₦airaland Forum

Oluromantic:
At first, I agree with d "no one to cater for" ...since she's d only one, ordering food doesn't mean she can't cook when d necessity arises.

But then, "finding market run stressful" and staying off such an important aspect of womanhood for 8-10months, it obvious she won't find it easy when she marries. For some women, cooking is fun but this one is finding it stressful to cook for her own self, when there'll be about 4 mouths to feed in marriage

I always wonder how the most cherished things that makes a woman highly valued are their greatest challenges

- natural beauty is a problem for most of them
- good manners and attitude is also a problem
- faithfulness in relnshp/marriage is a major problem
- now cooking. Women used to be masters of d kitchen but not anymore.

No woman is perfect, but honestly if u remove these four things from a woman's life, its empty barrel that's left.

There is a difference between I find cooking stressful and I can't cook.

I think you should survey a lot of women to see if they won't take more breaks from the kitchen and market if they had a choice.

Every cat and dog wants to get married all in the name of a woman. Any lady who has cooking fobia will definitely regret it when she finally finds a husband. No matter the degree of love the man has for you, he will one day get tired of taking you out for food, and from that moment, the love he has for you will begin to decline. This is certainly your situation.

Personally,I don't fancy eating anything else prepared by anyone else no matter how expensive the thou could be....NOTHING LIKE self-cooked meal...abeg!!!!
Once/twice a week,prepare yourself and enter market..You go see sey better things dey for we naija!!!..na your money and time!!!

bukatyne:
There is a difference between I find cooking stressful and I can't cook.

I think you should survey a lot of women to see if they won't take more breaks from the kitchen and market if they had a choice.

I have regular customers in Agbara market.. A foodstuff market, i drive there every month and I enjoy cooking.. In fact I wish I learnt catering, cus I don't eat out. I'm a bachelor, I see no reason why a spinster shd find it stressful..not up to 10 months

iRepNaija1:
Don't quote the Bible at me. The Bible also says that men should honor women as Jesus Christ honors the church. But you're all up on here talking about all the ish women should do for you.

Honoring a woman is allowing her play her role as a woman, not making her abandon her duties.

nextstep:
Perhaps because people spend their time being efficient (on their talents, rather than on cooking because of some traditional notions of domestication), we have much more economic activity in Western Nigeria than in the East.

I'm from Asaba BTW, so that your replies may be better informed before you flame me.

Excuse me
My mum had 5 girls
2 are medical doctors
One was a manager in a telecom company in VI
She relocated to Canada last year with her husband and children
Almost all are married/high carrier women but they cook excellently and run there homes well

Do you know that Dora Akunyili all the time she was in NAFDAC and later minister cooked strictly for her husband
All these ladies commenting here
How many of them don't reach that level
How much are they making self
To be making noise
When successful women run there homes well
I have been in a meeting where Folurnsho Alakija was advising young women that she still cooks for her husband, and she is a billionaire in dollars
Abeg leave matter

BiafranBushBoy:
I rather marry a woman who sees cooking as fun.

Do we still have such women?

All we get are complaints about cooking up and down.

Smh

Who were the women who saw cooking as fun?

The same generation of men who saw farming or hunting as fun abi?

bukatyne:
Who were the women who saw cooking as fun?

The same generation of men who saw farming or hunting as fun abi?

Burn

Chinny024:
Personally,I don't fancy eating anything else prepared by anyone else no matter how expensive the thou could be....NOTHING LIKE self-cooked meal...abeg!!!!
Once/twice a week,prepare yourself and enter market..You go see sey better things dey for we naija!!!..na your money and time!!!

You cab say that loud
And I know a lot of ladies like that

Nothing wrong about that. You were not created to cook. Develop yourself, pursue the purpose God has set for you. You will not be remembered for cooking except you intend to be a Michellin rated celebrity chef.

two of the things I ll be going to my husband's house with from the oneset are pounding machine and washing machine.I ll be making money to make life easy for me and my family biko.I hate pounding cocoyam but being an anambra woman its a must must for plenty of our local soups so pounding machine is a must must.I can't be making money and be stacking it away in the bank while am dying of stress and getting old,while trying to be wife material for a man who already loves me and married me.

Sethzenon:
Why not just buy a washing machine?

I have one. A wedding gift. Sometimes, there's so much to do, you need outside help.

AntiBrutus:
Anything that can be outsourced, I will gladly do that, so far there is money and I get good results.

I wonder how family women in Lagos cope. I thought I love cooking, Not in Lagos.

These women wake up early in the morning, prepare kids for school, package their lunchbox, rush off to work, do their best to be productive at work, starts rushing back home, struggles for bus, buys petty things for the home in traffic, gets home exhausted, probably fixes dinner again, serves Oga, serves children, enters room, Oga still expects her to position yansh like a single lady with no responsibility...next morning she is up again.
Yet you wonder why the wife looks older?

