₦airaland Forum

jess2019:
That's not true. I dont need attention or validation from anyone. I don't make friends easily and I prefer friendship from a distance. My life is so busy that I do not even have time to visit people. I rest on my day off and prefer staying indoor than going out. I opened this thread to find out if I was wrong and if people can react to this extreme just because they are not specifically informed about someone's pregnancy. I wouldn't be opening this thread if this is just between us ladies but the husband also extended it to my hubby and ghosted him. He didn't reply his text or call him back.

Why are you writing a book then? Face it: you're a social being, and the fact that you are in a foreign country has magnified your need for these people. But then again, you were rude to and dismissive in the early stages of your pregnancy.

If you're private as you claim, this situation should be a non issue for you.

Please take care of your family and stop chasing winds.

calgaryFriend:
There is no fault anywhere, the OP is not obligated to disclose her pregnancy status even if it was obvious...
It is her prerogative, the only issue is just that OP seems to be someone that cannot survive in her own space, she needs attention.

Then the friend is not obligated to call or visit her again either. If you can't trust someone you consider a friend to tell them you're pregnant when they see you/ask [which anyone would have naturally done, like if I see my friend and she looks pregnant I would ask], but intentionally lie to their face and keep denying that you are, then you shouldn't be friends in the first place. But this woman is obviously harmless, and perhaps hurt over this. The insulting way the OP was responding to her didn't help matters either.

OP does need attention b|c she has insinuated that b|c she just had the baby the friend should be reaching out to her. You push someone away and are now expecting them to pretend like you're all cool. Some people don't like fake friendships. The friend might not even be upset, but probably hurt and has chosen to stay her lane, which is why OP should be the one to reach out to her if she still wants to be friends. That's how you handle things as an adult.

elektra:
Why are you spending so much energy on what I would consider trivial. Life is not hard just call and break the ice, then invite them to visit baby.

When you were pregnant you hid it from them, the lady straight up asked you and you lied to her face about it, now you are feigning surprise at their attitude and expecting them to identify with you.
“You don’t see how your decision of not disclosing your pregnancy affected their lives” but somehow their decision to keep their distance is affecting yours?

I find this very funny.

I am sure if the friends are engaged, they would have their own story also.

It is one thing not to disclose, it is another thing to lie upfront.

I don't know if the OP is Yoruba however when you do not share your good news with people or lie upfront about it, you are inferring that they are harmful.

And if you infer I am harmful, Omo I go hug my lane. Before I come to visit, something happens and I am blamed.

Cc: jess2019

I was reading this story, trying to find out where the issue is and I’m just in disbelief that you can write such a long story over nothing.

They didn’t congratulate you, they didn’t do this and that, please who cares? Even at my young age, I don’t give a damn about friends, if you like call me, if you like don’t call me, what’s my business? You only need one or two good friends, everybody else can fuckkk off. Aunty please stop giving yourself high blood pressure for nothing, you are blessed with your husband and kids. Next time don’t hide your pregnancy if you’re sensitive about things like this, some people take it as an insult, especially if they consider you a friend. Jeez

daddytime:
Hmmm

Aunty aunty...

I understand how lonely, stressful and whatnot, life outside Nigeria can be hence, the yearning for buddies or people to relate with and feel closer to home.

This loneliness has pushed so many into regarding mere "passerbys/acquaintances" along life journeys as friends.

"Friends", one of the most bastardized and abused words in the English lexicon.

A true friend won't wait until you take out a newspaper ad to announce your pregnancy to know or go beefing when you fail to announce.

I no know say women dey announce " I don get belle o" strange to me.

Whatever you feel is going on sure runs deeper than your not announcing your pregnancy, this is just a cover for a bigger beef wey no go pass say "she too dey form or Why she dey behave like say she better pass everybody".

In all, jejely cable your lane if you know wetin good for you. All those African churches and gatherings outside Africa na rumor mills and how to envy or bring one another down dem dey propagate there.

Belle no dey hide himself....

I was dazed when I got to the genesis of the whole issue. I mean, which woman takes up her phone to call all her friends and family just to inform them of a pregnancy?

jess2019:
We sent text to everyone and the husband and wife didn't reply. My husband called them and informed the wife. How else am I supposed to announce my pregnancy, If she had visited me or ran into me will my pregnancy hide itself? Besides I never called anyone to announce my pregnancy, I see no reason why I should do this. All the mums in my kids school and their extracurricular activities all saw my protruding tummy and knew I was pregnant.
Yes am a private person. I expect people to respect other people's privacy. I wouldn't get angry if someone didn't tell me they are pregnant

Don't mind anyone on this thread telling you you offended that woman by not announcing your pregnancy. If you had a babyshower and they were not informed, I would've seen reasons with them, but in this case, the woman has issues.

