₦airaland Forum

Tunagee:
My wife started behaving strangely immediately I lost my job in April 2017. She leaves home to her mum at the slightest disagreement without even communicating or making to express her feelings; and to worsen it, her mum gives her a great welcome with a room and parlour for her to stay, without even calling me to discuss what the problem. Whatever her daughter says is always the final, and she concludes on that.

My wife literarily destroyed my image before my in-laws to such an extent that I can't even visit them again. She tells them i insult her and her parents, and i make negative remarks about them, that i abuse her verbally at the slightest provocation. Several lies against me that I did not allow her travel out, I don't give her money, I told her not to have another kid, that I told her not to work, her mother has decided to keep her with her as I speak without even calling me to discuss, even despite all my appeals. She has been with her mum now for almost ten months(my wife is a fully grown legally married faithful woman of almost 40 years)

All these disrespect, probably cos I lost my job two years ago of which I fulfilled all responsibilities to the home. i don't drink, i don't smoke, don't womanise(even till now) I have never beaten her, I never another child out of my matrimonial home, and never impregnated another woman.

Rather than resolve her marital problem by discussing with her husband, she takes it to her family claiming emotional abuse. Fine, I agree I get provoked cos of her persistent shortcomings, and of course, frustration which leads to unguided vocal utterances towards her, but this could have been resolved easily without having to involve her whole family. Now what she keeps telling my family is that her family said she should still hold on at her mum's place. This is the 10th month since October 2018.

The last time my mum went to her mum's house precisely June last month, she was asked if she was still interested in her marriage, and she said yes, that she does not intend leaving her marriage; but we should give her time. Her mother practically told me to go and do something meaningful, and that there is time to marry, separate, reunite and hustle. Her mum is the one controlling her movements and everything about her for now; not even giving her room to give me audience.

Pls advise on what to do.

We are legally married.

pray for your wife, it is the devil,fight for your marriage and go and hustle for a job.

Tunagee:
Wow! I appreciate your advise. But a responsible woman now would want me to divorce her and marry her; the court process, my age 44, having to go through all that marriage procedure and process again, that is, God forbid, I don't end up with someone even much more worse as a wife.

t

You a wise man! Don't mind all these small boys telling you to divorce your wife oo, is either they have not married or they grew up in a broken home. Paraventure u marry another one and she starts misbehaving too? You divorce that too and re-marry.

Is there no room for amendment or repair again! Must I throw everything that is bad away??

Pls sir, try settle your home. May God be with you.

Tunagee:
My wife started behaving strangely immediately I lost my job in April 2017. She leaves home to her mum at the slightest disagreement without even communicating or making to express her feelings; and to worsen it, her mum gives her a great welcome with a room and parlour for her to stay, without even calling me to discuss what the problem. Whatever her daughter says is always the final, and she concludes on that.

My wife literarily destroyed my image before my in-laws to such an extent that I can't even visit them again. She tells them i insult her and her parents, and i make negative remarks about them, that i abuse her verbally at the slightest provocation. Several lies against me that I did not allow her travel out, I don't give her money, I told her not to have another kid, that I told her not to work, her mother has decided to keep her with her as I speak without even calling me to discuss, even despite all my appeals. She has been with her mum now for almost ten months(my wife is a fully grown legally married faithful woman of almost 40 years)

All these disrespect, probably cos I lost my job two years ago of which I fulfilled all responsibilities to the home. i don't drink, i don't smoke, don't womanise(even till now) I have never beaten her, I never another child out of my matrimonial home, and never impregnated another woman.

Rather than resolve her marital problem by discussing with her husband, she takes it to her family claiming emotional abuse. Fine, I agree I get provoked cos of her persistent shortcomings, and of course, frustration which leads to unguided vocal utterances towards her, but this could have been resolved easily without having to involve her whole family. Now what she keeps telling my family is that her family said she should still hold on at her mum's place. This is the 10th month since October 2018.

The last time my mum went to her mum's house precisely June last month, she was asked if she was still interested in her marriage, and she said yes, that she does not intend leaving her marriage; but we should give her time. Her mother practically told me to go and do something meaningful, and that there is time to marry, separate, reunite and hustle. Her mum is the one controlling her movements and everything about her for now; not even giving her room to give me audience.

Pls advise on what to do.

We are legally married.

You know the problem. you need to get another job immediately.

I support the person dat said it might be the devil.....pls nd pls dnt slack in the place of prayer most of those shouting divorce dnt even know wha it truly means nd its consequences..... sometimes God needs us to request with our own mouth

Nnemuka:
proudly feminist
choke on my feminism
You guys are just silly, any lady with a different opinion from you daft beings gets tagged with feminism or insulted.
what manner of humans are littered all over this platform

how dare you talk to all guys like that?
better mind ursef

u need to hustle and ignore them...

