₦airaland Forum

eyinjuege:
A house wife's role is 24hours daily including weekends. If you go out and hustle, you come back by 6pm to meet food and sleep as a man. You dont know about homework, the time taken to juggle going to the market and handling the 5month old baby.
A housewife never rests from her duties. We all complain about wicked ogas who dont allow their workers rest or overwork their employees, yet we believe these women do nothing significant
It's actually harder in my own opinion doing house work/child care than settling bills o.
The typical life/reality of today's women is to settle bills and still do all the house work/child care at the same time. Double wahala for dead body

Then pay someone to do the house work/child care, lots of people already do this to make their lives easier.

JoannaSedley:
Your example of living alone nullified your whole write-ups.
We are talking about chores as a family. Where your families ....little babies depends solely on you to clean, feed and take care of them?
Your vituperation is totally out of place because it never addressed the subject of discourse. You are just venting as always.

I still stand on what I said that doing chores and paying bills are both hard. They are on the same scale.
Pray tell, why do people have nannies, househelps and servant they pay?

Because it is easier to have the house work and child care done by a paid employee.
See how you ended up making my point for me?

So pray tell, who should be hired to lift the burden of paying bills?

CHoccolaTE:
It depends on the nature of the man's job and the nature of the house/children in the case of the woman.
Some men work sedentary office jobs and basically sit all day doing their jobs. Or he could be an entrepreneur who only gives instructions to those working under him. If he has a wife caring for children who are a handful; they could be stubborn or like rough housing the woman will have a harder job keeping an eye on them and keeping the house running smoothly at the same time. Even if kids are well behaved, you still have to monitor their activities, go through their school work and do revisions, help with home work give emotional support, advice etc, so it really depends on the nature of the man's job and the nature of the family the woman is running.
Its not a fixed thing, you can't really say breadwinning is always easier or housework is always easier.

In another vein, only extremely few women are completely jobless or wait on their husbands to provide everything so I don't know how this ill thought topic even came about. Almost all Nigerian women have something doing to support the family and buy things for their children. Even if it's not a white collar job they usually have handiwork; hair dressing, catering, baking, makeup artists, event decorators, or petty trading they run.
Just go into any Nigerian market and see the large number of women who have stores there, its even more customary for women to trade in markets than for men to do it. So how can anybody still talk about women not contributing financially in this day and age?

My dear, house work is always easier.. Unless you live in a pig sty with animals running around, a normal household will not need that much cleaning up on a daily basis.

As for child care, this is even what I expected the lot of you to be focusing on instead of making my eyes sore with the endless tirade about chores. Kids can be a handful, this is really where you girls need the help from your men and honestly, I haven't met a man that doesn't help with the care of his little kids.

Eketem:
The funny part of this debate is that Nigerian women will always shout on how cooking, taking care of children cleaning and sweeping are very difficult jobs until it is time to get a househelp then they will get an underaged small girl to do these same roles and even when they get an adult they will pay below minimum wage for the same roles they say they should be worshiped for.



While it is selfish for men to want women who work share bills and refuse to share chores at home I think there is a lot of hypocrisy on both ends.

As for the poster you and your husband need to sit down write your bills and incomes and see what you need to cut and how you can work together to pay bills

You're a very objective woman.

crackhaus:
My dear, house work is always easier.. Unless you live in a pig sty with animals running around, a normal household will not need that much cleaning up on a daily basis.

As for child care, this is even what I expected the lot of you to be focusing on instead of making my eyes sore with the endless tirade about chores. Kids can be a handful, this is really where you girls need the help from your men and honestly, I haven't met a man that doesn't help with the care of his little kids.

Paying the bills is much easier if you love what you do for a living. If your job sucks, then it is different but I would much rather wake up and go to get the paper than clean and cook for a family of, let us say, four with the cooking not being the main problem.

Do not make the mistake of comparing your two-bedroom-bachelor-apartment with a family house with children. This would make you look like a simpleton, which you are not, or ... ?

Anyhow, anyway ...

Ladies, your contributions to the home front will not be appreciated, as you can clearly see here. Go out, make money and share the bills. Get the ugly house help 'cause the traditional wifey role will get you no respect, as you can clearly see here.