GrabHisBalls:
I was dazed when I got to the genesis of the whole issue. I mean, which woman takes up her phone to call all her friends and family just to inform them of a pregnancy?

Don't mess with boredom especially during the winter days...e dey make most of our professional gbeborun Niger woman head tweet nonsense.

You for help me ask dem whether na their pregnancy abi she be their surrogate?

daddytime:
Don't mess with boredom especially during the winter days...e dey make most of our professional gbeborun Niger woman head tweet nonsense.

You for help me ask dem whether na their pregnancy abi she be their surrogate?

Some people can take trivial things to the extreme, and to think I am reading some comments in support of the woman is annoying. That's why I like me, I care less about people's existence.

GrabHisBalls:
Some people can take trivial things to the extreme, and to think I am reading some comments in support of the woman is annoying. That's why I like me, I care less about people's existence.

Way to go jare...who people help..na God be my people.

There's nothing you'd do to escape their talks...so what gives...

lol

Nne,start writing children stories.
kai! You get timeoooo

This madam get time. If they ghost you, you ghost back. 50-50. You are not obligated to disclose your pregnancy to any blaady bady.

You didn't trust them enough to disclose your pregnancy, they didn't trust you enough to visit or congratulate the baby.

You're worried because they're your friends, but hiding it from them even when they asked is betrayal, when the woman asked at the party, you felt it's an open place, you would have called her the next day to explain things as friends.

Yes,you're not obligated to explain your pregnancy but they are not obligated also bring gifts or foods items for the baby. Their only bad attitude here is not simply texting back the word"congratulations "(of course,the friendship can't be the same again, they feel you don't trust them and you lied to one of them).

jess2019:
I wouldn't mind if they dont visit but atleast reply a text or call. They're the only people that didn't reply a text when my hubby announced the birth of our baby.

That's their problem if they chose to congratulate you or not.
Why are you bothered?
Pls, from henceforth dont let such things get to you. Friends are usually for a reason and a season. Their own season may have run out of your life and vice versa. Please, make new friends and don't become so attached that you will be bothered they didnt give you a phone call.

jess2019:
That's not true. I dont need attention or validation from anyone. I don't make friends easily and I prefer friendship from a distance. My life is so busy that I do not even have time to visit people. I rest on my day off and prefer staying indoor than going out. I opened this thread to find out if I was wrong and if people can react to this extreme just because they are not specifically informed about someone's pregnancy. I wouldn't be opening this thread if this is just between us ladies but the husband also extended it to my hubby and ghosted him. He didn't reply his text or call him back.

I will do same, if people want to be left alone, I leave them alone!.
You guys should move on, if the friendship is meant to be it will be. You don't need to come online and create a topic for something as trivial as this.

chii8:
You didn't trust them enough to disclose your pregnancy, they didn't trust you enough to visit or congratulate the baby.

You're worried because they're your friends, but hiding it from them even when they asked is betrayal, when the woman asked at the party, you felt it's an open place, you would have called her the next day to explain things as friends.

Yes,you're not obligated to explain your pregnancy but they are not obligated also bring gifts or foods items for the baby. Their only bad attitude here is not simply texting back the word"congratulations "(of course,the friendship can't be the same again, they feel you don't trust them and you lied to one of them).

Exactly. Both are wrong but they would have just called or text to congratulate and go ahead to ghost them or minimise their friendship. If I was in their shoes, that's exactly what I would have done. Not doing that means they r evil and petty as well. The OP was very wrong too but she might not mean it that way. We think and behave differently.

Shallypop:
Exactly. Both are wrong but they would have just called or text to congratulate and go ahead to ghost them or minimise their friendship. If I was in their shoes, that's exactly what I would have done. Not doing that means they r evil and petty as well. The OP was very wrong too but she might not mean it that way. We think and behave differently.

It's not about trusting them, this never even cross my mind. Every parents in my kids class knew I was pregnant as they see me. I never for once told anyone I was pregnant in my previous pregnancies and I didn't know people care much about this to extent of being angry. People just see me at places and see my belly but here we dont see each other that much. Since January I've not seen or talked with her except at the party in March. I decided to call her in June. If she suspected I was pregnant I wonder why she wasnt calling me and now out of no where she feels entitled to my pregnancy. There's another lady that have been calling me since she saw me at that party. When she heard I delivered a baby. she kept saying she knew all along and I never told her I was pregnant all this while she was checking up on me. She and her husband kept joking they knew I didn't want to be seen with big belly that's why we haven't been to see their new house.