The ones at the office were always sleeping. You will hear, "my baby refused to sleep all through the night, I think he is teething". I asked them, why don't you take this stress off you? I can't be working, earning in 6digits and still suffer myself like this naw. Do, I want to die and have a man remarry before my casket sinks into the ground?

Surprisingly, they said NO!

It made me realize another thing, Naija women love accolades more than anything. They rather do these things, be stressed out, so that their husbands can call them superwoman. They also need it for emotional blackmail. They wouldn't want anyone (this includes their husband and kids) to think they have motherhood easy.

That is why paintings of a black woman most times looks like suffer. Kid at the back, another in the hand; basin on the head and they are trekking to God knows where . This is a Naija man's definition of wife material. This is what Naija women have perfected the act of pretending to be.

Anyway, not me. I outsourced almost every fcking thing. Sometimes I meet my buddy at Eko hotel roundabout. From there we go for dinner. He drops me home, I bathe and sleep!

I make money to make my life easier. I would only do these things if they are very convenient for me. No one should expect me to perform magic in same 24hrs he has, when we both do a 9-5.

If you go and kill yourself, he would remarry and she wouldn't even have to boil water. Look at Regina, getting customized cars weekly. After Ned's first wife spent all her productive years going to market and pounding akpu .

We need physchologists to understand the average Nigerian: we love the hard way out.

I thought I loved to do chores till I got a job and I realized my OCD was as a result of joblessness.

You are very right about the emotional blackmail. I also think fear of oga migrating to the maid and men who insist their wives do everything themselves is another factor.

thelastorca:
you are soooo correct

most nigerian women just like stress for stress sake

my wife was getting seriously stressed out and making sure we all knew it She takes the kids to school, something she hijacked from me. and the children were constantly getting to school late. to the point the school wrote us.So i went to the school and paid for a bus to take the kids to school.did she use it? No!some story about it is too late in the term, money is being wasted; we will do from beginning of next term. next term is here and she is still taking them to school; they are still almost always late, and the children are getting the disturbing lesson that beig late is acceptable because you're stressed .

we have an toddler son who watches stuff on her laptop. he has broken the screen, torn out half the keys. she complains about how stressful it is to do her work - so i have gotten her a new laptop. over six months she refuses to use it. last year she had an exam and was complaining bitterly about the challenges downloading materials shared on whatsapp. i have set up everything for her, but she refuses to use them.

same toddler watches videos on her phone. three weeks ago, he broke the phone. there were shards of glass everywhere. she was complaining and complaining, so i got myself a new phone, and passed my phone to her. she still has not set up the phone to date [which makes what some would call my cheapness better - that is how a new phone would be sitting round the house for months]. she continues to suffer with her broken phone.

i got a tablet so he can watch videos without disturbing her and be completely disassociated from her phone. that one too has been shoved into a corner of the house. this morning she was stuck with him dragging her phone with her.

every day it is complaint about how stressed i am, but when solutions are provided, they are ignored until the situation is out of control.

most of last year, i was teaching our first two kids to wash dishes. it is only now when situation is critical she is actually enforcing this. same thing for laundry. i was doing laundry with washing machine when i was 10. for reasons best known to her, she continues to insist on doing laundry by herself rather than outsourcing to the kids.

for security and of course her own agidi reasons, no maid in the house. the other day i was considering buying a dishwasher, and she shot it down immediately.

i have just switched off because i am seriously irritated by the whole thing. stress that yields no money is a nono for me.



too many nigerians do not understand working smart and focusing your energy on what brings in the bacon. there is zero reward for housework when you are doing it yourself.

_{its your old friend oyb. this post of your hit home. . .}

Have you asked her why?

djon78:
Excuse me
My mum had 5 girls
2 are medical doctors
One was a manager in a telecom company in VI
She relocated to Canada last year with her husband and children
Almost all are married/high carrier women but they cook excellently and run there homes well

Do you know that Dora Akunyili all the time she was in NAFDAC and later minister cooked strictly for her husband
All these ladies commenting here
How many of them don't reach that level
How much are they making self
To be making noise
When successful women run there homes well
I have been in a meeting where Folurnsho Alakija was advising young women that she still cooks for her husband, and she is a billionaire in dollars
Abeg leave matter

It is not a law. She may get a husband who is not crazy about food or too busy for such. I eat in my house about 2 months equivalent in the year. I am always on the move. No time in life for sundries. I eat anywhere I can get food when I'm hungry.

AntiBrutus:
Why did you introduce yourself naw?
I am very excited at your return, I can't find words to reply your post...


Let me get myself together
*breathes in and out*

I think they love the emotional blackmail. You know that feeling of, if I am not home, this home wouldn't function up to 40%. The worst thing is, they won't stop complaining about how they are doing it all alone. They will complain indoors and outdoors.

