This year will be 8 years we've been married. We started dating during our university days just about my 2nd year. We dated for 7 years before I asked her to marry me. We were engaged for exactly 1 year. 16 years all told.


And it's been great!

So for those on Nairaland who keep crying about how marriage is a terrible institution, for thise who wonder how they can stay faithful year on end, for those wondering how their spouse can be faithful year in year out, I can only say

It's very possible.

Magnify the Lord with me for 16 wonderful years with my Lady.

I exalt the name of Jesus for you

donbachi:
I exalt the name of Jesus for you

Thanks

Congratulations bro and Gods blessings on your home.

CONGRATS SIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Congrats mr Lewstherin.

One of the few male posters in Family section I look forward to their posts.

NoToPile:
Congrats mr Lewstherin.

One of the few male posters in Family section I look forward to their posts.

I'm honoured.

Congratulations, nai

I'm glad for u man..... I'm guessing your tolerance skills and hers were compatible... But you should have also enlightened the people based on the strategy you were using to make it work... So that some people will start beliving...

Eg... When she starts talking none stop, what do u do?

When she says she doesn't feel like entering the kitchen to cook , What do you do?

How do you handle in laws issues and how does she handle her inlaw...how do u handle financial matters..etc.

If u really wanna talk, then lend people your wisdom and experience... u really have to tell us why you feel or think that your marriage is great... or I'm I asking way too much buddy?

Congrats. Way to go!

This is beautiful.

LewsTherin:
This year will be 8 years we've been married. We started dating during our university days just about my 2nd year. We dated for 7 years before I asked her to marry me. We were engaged for exactly 1 year. 16 years all told.


And it's been great!

So for those on Nairaland who keep crying about how marriage is a terrible institution, for thise who wonder how they can stay faithful year on end, for those wondering how their spouse can be faithful year in year out, I can only say

It's very possible.

Magnify the Lord with me for 16 wonderful years with my Lady.

I have a few questions ,Congrats on these long and happy years amd cheers to many more.

Does chastity/ virginity have anything to do with the sucesss of your marriage?

Richy4:


If u really wanna talk, then lend people your wisdom and experience... u really have to tell us why you feel or think that your marriage is great... or I'm I asking way too much buddy?

Not at all. Like hundreds of Kung Fu movies teach us, when the student is ready, the master will appear.

Just kidding.

But jokes aside, there is so much I have learned from my 16 years. If I tried to start writing, it will just lead to bored reading. But you have given me a lead, and I will run with it.

Richy4:


Eg... When she starts talking none stop, what do u do?

Fortunately, she isn't the garrulous type. I am an introvert and so is she. The problem isn't her talking too much. The challenge we face is in no one talking at all! So we have to make conscious efforts to raise topics for discussion. Talk about the kids, talk about the business, talk about the guy we saw crossing the road in funny shoes, anything. It also doesn't help that we have widely different interests. But we try to find something to talk about.

If by talking non stop you mean nagging, fortunately for me, she doesn't nag. I have made it clear to her though that the easiest way to put a man's back up is to nag and complain unceasingly. She's a good woman. She does her best. On my part, I do my best to keep her from needing to complain.

Richy4:


When she says she doesn't feel like entering the kitchen to cook , What do you do?

Considering that we run a business together, I fully understand if and when she's tired from a stressful day. Mostly because I'll be stressed myself. That's what restaurants were created for. Any day we realise that no one is going to have the strength to do any cooking, we stop by some joint or the other and get take out.

There is more to this though. We decided before we got married that we will have no live-in help in our home. (my wish, by the way). So we tend to share chores. Early in the morning, while she's bathing the kids, I make breakfast and pack the kids lunches. Many evenings, I do dinner while she prepares the kids for bed. It's not cast in stone. Sometimes we choose to have what only she can prepare. I help where I can.

But if she is just feeling lazy about cooking, well, I'm a good cook myself. She also tends to cook in bulk and freeze it. So it can be as easy as bringing a pack of soup out and making eba. Or stew and I prepare yam or potatoes or something. And where I can't be bothered either, there's take out. Dominoes. Suya and garri. Bread and sardines. Boli and groundnuts. Options art plenteous. There is no need to make a big deal out of it.

Richy4:


How do you handle in laws issues and how does she handle her inlaw....

