₦airaland Forum

god forgives, i dont

Ovasize:
You may never know how difficult it is to forgive until you have to forgive someone who doesn't deserve it.

I try to forgive my friend for what he did to me but each time I remember what he did to me I feel so terrible.

I can relate bro. I have people like that myself. However the contents of this post helped me greatly. I pray God speedily heals your heart of the emotional that your friend caused you.

Its normal to forgive, but its not normal to forget... If you forget, then you are having memory problems or brain tissue damages... You need to see a doctor...

Temple1288:
Some certain things are unforgettable and unforgivable!

3 months before the time I was about to purchase a Plane ticket.. My friend Justice Wikali (a very close friend. In fact my best friend.. I trusted him so much and I also promised him I wasn't going to forget about our friendship) took my ATM Card, went and collected 271,000 within the space of 3hrs. I can't explain much about how he did it.. IT WAS THE LAST TIME I SAW HIM FACE TO FACE! I started all over again to make up for the money, finally I got what I wanted.. Now looking at it, he still sends me texts on Facebook. I've tried deeply to forgive him but I still think it was just wickedness... There are people who go through a lot and you some vowing never to forgive!

This is so painful. Pure wickedness. Sometimes our most trusted friends break our hearts the most. Just give it time bro, the pain heals with time.

fairfora:
When someone keeps doing same thing again and again and again, yet you keep forgiving but the person has refused to change until what that person does to you leads you to early death, isn't it better you just bark off, since she's refused to change?There's a woman who has been givingher husband hell in the neigbbourgood from day one. She had been reported to family members, including her parents and siblings but she wouldn't change. The husband set her up in business which blossom and he takes good care of children, her parents too. Now, he's about having a heart attack just because of this woman he's been forgiving, enduring and tolerating for 9 good years. So, do you advise the man remains in that marriage without finding a solution to his problems? Dis the bible say if you divorce, you wont enter heaven? I learnt many have missed heaven because of a bad marriage, leading them into doing what they have never wished to have done outside , just to make themselves happy, like drinking and stuffs. If the man leaves the marriage and still caters for the family especially the kids. In my opinion, it's quite better and this also applies to ladies or women facing the same issues. Whars your take on this as touching forgiveness?

Modified.

Route
Separate yourself. That woman might be possessed or even a witch. Forget religious talk about divorce. Take time out and pray not just about her, but against anyone after your life. Pray it like your life depends on it. That evil spouse will pay dearly for the harm they have caused. Take care of your kids. If the spouse does nonsense or resorts to violenc, don't hesitate to arrest them take legal action,prosecuting the. To the fullest. Nobody had the right to hurt another continually.

This is the better alternative.

fairfora:
When someone keeps doing same thing again and again and again, yet you keep forgiving but the person has refused to change until what that person does to you leads you to early death, isn't it better you just bark off, since she's refused to change?There's a woman who has been givingher husband hell in the neigbbourgood from day one. She had been reported to family members, including her parents and siblings but she wouldn't change. The husband set her up in business which blossom and he takes good care of children, her parents too. Now, he's about having a heart attack just because of this woman he's been forgiving, enduring and tolerating for 9 good years. So, do you advise the man remains in that marriage without finding a solution to his problems? Dis the bible say if you divorce, you wont enter heaven?

Forgiving someone their offences does not always mean u MUST STAY with them. Divorce does not stop people from going to heaven, not believing in Jesus does.

salt1:
I'm sorry to say this, but your explanation of the first myth is wrong. It's not a myth. It's Biblical. Jesus said if you refuse to forgive others, you forfeit your own forgiveness. Period. Don't water down a commandment of the Lord.

Is it easy? No. But if you intend to go to heaven, you must meet the conditions. You can't harbour grievances and resentments and still approach a holy God Who richly forgave you of adultery, murder and other heinous sins. Knowing just how much we've been forgiven should make us extend the same graciousness and mercy to others. As Jesus is, so are we in this world

Would you mind reading the explanation on why that first point is a myth again? This time SLOWLY sir

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and to discover the prisoner was you.

May God in his infinite mercy bless the writer,the one that copy&paste and those that have a hand in pushing this to Front Page
For the past two months and 1 day to be precise
I have been through a lot,I am of the belief that forgiveness by many Christian is just to favour the "doer" or the party that commit the offence
You haer something like "God ask us to forgive those who forgive us,
" Children of God must forgive"
Forgive and forget e.t.c
Last week in church I fankly say it "openly"
Did God say you should break people,betray them ,kill their joy,and make them lose their happiness
If you so called self acclaimed Christian love you neighbours as your self,will you kill their happiness and joy
This is my situation
I woke up again this morning, decided to just go out

Here iam again,the normal cycle
Thinking about the pains,anguish and hurt caused by this person
My body and soul is at variance on whether to forgive this person
One moment I feel it is cool,the other moment I am acting and re-acting the combination and magnitude of hatred I think this person deserves
This became so heavy on me,I had to pick up my phone .......straight to Nairaland and lol...indeed God is great

God the author of our faith knows the innermost thoughts of our heart
Thank you Jesus,Thank you holy Ghost
This time as you said "nothing to hide for God
I will tell him and he will surely bless me with peace
His grace endureth forever

benluck:
To forgive is to set a prisoner free and to discover the prisoner was you.

