₦airaland Forum

hi I'm Micki (not my real name) from the northern part of Nigeria. we moved to the UK years ago but were back now cause my dad wants to get more familiar with the Nigerian culture.
I'm the first of four siblings and I hate my dad soooooooo much. I dunno what's wrong with me but sometimes, I feel like I want to be lonely. in fact, all the time. I recently deleted all my contacts apart from three cause I want to be lonely. I love hurting myself emotionally and I have no self esteem. I often walk with my head bent down, wearing a hoody. I plan to be alone when I enter uni.
I feel like I'm outta my mind.
my parents dont support me atall. especially my dad. I hate him cause he has no respect for my mom. I mean my mom does everything. she bought the TV, subscribes the channels, paints the house, buy food stuff and so on. but my dad shouts at her and insults her. he says noone has respect for her atall.
he smashed her phone to pieces recently.
I always cry to my pillow at night cause I have no one. no one calls my phone, texts me or anything. I'm completely friendless.
I love hurting myself emotionally. I has no friends in high school. actually, I had a mental problem in 7th grade(jsone) which made people tag me as mad even after I was completely treated. the only people I hanged with in high school were my juniors and my few classmates that hanged with me were mocked and were shy of walking with me in public. because of how lonely I was in high school, I started talking to myself. like I literally have a world of my own in my head. I imagine me as a hot teenager with a lot of friends and people that care. I practically hide in my imagination when reality is bitter to me. I think its getting out of hand cause I have imaginary friends and families. sometimes, when I'm living in my imagination, I say something funny there to myself and starts laughing and smiling to myself and people think I'm crazy.
I think its all my dad's fault I'm this way cause he brought me to Nigeria for my secondary education and when I told him I dint like the school and I'm lonely, he told me to endure but see where it all landed me. I'm stucked up with my imaginary world that nothing makes me happy in the real world anymore. I'm scared to face reality cause I'm scared of reality.
in reality, I'm very very very lonely, I don't have any close friends, no boyfriend, nobody cares, I love being emotionally hurt to d extent that made my boyfriend break up with me.
anytime I cry, the reality dawns on me and I cry for everything. I cry for what I've been through, i pity myself a lot. my parents dont allow me on social media only WhatsApp.
nobody cares about Me.
I'm planning to leave home after uni. I'm planning to go back to the UK and change my name, do plastic surgery and start a new life. this is my only hope and no one should discourage me about the path I want to take cause that's my one and only hope.
I love hurting myself emotionally and I feel better when I cry.
when I'm in reality, I feel like killing myself.
I once took rat poison but it didn't work. my next attempt is gon be sniper
I don't have the guts to tell my dad not to speak to shout at my mom so anytime it happens, I just cry my life out and pray that my dad dont kill her.
I dunno how to survive this few years cause I dont plan on making any friend in uni.
I have a plan on seeing a psychologist when I go to the UK cause I'm tired of living in my imagination but there's no where out for now.
please nairalanders please tell me what's wrong with me and what to do cause I'm going crazy and I have a lot of negative thoughts in my mind.

Dear Micki, please how old are you?

You need to go see a psychiatrist

Davash222:
Dear Micki, please how old are you?

16

jaymicki:
16

At 16, I still don’t understand why and how you’re feeling depressed and suicidal. We have millions over the age of 30 staying in Nigeria, they’ve seen hell and yet they’re still strong. I believe life was rosy for you back then in UK hence you’re finding it difficult to adjust here.

Learn to free your mind from negative thoughts. At 16, you can still talk to your dad about how he treats your mom. Approach him on his happy day and have a talk with him.

Shalom.

GolDRoger:
You need to go see a psychiatrist

I've thought of this but my parents won't let me. they'll take me to a prayer house instead or tell me that they're my psychiatrist

Davash222:
At 16, I still don’t understand why and how you’re feeling depressed and suicidal. We have millions over the age of 30 staying in Nigeria, they’ve seen hell and yet they’re still strong. I believe life was rosy for you back then in UK hence you’re finding it difficult to adjust here.

Learn to free your mind from negative thoughts. At 16, you can still talk to your dad about how he treats your mom. Approach him on his happy day and have a talk with him.

Shalom.

thanks a lot davash, but you've not met my dad. the moment I do that, he's sending me packing.

Davash222:
At 16, I still don’t understand why and how you’re feeling depressed and suicidal. We have millions over the age of 30 staying in Nigeria, they’ve seen hell and yet they’re still strong. I believe life was rosy for you back then in UK hence you’re finding it difficult to adjust here.

Learn to free your mind from negative thoughts. At 16, you can still talk to your dad about how he treats your mom. Approach him on his happy day and have a talk with him.

Shalom.

my dad is gonna kill me if I try that.

jaymicki:
my dad is gonna kill me if I try that.

but thats really what you wanted
but this time insteat of sucide it will be murder

so what am i saying?? You still need to talk to him
on his good day, he is still ur father
or meet ur Uncle(s) to talk some sense into him