Now this one is a big deal. it can be a deal breaker if not handled properly. But we discussed this before we got married. Long and short, we decided that any issues concerning her family, she deals with it. Any issue concerning mine, I deal with it. But being the man of the house, it is almost always from my family that issues can arise. That's kind of like an African thing. So I set boundaries right from our dating days. If you have an issue with my lady, take it through me. If you think you can straight up bully her because she married your brother or son or whatever, be ready for my banana to fall on you. No joke. Within our first year, I head to tear eye for my elder sister. She didn't act out of malice, and I understand that. But she made my wife cry needlessly.

I guess I am fortunate in that my family is made up of basically sensible people in the first place. Her family respects me as well. So....

Richy4:
...how do u handle financial matters..etc.

Like with in-laws, we discussed this well before we got married. Heck we discussed quite a lot. 8 weeks of premarital counselling will bring up almost every possible issue in marriage and give us time to discus and agree and how to address these issues.

First off, there is no "my money", "her money", "your money" and what have you. We have "our money". We have a joint account for savings and major expenses. At first she ran the budget but over time it became clear I was better at that, so I run the budget now. The bulk of our money lies in accounts in my name - to which she has access to the debit cards and knows the PINs. For mobile apps, my finger print, her finger print can unlock the phone and the apps. We also discuss every expenditure with each other before making it - at least as much as we can. So far, the only time we have money issues is when there is a general shortage of funds in the first place. It then is no longer a thing of who spends for what but more of what do we have to spend for what. The kids are the biggest expense anyways so.....


I hope this helps.

psylliumhusk1:



I have a few questions ,Congrats on these long and happy years amd cheers to many more.

Does chastity/ virginity have anything to do with the sucesss of your marriage?

Not in the least. I never considered it ab initio. I doubt she did too. In fact, I think she believed I had played the field before her (not true, by the way)

The only time it caused an argument was early on while we were dating. She had at first told me she was a virgin. Then one afternoon, she said she wasn't. And she wouldn't give any clear explanation or anything. That was what pissed me off. I mean, if you are going to tell me something, tell me. Stop sulking or behaving childishly. Eventually she said she was just trying to test me (she was a virgin). Women and tests! Well she learnt not to do silly things like tests and the sort with me. I am a very straight foward person. All my friends and family know that. I expected she would just take and leave at that. Afterall, she knew me for years before we became a couple.


I believe honesty is more important than virginity or chastity or whatever the heck it is called these days.


Oh and thanks, by the way.

LewsTherin:


Not at all. Like hundreds of Kung Fu movies teach us, when the student is ready, the master will appear.

Just kidding.

But jokes aside, there is so much I have learned from my 16 years. If I tried to start writing, it will just lead to bored reading. But you have given me a lead, and I will run with it.



Fortunately, she isn't the garrulous type. I am an introvert and so is she. The problem isn't her talking too much. The challenge we face is in no one talking at all! So we have to make conscious efforts to raise topics for discussion. Talk about the kids, talk about the business, talk about the guy we saw crossing the road in funny shoes, anything. It also doesn't help that we have widely different interests. But we try to find something to talk about.

If by talking non stop you mean nagging, fortunately for me, she doesn't nag. I have made it clear to her though that the easiest way to put a man's back up is to nag and complain unceasingly. She's a good woman. She does her best. On my part, I do my best to keep her from needing to complain.




Considering that we run a business together, I fully understand if and when she's tired from a stressful day. Mostly because I'll be stressed myself. That's what restaurants were created for. Any day we realise that no one is going to have the strength to do any cooking, we stop by some joint or the other and get take out.

There is more to this though. We decided before we got married that we will have no live-in help in our home. (my wish, by the way). So we tend to share chores. Early in the morning, while she's bathing the kids, I make breakfast and pack the kids lunches. Many evenings, I do dinner while she prepares the kids for bed. It's not cast in stone. Sometimes we choose to have what only she can prepare. I help where I can.

But if she is just feeling lazy about cooking, well, I'm a good cook myself. She also tends to cook in bulk and freeze it. So it can be as easy as bringing a pack of soup out and making eba. Or stew and I prepare yam or potatoes or something. And where I can't be bothered either, there's take out. Dominoes. Suya and garri. Bread and sardines. Boli and groundnuts. Options art plenteous. There is no need to make a big deal out of it.