Make no mistake, sharing the bills but not the chores will make you look old and depleted fast, so if your husband won't share the chores, which Crackhaus would, as he once said, not consider his duty but a favor , because they are so easy to get done with , get the help.

crackhaus:
Then pay someone to do the house work/child care, lots of people already do this to make their lives easier.

Yes, lots of people have to have paid help. It's hard for one person to so it alone. However, don't forget reliable help is not so easy to find, as per fear of kidnapping your children or robbing your home is there.
The au pair/maid cannot do it alone. Most times, the madam always put hands to help when she is around. The maid will not do homework most times. The maid doesn't cook in a lot of homes.
If you make a maid do all the jobs in the house the same way the housewife is expected, you will be termed a witch.
So women who pay others to do the work no say e no easy.
So when

Acidosis:
Chai! Alot of bitter women (aka Cococandy/ Seawhawk recruits) don invade this section.

What is bitter about her post?

crackhaus:
Which of these is a lot harder to do:
Doing chores, or settling bills?

This is a joke right?

crackhaus:
My dear, house work is always easier.. Unless you live in a pig sty with animals running around, a normal household will not need that much cleaning up on a daily basis.

As for child care, this is even what I expected the lot of you to be focusing on instead of making my eyes sore with the endless tirade about chores. Kids can be a handful, this is really where you girls need the help from your men and honestly, I haven't met a man that doesn't help with the care of his little kids.

We will wait for you to have children, then we can talk of pigsty or not.
There's no house with children that can ever be spick and span. You have to constantly be on the move to clean up after them, otherwise You will see real pigsty.
The care of the kids include cleaning up after them, you can sweep more than 10 times a day cleaning up their mess. If there were no kids involved, there's not much housework to do. You dont need to vacuum daily, what of washing dirty clothes in a day?, ironing their mountain of clothes alone n ko?

crackhaus:
Then pay someone to do the house work/child care, lots of people already do this to make their lives easier.

How many people have paid helps compared to those who don't?

Besides, don't we see debates of maids cooking/ not cooking etc.?

And chocolate gave a very objective analysis. My male colleague go home to meet food and things in order; my female colleagues go to make that order happen.

And frankly if you are not married and/or a woman, you don't know what it takes to keep a home running.

And once a woman is working, she is doing double work especially if her husband is not hands on at home.

The major problem with chores is the time. I am out of the home for most part and still expected to do 24hr job of maintaining the home.

eyinjuege:
We will wait for you to have children, then we can talk of pigsty or not.
There's no house with children that can ever be spick and span. You have to constantly be on the move to clean up after them, otherwise You will see real pigsty.
The care of the kids include cleaning up after them, you can sweep more than 10 times a day cleaning up their mess. If there were no kids involved, there's not much housework to do. You dont need to vacuum daily, what of washing dirty clothes in a day?, ironing their mountain of clothes alone n ko?

Forgive them for they know not what they are talking about. Absolutely clueless.

eyinjuege:
We will wait for you to have children, then we can talk of pigsty or not.
There's no house with children that can ever be spick and span. You have to constantly be on the move to clean up after them, otherwise You will see real pigsty.
The care of the kids include cleaning up after them, you can sweep more than 10 times a day cleaning up their mess. If there were no kids involved, there's not much housework to do. You dont need to vacuum daily, what of washing dirty clothes in a day?, ironing their mountain of clothes alone n ko?

Don't mind him.
I know he is just writing any and every because he doesn't want to lose the argument.

When you marry and have kids crackhaus, you will understand why housework is more difficult with children running around the house.

For now you are Jon snow.
You know nothing.

Eketem:
Please note that I blame men for this situation too, if they did more at home househelps won't be over used.

You don't have to be rude to make your point though.

@your first paragraph,
good.
Thats the main point of the thread so let's stick to it.
Men are obligated to help with housework once the wife starts contributing financially.

Its not a favor, it's a must for them to assist.

crackhaus:
You're a very objective woman.

Hahahahha at objective.

We see what we want to see innit?

If you read her other posts on this thread, you will understand that she doesn't undermine those activities; she condemns the women who do not appreciate their helps knowing well how daunting the tasks are.

