Unemployment..
Losing my job late last year was a very low low point for me
Coping with life as an unemployed single mother..Taking the responsibility of a child alone..
9/10 out of every man out there just want to mess with your body cos they're of the opinion that you shouldn't have a choice as a single mom...And not all single mothers are promiscious...some are just victims of circumstances
It's really depressing.
But my child keeps me going.
2019 I strongly believe will be a positive turning point for me..

.

Simplecore:


After the bad debt, did you ever settle down to find the out the cause of it?
If not, do that. Then plan again.
Take it as a part of your success story.

Believe that guy at your own peril

If you were my sister, I would tell you to stay with someone who is stable and has future plans for you.

For starters, relationships can create a blind spot with one such that there are some things (good or bad) that it takes outsiders to see. Especially if more than one person is saying the same thing.

For me feeling/ chemistry is a dime a dozen that is, it comes and goes but love is a decision. Also, as you grow older, things that excite you about life changes and so is your needs in a man. In the next 15 years, you won't just be looking at someone that is handsome and makes you laugh, you will need a good father to your children and someone your family and friends will respect.

As for his 'traditional' side, this is a function of where he is coming from and how he was raised. But all of that can be adjusted with right the attitude and presentation. Generally, when a man knows his wife respect him, he is more favourably disposed to listening to her. Actually, women who understand that wield a lot of subtle power than even they know.

As for the new guy, the question is, would you feel the same way about him as you feel now in 10 years time? The answer will tell you which choice to make.

This is not about you staying single till your fourties or the difficulty of marrying from another tribe, it is about making a choice you won't regret.

My 2 cents

Lukewarm:
I am at crossroads in my relationship life right now.

On one hand, I've got this great dude I've been with for some years. Everyone thinks he's perfect for me because he's ready to be responsible and settle down, then he also plans for the future.

But the problem?

We don't seem to have that connection or chemistry. I find it hard just telling him I love him. But everyone keeps ringing it into my ear that he's one of the good guys and there are quite a few out there. So I promised myself to respect him and hope that is enough to keep a marriage going.

Then on to the minor thing:
1. He's a traditional guy. He believes all a woman needs to do is cook, clean, and conceive. He believes a lot of things are frivolities and a wife has got little to no say in the house.

This really badgers me.

But hey! He's one of the few good ones available.....right?

Then I got a shocker.

I met someone 2 months ago and its been a totally crazy and new experience for me.

It's the first time I've seen someone share the same warped sense of humour I've got. First time I'd meet someone that shares a lot of common interest with me. First time someone will creep into my subconscious and make me smile or even lol at something goofy he did or said.

Now, it's got me thinking:

Is respect really enough?

But my family is having none of that second thoughts. It so happens they'd conveniently bring up the story of a really distant aunt that lost her opportunity to marry by saying No to someone and is still a spinster at 45.

And it really isn't helping matters that my new POI is from a different tribe and isn't set for settling now.

So conflicted.


:-

AceRoyal:


To be truly happy in life... "NEVER EXPECT OR ASSUME ANYTHING"

Work hard and try to earn every thing u want or need.

Getting rid of entitlement mentality will make u a very happy person.

Thanks for telling him that!

yemisolar:

If you were my sister, I would tell you to stay with someone who is stable and has future plans for you.

For starters, relationships can create a blind spot with one such that there are some things (good or bad) that it takes outsiders to see. Especially if more than one person is saying the same thing.

For me feeling/ chemistry is a dime a dozen that is, it comes and goes but love is a decision. Also, as you grow older, things that excite you about life changes and so is your needs in a man. In the next 15 years, you won't just be looking at someone that is handsome and makes you laugh, you will need a good father to your children and someone your family and friends will respect.

As for his 'traditional' side, this is a function of where he is coming from and how he was raised. But all of that can be adjusted with right the attitude and presentation. Generally, when a man knows his wife respect him, he is more favourably disposed to listening to her. Actually, women who understand that wield a lot of subtle power than even they know.

As for the new guy, the question is, would you feel the same way about him as you feel now in 10 years time? The answer will tell you which choice to make.

This is not about you staying single till your fourties or the difficulty of marrying from another tribe, it is about making a choice you won't regret.

My 2 cents

Words of a sage

splendid2:
Are you the 1 on white in that your pix

Nope, my younger sis.

UyaiIncomparabl:


Thanks for telling him that!