Now this one is a big deal. it can be a deal breaker if not handled properly. But we discussed this before we got married. Long and short, we decided that any issues concerning her family, she deals with it. Any issue concerning mine, I deal with it. But being the man of the house, it is almost always from my family that issues can arise. That's kind of like an African thing. So I set boundaries right from our dating days. If you have an issue with my lady, take it through me. If you think you can straight up bully her because she married your brother or son or whatever, be ready for my banana to fall on you. No joke. Within our first year, I head to tear eye for my elder sister. She didn't act out of malice, and I understand that. But she made my wife cry needlessly.

I guess I am fortunate in that my family is made up of basically sensible people in the first place. Her family respects me as well. So....



Like with in-laws, we discussed this well before we got married. Heck we discussed quite a lot. 8 weeks of premarital counselling will bring up almost every possible issue in marriage and give us time to discus and agree and how to address these issues.

First off, there is no "my money", "her money", "your money" and what have you. We have "our money". We have a joint account for savings and major expenses. At first she ran the budget but over time it became clear I was better at that, so I run the budget now. The bulk of our money lies in accounts in my name - to which she has access to the debit cards and knows the PINs. For mobile apps, my finger print, her finger print can unlock the phone and the apps. We also discuss every expenditure with each other before making it - at least as much as we can. So far, the only time we have money issues is when there is a general shortage of funds in the first place. It then is no longer a thing of who spends for what but more of what do we have to spend for what. The kinds are the biggest expense anyways so.....


I hope this helps.

beautiful piece. You guys are really matured. God bless your union with more wisdom and understanding.

Congratulations to you both. I wish you many more happy years together

Why do you assume the woman must talk too much?

Richy4:
I'm glad for u man..... I'm guessing your tolerance skills and hers were compatible... But you should have also enlightened the people based on the strategy you were using to make it work... So that some people will start beliving...

Eg... When she starts talking none stop, what do u do?

When she says she doesn't feel like entering the kitchen to cook , What do you do?

How do you handle in laws issues and how does she handle her inlaw...how do u handle financial matters..etc.

If u really wanna talk, then lend people your wisdom and experience... u really have to tell us why you feel or think that your marriage is great... or I'm I asking way too much buddy?

God bless you sir.

Congratulations to you guys. More happy years.

Good for you..

I thought you were going to say you were tired of ogbono soup and wanted a taste of egusi .
Many more blissful and happy years ahead for you guy..

Congratulations!!

LewsTherin:


Not at all. Like hundreds of Kung Fu movies teach us, when the student is ready, the master will appear.

Just kidding.

But jokes aside, there is so much I have learned from my 16 years. If I tried to start writing, it will just lead to bored reading. But you have given me a lead, and I will run with it.



Fortunately, she isn't the garrulous type. I am an introvert and so is she. The problem isn't her talking too much. The challenge we face is in no one talking at all! So we have to make conscious efforts to raise topics for discussion. Talk about the kids, talk about the business, talk about the guy we saw crossing the road in funny shoes, anything. It also doesn't help that we have widely different interests. But we try to find something to talk about.

If by talking non stop you mean nagging, fortunately for me, she doesn't nag. I have made it clear to her though that the easiest way to put a man's back up is to nag and complain unceasingly. She's a good woman. She does her best. On my part, I do my best to keep her from needing to complain.




Considering that we run a business together, I fully understand if and when she's tired from a stressful day. Mostly because I'll be stressed myself. That's what restaurants were created for. Any day we realise that no one is going to have the strength to do any cooking, we stop by some joint or the other and get take out.

There is more to this though. We decided before we got married that we will have no live-in help in our home. (my wish, by the way). So we tend to share chores. Early in the morning, while she's bathing the kids, I make breakfast and pack the kids lunches. Many evenings, I do dinner while she prepares the kids for bed. It's not cast in stone. Sometimes we choose to have what only she can prepare. I help where I can.

But if she is just feeling lazy about cooking, well, I'm a good cook myself. She also tends to cook in bulk and freeze it. So it can be as easy as bringing a pack of soup out and making eba. Or stew and I prepare yam or potatoes or something. And where I can't be bothered either, there's take out. Dominoes. Suya and garri. Bread and sardines. Boli and groundnuts. Options art plenteous. There is no need to make a big deal out of it.