I think I have gotten enough advice here. Thanks to everyone

chii8:
You didn't trust them enough to disclose your pregnancy, they didn't trust you enough to visit or congratulate the baby.

You're worried because they're your friends, but hiding it from them even when they asked is betrayal, when the woman asked at the party, you felt it's an open place, you would have called her the next day to explain things as friends.

Yes,you're not obligated to explain your pregnancy but they are not obligated also bring gifts or foods items for the baby. Their only bad attitude here is not simply texting back the word"congratulations "(of course,the friendship can't be the same again, they feel you don't trust them and you lied to one of them).

It's not about trusting them, this never even cross my mind. Every parents in my kids class knew I was pregnant as they see me. I never for once told anyone I was pregnant in my previous pregnancies and I didn't know people care much about this to extent of being angry. People just see me at places and see my belly but here we dont see each other that much. Since January I've not seen or talked with her except at the party in March. I decided to call her in June. If she suspected I was pregnant I wonder why she wasnt calling me and now out of no where she feels entitled to my pregnancy. There's another lady that have been calling me since she saw me at that party. When she heard I delivered a baby. she kept saying she knew all along and I never told her I was pregnant all this while she was checking up on me. She and her husband kept joking they knew I didn't want to be seen with big belly that's why we haven't been to see their new house.

I think I have gotten enough advice here. Thanks to everyone.

jess2019:
It's not about trusting them, this never even cross my mind. Every parents in my kids class knew I was pregnant as they see me. I never for once told anyone I was pregnant in my previous pregnancies and I didn't know people care much about this to extent of being angry. People just see me at places and see my belly but here we dont see each other that much. Since January I've not seen or talked with her except at the party in March. I decided to call her in June. If she suspected I was pregnant I wonder why she wasnt calling me and now out of no where she feels entitled to my pregnancy. There's another lady that have been calling me since she saw me at that party. When she heard I delivered a baby. she kept saying she knew all along and I never told her I was pregnant all this while she was checking up on me. She and her husband kept joking they knew I didn't want to be seen with big belly that's why we haven't been to see their new house.

I think I have gotten enough advice here. Thanks to everyone

Move on. They r evil and petty. Even the husband is childish. He shouldn't involve himself him women's matter

jess2019:
I've been a guest here, just opened an account to get some other people's opinion.

I am married with children, my last child will be 9yrs in a few months and we live outside Nigeria. End of last year I found out I was pregnant. Since then I was having mixed emotional feeling about the pregnancy and starting the journey again after almost 9yrs. Everybody at my work place that knew I was pregnant all kept commenting how my life will change as if i don't already know, some asking what have I done to myself as I was almost done with childcare. Throughout my pregnancy I avoided meeting people and not wanting people talking about my pregnancy. My husband couldn't drive for one year and all my pregnancy I was the one joggling work, kids activities and doing Uber for the whole family, it was a challenging period for me and I questioned why the pregnancy came now my hubby could not even help me run errands . All I can say is that hormone also played its role. I couldn't tell my siblings I was pregnant though I ended up informing my mum and my sister two weeks before I had a baby.
We have some few Nigerian friends here. My husband has a friend and when they wanted to relocate here 18months ago we accommodated them until they rented a house, we are also new here, but came few months before them. So we introduced them to our church and all the Nigerian friends we already have. Though we moved house and stopped attending that church but our friend continued worshipping there.
So when I had my baby my husband sent out messages to everyone. Everyone texted back and some called back, some of the ladies saying they didn't know I was pregnant, some saying they knew all along but ONLY this our family friend and husband that never texted back or called. After a day, my husband call the husband and it rang but he didn't pick so we were thinking they went on vacation. So finally my hubby got the wife on the phone and informed her of the arrival of the baby, she claimed they both didn't see the text, and she stated she didn't know I was pregnant. My husband mentioned she should speak to me, she ignored and kept saying how she saw me at someone's party months ago and was asking me if I was pregnant but I said no, she never asked if I was feeling okay or the hospital we are. To be honest I never told her I wasn't pregnant, she was saying where people were at the party oh you've gained weight, I didn't know u were pregnant and I replied its xmas food, don't worry I will lose it with sarcasm and she said its a lie and we switched topic. It's been 3weeks now both the lady and husband have never congratulated us on the baby or called. It's not like this lady calls me, since February this year, she has never called me or texted me. I was the one that called her few weeks before my delivery and its not like she's more busier than me as she doesn't work at the moment; going through exams before she can start looking for work. So if she didn't even see me at the party in March I wonder what she will hold in saying she asked me if I was pregnant at the party.

