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Wiseguy, why are you washing your dirty linens in public? No matter your reservations about your mother, gosh, it should not aired for the public to listen to. True that sometimes marriages breakdown due to the intrusion of marriages, but at times, it is the wife's fault.

some in-laws can be a living hell eeish!whatever it takes to cope with them only God knows.you have to match their class to be a son/daughter in-law.where love is concerned that should not be the case.i don't know what others think.and i think i 'd not really ignore but keep quite to have a peaceful environment.

Kangu, are you from Zambia?

In my own opinion,I think it is all about how you present yourself.
First impression really matters.
Mind you, don't ever try to pretend,
the consequences could be very serious.
Let them know who and what you are from the onset.
Your husband also has a role to play.
He has to make them see reasons to respect you.
They should respect you the way they will respect him.
You should evaluate yourself critically and see how you
can make necessary adjustments in order to live
peaceably with your in-laws.
It's not easy but at the same time,it's not impossible.
All the very best!

@ Ndipe

I wonder where you are driving at. I did not state that I hate my mum. Infact, to tell you the truth my mum's behaviour has really helped me in life and have taught me a good lesson and that is "to look before leaping". Someone needed an advice and I am driving my point home to air my advice properly so people can understand. And why people bring out there problems in a forum like this is because this is where they can get an open and frank advice simply because nobody knows who or where the other person is. So I really don't see how what i posted became an issue for you. When you read people's post, confne yourself within the context of the subject of discussion instead of attacking, distracting and discouraging innocent posters from airing their truthful and objective views on issues.

My advice to young couples like mine is that they should know when to draw the line, respect your in-laws and don't allow whatever problems you have get out of the four walls of your bedroom. Stand behind yourselves; that is the key.

Finally, my mum will always be my mum and i will never trade her with all the gold in the world. Her actions or inactions has helped in no small way to shape me into a man that I am today. She singlehandedly raised me and my siblings, maybe that made her tough but i am very grateful she is like that. it is actually a blessing in whatever.

my dear, pray that ur husband shid be d understanding type, and inlaws are not pple u shld back. because they cld turn there back on u any moment. so, act wisely.

Ndipe:
Wiseguy, why are you washing your dirty linens in public? No matter your reservations about your mother, gosh, it should not aired for the public to listen to. True that sometimes marriages breakdown due to the intrusion of marriages, but at times, it is the wife's fault.

and what exactly is wrong with him using himself as an example of how him and his wife deal with their inlaws? I found it very cool of him to share his experience. If you are the kind that can't do the same, that's your problem, why attack someone that is willing to do such?

as for your last line, I bet had it been your mom who treated wiseguy's wife that way, you would have believed all the lies and sent her away thus "blaming the wife"

again Pitiful.

@thiefofhearts
you took the words right out of my mouth

Why is everybody jumping on the bandwagon that it is always the inlaw's fault when a marriage breaks down? That is not always the case. Knowing my mom, I can recall her stance that she will never be a meddling sister-inlaw in anybody's marriage. At times, there are some women who would try to isolate their husband from his family because of what?

how exactly can a mother be a meddling "sister in law"?

anyway no one said that it's always the fault of the bride or husband's parents. They are all talking about how to DEAL if such a situation arises.

Well, some married women do have siblings, so what is your problem?@thiefofhearts.

My problem is that you use the wrong word?

Mothers become Mother-In-Laws unless of course the rules have changed

lemme go and check

No, the rules have not changed. Dont twist words around. I used my mother who was never a meddling sister in-law as an example. As of the time she made that statement, she wasnt a mother-inlaw.

No matter how nice you treat your inlaws, they'll still get on ur nerves, so my advice is: dont be too nice, try to be as courteous as possible, and let them know you ARE a part of the family, whether they like it or not. . . .

I guess that's good advice. It won't change them, but it will make them easier to bear.

Not everybody thinks it's the in-laws fault. Not being patient and tolerant on both sides I feel is a major factor.

every situation is different. and one has to figure out what works in their own families.

believing the in laws are always the enemy or the wife always the trouble maker,will not get one very far.

Interesting Topic i must say,

i think before the issue of marriage comes up, inlaws should be considered, because whether we like it or nit, they have a part no matter how minute to play in any marriage.

also many marriages have crumbled because of these so called "in - Laws". i very much agree with some of what has been said especially by wiseguy, buy we must also know that sometimes it aint that easy and people r different,

Bottom line, shine ur eye well B4 marriage,

My wife will forever be protected from her in-laws by me, and i really don't understand why so many times women have problems with mother-in-laws when the man should be there to protect them.

@wiseguy
Don't mind the haters. hanks for sharing ur experience with us all. Hopefully some people out therecan learn from this!

we shld treat our mother in-laws the same way we treat our mothers,by so doing, we wld have little or no problems with them. also, we should also commit all we do into God`s hands ,this does not exclude our mother in laws! chikeena!s

I really appreciate wiseguy sharing his own experience.
Some mother in laws are well meaning and overbearing, some are cold, unresponsive and distant.
No matter what kind of situation you find youself, you and your spouse have to have a totally united front and address all the issues with in laws before they creep on you.

In- law issues can be horrible (just like money issues), but I don't consider them to be dealbreakers as long as the bf/gf or husband/wife are on the same page.

If in-law or money issues can break a couple apart, my opinion is that there was no reciprocal true love in the first place.

u see, i am a Naigerian, Pure naija, a lady . In-laws are indespensable as far as Naija is concerned, to make it ''better'' i am a yoruba girl, from Ife.
i am not married, not even engaged, but i already love my unknown in-laws, that is the only magic that i think it would work for me, love that speaks tolerance!

Managing in-laws start from the first day. Be freindly but firm. So that they know you cannot be tossed about anyhow and before they approach you on an issue, they can be sure that you would only accept your best options.

It also has to do with the two people involved. They must know that their families are secondary to them and should show mutual respect to each other.
The value you have for yourselves would determine how your in-laws take you.

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I need more opinion on this topic. Front page please...

Not really. It is up to you.
I avoid mine, to the point they don’t exist anymore.

In Nigeria, you have no choice.
Everyone is a BUSYBODY!
Outside Nigeria? Very easy.

KanwuliaExtra:
Not really. It is up to you.
I avoid mine, to the point they don’t exist anymore.

In Nigeria, you have no choice.
Everyone is a BUSYBODY!
Outside Nigeria? Very easy.

N

lilyheaven:
Nigerian in-laws are really busybodies as you said.
The last time I warned my sister very well not to tell me how to live with my husband, she has not visited since then,
As for my in-laws, I was lucky to have a mother in-law who advised me to be careful with the people I will met in her family.
They live every day complaining to my husband, your wife can't call us on phone.

Absolutely.
It gets to a phase, you learn to keep to yourselves and meet only at social gatherings. Between work and immediate family members in my house, where do I get the time?

Please, make yourself VERY unavailable. Simple.

If they complain to your hubby. . . . Ignore them all. Just tell your hubby, you are not going there with him. He should face his family BY HIMSELF!

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