Now this one is a big deal. it can be a deal breaker if not handled properly. But we discussed this before we got married. Long and short, we decided that any issues concerning her family, she deals with it. Any issue concerning mine, I deal with it. But being the man of the house, it is almost always from my family that issues can arise. That's kind of like an African thing. So I set boundaries right from our dating days. If you have an issue with my lady, take it through me. If you think you can straight up bully her because she married your brother or son or whatever, be ready for my banana to fall on you. No joke. Within our first year, I head to tear eye for my elder sister. She didn't act out of malice, and I understand that. But she made my wife cry needlessly.

I guess I am fortunate in that my family is made up of basically sensible people in the first place. Her family respects me as well. So....



Like with in-laws, we discussed this well before we got married. Heck we discussed quite a lot. 8 weeks of premarital counselling will bring up almost every possible issue in marriage and give us time to discus and agree and how to address these issues.

First off, there is no "my money", "her money", "your money" and what have you. We have "our money". We have a joint account for savings and major expenses. At first she ran the budget but over time it became clear I was better at that, so I run the budget now. The bulk of our money lies in accounts in my name - to which she has access to the debit cards and knows the PINs. For mobile apps, my finger print, her finger print can unlock the phone and the apps. We also discuss every expenditure with each other before making it - at least as much as we can. So far, the only time we have money issues is when there is a general shortage of funds in the first place. It then is no longer a thing of who spends for what but more of what do we have to spend for what. The kinds are the biggest expense anyways so.....


I hope this helps.

Bottom line is you guys are just easy going folks and are lucky to have found each other. I can say the same for myself. Almost 10 years together, marriage and dating combined. We share similar characters with you guys but the only difference is, I have my money, my wife has her money but we all spend my money..
To be honest, she saves hers for us to use if have an emergency and are stranded. In laws are tricky. My siblings are all married and independent, she has a couple of younger ones who are students. Sometimes they want to come over for the hols, it used to bother me but now I'm used to it. They are responsible and don't cause any problems but I just don't like having people around. I have learnt to deal with it though, after all we are all family.
I will conclude that a good marriage all depends on the personalities of people involved. Some will marry easy going people and use the opportunity to exploit and oppress them. It's just luck.

zed7:


Bottom line is you guys are just easy going folks and are lucky to have found each other. I can say the same for myself. Almost 10 years together, marriage and dating combined. We share similar characters with you guys but the only difference is, I have my money, my wife has her money but we all spend my money..
To be honest, she saves hers for us to use if have an emergency and are stranded. In laws are tricky. My siblings are all married and independent, she has a couple of younger ones who are students. Sometimes they want to come over for the hols, it used to bother me but now I'm used to it. They are responsible and don't cause any problems but I just don't like having people around. I have learnt to deal with it though, after all we are all family.
I will conclude that a good marriage all depends on the personalities of people involved. Some will marry easy going people and use the opportunity to exploit and oppress them. It's just luck.

Can I join in spending your money?

I don't think it's just luck. In your short paragraph you said "I have learnt to deal with it" and "now I'm used to it"

It's about compromise. You know what you want, what you like. But you are willing to give some of that up for what she wants, what she likes. I'll bet there are things she gives up for you too. That's just it. You both are working at making your marriage work.

I believe ALL marriages will work as long as both parties work at making it work. But as long as one or both parties are only interested in having their own way, OYO.

LewsTherin:


Can I join in spending your money?

I don't think it's just luck. In your short paragraph you said "I have learnt to deal with it" and "now I'm used to it"

It's about compromise. You know what you want, what you like. But you are willing to give some of that up for what she wants, what she likes. I'll bet there are things she gives up for you too. That's just it. You both are working at making your marriage work.

I believe ALL marriages will work as long as both parties work at making it work. But as long as one or both parties are only interested in having their own way, OYO.

You are right though but people do change. Some show their true colours while some are influenced negatively by external factors. You are right, those involved must decide to make it work but sometimes one party start to decide otherwise. One is lucky to find a partner who decides to remain on the same page.

Best thread I have seen on NL in a loong while..

OP pls go on I'm taking notes

LewsTherin:
This year will be 8 years we've been married. We started dating during our university days just about my 2nd year. We dated for 7 years before I asked her to marry me. We were engaged for exactly 1 year. 16 years all told.