Stop Behavin Like An Old Woman, Come On Facebook

I hate everything around me
An only child, life is not sweetening me

I hate everything around me

I TRY TO BE HAPPY BUT IT'S ONLY WHEN AM WITH PEOPLE

IF NOT BECAUSE OF MY PARENTS, I WOULD HAVE BE LIVING A LIFE OF I DON'T CARE

AceRoyal:


Let me tell you a truth no one will tell you about been an entrepreneur.
You will cry yourself to self, u will feel depressed, frustrated and discouraged. Hunger and brokenness will visit you. Your friends will abandon you.
You'll feel like you're wasting your time and ur frnds are making it in life while you're stuck. You will be laughed at, you'll hv sleepless nights and constant anxiety.
As an entrepreneur you're a warrior, u must definitely have battle scars, u'll cry tears, sweat and blood.
Change your strategy but not your goal.
Learn from the mistakes you've made.
This situation you're in is one that'll make you a better entrepreneur, if you learn from it and come out stronger.

Make sure you run proper background checks on anyone you want to employ or entrust with your money.

Be optimistic, even this too will pass away!

100 likes

I just had one yesterday.

What's the problem?

UyaiIncomparabl:
I just had one yesterday.

IamPlato:
Carry On With Your Hard Work but I Will Advice You Invest More Energy On Your Talents Or Gift... That Is Your International PassPort To Success

Truer words have never been spoken.

Do you see a man skilled in his work? He will be stationed in the presence of kings; he will not stand before obscure men.--proverbs 22:29

UyaiIncomparabl:
I just had one yesterday.

Care to share?

Homeboiy:
I hate everything around me

An only child, life is not sweetening me


I hate everything around me


I TRY TO BE HAPPY BUT IT'S ONLY WHEN AM WITH PEOPLE


IF NOT BECAUSE OF MY PARENTS, I WOULD HAVE BE LIVING A LIFE OF I DON'T CARE

You hate because deep down you're lonely.
Try to be more open.
Try to build good quality friendships with those around you.
If you want I can be your friend.

prestigiouslady:
Unemployment..
Losing my job late last year was a very low low point for me
Coping with life as an unemployed single mother..Taking the responsibility of a child alone..
9/10 out of every man out there just want to mess with your body cos they're of the opinion that you shouldn't have a choice as a single mom...And not all single mothers are promiscious...some are just victims of circumstances
It's really depressing.
But my child keeps me going.
2019 I strongly believe will be a positive turning point for me..

You're a very strong woman and a very good role model going by what you wrote!
Try to learn a skill or start a business, no matter how small.
God will see you through.
Keep on been strong and optimistic.

CaptainMitch:
What's the problem?

Hmmmmmmm

AceRoyal:
You hate because deep down you're lonely. Try to be more open. Try to build good quality friendships with those around you. If you want I can be your friend.

I fear sharing ideas with people around me
Cos they use it against me in future

my main cause of drepression is REGRETS. Yorubas will say 'arokan nii fa ekun asun i dake'
my job my marital life everyhing's just screwed up.



i just hope all will be well soon

Living with SNHL not an easy sontin. Wasn't born with it, so can't adapt. No friends, difficulty conversing with people, no job, and people seem to treat me as inferior. Brilliant individual, good grades despite the challenge, still no job. Lots of opportunities staring me at the face but can't take advantage of them. Why? SNHL! Like Bleep Bleep

Homeboiy:



I fear sharing ideas with people around me

Cos they use it against me in future

I understand your point of view.
I'm experienced it alot.
It shouldn't stop you from making friends anyway.
We can if you wanna be?

AceRoyal:

While waiting for a job, try to learn a skill or try to start up a business no matter how small.
As for your hubby not showing you love, there might be so many reasons.
You should get out of your comfort zone and use this time to build and work on yourself.

I can't type much but we can talk more via the number attached to my Monika.

i have tried learning tailoring after my first child could not finish...now I want to go and finish it but no finances...

I need a Christian lady in surulere to squat me for sometime for me to secure a job I went for

Lukewarm:


Thanks for replying. I'd soon be 23.

Maybe I'm conflicted because I haven't got much experience. You see, he's the only one I've ever been with.

When I tried leaving once, he told me if I could be stubborn and disobedient to counter who my parents approve of, then what kind of daughter or future spouse do I want to make.

Gosh! I've got to be decisive.

Hi Lukewarm,

I read your first post and this, the way you wrote the first post, I assumed you were already approaching your thirties only to read this and see 23: I was shook

Marriage is supposed to be long lasting (which scares me btw) and also supposed to bring you happiness. The pressure from family might be getting to you, you however deserve to be happy.

A lot of people would tell you stories of how other ladies turned suitors down and never got married but those are just scare tactics. At 23, you have life ahead of you, network, go out more and who says you can't meet a better person?

CaptainMitch:
I think I am an alcoholic, I drink too much, I am looking for a way to quit totally, I have been drinking steadily for close to 13 years, I wish I could quit.

Determination.
Also ask God to help you.

yemisolar:

If you were my sister, I would tell you to stay with someone who is stable and has future plans for you.

For starters, relationships can create a blind spot with one such that there are some things (good or bad) that it takes outsiders to see. Especially if more than one person is saying the same thing.