Nnemuka:
Go and sit down, foolish fool
and the man isn't cheating ?
bloody bully, go and speak to your mother like u did to me
ewu

Why aren't I surprised? Whwre did the man admit to cheating Did I bring your mother into this conversation you blidering idiot

Doubtless you're an animal in human skin. Don't bother responding the message won't be read by me.

Tellemall:
But you keep emphasizing that the girls where you are are rich and white.

And how you spent 3M. In naira, of course.

Forgive us for thinking it's about money.

All women want money. Some want other benefits. That's why they come to you. Same thing goes for men. They always want something from you.

If someone is rich and humble and the other is poor and nasty, who will you marry?

I met the white girl and let her know that I want to marry from Nigeria and she permitted. The Nigerian girl is also from my village who knew how poverty wanted to kill our family before light came up us from God.

The summary is never allow any woman to show you attitude, let them know that you can live with or without them.

Every man deserves a respect with or without money.

Any woman who is ready to marry will always fight to protect her family .

Tunagee:
My wife started behaving strangely immediately I lost my job in April 2017. She leaves home to her mum at the slightest disagreement without even communicating or making to express her feelings; and to worsen it, her mum gives her a great welcome with a room and parlour for her to stay, without even calling me to discuss what the problem. Whatever her daughter says is always the final, and she concludes on that.

My wife literarily destroyed my image before my in-laws to such an extent that I can't even visit them again. She tells them i insult her and her parents, and i make negative remarks about them, that i abuse her verbally at the slightest provocation. Several lies against me that I did not allow her travel out, I don't give her money, I told her not to have another kid, that I told her not to work, her mother has decided to keep her with her as I speak without even calling me to discuss, even despite all my appeals. She has been with her mum now for almost ten months(my wife is a fully grown legally married faithful woman of almost 40 years)

All these disrespect, probably cos I lost my job two years ago of which I fulfilled all responsibilities to the home. i don't drink, i don't smoke, don't womanise(even till now) I have never beaten her, I never another child out of my matrimonial home, and never impregnated another woman.


Pls advise on what to do.

We are legally married.

stop bickery and whining.
get a job and make money she will come back home,when u are confortable back and she want to come back file for divorce do all these and you will live long

Baba pls try and read in between lines na.

somehow:
Married to her for 40 years?

Jesus

Then you should be in your 60s.

And obviously lonely.

Maybe you need to ignore her sir, get some of your buddies to spend time with. Start a side business sir and maybe just change location and retire.

What about your kids?

Fearcom:
Why aren't I surprised? Whwre did the man admit to cheating Did I bring your mother into this conversation you blidering idiot

Doubtless you're an animal in human skin. Don't bother responding the message won't be read by me.

you dont need to bring my mum into our discussion you demented pig. I AM SOMEBODY'S MUM AND YOU CALLED ME CRAZY?
fuq off

Hedonini:
This kind of thing keeps happening to 'good' guys who don't drink and womanise. It's not a coincidence. There is a sociological explanation for this. There is a pattern to it, and the facts speak for themselves.

True!

Ugosample:
so the solution to "verbal abuse" is to pack out of your house for 10 months

do you know run verbal abuse the man himself us getting from her and he IS enduring?


the woman is largely at fault here

the man has lost his job
And I know how many wives get when a man loses his job

so spare us that crap

the op should try to salvage his marriage

but IF she is no longer interested

he should take a walk

jeez women

No, you spare me the crap.

The OP has admitted on different pages that he bullied her verbally on most occasions. He repeatedly affirmed that she is well brought up. He never said she answered or abused him back. His frustrations at losing his job probably had him behaving that way. I don't believe money is the issue here because OP was also responsible for the family upkeep even when out of a job while she was teaching.

Don't stay in your blind environment and assume without evidence that the woman is wrong. The fact that you are a man and you hate women shouldn't make you too close minded to realities and truth. In marriage most often, women are blamed even if they are saints. The men behave far worse yet are praised and supported.

The woman is staying away just so he can have sense but he is too proud and still holding unto his cocky and condescending attitude towards her. That's why he is making half hearted efforts at getting her back. The woman knows he hasn't changed, that's why she is not budging. Jeez. How difficult is it to understand that?

Finally, if a woman verbally abused a man repeatedly, you would be the FTC on Nairaland telling the man to separate or divorce because the woman does not love him and lacks home training. Just, just, stop operating the double standard, it stinks.