And it's been great!

So for those on Nairaland who keep crying about how marriage is a terrible institution, for thise who wonder how they can stay faithful year on end, for those wondering how their spouse can be faithful year in year out, I can only say

It's very possible.

Magnify the Lord with me for 16 wonderful years with my Lady.

Hallelujah!!!

Congratulations Sir,

more Grace for your marriage relationship to wax stronger...and to other marriages doing great out there, but we don't get to read stories about.

Great testimony to start a new month

Congratulations and keep it up.

Congratulations Sir,may you live to eat the fruits of your labour, your children shall make you proud.

LewsTherin:
This year will be 8 years we've been married. We started dating during our university days just about my 2nd year. We dated for 7 years before I asked her to marry me. We were engaged for exactly 1 year. 16 years all told.


And it's been great!

So for those on Nairaland who keep crying about how marriage is a terrible institution, for thise who wonder how they can stay faithful year on end, for those wondering how their spouse can be faithful year in year out, I can only say

It's very possible.

Magnify the Lord with me for 16 wonderful years with my Lady.

e-hugs to LewsTherin's lady. I always picture her as a posh elegant woman.

Congrats and plix send my anniversary cake here.

Marriage is dependent on how the two people in it want it.

Met in 100L (both of us were in 100L), dated/courted for 8yrs and married for 5yrs

It has been fun all the way.

I believe meeting early and growing into one another is key.

LewsTherin:


Not at all. Like hundreds of Kung Fu movies teach us, when the student is ready, the master will appear.

Just kidding.

But jokes aside, there is so much I have learned from my 16 years. If I tried to start writing, it will just lead to bored reading. But you have given me a lead, and I will run with it.



Fortunately, she isn't the garrulous type. I am an introvert and so is she. The problem isn't her talking too much. The challenge we face is in no one talking at all! So we have to make conscious efforts to raise topics for discussion. Talk about the kids, talk about the business, talk about the guy we saw crossing the road in funny shoes, anything. It also doesn't help that we have widely different interests. But we try to find something to talk about.

If by talking non stop you mean nagging, fortunately for me, she doesn't nag. I have made it clear to her though that the easiest way to put a man's back up is to nag and complain unceasingly. She's a good woman. She does her best. On my part, I do my best to keep her from needing to complain.




Considering that we run a business together, I fully understand if and when she's tired from a stressful day. Mostly because I'll be stressed myself. That's what restaurants were created for. Any day we realise that no one is going to have the strength to do any cooking, we stop by some joint or the other and get take out.

There is more to this though. We decided before we got married that we will have no live-in help in our home. (my wish, by the way). So we tend to share chores. Early in the morning, while she's bathing the kids, I make breakfast and pack the kids lunches. Many evenings, I do dinner while she prepares the kids for bed. It's not cast in stone. Sometimes we choose to have what only she can prepare. I help where I can.

But if she is just feeling lazy about cooking, well, I'm a good cook myself. She also tends to cook in bulk and freeze it. So it can be as easy as bringing a pack of soup out and making eba. Or stew and I prepare yam or potatoes or something. And where I can't be bothered either, there's take out. Dominoes. Suya and garri. Bread and sardines. Boli and groundnuts. Options art plenteous. There is no need to make a big deal out of it.



Now this one is a big deal. it can be a deal breaker if not handled properly. But we discussed this before we got married. Long and short, we decided that any issues concerning her family, she deals with it. Any issue concerning mine, I deal with it. But being the man of the house, it is almost always from my family that issues can arise. That's kind of like an African thing. So I set boundaries right from our dating days. If you have an issue with my lady, take it through me. If you think you can straight up bully her because she married your brother or son or whatever, be ready for my banana to fall on you. No joke. Within our first year, I head to tear eye for my elder sister. She didn't act out of malice, and I understand that. But she made my wife cry needlessly.

I guess I am fortunate in that my family is made up of basically sensible people in the first place. Her family respects me as well. So....



Like with in-laws, we discussed this well before we got married. Heck we discussed quite a lot. 8 weeks of premarital counselling will bring up almost every possible issue in marriage and give us time to discus and agree and how to address these issues.

