labor stopped. Doctor told us it wasn’t the right time for the baby to come out because it was 8 months.
The next morning when she was strong, we went back home with the mother that was already in town.

The mother decided to stay till the delivery instead of going back and coming again when she delivers which I supported.
Two weeks the doctor gave us turned to 1 month and labor didn’t still come. All these while I never knew my mom was so bitter that my mother inlaw was in my house for that long. She once asked me why the woman didn’t go and come back. It was that bad. To make matters worse, I lost my child after a CS was done on my wife. It appeared the baby was in distress which the doctors failed to notice and came out with birth asphyxia. After about two weeks, she died. I opened a thread on that.

Problem started after I buried my child. Everyone was in sorrow and so much pains especially my wife. A day after the burial my mother called my mother inlaw and asked her why she hasn’t gone yet. Started accusing the woman of killing the child and all manners of things. How she had turned her husband to vegetable and now she wants to teach her daughter how to turn her son into vegetable too. It was really bad. They both insulted each other and quarreled seriously on the phone just a day after the lost of my child. She also called my wife and told her “shebi she doesn’t want children” my wife was quiet and didn’t utter a word.

I was in so much pain and so pissed at my mom for everything she did and didn’t even speak to her for like a month even though I still sent her upkeep money. I reported her to her uncle and a few respected people. I don’t know if they talked to her but nothing was done. No body called for any meeting even her own pastor that I reported to. Instead he told me it’s woman talk. That they both insulted each other and the rest..

After that incident till date. My wife, mother, and mother inlaw haven’t spoken to each other even though I have had more peace since then but the fact still remains my mom and wife are not in good terms. I have long forgiven and moved on with my mom even though that closeness is not there but I don’t fail to send her money for upkeep every month. My wife is cool with it and said she doesn’t want that closeness with my mom even though she has forgiven her too.

My mom and I talks once in a while and never for once has she asked about my wife since that incident and my wife hasn’t called either which I don’t blame her. The last time I visited my mom. She said some ill things about my wife and her family and even told me my wife is not my rightful wife and some other things. I usually don’t listen to her talks because I know how religion has turned so many people into something else.

The question right now guys. What do I do in this situation. The truth is nothing can change my moms mind about my wife and her family. But still as a husband, I still feel somehow knowing my wife and mom are not in good terms. My mother inlaw the last time told me she wants to make peace with my mom that they can’t keep fighting forever especially because of her daughter. But deep down I know the thought my mom have about them. So I just told her it’s not the right time and with time everything will be fine. I can’t force my wife to call my mom because she didn’t do no wrong. At the same time my mom won’t even listen to me for any peace making. There are more things to say but I will end here. Sorry for the long write up.
Your opinions would be deeply appreciated.
Thank you 🙏

Firstly, you're blessed amongst women. I congratulate you on that.

Now to the issue at hand...

You see marriage ehh, just thank God that your own Ziggy zaga stared early with this, you will know the true character of your mum, wife and mother-in-law. All you need to do right now is to take your time to study these women in your life. Give it a space of 3 months. You will be the one who will reconcile all of these at the end but live your life freely.

Secondly: after the 3 months or even more, tell your wife you need to visit your mum with her that it concerns you and it is very critical (you know how you will persued her). Then take a knife along with you (act itooo) when you get to your mum's place with your wife, bring out the knife and tell them that if they don't reconcile now in your presence, you will kill yourself. Your mum will have no son and grandchild and your wife no husband.

Period.

pussygotlips:
So many weakling men nowadays.. This generation is fvked up.

Can you in a sensible way explain the reason for your comment?

oshopychi:
Op
This is just the beginning.

Your mother is looking for how she can manipulate you to share her thoughts.

That is why a man will leave his father and mother and stick to his wife and become one.

My take; you need to use your 'ignore button' and face your wife.


When the time is right they will find peace themselves.

She’s tried everything. I don’t just buy her talks and that’s the problem. She believed I have been bewitched. She has said several times I have been giving love portion