Exactly bro

I feel I've forgiven but finding it difficult to let go...
I really pray for grace.

unstoppable51:
Would you mind reading the explanation on why that first point is a myth again? This time SLOWLY sir

My position is that it is not a myth. It is the Truth as spoken by our Lord Jesus Christ. Your explanation is uncalled for.

Eternal destinies depend on forgiveness, because nobody will approach heaven with any unforgiveness .

1 Timothy 4:16 KJV
Take heed unto thyself, and unto the doctrine; continue in them: for in doing this thou shalt both save thyself, and them that hear thee.

unstoppable51:
This is so painful. Pure wickedness. Sometimes our most trusted friends break our hearts the most. Just give it time bro, the pain heals with time.

Just in 2months time and it'd be 3yrs... He said he wanted to enlarge the money, cuz if he asked me I wouldn't concur. How'd you have enlarged it was my question and he said he played Nairabet with my money.. Something that would have ended my life? Someone we both ate from the same plate..


Well I know one day it's going to clear off my heart.

Habeyy:
May God in his infinite mercy bless the writer,the one that copy&paste and those that have a hand in pushing this to Front Page
For the past two months and 1 day to be precise
I have been through a lot,I am of the belief that forgiveness by many Christian is just to favour the "doer" or the party that commit the offence
You haer something like "God ask us to forgive those who forgive us,
" Children of God must forgive"
Forgive and forget e.t.c
Last week in church I fankly say it "openly"
Did God say you should break people,betray them ,kill their joy,and make them lose their happiness
If you so called self acclaimed Christian love you neighbours as your self,will you kill their happiness and joy
This is my situation
I woke up again this morning, decided to just go out

Thanks for sharing how exactly u feel right now, I can only imagine how hurt u are. I pray your heart heals speedily from this and you find the strength to let go, effortlessly!

Habeyy:
May God in his infinite mercy bless the writer,the one that copy&paste and those that have a hand in pushing this to Front Page
For the past two months and 1 day to be precise
I have been through a lot,I am of the belief that forgiveness by many Christian is just to favour the "doer" or the party that commit the offence
You haer something like "God ask us to forgive those who forgive us,
" Children of God must forgive"
Forgive and forget e.t.c
Last week in church I fankly say it "openly"
Did God say you should break people,betray them ,kill their joy,and make them lose their happiness
If you so called self acclaimed Christian love you neighbours as your self,will you kill their happiness and joy
This is my situation
I woke up again this morning, decided to just go out

Here iam again,the normal cycle
Thinking about the pains,anguish and hurt caused by this person
My body and soul is at variance on whether to forgive this person
One moment I feel it is cool,the other moment I am acting and re-acting the combination and magnitude of hatred I think this person deserves
This became so heavy on me,I had to pick up my phone .......straight to Nairaland and lol...indeed God is great

God the author of our faith knows the innermost thoughts of our heart
Thank you Jesus,Thank you holy Ghost
This time as you said "nothing to hide for God
I will tell him and he will surely bless me with peace
His grace endureth forever

Amen!
Let me add something that might encourage you more. When you let go of the bitterness, guess who's the greatest beneficiary? Yourself!
Carrying an unforgiving attitude is like drinking poison and hoping another person will die. The person who hurt you so deeply is freely enjoying his life while you're dying inside. You don't deserve to do that to yourself. Release yourself from that prison

benluck:
To forgive is to set a prisoner free and to discover the prisoner was you.