In the process, they make their husbands look like demons. Whereas, some men are really progressives. I know someone who said he would never get the concept of a woman spending 10hrs in a Saturday that should be used for bonding to do house chores . I also have a friend whose ex complained she didn't feel like they were in a relationship because she never got to cook in his house.

So, men are not always the problem. Some of these women need to be validated, feel like they are doing something you can't do. That is why some would never date a very tidy man, who is also good in the kitchen.

Propose getting a help, they would kick against it. Get modern equipments for the home, they would make it dormant. I don't just get my people.

They like to be victims.

When they gather, they have something negative to say about their husbands: each women trying to outdo the last.

Tell them to discuss with their husbands, it becomes hard maths.

funmisticqueen:
me that work night duty, or 36 hours calls will now be struggling to keep a man because I want to form superwoman. i cannot die before my time. i just hope my future hubby isn't like me that gets sick from food that has stayed in the freezer more than a week.

although i like cooking, it isn't a do or die affair for me, i easily lose appetite after cooking sometimes so i cook for other people and hardly for myself.

but the issue comes when one wants to eat healthy or eat to lose weight, i don't trust outsourced foods for that.

it seriously isn't easy.

going to the market is stressful when you dont have an item list and regular customers for what you want to buy. no time to waste haggling, just buy at our agreed price and move on.


ladies!! proverbs 31 woman is a scam! wife material is a scam! they use that to brainwash you to slave away in the kitchen until your brain atrophies while they chase the latest skirt in town. enough said.

The Proverbs 31 woman didn't spend all her day cooking or cleaning.

It is not about the Proverbs 31 woman.

bukatyne:
Who were the women who saw cooking as fun?

The same generation of men who saw farming or hunting as fun abi?

No.

The generation that saw working hard, toiling to provide for the family. Whether their wives were earning much or not!

Don't respond back. I don't wanna have any chat with your myopic mind!

Lexusgs430:
It's cheaper to cook your own meals.......

I hear this all the time.

However, reverse seems to be the case for me.

People say it is the way I cook.

Reference:
It is not a law. She may get a husband who is not crazy about food or too busy for such. I eat in my house about 2 months equivalent in the year. I am always on the move. No time in life for sundries. I eat anywhere I can get food when I'm hungry.

Then you don't value your health
The best healthy food you eat is in your home
Even many restaurants don't cook healthy meals
Many use trans fat/cholesterol infested food

bukatyne:
We need physchologists to understand the average Nigerian: we love the hard way out.

I thought I loved to do chores till I got a job and I realized my OCD was as a result of joblessness.

You are very right about the emotional blackmail. I also think fear of oga migrating to the maid and men who insist their wives do everything themselves is another factor.

Lol. Very true.

At my former job, I cook almost everyday. Sometimes my siblings will cut and keep every, waiting for me to just get home and cook. Right now, I don't even have that luxury of time to sit and make my own hair. Now I know why wigs be trending.

One actually mentioned that maid snatching her husband thing. She finally got one child of 12yrs, which I spoke against and they said I was speaking plenty grammar. I just commot hand. If at all my fear is my husband's universal manhood, I would rather he impregnates a grown woman than a child.

alBHAGDADI:
@bold

God created women for the pleasure of men.

1 Corinthians 11:9
Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.

Quote that chapter further oga.

Reference:
It is not a law. She may get a husband who is not crazy about food or too busy for such. I eat in my house about 2 months equivalent in the year. I am always on the move. No time in life for sundries. I eat anywhere I can get food when I'm hungry.

Lol, probably thinks every man is a foodie or sits in the sitting room, remote control in the hand...alternating the whole Supersport channels.

Yes, order food. No stress

Dotng:
I agree with your points. The most important thing here is for people to marry the person who values them, supports their aspirations and is willing to accept their disposition to marriage. It would be a type mismatch for the lady to marry someone who loves homemade meals. You need to understand the love language of the person you want to marry and ask yourself if you can meet up. There are men who do not care about these things. We need to understand that our disposition to these things are mostly influenced by how we are brought up, the environment we have lived in and the things we cherish. If someone prefers manual approach to taking care of the home rather than using machines, respect them for it. If they prefer otherwise understand with them. So far as they are not imposing the approach on you there should not be a problem. I see people bashing those who are stressed because of housework and using Regina as their model. This is how people set themselves up for failure.
What is the rate of success in model you have adopted for yourself?

How many people have a successful relationship and career using such model?

Are you sure of the outcome of your marriage if you follow that path in the next 10 to 15 years time?

I liked your post.

