Why look for trouble?

Most of my friends and colleagues are now married, and complain bitterly about the way their wives suspect them of having affairs outside and always go through their personal items looking for clues. They all claim they respect and love their wives, however some do have affairs outside but do it very discretely, for instance when they travel out of town for official assignments. None would flaunt these affairs in front of their wives, as doing so is a sign of disrespect.

Now most married women in Nigeria go through their husband’s personal stuff looking for clues of infidelity. Nigeria is not like obodo oyibo where a woman gains a lot if she divorces her husband, in naija she gets practically nothing, is thrown out of the house and another babe moves in. Our society is based on polygamy so nobody sees anything wrong in a man having more than one wife, however because of the financial hardship in the country most people cannot afford more than one.

I often ask my friends who have affairs outside why they do it, their response is usually “How man go chop egusi soup all the time..”, I.e variety is the spice of life. In view of the fact that our society is polygamous in nature and the laws don’t really favor divorced women that much, why look for trouble when you stand to loose the most, just love him as much as you can when he is back to his senses he would stop all that outside adventure. A Nigerian man would never abandon his marriage once there are children involved.

Abi what do you people think, lets be practical and logical about this.

"Different couples (or groups) -- and even different individuals -- may have different ideas of what constitutes infidelity. For example, a person may not want his or her partner flirting with anyone else, may accept that but draw the line at petting, may be comfortable with their partner having only MouthAction, or may allow them sexual intercourse with others, or something in between; additionally, a person who identifies as heterosexual may accept his or her partner engaging in homosexual but not heterosexual acts with others, or vice versa."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Infidelity

So in your response to CalabarMan's question, please make sure you indicate the type of infidelity you are concerned about. For most women, the following actions would be classified as infidelity:
[list][li]Professing love to another woman: Verbally or in writing (e.g. sending cards, love letters or romantic SMS)[/li]
[li]Any form of sexual touching or act, or planning/anticipation of such (e.g. steamy SMS, letters, phone calls.)[/li][/list]

My question was clearly written and titled "Why look for trouble", sure infedelity may be applicable in some cases but not all. My question still stands, why do women especially the married one's go sniffing around when they can do practically little to stop the man if he is fooling around?

in the west here women get so much if there is a divorce but its a diffrent story in naija so if i am a woman, no point in looking 4 clues

why do women especially the married one's go sniffing around when they can do practically little to stop the man if he is fooling around?

I feel every married wife should once in a while sniff on the husband. You should be jealous about what you own and guide it judiciously. If not for yourself, do it for the children.

calabar man,
do you realise how many married niger women home and abroad have extramarital affairs? whats good for the goose is good for the gander so they let sleeping dogs lie.

[/quote][quote author=sage link=topic=555.msg7359#msg7359 date=1119552524]
in the west here women get so much if there is a divorce but its a diffrent story in Nigeria so if i am a woman, no point in looking 4 clues

women really dont go out looking for clues. they inadvertently stumble on these clues. besides that, the other woman outside gets more demanding of the man s time, jealous of time spent with his family. this makes the man less careful ,stressed, trying to satisfy 2 women and the clues come tumbling after.

The truth is that everyone flirts',its only human.D point is going out of one's way to pusue our lust to point o being too close for comfort to the object of our flirtration.A woman shld raise a brow if she gets suspicious cuz it just might put the guy in check.We shld only be smart the way we do in cuz every man is different

what bebe say's is true the man always mess up and a woman who knows her man picks up on it right away.

and now you see why most nigerian-american girls dont want to marry nigerian men? you see it? I dont blame them.
polygamy is wrong.how are ppl gonna sit up there and say ohhhh i'm a christian i'm a child of god, and blah blah yet u beleieve ur not a real man if u dont have 2 or 3 wives or ur not having an affair, like c'mon, some ppl need to get it together like foreal, just b/c you do it dont mean its right, every action has consequences.

I sorry for men whose wives sniff at their Boxers to find out if

they had done something outside. Really pathetic. As for me, the

day I start noticing my wife becoming suspicious of me that will be

the day I will be let loose. Personally, I don't, never suspected any one

especially women cos I don't trust any.

@ mellow
how can u sau u don't trust any woman? don't tell me u don't trust your wifey as well? IF You DONT TRUST UR WIFEY, what is your essence of being married to her? anyway u need to trust your wifey sha o

Even when I dont ever check her phone or get suspicious about her for any reason. And she keeps sniffing my stuffs. That means there is no trust. I trust her thats why I dont do that shit. Its kinda lame to me. If she' gonna cheat she's gonna cheat nothing gonna stop her or me.

CalabarMan:

Why look for trouble?