@Eketem:

As regards your first post:

I was going to say it is a family thing hence most husbands do not acknowledge their stay at home wives then I remembered the Nigerian workplace where your boss always thinks you are not working and wanted to scream it is a Nigerian thing till I remember articles on LinkedIn telling employers to appreciate employees.

So voila! It is a human suntim.

We are in the digital revolution and there is almost nowhere that manual labour is appreciated over brain power.

Someone once defined housework as something people do not acknowledge you do until you don't do it.

I wish I knew what the solution was.

@CHoccolaTE: Eketem is right.

I rarely see women appreciate their helps or acknowledge that she/he is doing anything worthwhile. Yet when those helps live, they run about like headless chickens looking for another one or age wearing themselves out to ensure the gone is still running at the maximum.

CHoccolaTE:
@your first paragraph,
good.
Thats the main point of the thread so let's stick to it.
Men are obligated to help with housework once the wife starts contributing financially.

Its not a favor, it's a must for them to assist.

I don't even use the term " Help " or assist, it is husband and wife's house and it is their bills, they HAVE to get it done, there is no help or assist, they are adults and should work together to get both done, any other help from outsiders is secondary. Even omugwo, I believe husband and wives should train themselves to get it done, it is not rocket science.

What I am against is the selective equality on both ends, men want equality when it comes to bills, women want equality only when it comes to chores, a woman may earn more but contribute only 20 percent because she believes she is a woman, a man may stay more at home and do 20 percent of chores because he is the man. I find that wrong it is their home they are obligated to work together and RUN IT, not help.

crackhaus:
Because it is easier to have the house work and child care done by a paid employee.
See how you ended up making my point for me?

So pray tell, who should be hired to lift the burden of paying bills?

Naa.
Because house chores is a job on its own. You get someone to do that for you while you hustle on how to pay the bills.
They are both jobs and a hard one too.

Wives are not being paid to do house chores that's why it seems unimportant and not difficult.

Wives, family and friends have been used for aeons to lift the burden of paying bills likewise doing house chores.

JoannaSedley:
Naa.
Because house chores is a job on its own. You get someone to do that for you while you hustle on how to pay the bills.
They are both jobs and a hard one too.

Wives are not being paid to do house chores that's why it seems unimportant and not difficult.

Wives, family and friends have been used for aeons to lift the burden of paying bills likewise doing house chores.

If y'all start getting paid by your husbands to do the chores, are we finally going to have some peace of mind?

CHoccolaTE:
Don't mind him.
I know he is just writing any and every because he doesn't want to lose the argument.

When you marry and have kids crackhaus, you will understand why housework is more difficult with children running around the house.

For now you are Jon snow.
You know nothing.

This is funny on so many levels.

Eketem:
I don't even use the term " Help " or assist, it is husband and wife's house and it is their bills, they HAVE to get it done, there is no help or assist, they are adults and should work together to get both done, any other help from outsiders is secondary. Even omugwo, I believe husband and wives should train themselves to get it done, it is not rocket science.

What I am against is the selective equality on both ends, men want equality when it comes to bills, women want equality only when it comes to chores, a woman may earn more but contribute only 20 percent because she believes she is a woman, a man may stay more at home and do 20 percent of chores because he is the man. I find that wrong it is their home they are obligated to work together and RUN IT, not help.

������

The issue is the selective 'equality'.

If chores are beneath you, face the bills without complaint.

If you feel women should not pay bills, face your housework madam.

bukatyne:
How many people have paid helps compared to those who don't?

Besides, don't we see debates of maids cooking/ not cooking etc.?

And chocolate gave a very objective analysis. My male colleague go home to meet food and things in order; my female colleagues go to make that order happen.

And frankly if you are not married and/or a woman, you don't know what it takes to keep a home running.

And once a woman is working, she is doing double work especially if her husband is not hands on at home.

The major problem with chores is the time. I am out of the home for most part and still expected to do 24hr job of maintaining the home.

If someone is not a woman, then that person doesn't know what it takes to keep a home running?
You typed this with a straight face?