Tunagee:
My wife started behaving strangely immediately I lost my job in April 2017. She leaves home to her mum at the slightest disagreement without even communicating or making to express her feelings; and to worsen it, her mum gives her a great welcome with a room and parlour for her to stay, without even calling me to discuss what the problem. Whatever her daughter says is always the final, and she concludes on that.

My wife literarily destroyed my image before my in-laws to such an extent that I can't even visit them again. She tells them i insult her and her parents, and i make negative remarks about them, that i abuse her verbally at the slightest provocation. Several lies against me that I did not allow her travel out, I don't give her money, I told her not to have another kid, that I told her not to work, her mother has decided to keep her with her as I speak without even calling me to discuss, even despite all my appeals. She has been with her mum now for almost ten months(my wife is a fully grown legally married faithful woman of almost 40 years)

All these disrespect, probably cos I lost my job two years ago of which I fulfilled all responsibilities to the home. i don't drink, i don't smoke, don't womanise(even till now) I have never beaten her, I never another child out of my matrimonial home, and never impregnated another woman.

Rather than resolve her marital problem by discussing with her husband, she takes it to her family claiming emotional abuse. Fine, I agree I get provoked cos of her persistent shortcomings, and of course, frustration which leads to unguided vocal utterances towards her, but this could have been resolved easily without having to involve her whole family. Now what she keeps telling my family is that her family said she should still hold on at her mum's place. This is the 10th month since October 2018.

The last time my mum went to her mum's house precisely June last month, she was asked if she was still interested in her marriage, and she said yes, that she does not intend leaving her marriage; but we should give her time. Her mother practically told me to go and do something meaningful, and that there is time to marry, separate, reunite and hustle. Her mum is the one controlling her movements and everything about her for now; not even giving her room to give me audience.

Pls advise on what to do.

We are legally married.

Based on your explanation, I can see you dipped your feet in hot water.Being a woman myself, I believe a woman’s job among many, should be to cover her husband’s weaknesses while he does the same for her.I don’t know her side of story but I see some serious issues.Seems like you married a woman who cannot cover her household.She Cannot keep her mouth shut & will say all sorts of things about her husband to anyone who cares to listen. Issue number 2 is that she’s her mother’s puppet.I have been rebuking the spirit of momma’s boy.None should should come telling me stories.Woe unto you, you got yourself a mommy’s girl.It’s now as if you married her mother because your wife cannot make any decisions independently without her mother’s input. Number 3 she’s a character assassin.By the time she’s done dragging your name in the mud, you’ll know you didn’t know her as you thought you did.Number 4 is that she sounds materialistic.All was ok till you lost your job.I don’t know what religion you belong to but I know in Christianity couples vow to be together for better or worse, in sickness and in health & in poverty or riches.These days those words have no meaning.People don’t think whether the sickness could be either physical or mental.At the 1st test they are out the door, no commitment.With that said, I’d suggest you go to your wife’s home with some elders.Enough begging already.Let her know that you are giving her a deadline .Let her know by what date she should be home, failure to which you & your people will no longer consider her a wife & will start filing for divorce.Should she come back, I think you’ll need marital counseling classes. Good luck!

pansophist:
Like the old saying "no one can make you a slave without your consent", and that rings everly true in the situation at hand. She has left, disrespected the integrity of your shared matrimony, and as far she is concerned, released herself from the obligation to commit to you. She has proven that the marital oath of "for better for worse" is void, a symbolic rehearsal instead of a qualitative virtue. My friend, you've done your best, leave her to her vices and play your cards to exhibit strength.

In every human relationship, the one that needs the other most has all the power. The power dynamic is favouring her, since you're the one begging for her resumption to the union, she has all the cards, hence, you're emasculating yourself by being the party who needs her. She is cashing on your desperation and ignorance of game dynamics.

Hopefully, you should have learnt by now that just as women accuse men of seeing them as sex object, they themselves see men as success object. Your value to her (and women generally) is not intrinsic, but extrinsic, she likes you base on the man you've built yourself to be. Women do not love the male (a biological prerequisite), but the man (self-built). Its sad that you have to loose your financial capability to reach this timeless truism, albeit, it is never too late for you to get a better, younger, more beautiful woman because unlike her, she has already depreciated in sexual market value, while yours is sharply on its peak. Go make money, improve your life and have fun with other ladies. You're under no obligation to be faithful to a union when the other party have broken it. Live a life worth admiring and I guarantee, as I've seen over and over, she will come begging but then remember, a leopard can not change its spots.

