₦airaland Forum

Hi all,

As the subject inclines, I borrowed a friend some money but he refused to return it and I'd need your advice on some issues related to this. But first, lemme explain the money issues in detail.

About a month ago, this friend came to me that he needed some money to sort out some things. He has never asked me for such favour before and I really do not need to oblige him the request but since the amount he needed was within my reach to 'let go', I willingly gave (read: borrow) him the money. In my mind, I already gave him the money because I don't borrow people what I need back. I borrow to give.

Now, cutting the long story short, he promised to pay back in a week's time and I gave him an extra day to pay back after the day he promised. But since the day came, he didn't say anytime. When I felt the pressure to ask him, at least, to know how far with the money and what he intended using it for, he gave some excuses. This is a week after the extension I even gave him to pay back. If I hadn't asked him, enough tendencies abound that he won't tell me anything about it.

Now, this is where I need your advice: Remembered I said I already gave him the money, right? But if he does bring it back, should I collect it from him or let him have it, since I already gave him in my mind? And if I do give him the money, will this expose me to further 'lending' from him in disguise to pay back, knowing fully well he wouldn't since he can do this as a first-timer? And is there any action I can take about this? What has been your own experience in issues like this and what would you advice me do on this matter. Note: I and him are still friends and we still play very well till this day and we are both males, so no string attached.

Any friend u value his or friendship, don't lend them money, give em whatever u can afford to lose.
When u lend money to ur friends, u run the risk of losing both the money and the friendship.

fykes:
Any friend u value his or friendship, don't lend them money, give em whatever u can afford to lose.
When u lend money to ur friends, u run the risk of losing both the money and the friendship.

Thank you for that advice. I appreciate.
But then, the fact that he promised to pay back and refused to show any concern towards it makes me frustrated. As a first-timer, he should understand that reputation means a lot in friendship too. And he's not my best of friend, anyways. Just a friend of friend. But a friend, all the same. He ain't my enemy.

AdomeNG:
Thank you for that advice. I appreciate.
But then, the fact that he promised to pay back and refused to show any concern towards it makes me frustrated. As a first-timer, he should understand that reputation means a lot in friendship too. And he's not my best of friend, anyways. Just a friend of friend. But a friend, all the same. He ain't my enemy.

am in same situation. But on my part i gave him what am ready to let go.its going to 2months now, something he said he wld pay back in 2 to 3 dys time.till date he hasn't spoken about it. He pays fine, he doesn't still fine , but i won't lend him again.

Your money is dead and gone

What i normally do is that, if they fail to pay up, i won't ask anymore. You know why? They won't have the face to ask for another.

What money will cause in this life ehn.

Oronto:
am in same situation. But on my part i gave him what am ready to let go.its going to 2months now, something he said he wld pay back in 2 to 3 dys time.till date he hasn't spoken about it. He pays fine, he doesn't still fine , but i won't lend him again.

Wow, then we are on the same page bro. Actually, I also gave him what I was ready to part with, but what drives me crazy is the fact that I didn't tell him I gave him the money. He should have at least, shown concern, and explain any difficulty he is having paying back and then expect me to understand. But he did nothing. Just kept mute till I asked him about it the first time. Now, about two weeks has passed from my first time asking him and he still hasn't said anything about the money. So my question and reason why I need this advice is: If he does bring the money back, should I collect it and let him know that I never gave him the money at all(even though I did initially but just to deter him from coming for a free meal again) or I should just let him know I've given him the money (which may seem to register in his mind that I'll always be his go-to place to get free meal whenever he needs it). So what do you intend I do?

I hope bro. Lalasticlala can help put this on FrontPage and let's read what opinion we might get. The broader the views, the better the opinion and advice (cos Nairaland, also bashing) we might get.