No surprise though, nothing we don't get to hear from you Nigerian women. I don't have the patience to reply every single one of you that came swarming around me like a hive of bees, but the summary from all the mentions I got is this: lots of emotional blackmail with a tinge of entitlement.

You all want to have a family instead of staying single, which could very well have been a way to avoid all this complains about raising a family and running a home.
So after you all decide to get married, instead of just telling the prospective suitor that you want to be a housewife to avoid paying bills (Yes there are men who prefer this), you get in and then it becomes an unending struggle. Even getting a paid help which should have been a simple way out of the situation is something a lot of women can't still seem to figure out. You all claim to be going out daily to earn some bread yet won't want to employ another person to pick up the lapses while you pay him/her from this same income you people keep going out to earn - you just can't have it easy all round.

It seems to me the real issue here still boils down to women versus men. Most of you just like the idea of a man getting down and doing chores with you, I guess it appeals to the romantic fairy-tale side every woman was born with cos I don't see why the lot of you won't just employ a maid to ease the burden and zip it with the tirades.
It's quite simple really, this is how modern women behave.

[sub][/sub]

Wonder2018:
My dear tell me another story I don’t know, bills apparently the only thing this men do,
I was at the hospital with his child myself and his mum, for 3days taking turn, his own was just to visit for few minutes, and after discharge of course foot the bills, I noticed he became aggressive and my presence started irritating him, only for Oga to tell me today that I didn’t even show any pity for him after paying bills of 55k. Am asking him what I was supposed to do, he no gree answer, he said I was supposed to show concern that he paid that much on hospital bill, it’s getting tiring, all we hear is bills bills bills, I cook, I clean, I take care of your kids, I do the little I can, if there is home bill of 10k I drop 4k based on what I can afford Cause I pay office and salary bills too, why should I now now have peace again....
Single girls marry right oo, nothing is rushing anyone take your time to choose your man, long and short of everything.

Its not always about the money, all men have is ego. Did you massage his ego? Tell him thank you for taking care of the bills. Appreciate the little he brings and remind him he is doing fine but this could get better.

Find out how things are with him financially and just make him know you support his hustle and things could get better. You certainly dont know the battles he faces on a daily basis and his fears of failing you and the kids. His desires is to give you guys the best and not being able to do that sometimes makes him take out his frustrations and unfortunately you are the closest and dearest to him so na you dey always suffer am.

My side chick does something that burst my brain and puts a smile on my face no matter what i am facing at times. She sends a prayer via sms or just calls to pray for me and my success and does some other little things wifey wont do.

Truth is these little things is making me a better man on a daily basis ans she supports my hustle. With that, i am okay even when i am having the worst days ever.

kushdoctor:
[sub][/sub]


Its not always about the money, all men have is ego. Did you massage his ego? Tell him thank you for taking care of the bills. Appreciate the little he brings and remind him he is doing fine but this could get better.


Find out how things are with him financially and just make him know you support his hustle and things could get better. You certainly dont know the battles he faces on a daily basis and his fears of failing you and the kids. His desires is to give you guys the best and not being able to do that sometimes makes him take out his frustrations and unfortunately you are the closest and dearest to him so na you dey always suffer am.

My side chick does something that burst my brain and puts a smile on my face no matter what i am facing at times. She sends a prayer via sms or just calls to pray for me and my success and does some other little things wifey wont do.

Truth is these little things is making me a better man on a daily basis ans she supports my hustle. With that, i am okay even when i am having the worst days ever.

I have been expecting this point.

OP is certainly a Choleric. Na so dem be, her type won't even say sorry when she offends her hubby. The last thing a choleric would do is "massage a man's ego"

Acidosis:
I have been expecting this point.

OP is certainly a Choleric. Na so dem be, her type won't even say sorry when she offends her hubby. The last thing a choleric would do is "massage a man's ego"

You have all the answer to everyone's problems!!!

sexybaby22:
You have all the answer to everyone's problems!!!

No, I don't. I am not Jesus Christ.

Acidosis:
I have been expecting this point.