Women values relationship more than men, men value short flings more than women. You probably married her young, and she is under the illusion that there will be unlimited amount of men queuing to wife her up if she signify her availability status, well, she will learn a bitter lesson, and when she does, do not be the "captain save a hoe", in life, there are consequences, and she must live it. If there is a perfect time to man up, it is now.

All the best mate.

Bro, i always enjoy your messages and you are always on point.
It is always sad to know that women love us bcus of money alone, very sad.
Have had many experiences with ladies but the highest was when i approached a lady people thought we were dating because of our closeness but to my biggest surprise, she said she can't date me because am using 2 legs and not 4 legs (car).
10 years later, she saw me in a convertible and somehow got my number, called and start accusing me of forgetting her. What a life

Kirinwa:
How long did you date before marriage and did you notice such traits? Love could be blind.

A year plus. Traits not noticed

emmaodet:
Bro, i always enjoy your messages and you are always on point.
It is always sad to know that women love us bcus of money alone, very sad.
Have had many experiences with ladies but the highest was when i approached a lady people thought we were dating because of our closeness but to my biggest surprise, she said she can't date me because am using 2 legs and not 4 legs (car).
10 years later, she saw me in a convertible and somehow got my number, called and start accusing me of forgetting her. What a life

Men are success object to women. The more money you have, the more ladies will find you admirable. It's fair to say that men generally understands this. From Ned Nwoko to Oshiomole, their wife wont give them the light of the day if they were not rich. The Nigerian woman dream is to land a rich dude that will give her a flamboyant lifestyle.

Sorted already, he has clarified.

gly:
Baba pls try and read in between lines na.

emkz:
Apologies bros for my apparent insensitivity. I have observed in this forum as self-consolidated devils masquerade as pastors, hoodwinking people with tales that are untrue. It is quite gratifying to note that a few people like you are honest.

Firstly, I am sorry that you are faced with this predicament. Truly, being hurt by the person you love can be beyond painful. Until you are in crisis, you won't know who your true friends are (including your wife). As things stand, that woman is not on your side. Yet, the responsibility to stay or leave is yours alone. Some pointers: do you wish to be with someone who would be there only for the goodies? Do you wish to be traumatized because you are in doubt that your wife genuinely loves you?

Secondly, bros, she left you even though it is temporary. Keep your dignity intact and don't ever beg her or send emmisaries to her again. She'd disrespect you even more. They are wired like so. Don't allow yourself to be used to inflate the zero self-esteem of a woman with low intelligence. Even though you don't have money, don't let anyone rob you of your dignty and self-esteem. I am not talking of how society thinks towards you, I am talking about how you think towards yourself. Once she said yes to you, she had to forsake her mother. It was you after God.

Lastly, high blood pressure and stress-induced ailments are deadly. They kill slowly. Take care of your health. If na love, I can tell you that love rests on a foundation of trust and mutual respect. Don't ever trade your peace of mind for someone who does not appreciate you. Don't even try to force someone to appreciate you. If they don't, take your efforts elsewhere. Don't ever show some women you can be vulnerable, until you meet the right woman. There is no coming back from there. Take this experience as a lesson and next time you are with a woman, let her be with you for the right reasons. Don't kowtow to this one.

emkz, I appreciate your comment. I need to check my bp sef.

Ibk2048:
Don't you think its better to remarry than loosing your life to a that don't worth it? If she comes back, I bet she's going to be bossy, autocratic and want to dominate every decisions. This from experience.

Thanks. I will take my decision in October, which would be a year of her exit. I appreciate

alen4smith:
that thing you hold so dear may just be the obstacle to your progress. Get a grip bro and prove them wrong!

Exactly my thoughts!

KingMicky3286:
If someone is rich and humble and the other is poor and nasty, who will you marry?

I met the white girl and let her know that I want to marry from Nigeria and she permitted. The Nigerian girl is also from my village who knew how poverty wanted to kill our family before light came up us from God.

The summary is never allow any woman to show you attitude, let them know that you can live with or without them.

Every man deserves a respect with or without money.

Any woman who is ready to marry will always fight to protect her family .

Not every man deserves respect, respect is not your birthright,you earn it.Stop being ENTITLED

toprealman:
To the Pastor Adebayo that said if you are unemployed that you should not marry......come and read this!
You can have the best job today......what of tomorrow?
Brother, swallow your pride. Go to their house and have a one on one with her.......then involve external parties for a "way forward talk". Set a deadline for her to return.....let her know your intentions. Be AS EXPLICIT AS POSSIBLE.
Stick to it.......better days ahead man. This too shall pass.

Thanks bro

megareal:
No, you spare me the crap.