Redoil:
Your money is dead and gone

From the day I gave him the money, I presumed it dead and gone. It was never my intention to collect it back, believe me! I'm just worried about his lackadaisical attitude in such a delicate issue, knowing fully well that money can divide many things and also stopping future occurrence of such 'giving' mentality. I cherish my relationships with people, and money is least of what will mar my relationship with anyone I know.

stinjoe:
What i normally do is that, if they fail to pay up, i won't ask anymore. You know why? They won't have the face to ask for another.

You're very correct. I know that's how things like this may later end up. But from my OP,

Now, this is where I need your advice: Remembered I said I already gave him the money, right? But if he does bring it back, should I collect it from him or let him have it, since I already gave him in my mind? And if I do give him the money, will this expose me to further 'lending' from him in disguise to pay back, knowing fully well he wouldn't since he can do this as a first-timer?

Just want to know what I'd need do peradventure he brings the money back. Should I collect it or not?

If he has a means of paying back (e.g a reliable source of income), continue to ask until you get a refund.

If he's without a job, then you have no one but yourself to blame. When someone without a reliable source of income comes to borrow money, you should know they're never going to pay back. It is a commonsense thing, it's like approaching a bank for a loan without a source of income or collateral.

Sometimes it is good to learn the hard way. The average human being is a cheat; always looking for an avenue (usually the weak point) to outsmart (cheat) the other.

Op forget about the money. It would never come back.

AdomeNG:
Wow, then we are on the same page bro. Actually, I also gave him what I was ready to part with, but what drives me crazy is the fact that I didn't tell him I gave him the money. He should have at least, shown concern, and explain any difficulty he is having paying back and then expect me to understand. But he did nothing. Just kept mute till I asked him about it the first time. Now, about two weeks has passed from my first time asking him and he still hasn't said anything about the money. So my question and reason why I need this advice is: If he does bring the money back, should I collect it and let him know that I never gave him the money at all(even though I did initially but just to deter him from coming for a free meal again) or I should just let him know I've given him the money (which may seem to register in his mind that I'll always be his go-to place to get free meal whenever he needs it). So what do you intend I do?

I hope bro. Lalasticlala can help put this on FrontPage and let's read what opinion we might get. The broader the views, the better the opinion and advice (cos Nairaland, also bashing) we might get.

you don't need to tell him anything..it was a loan that shld be repaid.if he wants a waiver should be requesting for it. Atleast that can stand as a conscience and reason he won"t ask or you giving again

Acidosis:
If he has a means of paying back (e.g a reliable source of income), continue to ask until you get a refund.

If he's without a job, then you have no one but yourself to blame. When someone without a reliable source of income comes to borrow money, you should know they're never going to pay back. It is a commonsense thing, it's like approaching a bank for a loan without a source of income or collateral.

Sometimes it is good to learn the hard way. The average human being is a cheat; always looking for an avenue (usually the weak point) to outsmart (cheat) the other.

Thank you for your reply. And yes, he does have a source of income to be able to pay back, but then, I won't be asking him again for it. And if he does pay back, I think it's best I just let him have it. I won't collect it, although I know that may make him start having some feelings and all, I just have to let him know I gave him the money the instant he asked to borrow it.

Oronto:
you don't need to tell him anything..it was a loan that shld be repaid.if he wants a waiver should be requesting for it. Atleast that can stand as a conscience and reason he won"t ask or you giving again

Yeah, I'm very much okay with your advice. Won't be asking him for it again and if he does return it, I won't be collecting from him. Would let him know I gave him as a gift of something. Mind was off the money immediately he asked to borrow it, so I'm in no loss regarding it.

AdomeNG:
Thank you for your reply. And yes, he does have a source of income to be able to pay back, but then, I won't be asking him again for it. And if he does pay back, I think it's best I just let him have it. I won't collect it, although I know that may make him start having some feelings and all, I just have to let him know I gave him the money the instant he asked to borrow it.

Hmn you have a good heart. Don't stop doing good but remember to put your interest first in all that you do.