This is what I think happened; she must have discussed me with another friend as only these two families are giving us attitude. Funny thing is that we introduced them both as their kids go to the same school. Because this lady is also giving me cold shoulder, since I gave birth it took her one week to call me although she replied my husband's baby delivery text. When she called she was saying I was wrong for not informing people that I was pregnant, that people knew I was pregnant all along. I told her I don't have to call people to inform them I was pregnant that if people come to my house they would have seen me with pregnancy or if our kids attended the same school they would have known. Besides, I was not feeling too excited about the pregnancy so I avoided every discussion relating to it. She mentioned she asked me if I was pregnant a while ago and I responded that pregnancy doesn't hide that she will know if i am, she continued saying since I'm married that it's not a shameful thing- I should have shared the news. I replied her that I cant determine how I feel during pregnancy. She ended with that they will come and visit baby. Though her husband called my husband immediately he got the text and till today they've not visited or followed up.

These two families are closest to us or should I say to my husband. Now my husband is very disappointed with these men (his friends), saying its very petty of them to join their wives in whatever is going on.

Going back to the first friend we accommodated, I still cant believe that people can have this mind after everything we did for them. we were the only people they knew when they were came here. We introduced them to our friends which they kept saying how grateful they were then. We are so hurt that they will go this extreme and just ghost on us. The man has been friends with my hubby since 2014, they both worked in the same place and when we moved here, the husband showed interest and my husband spoke to his manager and also got him a job here.
I only got to relate with the wife when they came here though we all moved from the same country but lived in different state and relationship was between our hubbies. What kind of friend will not talk to you if they feel you have wronged them? I dont see how my decision of not disclosing my pregnancy affected their lives. At least even if you are mad that will not stop you from calling another woman that went into labour and discussing whatever you are not happy with later.
It's not like we told some people and left them out. Other friends here are happy, some saying they knew all along. They've been visiting, bringing food, gifts and calling regularly. All our family members are happy including my mother in-law that got to know on the day baby was born which are even the people that have rights to be angry.
Thanks for reading through the long epistle. Sorry typing with one hand.

This was too lengthy

Forget about them and focus on your family

The way they chooses to behave shouldn't be a concern to you because you are not their priority

jess2019:
We sent text to everyone and the husband and wife didn't reply. My husband called them and informed the wife. How else am I supposed to announce my pregnancy, If she had visited me or ran into me will my pregnancy hide itself? Besides I never called anyone to announce my pregnancy, I see no reason why I should do this. All the mums in my kids school and their extracurricular activities all saw my protruding tummy and knew I was pregnant.
Yes am a private person. I expect people to respect other people's privacy. I wouldn't get angry if someone didn't tell me they are pregnant

Then learn to live with that and respect their privacy too.
To be honest with you, I would have felt really really really bad if I were in their shoes. It is not as if the pregnancy wasn't obvious, you should have owned up. They won't beat you or make any demands or do anything rash, they only wanted a confirmation. But you lied or tried to cover up. That's bad, very very bad. That's where you got it all wrong. simply apologize for lying or trying to cover up the pregnancy to them.
I am a very very nice person, jovial, friendly and down to earth. I try to relate well with everyone. But if someone I call a friend behave to me same way you behaved to them, I'll withdraw myself and distant myself from him/her. Not to the extent of theirs though. I'll feel very hurt. I feel their pain. I hold my friends in high esteem and expect them to do same. GOD bless you ma'am

chii8:
You didn't trust them enough to disclose your pregnancy, they didn't trust you enough to visit or congratulate the baby.

You're worried because they're your friends, but hiding it from them even when they asked is betrayal, when the woman asked at the party, you felt it's an open place, you would have called her the next day to explain things as friends.

Yes,you're not obligated to explain your pregnancy but they are not obligated also bring gifts or foods items for the baby. Their only bad attitude here is not simply texting back the word"congratulations "(of course,the friendship can't be the same again, they feel you don't trust them and you lied to one of them).

seconded

jess2019:
It's not about trusting them, this never even cross my mind. Every parents in my kids class knew I was pregnant as they see me. I never for once told anyone I was pregnant in my previous pregnancies and I didn't know people care much about this to extent of being angry. People just see me at places and see my belly but here we dont see each other that much. Since January I've not seen or talked with her except at the party in March. I decided to call her in June. If she suspected I was pregnant I wonder why she wasnt calling me and now out of no where she feels entitled to my pregnancy. There's another lady that have been calling me since she saw me at that party. When she heard I delivered a baby. she kept saying she knew all along and I never told her I was pregnant all this while she was checking up on me. She and her husband kept joking they knew I didn't want to be seen with big belly that's why we haven't been to see their new house.

I think I have gotten enough advice here. Thanks to everyone

you got served. that was payback.
Nonetheless, reach out to them, apologize for trying to cover up the pregnancy when they confronted you