Loud it bro!!!!!
You're not doing it just because God commanded it. You are giving yourself a wonderful gift

Just give it time.
Time tells, Time heals

As a Christian we must forgive those who offended us ..... even if you find it difficult to forgive...... BUT there are times you must cut all ties with some people....infact you must distant yourself completely from wicked and toxic people .... because I forgive you does not mean we remain friends.... you should forgive but you don't have to restore the relationship ....... for example you caught your maid molesting your 3yr old son or daughter .....you forgive but sorry you can no longer be in my employment ....you must leave .....or you caught your brother red-handed trying to use your pant or boxer for juju....you forgive but you must distant yourself from such sibling for your YOUR OWN PROTECTION....IF YOU KNOW SAY PERSON BE WITCH BUT OUT OF YOUR NICENESS you LET HER KILL YOU nah your luck be that....... I forgive but I can cut you off totally......if someone appear to sworn that you will not have peace,the person keeps tormenting you even if he is your husband or wife divorce him or her ,if he is your father or mother disown them...... The bottom line is distant yourself from all forms of abusive friendship or family ties.....you owe people forgiveness (irrespective of how wicked they have been to you) but refuse to friends with wicked people

Temple1288:
Just in 2months time and it'd be 3yrs... He said he wanted to enlarge the money, cuz if he asked me I wouldn't concur. How'd you have enlarged it was my question and he said he played Nairabet with my money.. Something that would have ended my life? Someone we both ate from the same plate..


Well I know one day it's going to clear off my heart.

Nairabet? Of all businesses he could have done with the money, it is "luck" that he decided to invest it in. Human beings hardly learn.
Just be real and tell God exactly how you feel about the whole situation and ask Him to help you deal with the pain. You can begin the healing process that way NOW

.

Admit > Restitution > Forgiveness. How about this OP?

Sometimes forgiveness is a sin, This days people hurt you internationally, So who Bleep up must collect.

Sometimes forgivenss is a sin, This Days People hurt you intentionally, So who Bleep up must to collect.

unstoppable51:
From FeedMeJesus.com

Have you been hurt by someone close to you, a friend, brother, colleague at work or even your spouse? And you are finding it difficult to forgive this person even though you are a Christian and knows as believers we ought to forgive those who hurt us?

Let me show you what you can do that will practically help to forgive and let go of the pains caused you by others.

We live in a world that is filled with so much uncertainties, though this is not how our Father planned it to be, but that is the reality we find ourselves in today.

Our close friends and loved ones often shattering our hearts, betraying our trust and doing things that make us wonder “so this person could hurt me this much and still act like everything is OK.”

While it is true that some persons hurt us accidentally without knowing the gravity of their actions to us, there are also those who actually do so on purpose, taking advantage of our love, trust or care to cause us harm. It is this last set of people that are often the most difficult to forgive.

So what do we do when we are hurt by the people we least expect and we are having a hard time forgiving them?

First, I am going to take my time to debunk some popular myths surrounding forgiveness that has limited so many people today.

Myth 1: If you do not forgive others, God will not forgive you

This popular belief gotten from scriptures not properly explained, tries to make you the initiator of forgiveness while God only responds to your actions.

It puts you in the position where God only forgives you after you have forgiven those who hurt you.

While it is true that this notion was gotten from the Bible, it is also true that this on its own should never be used as a doctrine for the church today. Why?

The reason is because apart from the Gospels (Matthew and Mark to be specific) no other writer of the books of the Bible ever presented God this way, even in the Old Testament. God is always presented as the initiator of forgiveness.

Psalms 103:2-3 & verse 12 put it this way:

“Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits: who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases; as far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.”

The Epistles put it this way:

“In whom we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sin, according to the riches of his grace.” Eph.1:7 KJV

We have forgiveness now according to riches of his grace, not according to how we have forgiven others.

Again in Ephesians:

“And be ye kind to one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” Eph.4:32 KJV

Here we are asked to forgive others in the same way God forgave us. Not forgive so God will forgive us. Colossians reiterated this.

“Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.” Col.3:13 KJV

Again, here the motivation is to forgive others because you have been forgiven already not so as to be forgiven.

If that is true, why did Jesus make the statement in the first place, telling the Jews to forgive so as to be forgiven by God?

The answer lies in the audience. Jesus was speaking to the people of his day who were under the Law. He wasn’t giving them the presentation of the God of grace there, he was actually amplifying the Law of “do good get good” the Jews already had.

He had to stretch the Law of works the Jews were cleaving to in order to bring them to the end of themselves where they can reason, “how on earth am I ever going to be forgiven by God, if He will have to depend on how I forgive others before forgiving me? Including who are no longer within my reach so I can tell them I’ve forgiven them and even those I’ve forgotten about.”

Jesus amplified the Law for them to see how impossible it is for a human to achieve, merit or receive forgiveness based on his own efforts and then completely trust in God’s amazing grace for forgiveness. He was giving them a new Law or doctrine. (See Romans 3:19)

Myth 2: Since I am already forgiven, I need not forgive others

This notion is peddled by those who carelessly lift scriptures out of context, thereby misleading themselves and others.

In almost every book of the Bible where you are told of the eternal forgiveness you have in Christ, you are also instructed to “forgive others”, “walk in love”, “be tenderhearted towards others” and much more.

Because just as little children, we ought to initiate our heavenly Father who has taken the first step in forgiving us our own trespasses.