OP is certainly a Choleric. Na so dem be, her type won't even say sorry when she offends her hubby. The last thing a choleric would do is "massage a man's ego"

you have become obsessed with cholerics these days

Eketem:
I don't even use the term " Help " or assist, it is husband and wife's house and it is their bills, they HAVE to get it done, there is no help or assist, they are adults and should work together to get both done, any other help from outsiders is secondary. Even omugwo, I believe husband and wives should train themselves to get it done, it is not rocket science.

What I am against is the selective equality on both ends, men want equality when it comes to bills, women want equality only when it comes to chores, a woman may earn more but contribute only 20 percent because she believes she is a woman, a man may stay more at home and do 20 percent of chores because he is the man. I find that wrong it is their home they are obligated to work together and RUN IT, not help.

You're the wisest woman on family section.

GoodFaith:
Let me tell you young women
I was talking to a neighbor where I have one property
The neighbor told me he bought his house 40 yrs ago for $80k today in the neighborhood the house cost $280k
40 yrs ago one income can pay for a house and two cars
Today world families need two income .
One of the reason your women want the best
I have sisters
One of my sister save the down pay for their house
The other sister told me their house will be pay off in 10 yrs
My aunt told me she share the bill with her husband

that the females you knoe are doing it dosnt mean the entitlement mentality of men should be condoned

tell me did our forefathers have two heads ?
yet they were able to care for the needs of more than one wife without complaing like ops husband

why don't men also share in giving birth to the children. if they plan to have four kids the man should tell his new wife he will help her carry two pregnancies and then he will know that their are some responsibilities that a woman will forever be tied with and can't complain about. you think child bearing and rearing is that easy because you hear all the lovely songs of "sweet mama".

men are physically stronger than women but women take on a lot shit these days. compare an average married woman to her single counterpart of the same age. stress has worn her down . Yet these men still feel they did these women a favour by marrying them. some even use the money they have to cheat with reckless abandon leaving the whole job of caring for kids on the women


The average marriage today is one of wives " mothering" their husbands and still expected to be worship the ground the men walk on
African woman take a lot of shit that their counterparts can't take half of in foreign lands.


Many american husbands fear divorce like hell because they could loose half their fortune and the house they laboured to pay mortgage on. the same can't be said of Nigerian men . A Nigerian man will just wake up to drive his wife and kids out of the house they both built


women should better start training their boys that being a man is beyond carrying shoulder and having balls in between their legs

This is one reason I like IBO men

many of them marry late because they want to be able to have enough to give their wives and kids the best. They don't have to be super rich but whatever status they are in life they know their children won't lack basic needs whether or not the wife is working.

Just like a man helping out with chores is optional, A woman contributing should be optional too

Appreciate her for her roles and the fact that she still helps you with what you are expected to do 100%


very entitled Mommy's boys we have today smh

crackhaus:
Which of these is a lot harder to do:
Doing chores, or settling bills?

pleeeeease beg your wife to swap roles completely with you still taking care of 20- 30% of the bills like many men expect ( I'm not talking of the reality on ground how women of these era are paying 70% bills while their husbands gallivant and flirt with their money o)

when you swap with your wife for like a year come back and testify on nairalanders how easy it was

don't forget to carry the next pregnancy, breast feed the new born baby and still multitask while at it.
goodluck

Chubhie:
I think your husband using hindsight just realised that he would probably end the rest of his existence struggling to pay bills. His reaction towards you is basically a cry out for help- validation from his woman.

I believe that a lil more compassion and ego massaging towards your man might shift his perspectives and gift him the ginger to gladly break his bones to sustain a world he created with you.

Every man should learn to work thrice as hard and smart when single and put up systems and structures that would give him the licensed freedom to enjoy family life.

God will bless you

your last paragraph sums it up

men must plan plan plan when single

don't just marry because everyone says " bros its time o , you don get work na marriage remain"

if he had planned well they would probably only have one or two kids which he can comfortably cater for with the resources he has.

nobody is saying be rich , but a man should use wisdom
it not every time you grab yansh for unprotected sex without thinking of the consequences on your pocket and the stress on both of you.

crackhaus:
Then pay someone to do the house work/child care, lots of people already do this to make their lives easier.

seriously are you saying this?
op is complaining about bills you are still saying women should pay someone to do the domestic work

why don't you men just plan your lives well when single , instead of using all your singlehood in chasing girls without any kind of structure in place and no savings or investments before marriage

what the op and her husband going through is using the resources that would have been used to raise one child to raise four. Very typical in many African homes

After putting the kids through hell they will expect the kids to be their Messiah and take them out of poverty
and the cycle continues.

kushdoctor:
[sub][/sub]


Its not always about the money, all men have is ego. Did you massage his ego? Tell him thank you for taking care of the bills. Appreciate the little he brings and remind him he is doing fine but this could get better.