@last paragraph: I think people need to be dynamic. What worked 10 years ago might not work now.

thelastorca:
you are soooo correct

most nigerian women just like stress for stress sake

my wife was getting seriously stressed out and making sure we all knew it She takes the kids to school, something she hijacked from me. and the children were constantly getting to school late. to the point the school wrote us.So i went to the school and paid for a bus to take the kids to school.did she use it? No!some story about it is too late in the term, money is being wasted; we will do from beginning of next term. next term is here and she is still taking them to school; they are still almost always late, and the children are getting the disturbing lesson that beig late is acceptable because you're stressed .

we have an toddler son who watches stuff on her laptop. he has broken the screen, torn out half the keys. she complains about how stressful it is to do her work - so i have gotten her a new laptop. over six months she refuses to use it. last year she had an exam and was complaining bitterly about the challenges downloading materials shared on whatsapp. i have set up everything for her, but she refuses to use them.

same toddler watches videos on her phone. three weeks ago, he broke the phone. there were shards of glass everywhere. she was complaining and complaining, so i got myself a new phone, and passed my phone to her. she still has not set up the phone to date [which makes what some would call my cheapness better - that is how a new phone would be sitting round the house for months]. she continues to suffer with her broken phone.

i got a tablet so he can watch videos without disturbing her and be completely disassociated from her phone. that one too has been shoved into a corner of the house. this morning she was stuck with him dragging her phone with her.

every day it is complaint about how stressed i am, but when solutions are provided, they are ignored until the situation is out of control.

most of last year, i was teaching our first two kids to wash dishes. it is only now when situation is critical she is actually enforcing this. same thing for laundry. i was doing laundry with washing machine when i was 10. for reasons best known to her, she continues to insist on doing laundry by herself rather than outsourcing to the kids.

for security and of course her own agidi reasons, no maid in the house. the other day i was considering buying a dishwasher, and she shot it down immediately.

i have just switched off because i am seriously irritated by the whole thing. stress that yields no money is a nono for me.



too many nigerians do not understand working smart and focusing your energy on what brings in the bacon. there is zero reward for housework when you are doing it yourself.

_{its your old friend oyb. this post of your hit home. . .}

Very apt... Who even needs a domestic worker as a wife...there is nothing to be proud about...U both should spend ur time on massively increasing the family income and gracefully outaource domestic chores

Jokkarm2:
Install AC in your brain first before a man install ac for you in the kitchen to cook what no woman can cook.

Coming from a Poverty-stricken Arrow like you. Not surprised.

iRepNaija1:
Every day, women are constantly judged for their looks and their value is determined by their looks. Hence, some women obsess about looking pretty by wearing a lot of making, using filters on their pictures, wearing weave, altering their bodies, wearing waist trainers and etc. But women were not put on this Earth for the sole purpose of pleasing men with their looks. Do you understand how belittling that is? To have your value as living, breathing person be determined by how "good" you look?

A woman of substance with moderate effort to look good would be valued anywhere.

Men don't even take women who all they have to offer is their looks seriously; looks fade.

Should a woman look good? Yes.

Should that be all she offers? That would be a tragedy.

And a woman should only be overly concerned about her man's perceptions of her looks.

bukatyne:
Quote that chapter further oga.

I'll rather quote from the beginning to show you that it still says a man is the head of a woman


1 Corinthians 11 King James Version (KJV)
Be ye followers of me, even as I also am of Christ.
Now I praise you, brethren, that ye remember me in all things, and keep the ordinances, as I delivered them to you.
But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.
Every man praying or prophesying, having his head covered, dishonoureth his head.
But every woman that prayeth or prophesieth with her head uncovered dishonoureth her head: for that is even all one as if she were shaven.
For if the woman be not covered, let her also be shorn: but if it be a shame for a woman to be shorn or shaven, let her be covered.
For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, forasmuch as he is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man.
For the man is not of the woman: but the woman of the man.
Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.
For this cause ought the woman to have power on her head because of the angels.
Nevertheless neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.
For as the woman is of the man, even so is the man also by the woman; but all things of God.
Judge in yourselves: is it comely that a woman pray unto God uncovered?
Doth not even nature itself teach you, that, if a man have long hair, it is a shame unto him?
But if a woman have long hair, it is a glory to her: for her hair is given her for a covering.
But if any man seem to be contentious, we have no such custom, neither the churches of God.

Hoodbilonia:
I juz cooked beans today
With enuf plantain
Fried fish
Meat
I turned down all calls today
I wan chop alone abeg

I am calling you now.

Oluromantic:
I have regular customers in Agbara market.. A foodstuff market, i drive there every month and I enjoy cooking.. In fact I wish I learnt catering, cus I don't eat out. I'm a bachelor, I see no reason why a spinster shd find it stressful..not up to 10 months

Do you run her schedule?

She needs a husband and kids ....but I guess she is not a foodie because I know for some people like me it is really stressful to cook and to have to warm the food all the time.