First off, there is no "my money", "her money", "your money" and what have you. We have "our money". We have a joint account for savings and major expenses. At first she ran the budget but over time it became clear I was better at that, so I run the budget now. The bulk of our money lies in accounts in my name - to which she has access to the debit cards and knows the PINs. For mobile apps, my finger print, her finger print can unlock the phone and the apps. We also discuss every expenditure with each other before making it - at least as much as we can. So far, the only time we have money issues is when there is a general shortage of funds in the first place. It then is no longer a thing of who spends for what but more of what do we have to spend for what. The kinds are the biggest expense anyways so.....


I hope this helps.

This is a beautiful thread, a break from the constant woman bashing.

You sound like a good, supportive, loving husband. Your wife is lucky to have you. My husband and I are 16 years together too. Married for 12, dated for 4.

Congratulations! Wishing you more beautiful years with your lovely wife.

LewsTherin:


Not at all. Like hundreds of Kung Fu movies teach us, when the student is ready, the master will appear.

Just kidding.

But jokes aside, there is so much I have learned from my 16 years. If I tried to start writing, it will just lead to bored reading. But you have given me a lead, and I will run with it.



Fortunately, she isn't the garrulous type. I am an introvert and so is she. The problem isn't her talking too much. The challenge we face is in no one talking at all! So we have to make conscious efforts to raise topics for discussion. Talk about the kids, talk about the business, talk about the guy we saw crossing the road in funny shoes, anything. It also doesn't help that we have widely different interests. But we try to find something to talk about.

If by talking non stop you mean nagging, fortunately for me, she doesn't nag. I have made it clear to her though that the easiest way to put a man's back up is to nag and complain unceasingly. She's a good woman. She does her best. On my part, I do my best to keep her from needing to complain.




Considering that we run a business together, I fully understand if and when she's tired from a stressful day. Mostly because I'll be stressed myself. That's what restaurants were created for. Any day we realise that no one is going to have the strength to do any cooking, we stop by some joint or the other and get take out.

There is more to this though. We decided before we got married that we will have no live-in help in our home. (my wish, by the way). So we tend to share chores. Early in the morning, while she's bathing the kids, I make breakfast and pack the kids lunches. Many evenings, I do dinner while she prepares the kids for bed. It's not cast in stone. Sometimes we choose to have what only she can prepare. I help where I can.

But if she is just feeling lazy about cooking, well, I'm a good cook myself. She also tends to cook in bulk and freeze it. So it can be as easy as bringing a pack of soup out and making eba. Or stew and I prepare yam or potatoes or something. And where I can't be bothered either, there's take out. Dominoes. Suya and garri. Bread and sardines. Boli and groundnuts. Options art plenteous. There is no need to make a big deal out of it.



Now this one is a big deal. it can be a deal breaker if not handled properly. But we discussed this before we got married. Long and short, we decided that any issues concerning her family, she deals with it. Any issue concerning mine, I deal with it. But being the man of the house, it is almost always from my family that issues can arise. That's kind of like an African thing. So I set boundaries right from our dating days. If you have an issue with my lady, take it through me. If you think you can straight up bully her because she married your brother or son or whatever, be ready for my banana to fall on you. No joke. Within our first year, I head to tear eye for my elder sister. She didn't act out of malice, and I understand that. But she made my wife cry needlessly.

I guess I am fortunate in that my family is made up of basically sensible people in the first place. Her family respects me as well. So....



Like with in-laws, we discussed this well before we got married. Heck we discussed quite a lot. 8 weeks of premarital counselling will bring up almost every possible issue in marriage and give us time to discus and agree and how to address these issues.

First off, there is no "my money", "her money", "your money" and what have you. We have "our money". We have a joint account for savings and major expenses. At first she ran the budget but over time it became clear I was better at that, so I run the budget now. The bulk of our money lies in accounts in my name - to which she has access to the debit cards and knows the PINs. For mobile apps, my finger print, her finger print can unlock the phone and the apps. We also discuss every expenditure with each other before making it - at least as much as we can. So far, the only time we have money issues is when there is a general shortage of funds in the first place. It then is no longer a thing of who spends for what but more of what do we have to spend for what. The kinds are the biggest expense anyways so.....


I hope this helps.

Marriage is sweet with the right partner, God help me.
Many more awesomeness to you both Op