For me feeling/ chemistry is a dime a dozen that is, it comes and goes but love is a decision. Also, as you grow older, things that excite you about life changes and so is your needs in a man. In the next 15 years, you won't just be looking at someone that is handsome and makes you laugh, you will need a good father to your children and someone your family and friends will respect.

As for his 'traditional' side, this is a function of where he is coming from and how he was raised. But all of that can be adjusted with right the attitude and presentation. Generally, when a man knows his wife respect him, he is more favourably disposed to listening to her. Actually, women who understand that wield a lot of subtle power than even they know.

As for the new guy, the question is, would you feel the same way about him as you feel now in 10 years time? The answer will tell you which choice to make.

This is not about you staying single till your fourties or the difficulty of marrying from another tribe, it is about making a choice you won't regret.

My 2 cents

Lukewarm, best advice here. Take it.

Reading through your story, both of you are "traditional", the problem is overfamiliarity and curiosity of something/somebody new.

prestigiouslady:
Unemployment..
Losing my job late last year was a very low low point for me
Coping with life as an unemployed single mother..Taking the responsibility of a child alone..
9/10 out of every man out there just want to mess with your body cos they're of the opinion that you shouldn't have a choice as a single mom...And not all single mothers are promiscious...some are just victims of circumstances
It's really depressing.
But my child keeps me going.
2019 I strongly believe will be a positive turning point for me..

Please send me a pm.

ifyalways:

Please send me a pm.

Yes ma'am...

PM sent

Lukewarm:


Thanks for replying. I'd soon be 23.

Maybe I'm conflicted because I haven't got much experience. You see, he's the only one I've ever been with.

When I tried leaving once, he told me if I could be stubborn and disobedient to counter who my parents approve of, then what kind of daughter or future spouse do I want to make.

Gosh! I've got to be decisive.

he is using emotional blackmail to trap you.

I have read all and also I agree with respondents about practical measures. I would give my own antedote Jesus. I would explain. There came a point in time in my life I was very much depressed. In 2009 i was not able to get a job which made me depressed although God came to calm me down and i got the temporary job later. So over the years different life experiences depressed which made me to turn to porn and masturbation addiction. Sometimes to feel good I listened to secular music rather than gospel music. I saw gospel music as boring. And then I liked to have friends to feel happy too and also money. Whenever I had money in my pocket i was very happy and elated. Also I had girlfriends and you know fornication is a sweet experience. So I was happy but most of the times depressed. Whenever my girl missed my call i would become depressed till i heard her voice. So my happiness was on these porn, masturbation, sex, secular music, money, girlfriend, family and friends. So take these away and i would be depressed. I discovered these never gave me permanenet peace and joy. Even when i came to the UK as a big boy I was still depressed because of isolation and loneliness. And my addiction increased. Till I decided to surrender my life to Christ. I deleted all my secular songs and replaced with christian music. I watch only christian and decent videos. I read my bible and prayed regularly. I discover that the peace Jesus gave me was far greater than all the fun I had. Since then I have never been depressed. No porn no masturbation no bad life infact i dont need friends i only need Jesus and His love. So one thing I would encourage you guys is that you need peace and to feel loved first. Dont base this on job, or husband , or money because they would never feel the void. Is only when you have peace within you thats when life start becoming fun.

prestigiouslady:


Yes ma'am...

PM sent

Seen. Will respond asap

jesmond3945:
I have read all and also I agree with respondents about practical measures. I would give my own antedote Jesus. I would explain. There came a point in time in my life I was very much depressed. In 2009 i was not able to get a job which made me depressed although God came to calm me down and i got the temporary job later. So over the years different life experiences depressed which made me to turn to porn and masturbation addiction. Sometimes to feel good I listened to secular music rather than gospel music. I saw gospel music as boring. And then I liked to have friends to feel happy too and also money. Whenever I had money in my pocket i was very happy and elated. Also I had girlfriends and you know fornication is a sweet experience. So I was happy but most of the times depressed. Whenever my girl missed my call i would become depressed till i heard her voice. So my happiness was on these porn, masturbation, sex, secular music, money, girlfriend, family and friends. So take these away and i would be depressed. I discovered these never gave me permanenet peace and joy. Even when i came to the UK as a big boy I was still depressed because of isolation and loneliness. And my addiction increased. Till I decided to surrender my life to Christ. I deleted all my secular songs and replaced with christian music. I watch only christian and decent videos. I read my bible and prayed regularly. I discover that the peace Jesus gave me was far greater than all the fun I had. Since then I have never been depressed. No porn no masturbation no bad life infact i dont need friends i only need Jesus and His love. So one thing I would encourage you guys is that you need peace and to feel loved first. Dont base this on job, or husband , or money because they would never feel the void. Is only when you have peace within you thats when life start becoming fun.

.hmmmm..I guess I'm struggling with this same issue...it's not easy ...especially the porn aspect