The OP has admitted on different pages that he bullied her verbally on most occasions. He repeatedly affirmed that she is well brought up. He never said she answered or abused him back. His frustrations at losing his job probably had him behaving that way. I don't believe money is the issue here because OP was also responsible for the family upkeep even when out of a job while she was teaching.

Don't stay in your blind environment and assume without evidence that the woman is wrong. The fact that you are a man and you hate women shouldn't make you too close minded to realities and truth. In marriage most often, women are blamed even if they are saints. The men behave far worse yet are praised and supported.

The woman is staying away just so he can have sense but he is too proud and still holding unto his cocky and condescending attitude towards her. That's why he is making half hearted efforts at getting her back. The woman knows he hasn't changed, that's why she is not budging. Jeez. How difficult is it to understand that?

Finally, if a woman verbally abused a man repeatedly, you would be the FTC on Nairaland telling the man to separate or divorce because the woman does not love him and lacks home training. Just, just, stop operating the double standard, it stinks.

What is this one saying?

making assumptions left and right

you are the one assuming the woman is NOT at fault, which is a fallacious ideal people like you hold....
He has his fault, she has hers

none is above blame here

[quote author=felixawe post=80410862][/quote]Thanks. Appreciate

Innobee99:
Stop calling her for the next ten months too and see how dem go dey rush dey beg u make u come take ur wife.

To be sincere, I stopped visiting and calling in January

IkpuMmadu:
This is not tribal here...I am not going tribal but this looks like a Yoruba marriage. ...it is always the wife going to maami ...and they would welcome her back . How can you give a runaway wife room in your house without hearing from the man

Bros tell me the truth ....your wife must be Yoruba !

From the root with can attend it. If it's a cultural thing, I am sorry there is nothing I we can do

We are both Yoruba's. Na your papa born u bro

Starlight10:
is that what you tell yourself to make you feel better Lol. His sexual escapades is not the issue here. Its his transition from employed to joblessness and how he is presenting himself at home that is the issue. He should stop trying to force her back. But try to be romantic and woe her back. But you wont understand love and romance. Mr cassanova lol. Just joking abeg

I believe you didn't peruse his initial post!
Why seek to bring her back when the only 'romantic' language she comprehends is MONEY?

Beey:
Based on your explanation, I can see you dipped your feet in hot water.Being a woman myself, I believe a woman’s job among many, should be to cover her husband’s weaknesses while he does the same for her.I don’t know her side of story but I see some serious issues.Seems like you married a woman who cannot cover her household.She Cannot keep her mouth shut & will say all sorts of things about her husband to anyone who cares to listen. Issue number 2 is that she’s her mother’s puppet.I have been rebuking the spirit of momma’s boy.None should should come telling me stories.Woe unto you, you got yourself a mommy’s girl.It’s now as if you married her mother because your wife cannot make any decisions independently without her mother’s input. Number 3 she’s a character assassin.By the time she’s done dragging your name in the mud, you’ll know you didn’t know her as you thought you did.Number 4 is that she sounds materialistic.All was ok till you lost your job.I don’t know what religion you belong to but I know in Christianity couples vow to be together for better or worse, in sickness and in health & in poverty or riches.These days those words have no meaning.People don’t think whether the sickness could be either physical or mental.At the 1st test they are out the door, no commitment.With that said, I’d suggest you go to your wife’s home with some elders.Enough begging already.Let her know that you are giving her a deadline .Let her know by what date she should be home, failure to which you & your people will no longer consider her a wife & will start filing for divorce.Should she come back, I think you’ll need marital counseling classes. Good luck!

you have an amazing point

Jamescosmas:
u are the cause of ur problems..u are one hell of abuser .. u don't provide for her and the child and she is trying to put up with u and u still abuse her verbally..put urself in her position ..I speak from know , once abuser always abuser ...u open ur mouth and say all sorts of things to her without even thinking of what u are saying...At the end u killed her spirit ..And u are here telling us u lost ur job..u lost ur job is not the problem but u urself is the problem..... u insult her and her family at will ...u need a doctor.. or u go get busy... once abuser always abuser...

Thank u for being truthful, but I could not agree less. You are damn right! But av learnt my lesson and changed for good. It was my emotions controlling me leading to anger being expressed by unguided utterances.

bigx:
She isn't mature

Hence, the perceived abuse. She frustrates me to provocation

nurex01:
I would advice you to marry a little girl again. If she comes, welcome. If you don't love her again that is the end. Please, just look for means to take care of your children. Don't let her give you emotional distress. I'm sure by the time you're able to find a humble lady, you would have forgotten the past. I pray God provide job too

Tnx for the encouragement, nurex01