Find out how things are with him financially and just make him know you support his hustle and things could get better. You certainly dont know the battles he faces on a daily basis and his fears of failing you and the kids. His desires is to give you guys the best and not being able to do that sometimes makes him take out his frustrations and unfortunately you are the closest and dearest to him so na you dey always suffer am.

My side chick does something that burst my brain and puts a smile on my face no matter what i am facing at times. She sends a prayer via sms or just calls to pray for me and my success and does some other little things wifey wont do.

Truth is these little things is making me a better man on a daily basis ans she supports my hustle. With that, i am okay even when i am having the worst days ever.

you were making sense until you compared your wife to your Bleep!#g side chick

tell me does your side chick go half the things your wife does

is she expected by society to do half the things your wife does

or is she just someone who waits for you to come around screw her and drop more money every time she rubs your belly and sings your praises

you as a man when was the last time you told your wife well-done mama emeka for all you have done . I know childbirth has been tough on your body and it has never remained the same again after you had my lovely kids".

You compare your wife with your side chick

tell me if she was soooooo amazing , why not wife her and see if she will not forget to send you those adorable text messages under the pressures of being a wife in Africa.

stop deceiving yourself. stop living in lalaland

that side chick is only looking after her belly. since being a side chick is a full time job for many Nigerian females she must put in extra care to take care of her 9-5 (you) if you know what I mean

Oga , respect your wife

if you need your wife to pamper you more let her know.

Side chick is side chick wife is wife.
Nigeria isn't America where wives are extremely powerful when the law comes in . However a wife is still very "powerful "over her husband if she knows she knows

generationz:
that the females you knoe are doing it dosnt mean the entitlement mentality of men should be condoned

tell me did our forefathers have two heads ?
yet they were able to care for the needs of more than one wife without complaing like ops husband

why don't men also share in giving birth to the children. if they plan to have four kids the man should tell his new wife he will help her carry two pregnancies and then he will know that their are some responsibilities that a woman will forever be tied with and can't complain about. you think child bearing and rearing is that easy because you hear all the lovely songs of "sweet mama".

men are physically stronger than women but women take on a lot shit these days. compare an average married woman to her single counterpart of the same age. stress has worn her down . Yet these men still feel they did these women a favour by marrying them. some even use the money they have to cheat with reckless abandon leaving the whole job of caring for kids on the women


The average marriage today is one of wives " mothering" their husbands and still expected to be worship the ground the men walk on
African woman take a lot of shit that their counterparts can't take half of in foreign lands.


Many american husbands fear divorce like hell because they could loose half their fortune and the house they laboured to pay mortgage on. the same can't be said of Nigerian men . A Nigerian man will just wake up to drive his wife and kids out of the house they both built


women should better start training their boys that being a man is beyond carrying shoulder and having balls in between their legs

This is one reason I like IBO men

many of them marry late because they want to be able to have enough to give their wives and kids the best. They don't have to be super rich but whatever status they are in life they know their children won't lack basic needs whether or not the wife is working.

Just like a man helping out with chores is optional, A woman contributing should be optional too

Appreciate her for her roles and the fact that she still helps you with what you are expected to do 100%


very entitled Mommy's boys we have today smh

The women in America get married under the law which protects them, here family and relatives exchange a woman for goats, yam and wine in the name of list and bride price hence the men have no fear over somebody they purchased. That's the truth.

Change will come when women decide enough of the backward cultures that favor us, make better decisions when dating and stop marrying stupid men instead of fighting over a cheating man walk away. We need to take responsibility for our failures in this. We want men to pay for everything from dating to marriage yet shout inequality