Myth 3: Forgive and forget

You have probably heard on or two people use this phrase before to beat people into pretending like they weren’t hurt and have forgotten what happened when in the real sense they still remember it.

Forgiving someone of their offence against you is not the same as forgetting it. While you can deliberately choose to let go of the pains caused you by others, forgetting it takes a little bit of time.

So if you are struggling to forget what someone did to you, quit the struggle and allow time take its due cause on your heart.

Haven seen all these, let’s go back to answering the first question “what do you do when you find it difficult to forgive someone?”

1. Feed Your Mind On How Much You Have Been Forgiven By God

Understanding that God has forgiven you your entire sins in life is very very important when it comes to you forgiving others.

A man who has not received the truth that his won sins have been completely forgiven by God will always struggle to forgive others.

Before you even committed your first, the very first one, God in His infinite knowledge knew you would. His knowledge of it does not mean He approved your doing of it, no not all. He hates sin and has no part in it.

But before you ever did it, He made a provision for a scapegoat on whom He will lay the punishment - His own Son, Jesus. Thereby freeing and declaring you justified (just as if you never sinned)

This is why one of the greatest names that revealed God’s true character in the Old Testament is the name, Jehovah Jireh (Genesis 22:14). Jehovah Jireh here does not just mean our great provider alone like we have always believed. It actually means the one who sees ahead of time and provides.

He saw ahead of humanity’s need for a Saviour as a result of sin and provided His own Son, forgiving us of all trespasses - before any of ever sinned, confessed and pleaded with Him for mercy.

You need to understand and meditate on this so well it takes over your entire being.

2. Pray, Expressing Your True Feelings Over The Issue And The Person To God

Where God is, you don’t have to put on a clothe before receiving a hug from Him. You can come stark naked and He will welcome you with open arms.

What that means is that with God, you have nothing to be ashamed of or hide. You can show Him your wounds, even the ones eyes can’t see and tell Him where it hurts you the most.

No matter concerning you is too small or too big to gain His attention. He does not consider one case very serious and another less serious when it comes to you.

You are so special to Him that whatever grieves you is of utmost importance to Him. The same attention He’ll give you when people hurt you with a pin is the same He will give you when hit you with a truck.

So feel free to express how you feel about a person and issues to Him, trusting Him to lift the burden off your shoulders.

“Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the God of peace, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7 KJV

The moment you have expressed your true feelings towards the offender to God, the Holy Spirit takes over your heart, overwhelming you with peace - the kind that passes all understandings.

It is from this peace that the God’s kind of forgiveness which you already have on the inside of you will be able to flow out towards the offender, effortlessly.

I call you blessed. Glory to God!

Source: https://www.feedmejesus.com/2018/12/what-to-do-when-you-find-it-difficult_29.html

please how do you handle dose who take advantage bcus they know u forgive easily bcus people like are you are not realistic u feel its easy abi!

Imo to forgive isn't difficult...to forget is the hard part

Ohraykon:
please how do you handle dose who take advantage bcus they know u forgive easily bcus people like are you are not realistic u feel its easy abi!

It's quite simple. You distance yourself them! Forgiving people does NOT always mean we must stay with them!

jman77:
Admit > Restitution > Forgiveness. How about this OP?

If I get you clearly, you are asking if the offender needs to first admit he's wrong, then do some restitution before forgiveness can take place. If that's what you're asking, then the answer is "not really."
It could happen that way if the offender cares about his actions but there are people who don't give a damn about how they've hurt others. You don't need to wait for them to care before you choose to let go of the pain. Just read the post and follow the guidelines

Ohraykon:
please how do you handle dose who take advantage bcus they know u forgive easily bcus people like are you are not realistic u feel its easy abi!

Thank you ! The annoying aspect is that people will expect you to forgive else u be ween as the difficult bad one
These people go free n have lives ,whilst those they hurt and damaged try to heal .THESE EVIL people WILL. C U IN FUTURE AND SMILE LIKE NOTHING HAPPENS.people act like forgiveness is easy and u are evil or immatures if you dont

Ohraykon:
please how do you handle dose who take advantage bcus they know u forgive easily bcus people like are you are not realistic u feel its easy abi!

cut such people off completely

Sometimes it is not about how easy or hard it is to forgive but what one does if the person is unrepentant and still trying to hurt you when given opportunity.

salt1:
Amen!
Let me add something that might encourage you more. When you let go of the bitterness, guess who's the greatest beneficiary? Yourself!
Carrying an unforgiving attitude is like drinking poison and hoping another person will die. The person who hurt you so deeply is freely enjoying his life while you're dying inside. You don't deserve to do that to yourself. Release yourself from that prison

Thanks a lot bro