Most of my friends and colleagues are now married, and complain bitterly about the way their wives suspect them of having affairs outside and always go through their personal items looking for clues. They all claim they respect and love their wives, however some do have affairs outside but do it very discretely, for instance when they travel out of town for official assignments. None would flaunt these affairs in front of their wives, as doing so is a sign of disrespect.

Now most married women in Nigeria go through their husband’s personal stuff looking for clues of infidelity. Nigeria is not like obodo oyibo where a woman gains a lot if she divorces her husband, in naija she gets practically nothing, is thrown out of the house and another babe moves in. Our society is based on polygamy so nobody sees anything wrong in a man having more than one wife, however because of the financial hardship in the country most people cannot afford more than one.

I often ask my friends who have affairs outside why they do it, their response is usually “How man go chop egusi soup all the time, ”, I.e variety is the spice of life. In view of the fact that our society is polygamous in nature and the laws don’t really favor divorced women that much, why look for trouble when you stand to loose the most, just love him as much as you can when he is back to his senses he would stop all that outside adventure. A Nigerian man would never abandon his marriage once there are children involved.

Abi what do you people think, lets be practical and logical about this.

having an affair whether your discreat or not is being disrespectful of your wife and if your friends know about the affair then its obviously not discreate.  if polygamy is "accepted" then women here woulnt care about thier men with other women.  men in this country accept polygamy most of the women dont.  a woman wont look for signs unless he said or did something to make her do so.  if he loves his wife and there for cannot cheat on her he would care about her feelings and go out of his way to prove his love and faithfulness to her not get pissed off

CalabarMan:
Why look for trouble?

Most of my friends and colleagues are now married, and complain bitterly about the way their wives suspect them of having affairs outside and always go through their personal items looking for clues. They all claim they respect and love their wives, however some do have affairs outside but do it very discretely, for instance when they travel out of town for official assignments. None would flaunt these affairs in front of their wives, as doing so is a sign of disrespect.

Now most married women in Nigeria go through their husband’s personal stuff looking for clues of infidelity. Nigeria is not like obodo oyibo where a woman gains a lot if she divorces her husband, in naija she gets practically nothing, is thrown out of the house and another babe moves in. Our society is based on polygamy so nobody sees anything wrong in a man having more than one wife, however because of the financial hardship in the country most people cannot afford more than one.

I often ask my friends who have affairs outside why they do it, their response is usually “How man go chop egusi soup all the time..”, I.e variety is the spice of life. In view of the fact that our society is polygamous in nature and the laws don’t really favor divorced women that much, why look for trouble when you stand to loose the most, just love him as much as you can when he is back to his senses he would stop all that outside adventure. A Nigerian man would never abandon his marriage once there are children involved.

Abi what do you people think, lets be practical and logical about this.

I agree that unnecessary snooping is bad.

However some couples do not mind having their spouses go through their phone's contents and vice versa.
These are great couples who have nothing to hide and are totally open to one another.

And I think this should be the kind of marriage lifestyle we all should emulate.

CalabarMan:
My question was clearly written and titled "Why look for trouble", sure infedelity may be applicable in some cases but not all. My question still stands, why do women especially the married one's go sniffing around when they can do practically little to stop the man if he is fooling around?

Maybe so that they don't turn a blind eye and contract a killer disease all in the name of not looking for trouble.

Actually looking for trouble is pretending that all is well when one person is a possible bag of STDs bringing it home to the other.

Janeesa:
and now you see why most nigerian-american girls dont want to marry nigerian men? you see it? I dont blame them.
polygamy is wrong.how are ppl gonna sit up there and say ohhhh i'm a christian i'm a child of god, and blah blah yet u beleieve ur not a real man if u dont have 2 or 3 wives or ur not having an affair, like c'mon, some ppl need to get it together like foreal, just b/c you do it dont mean its right, every action has consequences.

They are Christians when it suits them

Motee:
why do women especially the married one's go sniffing around when they can do practically little to stop the man if he is fooling around?

I feel every married wife should once in a while sniff on the husband. You should be jealous about what you own and guide it judiciously. If not for yourself, do it for the children.

Now dis is ridiculous

mellow:
I sorry for men whose wives sniff at their Boxers to find out if

they had done something outside. Really pathetic. As for me, the

day I start noticing my wife becoming suspicious of me that will be

the day I will be let loose. Personally, I don't, never suspected any one

especially women cos I don't trust any.

most _retarded comment in the history of nairaland. So a woman should have every reason for trusting you but you cannot trust her in return?
I don't blame the increase in number of naija women that marry foreign men. No one wants a goat for a husband.

bebee:

women really dont go out looking for clues. they inadvertently stumble on these clues. besides that, the other woman outside gets more demanding of the man s time, jealous of time spent with his family. this makes the man less careful ,stressed, trying to satisfy 2 women and the clues come tumbling after.

U sabi!!!